Tag Archives: Periods

Apparently Lesbians ‘Never Have To Fake An Orgasm’, But Some Do – Here’s Why

We often hear tales of women who fake orgasm with their partner. Sometimes the partner knows, and sometimes they don’t. Those who don’t fake orgasms might be wondering why anyone actually would. Well, we’ve done a bit of soul-searching and came up with 5 reasons that would make a woman want to fake an orgasm. Read on to find out what we came up with!

She wants to hurry up and get it over with.

A woman might fake an orgasm because she doesn’t really want to be having sex right then. Maybe she would rather be reading a book, or watching a movie. She figures if she fakes it really quick, she can move on to something else.

The problem with this is that your partner can usually tell if you’re not really into it. This isn’t necessarily true if you’ve faked it the whole relationship, but for those who can tell the difference between fake orgasms and real ones – they’ll know.

She’s not in the mood.

Maybe she’s stressed out, or her lady didn’t do enough in the foreplay department. For whatever reason, she’s not in the mood for sex and just wants to get it over with. For getting it over with, refer to reason #1.

She doesn’t care if she finishes – but her partner cares.

For some women, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. This isn’t exactly a bad thing, because it’s nice to not focus on the idea of having an orgasm. Certain medications, medical conditions, or a number of other factors can make it difficult to achieve climax, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it didn’t feel good.

The problem with this issue is that, by faking orgasm, you’re actually focusing on the destination – even if you’re trying not to. If you find yourself unable to reach orgasm, it’s much more beneficial to tell your partner that you’re having a good time but you’re not going to finish. Her feelings may be hurt if she discovers you were faking it.

Her partner isn’t very good.

Sometimes, the people we have sex with just aren’t particularly skilled lovers. It’s not always something second-nature, and in fact many people have to learn how to be good lovers. She might not want to hurt her partner’s feelings, so she pretends she’s God’s gift to women.

The problem with this reason is that, by not telling your partner what she’s doing wrong, you’re actually encouraging her to remain a lousy lover. With a little bit of communication (which you can learn to work into your sexual play) you can actually teach your partner to be a better lover. But if you don’t let her know she needs improvement, she’ll never know.


She’s never had an orgasm before.

I’ve spoken to some women who had never actually reached the point of climax before, and as such they were faking it every time because they thought that’s just what you do. Or, they may have thought they’d reached orgasm, but weren’t sure.

Trust me, ladies. If you don’t know if you’ve had an orgasm, you haven’t.

If you value your sexual relationship with your partner, it’s up to you to let her know if you finish or not. If it’s not important to you whether you do, make sure she knows that, too. You may be able to get away with faking it for a while, but in the long run your partner will most likely be hurt if she found out. Most women will guess that a fake orgasm means that they weren’t doing a good job – it’s human nature to doubt ourselves if we’re not sure. It’s your job as the receiver to let her know the truth.

[interaction id=”5645d0c53eaa7f14340e5ab0″]

6 Reasons Your Period Can Be Late (That Definitely Don’t Mean You’re Pregnant)

Periods are pretty crazy. I think most of us (besides those women who really, really hope that they don’t get knocked up) pretty much hate them. Sure, they serve a good purpose, but when you’re totally out of commission for an entire week at a time (with pain that’s scientifically proven to be just as bad as a heart attack), it’s really hard to remember these good things.

Especially since, if you only sleep with women, you’re pretty sure that you’re not pregnant.

(I think we’ve all had those what-if-I’m-the-next-virgin-Mary thoughts sometimes, though.)

Unfortunately, even if you’re definitely not pregnant, your period might be a little unpredictable sometimes. Here are 6 reasons why your period can be late, without being pregnant. If you’re really concerned, take a pregnancy test just to be sure – but the odds of getting pregnant without having heterosexual unprotected sex are incredibly low.

1. You’re relying on your memory, instead of actual tracking.

For the longest time, I really thought that my period was super irregular. Of course, I never actually paid attention to when I had my period – I just knew that it had been a long time since the last time I had one, and as a super paranoid teenager, I was of course convinced that I had somehow gotten pregnant from a toilet seat.

Let me reiterate: Getting pregnant, without having unprotected heterosexual sex, is really, really unlikely.

If you don’t actually pay attention to when you have your period, and instead rely solely on your memory for how long it’s been, I urge you to start keeping track. It doesn’t have to be anything super formal – I used to have “PS” and “PE” written on my calendar. (That would be “period start” and “period end”, if you couldn’t figure that one out.) I know people who add a grumpy-face emoji into their digital calendar. This way is great, because anyone with a smartphone has a digital calendar, even if you don’t currently use it.

For those who actually do want a more formal way to track it, there are a number of period-tracking apps available for iPhone, Android, and Windows Phone. Some apps even give you a push notification a few days before you should expect your period, if you’ve been tracking for more than a month or two. Tracking is super important, not only so you can plan when not to wear white, but also so that you have a log to show your doctor when he or she asks. It can also help alert you when there might be a bigger problem in play. If you’re not already tracking, please start tracking your periods.

2. Irregular cycles are actually pretty normal.

I know we’ve pretty much all grown up hearing that your cycle is 28 days long. While this is a great guideline, it’s also not exactly true. The average cycle lasts about 28 days, but cycles from 21-32 days are completely normal. It takes a few months of tracking to figure out what your normal cycle is, and it can be pretty hard if you’re a bit irregular, too.

But what if your cycle is longer than 32 days, or shorter than 21 days? Well, that’s not exactly uncommon either. Everyone is different, and there are so many factors that go into when you get your period, it’s sometimes pretty tough to estimate when you should be getting it – especially if you’ve only ever heard that whole “28 days” thing. You shouldn’t stress too much if your cycle doesn’t fit up to the normal time frame. That’s only an estimate.

It’s important to note that it’s also normal for your cycle to be totally unpredictable, especially if you’re under 21 or over 45. When you’re younger, your body still has to find the rhythm that works best for you. (We’ve already discussed that there are so many factors in play here.) If your periods are irregular and you’re definitely not within that younger, body-is-still-learning age group, there’s a chance it means you’re approaching menopause – which is, also, a completely normal part of life.

3. If you’re stressing too much, your period can get all screwed up in the mix.

Stress is a completely normal part of life, too, but with too much stress comes the inevitable health consequences. One of the most readily-identifiable problems it can cause is an unpredictable period schedule. For women who might be pregnant, and really don’t want to be, this can cause a cycle (no pun intended) of weird periods and more stress.

You see, your period is a way for your uterus to “clean house”, so to speak. Your ovaries release an egg, in anticipation of that egg being fertilized. If a certain amount of time (which, again, is different for everyone) passes, and you haven’t gotten pregnant, your ovaries basically flood the place in a fit of rage. When you’re too stressed out, though, your body takes a different approach.

Too much stress pushes your brain to tell your ovaries that you are not emotionally ready to have a child right now (ain’t that the truth) and, in turn, your ovaries don’t release an egg. Since there’s no baby being prepared for in there, there’s nothing to flood back out. Your body just needs a little time for itself right now, so work on managing your stress, and your period should be back on track before too much longer.

4. Illness and injury can screw things up, too.

I probably don’t need to tell you that your period takes a lot out of your body. It’s not really in your body’s best interest to ovulate when you’ve got too much other stuff going on, so many women just don’t ovulate when they’ve got too much going on. Of course, it would be great if we had better (conscious) control over when we got our period – no more bloody wedding nights or unplanned midnight trips to the feminine hygiene aisle – but at least we have the satisfaction of knowing that mother nature is actually looking out for you.

Honestly, injury and illness usually take up a lot more of your body’s resources than we give them credit for, but the underlying cause of your symptoms is almost always the healing process. (Obviously, if you break a bone, the actual breaking is going to hurt more than the healing, but that’s not the case with all injuries.) And, since most of these illness-and-injury-fixing processes take the same resources as getting our period would take, our body chooses to heal us instead of bringing on another problem.

Good lookin’ out, uterus.

5. Certain medications can play a role, too.

Anyone who’s ever been on chemical or hormonal birth control for any reason other than actual birth control will know this all too well: It affects your cycle. Like, a lot. It’s almost funny how this happens even when it’s prescribed to regulate your period, but honestly, any time you throw pregnancy hormones into your body “just because”, it’s going to mess things up.

But it’s not just birth control that can cause these problems. When you first start taking a new medication, it can put a lot of undue stress on your body. The affects are different for everyone, and different medications will affect it in different ways, but it’s usually nothing to be concerned with.

That being said, if you have completely skipped a period since taking your new meds, and it wasn’t prescribed specifically to give you fewer periods, you should schedule an appointment with your doctor. Remember, your period actually serves a valuable purpose, even if it doesn’t feel like it. This is why paying attention is so important – you need to pay attention in order to know when you should be concerned.

6. Losing or gaining a significant amount of weight can alter your cycle.

Pretty much any time your body goes through significant changes, there’s a good chance it’ll affect your period. Your weight, in particular, plays a huge part in determining your cycle. If you’ve recently gained or lost some weight, more than the normal fluctuations, your period could become late or non-existent. That’s because your body’s first priority is self-preservation, and it doesn’t want you to get pregnant if your weight is bouncing around all over the place – that’s not healthy, and it wouldn’t be healthy to the (hypothetical) baby.

How much weight is considered “significant”? That’s going to vary based on your own body, and how quickly the weight was lost or gained. There is no exact number for everyone, but there is a general guideline: If you see or feel a difference in your weight or build, regardless of whether it’s reflected on the scale or not, it’s significant enough to make a difference.

If you must gain (or lose) weight in order to be healthier, it’s important that you do so gradually. Not only is it less stressful on the body that way, it’s also more sustainable. It’s easier to keep up with 1% change than it is to hit your goals right away, and then push yourself to maintain right away. (Also, let me tell you, from someone who lost almost half my body weight within a year, it’s nearly impossible to do so in a healthy way. Please don’t cause yourself unnecessary extra health problems in the name of weight management.)

What’s The Most Intimate Display of Affection?

Intimacy is weird. There are people who are super great at sharing themselves fully with their partners, and there are others who can’t be bothered to try. For those of us who are not so good at it but looking to try new things, it can be intimidating territory.

Personally, I’m terrible at showing my partners affection, and it’s really not because I don’t want to. I’m pretty romantic most of the time – at least in my head. The only problem is I have a hard time translating that to my body.

I know I’m not alone, either.  It’s estimated that approximately 97% of couples are lacking when it comes to intimacy, and it’s not always from a lack of trying – more often, it’s coming from miscommunication and it doesn’t always mean that they’re not having enough sex.

Are you having the sex you want to have?

As many as 75% of people are not having the sex they fantasize about, simply because they’re not telling their partner their fantasies. 51% of people are embarrassed or ashamed of their fantasies, and don’t share them out of fear of judgment. If your partner cares about you, it seems silly to be ashamed to admit your desires – especially when you consider that these numbers refer to people in committed, long-term relationships.

If you are embarrassed about sharing your desires with your partner, you might think that it’s an discomfort with your own kinks, but in all actuality, it’s more likely that you’re uncomfortable with your sexuality in general. As women, we are often taught from a young age that we must allow ourselves to be seen as sexual objects while remaining “pure” in our reputations. This can turn into quite a conundrum as we explore our own sexuality.

There’s a paradox built into these numbers, though. An estimated 80% of people want to share their sexual fantasies with their partner – which is a large enough for some overlap with those who are embarrassed to do so. The obvious answer is to open up, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.

When we offer ourselves completely to our partner through communication, we are allowing her to see parts of ourselves that we don’t share with the rest of the world. In an age where sexuality is often on display, it’s nice to reserve this type of intimacy for someone close to us.

But does that mean that your fantasies make up the most intimate form of affection?

Are you laying your heart and soul in the open?

Talking obviously goes much further than just sex, and opening ourselves up to our partner emotionally is a great way to strengthen our bond. Gritty, raw emotion is something else that we as women are told to keep to ourselves. When a woman displays “too much emotion” in public, onlookers may subconsciously assign excuses to her.

“She must be on her period.”

“Wow, she sure is sensitive.”

“She must be crazy – look how she reacted to _____!”

It’s sort of funny, when you think about it, because these types of assumptions would royally piss us off if we knew we were on the receiving end, too. We pass judgment on others without even thinking about it, but we become defensive if we know others are judging us, too. It can become a vicious cycle if you let it.

Note that this doesn’t just apply to women, either, although there is a bit of misogyny associated with the phenomenon. After all, men who exhibit similar emotions will undoubtedly have some witnesses who assume that they must be effeminate or prissy. It’s definitely not a female phenomenon, but it’s associated with femininity.

For butch women, this adds an extra layer to the emotional wall – butch women are expected to refrain from “feminine” behaviors, which means that they’re often cast out if they display any. Butch women are expected to be strong and sturdy. The obvious issue here is that they have feelings, too, and they deserve the right to express them freely.

Ladies and gentlestuds, let me tell you. If you’re not sharing your feelings with your partner, you’re leaving her to guess them – and we are not all exactly mind readers. Some women might not even care to know your emotions, but that’s not generally a sign that your emotions are wrong – it’s a sign you’re with the wrong woman.

So, does this mean talking is the most intimate way to show your affection?

Are you kissing your partner as much as you can?

Even in completely happy relationships, after some time, the urge to touch each other diminishes. It’s not that you don’t want your partner, it’s just that you have other things going on – possibly even important things like work or school or raising children. But it’s important that you find time to kiss your partner, as often as you find the opportunity.

I know I’m bad at this myself. I’ve often said that I don’t even really like kissing – I’ve had partners who I dated for months and only kissed once or twice during the entire time. I’ve had a partner I dated for years, who I probably only kissed a handful of times during the last year or so of the relationship. Kissing just feels weird to me if I’m not 100% sure about the person.

Believe it or not, that’s exactly why it’s so important to kiss your partner. You know how that first kiss in any rom-com brings sparks, fireworks, celebrations, and that extra-special foot raise? Yeah… Kissing shows you the chemistry in the relationship. When you’re fighting, it reminds you of your love. When you’re making love, it reminds you of your bond. When you’re sick, it brings you comfort.

There are a million types of kisses, and each has its rightful place – and will feel all wrong if the situation isn’t right for it.

Our lips have nerve endings in them that directly correlate with our mental state, our sexual attraction, and even our maternal instincts. Those of you who were raised by a mother-figure or a grandmother-figure (which, it’s important to realize, is not always the same as a biological mother or grandmother) may remember her kissing your face to determine whether you had a fever. Those who had this growing up are likely to be calmed by it as adults – and those who didn’t have it as children are likely to yearn for it later in life. This is probably why most people feel a sense of calm when someone they love kisses them on the forehead or cheek.

The particular sensitivity of our lips is something that makes an obvious connection to sexual attraction and satisfaction, too. After all, it’s widely assumed that someone who is a bad kisser is also a bad lover. (Do you think that has anything to do with why lesbians notoriously have better sex than straight women? Hmm. Maybe it’s in the tongue.)

Additionally, kissing is linked to our emotional state as well, being one of the catalysts for oxytocin production. This particular brain chemical is responsible for bonding, and is also produced during orgasm, childbirth, and even cuddling. By definition, anything that produces oxytocin is an intimate activity – so what makes kissing so special?

Kissing is open-ended.

Compared to many other forms of intimacy, there’s no implied destination when it comes to kissing. It can be the whole journey, a form of foreplay, a goodbye, a gesture of good will… The opportunities are limitless.

When you are communicating (verbally) with someone, there are two main objectives: Either you are trying to understand the other person, or you are trying to be heard. Occasionally there may be a third goal (hearing your own voice) but we try not to focus on that one since it’s not really productive. While communication is necessary for a healthy relationship, it understandably has its limits.

Having sex with someone opens the doors to intimacy a little wider, but it’s still largely limited. In sex, your goals are to a) bring your partner pleasure; b) bring yourself pleasure; and often c) exchange pleasure with your partner. It implies a greater amount of trust than a conversation, although that trust can definitely be initiated by liquid courage. Still, it’s not exactly the biggest indicator of happiness – you can have sex every single day and still not be fulfilled.

Kissing, on the other hand, doesn’t come with a predefined list of goals. In some cultures, kissing the face of your friends is considered the fondest greeting, while in other cultures you are expected to have your first non-familial kiss on your wedding day. These aren’t the only two possibilities, either – there are literally hundreds of reasons why you might kiss someone, and just as many places and ways to kiss them as well.

Kissing is naked and honest.

You can’t fake a kiss. It’s honest and true, and it’s up for debate whether you can improve your kissing ability. It’s largely accepted that each person has their own kissing style, and not all styles are compatible – just as not all sexual chemistries are compatible. You can’t really pretend to be into a kiss if you’re not; your body most likely won’t let you.

Think back to the romantic movies you’ve watched. In the loving scenes where the characters share their first kiss, which ones stick out to you? There are bound to be some that just looked so genuine and pure – and often it’s revealed when the movie is in post-production that the characters are actually romantically involved. Do you think this is a coincidence?

Even professional actors have a hard time selling a “fake” kiss. Kissing is a way to lay open your soul to someone without saying a single word. There’s a multi-billion-dollar international industry suggesting that sex just doesn’t offer the same type of connection.

Kissing is intimate because it’s completely genuine. In a world full of artificial things and half-hearted promises, kissing remains its own unique language. In this language there are no lies, no secrets, and no expectations. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everything were that simple?

7 Things Besides Sex That Will Give You The Same Feeling As An Orgasm

When we think of the pleasure of an orgasm, we usually think of sexual release. But what would you say if I told you there were other things that could give you the same type of pleasure? Believe it or not, you don’t have to have sex to receive that type of stimulation – we have compiled 7 different sensations that affect your mind and body the same way.

1          Meditation

The verdict is still out on the overall benefits of meditation, but there are many people who swear by meditation as a path to tranquility. It’s not hard to begin finding similarities to a sexual orgasm, but in this case the experience is more spiritual than physical.

Both sex and meditation have the ability to free us from our conscious thoughts, and research shows that the two activities both increase the blood flow to the prefrontal cortex. Meditation and sex both bring the user to a state of bliss while distracting us from our pain, stress, and body consciousness.

2        Exercise

You’ve probably heard of the “runner’s high”, but there may be more to it than that. Separate studies, performed by NY Magazine as well as Indiana University, found that as many as 40% of women may be able to experience a feeling similar to an orgasm while performing certain types of exercise.

The exercises responsible for this phenomenon might be different from one woman to another, but most often the exercises involved include abdominal strengthening, cardiovascular activity (which increases the blood flow to the vagina), and many exercises which involved tight clothing that may rub against the sensitive areas.

3        Childbirth

Although we don’t typically want to associate our children with orgasms (and for good reason), some women experience a phenomenon called an “orgasmic birth”. In this scenario, the baby’s head will push against the same places inside the mother that would be stimulated during intense sexual activity. This causes a pleasure that helps to counteract some of the pain otherwise involved in childbirth.

An estimated 3% of births will result in this type of orgasm, which is likely assisted by the body’s production of oxytocin – the same bonding chemical that is released when we reach climax with a sexual partner. This hormone is released in order to help the mother form a bond with her baby, and along with beta-endorphins and prolactin create a type of molecular ecstasy.

4        Dreams

Most women are aware that there is a direct connection between their imagination and their sexual stimulation. However, what most aren’t aware of is that genital stimulation is sometimes triggered by completely non-sexual thoughts. This often happens during REM sleep, while our brain is mostly shut down – while simultaneously having increased circulation to the vaginal and pelvic area.

When we think of wet dreams, we typically think of a sexual experience, but unlike men, women do not require direct genital stimulation or particularly erotic thoughts to encourage this type of nocturnal release. (Although they certainly don’t hurt!) The research on this particular phenomenon goes all the way back to 1953, when it was reported that as many as 37% of women are able to orgasm this way.

5        Sounds

Of course the sound of her partner moaning will likely bring a woman closer to orgasm – but for some women, other sounds (such as whispering and the tapping of fingernails) can elicit a fantasy response in the female brain – even if there is no direct sexual connection to be made to the sound.

This particular phenomenon is referred to as an automatic sensory meridian response, or ASMR for short. While this isn’t exactly like an orgasm, it can produce the same sorts of tingles that you might experience in the middle of sexual activity – and it’s not only from sounds, either. Some women feel these tingles while having their hair played with, having their makeup done, or getting an eye exam.

6        Sneezing

I’m sure we’ve all seen that meme that claims that a sneeze is basically 1/10 of an orgasm. Well, as silly as that sounds, there’s actually some truth to it – at least for many people. While there isn’t a lot of scientific evidence to back this one up, there are some significant similarities between the two activities.

First, the nose (like the genitals) contain erectile tissue, so anatomically they are more similar than you might think. Second, both orgasms and sneezes release endorphins in the brain – the “feel-good” hormones that are also associated with “coregasms” (#2). Lastly, they both imply a sense of build-up and then a release, which eliminates the frustrations associated. Scientists might not confirm this one, but we sure do.

7         Shopping

Do you know a woman who is really, really into shopping? Well, science explains that one, too – Focus News determined that when we find a good deal shopping, our brain chemistry shows the same reactions as having mind-blowing sex. The same outlet reported that overspending can create the exact opposite reactions, though, so only savvy shoppers are going to feel this one.

Of course, this phenomenon won’t extend to every woman – so if you’re not really a shopper, most likely you can’t pick this one up just by starting now. Wouldn’t it be great if you could, though!

This list is in no way conclusive – there are millions of things that cause a similar type of release, but they are different from woman to woman. What are some of yours?

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

21 Reasons To Wait For Sex

There are a million and one opinions on when the “right time” to have sex with a new partner is. Basically, people care way too much about things that have nothing to do with them, right? Well, while the right time for everyone is different, there are a few reasons waiting might not be such a bad idea.

1. We’ve become desensitized.

The majority of the mainstream media is filled with songs making it seem like sex is no big deal. What’s more is that, for many people, it really isn’t. Sex used to be something reserved for the most special person in your life – and nowadays many people will jump into bed with whoever offers.

Okay, that’s an unfair generalization, but most of the stigmas around sex are starting to fall away. Trust me, that’s not a bad thing – but we are so desensitized to our own sexualization that many people are left completely unimpressed by any sexual activity.

Name a kink, and I’ll bet you can think of someone who practices it without batting an eye. Once upon a time, you had to search deep to find people’s sexual interests – but these days, people actually share porn to the Facebook profiles their grandmother follows. It’s crazy how far we’ve come.

Again, this is a severe generalization, but the moral of the story is the same: People are less sensitive about sex. Ironically, sex is supposed to be one of the most sensitive things you can do. Taking a step back can help you appreciate the little things more.

2. We don’t leave ourselves mysteries anymore.

“She loved mysteries so much she became one.” Ah, John Green, how you took the words straight out of my mouth. But isn’t it such a beautiful thought that we could be mysterious to the person we’re dating – a special enigma for them to sort out?

When we give ourselves to our partner sexually, we are often taking away their ability to imagine us – to picture what lies beneath the surface. You shouldn’t be so mysterious that you become an outcast (if you can avoid it), but keeping something a secret for just a while longer is nice.

When you leave things up to the imagination, it will draw interest – providing you’re not doing it dishonestly. Mysteries are cool, lies are not.

3. We still have time.

What’s the rush to have sex, anyway? You’ve got your whole life for that – or at least your whole relationship. Lesbians aren’t as prone to sexual disabilities as heterosexual couples (think erectile dysfunction for example) so there’s no rush to be ready. Take your time and smell the roses!

4. It’s hard to learn about each other when we’re naked.

While it’s true that sex is one of the many keys of intimacy in a relationship, it makes other forms of intimacy a little more difficult. Have you ever tried to focus on someone’s personality when you have a vagina in your face? It doesn’t usually work out so well.

That’s not to say that you can’t get to know each other after having sex, too, but doing things this way gives the chance of regretting the encounter – as well as the possibility that the relationship will only ever be sexual. If you don’t mind taking that risk, feel free to ignore my advice.

5. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready.

Not too long ago, most people waited until they were married to have sex with their partner. Okay, so we’ve made a lot of strides for equality since then – but now those who haven’t had sex are seen as an oddity. Some people even claim you can’t know your sexuality unless you’ve tried all your options.

I’m a strong advocate for the “don’t knock it ‘till you try it” approach to romance and sex, but that doesn’t mean that virgins are doing it wrong, or that they can’t know what they want. There are no rules when it comes to sex (as long as it’s between consenting adults), so pressuring someone to have sex before they’re ready is pretty pointless.

Try to think of something actually wrong in the world, and the 24-year-old who’s never taken her panties off for someone doesn’t seem so bad. People are ready at different times and there’s nothing wrong with being a late bloomer.

6. Sexual manipulation is still manipulation.

Many people may feel pressured to have sex before they’re ready because “it’s what you do”. But no one has rights over your body but you, and letting someone dictate what you do with it is allowing yourself to be controlled. If you’re not ready, you shouldn’t feel pressured to get there.

7. Delaying gratification improves appreciation.

That’s basically my obnoxious way of saying “nothing worth having comes without patience”. You do have to work for the things you want, but sometimes the hardest work is investing in your future. Our society is so hung up on the idea of instant gratification that we often settle for a lesser experience because it means we can have it right away.

Hey, I get it – sometimes you just don’t want to wait. But if you knew you’d be sacrificing your satisfaction if you were impatient – would you still want it right now?

8. A polite “not yet” shouldn’t be a deal breaker.

If the person you’re seeing doesn’t respect you enough to wait until you’re ready, she’s not going to respect you after you give it up, either. You can compromise to find a time that meets both of your needs – but your partner shouldn’t demand to get their way.

9. Romance is still a thing.

If we’re looking for sex right away, chances are we’re throwing the idea of romance out the window. Not that there’s anything wrong with sex, or even sex without love – but sometimes, you want to know that it’s more than that.

A partner who pushes for sex too early in the relationship is showing that they don’t want to work for it, and the partner that gives into this push is showing that she doesn’t feel worthy of being loved. I’m definitely not saying that you can’t love someone you’ve had casual sex with, but the chances of it working out aren’t as good.

With less than 15% of relationships classified as an “overall success” (when quantified by things like marriage, happiness, and longevity), why would you want to jeopardize those numbers any further?

10. Closer bond = more comfortable = better sex.

It’s basic sexual compatibility. When you have an emotional connection with someone, sex with them is going to be even better. Skill and technique still play into it, for sure, but since one of the primary chemicals in the brain during sex is the same as what’s present during a cuddle session, your body can (easily) be trained to be more responsive to your partner.

Beyond that, a closer bond with your partner will make it easier for you to communicate your desires with her – which can result in better sex, too. A partner that cares about your overall happiness, and not just whether you get off or not, is more likely to work towards the bigger picture. This, my friends, is one endless cycle that just keeps getting better.

11. Think quality, not quantity.

The more times you experience something, the less special it is. This extends to every “first” in particular – in this case, your first time having sex with a new partner. If you’ve had “first time sex” 20 times, it’s only 1/20 as special as if you’d only had it once.

I’m not saying that we should only have one sexual partner in our lives. Honestly, I think I’m getting pretty close to that 20-mark myself. But if I had the chance to do it all over again, there are definitely a few I wouldn’t do the second time around. They just weren’t worth the effort I put forth to make it happen.

Far be it for me to get in the way of your desires, but when you look back on your past experiences, don’t you want to say that all of your experiences had happy endings?

12. You don’t have to wait forever.

There’s a difference between waiting a minute and saving yourself – and that line should be yours to define.

13. Awkward sex is… Well, awkward.

The more comfortable you are with a person, the less the likelihood that the sex is going to be weird. There’s always the chance that your girlfriend is going to be into something you’re not, but exploring those things as a solid couple is definitely going to be less awkward than exploring them as acquaintances.

While awkwardness isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the confidence that comes from a solid partnership can help prevent it from biting you in the face.

14. We forget about kissing.

When you rush into sex, there’s a potential to forget about kissing. And you should never forget about kissing – it’s awesome. When you skip straight to sex, you skip past the fun of making out like teenagers. After all, don’t we all wish we were 18 again?

(No? Just me?)

15. Sex isn’t everything.

Focusing on sex makes it difficult to see the value in anything else – and can lead to a sex addiction in certain cases. It might not be as dangerous of an addiction as, say, opiates and alcohol – but as a general rule, everything is better in moderation.

If you focus on sex, it can cause the whole relationship to focus on sex – and that can eventually be damaging to your psychological well-being. Do you want to send the message that your partner is only good for one thing in your eyes? Chances are, you don’t – so don’t do it!

16. Love is best without expectations.

Most people don’t like the idea of their partner “demanding” things from them, but they might consider “expecting” to be a grey area. When you allow your partner to define your roles for you, you’re implying you’d rather be a part of something than be your own person. Life (and love) are better when you don’t try to squeeze into a mold.

If everyone did what was expected of them, some of us wouldn’t be here today – because our parents might not have met in the first place. Isn’t that an intriguing though!

17. Relationships take time to grow.

Just like children, flowers, and even bread dough, there is a period of time when a relationship should focus on growing – rather than becoming something else. There’s not always a concrete timeline, but rushing things along will obviously mess things up.

Children who aren’t allowed to be kids grow into cynical adults. Plants that are overexposed to the sunlight produce awful-tasting fruit. Dough that isn’t allowed to rise will just be all wrong. What makes you think relationships are exempt from this phenomenon?

18. Sex can cloud our judgment.

If it wasn’t true, we wouldn’t have phrases like “the walk of shame” or “coyote ugly”. Maybe they’re a bit harsh, but it’s true – sometimes our hormones can make the wrong person look oh so right. You shouldn’t go shopping when you’re hungry, you shouldn’t go to the bar when you’re angry, and you shouldn’t have sex when you’re not sure – it can lead to poor choices if you do.

19. Our brain wants us to think sex = love.

Of course, we’re all smart enough to know that sex and love are not mutually exclusive concepts. But our brain doesn’t know that, and it doesn’t want us to know that, either.

There’s a slew of chemicals that your brain produces when you reach climax that are also produced when you feel love and joy. Cuddling, happy memories, sex, childbirth – all make our brain produce a combination of hormones and natural highs that tell us we’re in heaven. But the funny thing is that the same process goes on for a number of crazy reasons – for some women, even shopping can cause this type of pleasure.

Does this mean we fall in love every time we feel that “tingle”?

Not exactly, but the chemical reaction is basically the same. It’s even been likened to an addiction to hard drugs – and these things can be equally addicting.

20. But sex isn’t love.

And love isn’t always sex, either. There are no guarantees when it comes to these things, and just because you give your body to someone doesn’t always mean they get to keep it, any more than loving someone means they own you. There are going to be grey areas. There are even going to be some WTF moments.

Being able to distinguish between love, lust, and everything else is a part of becoming a better partner – whether you’re currently with someone or not. The more experience you have making those distinctions, the easier it becomes to tell them apart – and that’s a happy feeling.

21. Because you can!

Hey, the whole moral of all of this is that sex is your decision, but really it’s a bit deeper than that. In all honesty, you’re only responsible for one person’s happiness.

Your own.

You can’t please everyone – and you can’t serve others from an empty cup. You have to love yourself, know yourself, and be your own lover before you can expect to offer those things to another person. You can’t ever really make someone happy – you can only influence them to be happy when you’re around, and act in ways that make them happy to think of you.

By the same token, that means that some blog post on the internet shouldn’t tell you that you can’t have sex. That’s not what I’m hoping to do here. My goal is simply to inform you that you have options. Your past doesn’t determine your future, and you can change your image whenever it suits you.

Tired of waiting for sex and want to get lucky? Go forth and get your luckiest. Tired of keeping things casual and ready for a deep relationship? Step out of the scene and let love find you. Your happiness should be your number one priority.

Take care, and be good to each other!

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

9 Types Of Sex You Have During the First Year Of A Lesbian Relationship

New relationships are crazy territory. While your heart’s aflutter with the new love (or is it lust?) and your stomach is full of butterflies, there’s going to be a day when you come to have sex. The “right time” is different for everyone, but most people will have sex with a partner within the first year of dating – many giving into the temptation much sooner.

Even if everyone was on the same sex schedule, though, there is a variety of different sex you’ll have. First, everyone has a different sexual style, which of course factors in to some of the differences – but more than that, there are different types of sex that appeal to different stages of the relationship, and everyone will reach these stages at a different time point.

How many of these can you say you did in the first year with your partner?

1.     Awkward Sex

Particularly if either you or your partner had never had sex before, the first time can be super awkward sometimes. Not everyone goes through this awkward phase, but those who do need to know that it’s not uncommon – in fact, most people experience awkward sex sometimes. Sometimes this awkward sex continues long after you and your partner have become more comfortable with each other – and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

The awkwardness of first time sex comes mostly from our mind telling us that we’re not ready. Even if we feel (hormonally) way overdue for sex, the truth is that sometimes our mind and our body don’t want to work together. When this “disagreement” happens, sex can be really weird.

2.     Passionate Sex

In a perfect world, all sex would be passionate, we’d all get off every time, and no one would ever be unsatisfied. But the truth is, it doesn’t always work out that way – and that’s okay, too. Passionate sex happens when your body and your mind are in complete sync, and you can’t stand the thought of waiting even another second for it.

Passionate sex is one of the most fulfilling types of sex, because it makes us feel wanted, loved, and used – in the best sense of each word. While we might like to think of ourselves as dignified and classy, sometimes you just want to be used for sex. As long as the person “using” us cares deeply about us, too (whether it’s true love or not), there’s nothing wrong with being a plaything.

3.     Finally-Figured-It-Out Sex

This is the sex that lets you know you’ve got your technique down with this partner. For some of us who might have more experience, we’d expect this sex to come early on in the relationship, but that’s not necessarily the case. Each partner you have will have different wants, needs, and turn-ons, and it might take you a little while to get used to the change.

Sometimes, the partners will be totally in sync and they’ll figure out what works for them right away. It’s great when that happens, but you shouldn’t fret if it doesn’t. Sex is a complicated process and you shouldn’t be in a rush to skip to the end. Take your time getting to know your partner. Treat each new partner as if she was your first – because, after all, she’s the first partner of the rest of your life – right?

4.     Not the Best, But Not Bad Sex

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but… Not every sexual experience will be a 10. Even if your partner has gotten you off a hundred times before, there’s going to be the occasional hint of mediocrity. You shouldn’t let this bother you, if it’s an occasional thing.

If you notice your partner no longer has the ability to make you orgasm (after examining a large “sample period”, it might be worth bringing up to her – maybe she thinks she’s getting the job done. If you don’t tell her she’s not, you have no one to blame but yourself.

5.     Quickie Sex

Some people really, really like quickies. They’re great when you’re just looking to get it over with and you don’t care about all that mushy stuff. As long as they’re not making up most of your sexual encounters (hint: romance is still important too), there’s nothing wrong with rushing things every now and then.

The thing you need to realize is that not all women respond to quickie sex. Some women take a long time to get warmed up, so unless you’ve been teasing for quite a while (sexting can help here) that quickie just isn’t going to get the job done for her. Make sure you talk to your partner to make sure she’s satisfied!

6.     Silly Sex

Even those of us who like to think of ourselves as “strictly business” have had sex that results in us laughing more than we’re moaning. Sometimes it’s awkward, but if you and your partner are comfortable with each other, it doesn’t have to be.

I’m a firm believer that you have to be able to laugh with your partner – no matter what the situation may be. (Okay, maybe not during a funeral or something, but you get the idea.) If you can’t have “silly sex” with your partner, you might not be with the right person. It’s not something you can force.

7.     New Turn-On Sex

One great thing about having different sexual partners in your lifetime is that you’re bound to pick up on things that you’ve never tried before. When you pick the ones you like and share them with a new partner (assuming your partner is willing to try – make sure you communicate first!), you both might be surprised at the things that get your juices flowing.

For most things, you don’t know whether you like something or not until you try it – and that definitely holds true for sex. Fantasies are all over the board, and sometimes we don’t think about them once we’ve come up with a couple ideas that work for us. By introducing your partner to something they’ve never tried before, you might find something that makes you both enjoy it a lot more.

8.     Fantasy Sex

Every now and then, you’re going to picture someone else when you’re having sex. This might make you feel guilty, or awkward, or a number of different emotions – but generally, it’s not a bad thing. As long as you’re still content having sex with your partner and just imagining someone else, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Humans, by nature, fantasize.

Most of the time we think about fantasies as they relate to our sex lives. But I’ll bet you’ve even eaten something and imagined eating something else. Does it mean what you’re eating isn’t good? No, it just means you’re thinking about something else. Do you feel like you’re cheating on your sandwich if you’re thinking about cheesecake? I doubt it.

9.     Bad Sex

Bad sex is a subjective issue – and it’s something that happens to everyone sometimes. If you think you’ve never had bad sex, chances are you’ve got a previous partner who wasn’t completely honest with you. Sex isn’t always going to be good.

The good news is that bad sex can usually be “fixed” with a little communication. Very rarely is it due to a lack of skill. Usually, it’s just that you two are into different things, and one partner is afraid to hurt the other one’s feelings, so she keeps quiet. In the first year, you might not read your partner well enough to understand when she’s trying to save your feelings – that comes in time.

No matter what order you take these different types of sex in, you should be communicating with your partner to make sure the two of you are on the same page. After all, you can’t just expect things to work out on their own – you need to talk about what you like and dislike. No one is a mind reader, despite what they may think. Expecting your partner to read your mind is setting yourself up for failure.

The only “truly” bad sex is bad sex that never gets better – everything can be worked around as long as you’re willing to try!

[interaction id=”55dc9c57f11a0e7e785f55db”]

18 Reasons Why We Turn Down Sex (When We Actually Really Want It)

Sex is a complex issue for many women. We love it, but we want it on our own terms. Yet sometimes, just because we want sex doesn’t mean we really need it.

In fact, there are a number of reasons you should say no – even if you really, really want to say yes.

1. You’ve just broken up “for good”.

I think we’ve all been there at least once – you and your lady break up, “for real this time”, but you’re still super attracted to one another. And after all, you don’t want to go out and find someone new, just to have sex with them. But if you think that you and your ex are really done, adding sex back into the mix is just going to confuse the issue. Don’t do it.

2. You’ve got an upset stomach.

Ladies, we know we probably shouldn’t be overly active when we’ve got an upset stomach. If you’re nauseous or – heaven forbid – things are threatening to come out the other side, it’s best if you say no to sex. It doesn’t matter how much you want it. If your upset stomach evacuates on your partner, they may never want to have sex with you again. Just don’t risk it.

3. You’ve got gas.

Apparently there are some people who are turned on by flatulence. If you’re dating one of those women, this isn’t really going to apply to you. But for the vast majority of women, a little toot to the face is enough to kill the mood – best not to risk it.

4. You’ve got a UTI.

We know we should say no if there’s any type of infection down there, but sometimes that can be hard to remember. Think about this: The more foreign matter you introduce to the already-present infection, the longer it’s going to last. Wouldn’t it just be better to wait a few days?

5. You’re sharing a room with someone.

Whether you’re staying with family for a visit or you’re sharing a hotel with your BFFs, it can be difficult to resist the urge to sneak in a quickie while they’re sleeping. In fact, some women may be turned on by the risk of being caught. But chances are, if the person who might catch you is someone you know and you’ll have to deal with in the future, risking them seeing you having sex with your lady is going to be incredibly awkward, now and in the future.

6. You don’t really like her.

It’s one thing if you’re irritated with her, but to actually not like your lover at all – it’s probably best if you don’t have sex with her. I know that physical attraction can be overwhelming sometimes, but if your partner is someone who you’re not going to have anything in common with outside of the bedroom, having sex with her simply based on how she looks is really not a good idea.

7. She’s cheating on her partner.

Note that there is a big difference between “cheating” and “polyamory”. If all partners involved are aware of the fact that there are other partners, it’s safe to proceed. But do you really want to be the side chick? People who intentionally meddle with someone who’s already spoken for are just as low as the people who are lying to their partners. Don’t be that person.

8. You’d be cheating on your partner.

This falls in almost the same category as #7. If you have a partner who is not okay with you seeing other people, you shouldn’t be with other people – or you shouldn’t be with her. There are a multitude of people out there who embrace a polyamorous lifestyle. If you can’t be monogamous, find one of those people instead of hurting someone else.

9. Either one of you is too drunk.

Drunk sex can be a lot of fun – but it can also be a lot of confusion. I have a personal rule that I won’t have sex with someone if there’s any chance that the intentions could be misconstrued. Too drunk to send a coherent text message? You’re probably too drunk for sex, too. Just say no.

10. You don’t know her name.

This is actually a more blanket statement than it sounds like. If you don’t know the first thing about your new lover, it’s best if you don’t get wrapped up in sex with her. After all, if you don’t even know her name (or how old she is, or whether she really likes women…) you’re setting yourself up for a bad reputation. Truly, reputations can be unfair, but why would you intentionally do something to ruin yours?

11. You have responsibilities.

It can be tough to turn down sex when you really want it, but you’re running late for something “more important”. If you’ve got to ditch your responsibilities in order to have sex with someone, that’s a sign that your priorities are out of whack, and could be a sign of a psychological dependence on sex. Do your best to avoid it.

12. She’s underage.

The laws surrounding the age of consent vary from region to region, and in some cases they may be different for same-sex couples than they are for opposite-sex couples. Be sure that you know the laws in your area; even if both partners are willing participants, if the law says she can’t consent, you can get in a lot of trouble.

13. You can’t talk about it.

Some women are shy – I totally get it; after all, I’m pretty shy myself. But if you can’t handle the idea of discussing sex with your partner (including safer sex, your desires, and your personal boundaries), you can’t handle actually having sex with her. Some people may not agree with this, but whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, sex is a big decision and it comes with a lot of responsibility. Don’t let the heat of the moment stop you from making an informed decision.

14. She’s an asshole.

Some women may be attracted to women who are mean, rude, obscene, or any number of things. If you think she’s a jerk, you shouldn’t be sleeping with her – even if you’re in a relationship with her. (Of course, you shouldn’t be with anyone who’s not good to you anyway, but that’s another subject entirely.)

15. You’re not over your ex.

Rebound sex is one of those things that can cause a tremendous amount of uncertainty for people. Truly, it can lead to deeper emotional problems down the road. If you’re not over your last lady yet, you shouldn’t try to push yourself to sleep with someone new – it’ll only end up hurting you in the end.

16. You’re really tired.

Technically, sleep is a responsibility. It can be tempting sometimes to squeeze in a quickie before you fall asleep – but there will always be a chance of falling asleep during the quickie, and that’s not sexy – at all. It’s best if you wait until you’re more rested.

17. You haven’t had a shower in days.

I’ve recently become aware that there are people who are greatly aroused by the idea of “dirty sex” – the smellier, the better. But unless you’re actually dating one of those people (and you know that they like it like that), you should wait until you’ve had a chance to clean yourself up. Of course, skipping a day every now and then isn’t likely to be an issue, but if you’re preoccupied by the idea that you smell – down there or anywhere else – you’re not going to enjoy the sex. Luckily, this one usually only takes about ten minutes to not be an issue anymore – just take a shower!

18. You’re in a public place and could get arrested.

Okay, okay. I’ll admit that I’ve had sex in public places. A lot, actually. It’s not always so horrible – if done carefully, there may be very little chance of being caught (while still maintaining the sexiness of the risk). But if you’re somewhere you could easily be caught, it’s important to remember that most places consider public indecency to be a sexual offense – meaning you could be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life if you’re caught in the act. If you’re turned on by the idea of public sex, make sure you’re doing it somewhere you won’t get caught by the police. It can ruin your entire life if you’re not careful!

What Happens When Not Enough Sex is a Relationship Deal Breaker

Sex can be a tricky subject when it comes to someone new. Sometimes, one partner may be incredibly shy about the subject of sex, and may even put off sex for as long as possible in order to make sure the other person is “worthy” of their sexual attention. Of course, this is a generalized statement; there are a million reasons for not rushing into sex, and they are all valid.

There are others who may have sex right away – maybe even before a formal relationship is present – and they may have sexual needs that never seem to be met. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a horn dog or a pervert, it just means that they have a high sex drive.

So what happens when these two people end up in a relationship together and they must determine how to compromise their needs and desires?

Sexual compatibility is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Just because you have a high sex drive and your partner doesn’t, doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you. Sexuality is a broad spectrum and there is no single right or wrong answer. But if your needs are far apart and it’s difficult to find a compromise, you might not be right for each other.

For those with a lower sex drive, they might not understand how sex can be so important for some people – but for those on the higher end, they can’t understand why it’s not important to their partner. In a perfect world, it would be just as important to both of you – but that’s not automatic. You actually have to find someone whose needs are compatible with yours.

Sexual compatibility is often discovered after the initial attachment.

In situations where the couple doesn’t have sex right away, you might be together for quite awhile before you realize that you’re not compatible with one another. It can cause distress to the two of you – the partner who wants it less may feel that they’re unable to satisfy the one who wants it more, and the one who wants it more can fear that they’re over-sexualized.

It can be incredibly difficult to bring it up tactfully, too. After all, we are taught that sex is intimacy, and we don’t want to talk about it until we feel an intimate closeness with someone – but what if it’s too late to spare yourself then?

Sexual compatibility may change over time.

Sometimes this is referred to as “bed death”, but the truth is that most people want sex, at least occasionally. It never really “dies” – it just might go dormant sometimes.

There are a number of factors that can influence someone’s libido. For example, if they have had their sexual needs neglected for some time, many women are inclined to want it more – but then once their needs have been “caught up”, their desire may taper off. This can appear to their partner as if they are no longer interested, but the reality is that they still want to be interested, it’s just not a priority for them.

What about open relationships?

Sometimes, an open relationship may seem like the perfect answer to sexual compatibility problems. Some people choose an open relationship as a way to indulge the fantasies that their partner is unable or unwilling to offer them. Other times, people may seek an open relationship when one partner has a higher sex drive than their partner – having an “other” to have sex with can take some of the pressure off of the less sexual partner.

However, open relationships aren’t a cure-all. There is always a chance of jealousy, particularly on the end of the partner who isn’t getting as much out of it. If the partner who wants it less finds themselves having more sex with their “other”, for example, the partner with the higher sex drive may feel that they are to blame. Other times, the person who wants it less may have a hard time understanding why they’re not enough for their partner.

Open relationships definitely aren’t for everyone, and they should be based on honesty. There is a difference between an open relationship and “dating around”, and those specifics must be worked out between you and your partner, should you decide to take on the challenge.

Should we just break up?

Well… Maybe. If the partner with the higher sex drive is inflexible with their sexual demands, or the partner with the lower sex drive is inflexible with their sexual willingness (and neither wants to share), it might be easiest to just step away.

It should be noted that just because you aren’t sexually happy with someone doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be sexually satisfied. The truth is that everyone has different needs and wants, and just because we want to be compatible with someone doesn’t mean we always will be. Sometimes, we’re just not right for each other.

What if we’re in love?

Of course, if you’re in love with your partner, but not willing to compromise on your sexual agreement (whatever it may be), it’s likely that at least one of you will be miserable. Holding onto someone you’re not compatible with increases the likelihood of cheating, as we tend to seek out someone who will meet our needs if they are not being met.

This isn’t to say that your relationship is automatically doomed. The partner who wants sex more can try to find another outlet to channel their sexual frustrations, although nothing is guaranteed. The partner who wants sex less is free to try and “push” themselves to want it more – but again, there are no guarantees.

It can be incredibly difficult to modify your habits, and even harder to modify your desires. We are usually not in control of the things we want, only the things we do to get the things we want. This means that changing our demands is often a lengthy process. It’s likely to wear you out and bring you down. But if it’s important enough to you to push through, you will find a way that works for you.

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

The Appeal of Mirror Sex: Why We Enjoy Watching Ourselves Get Busy

I’m sure you know at least one person who boasts about their love of mirror sex. Maybe it’s even you! There’s just something unexplainable about the joy associated with watching different angles of your own sexual experience than the ones you’d normally see. If you’ve never tried it, it can be difficult to explain exactly what it is that pulls us in.


Here are some of the reasons why mirror sex is so great for so many people.

It lets us see a side we don’t normally see.

In most sexual situations, you can only see one side of your partner at a time. This is nice, but sometimes you want to get a peek into the other side of the equation. Maybe you want to see her chest while you’re taking her from behind, or you want to see her behind while she’s laying between your legs. No matter what angle you’re trying for, a well-placed mirror helps us see something we wouldn’t have normally been able to see.

It lets us see our own “O” face.

Not everyone is interested in watching themselves get off, but there are definitely some women who are quite aroused by the idea of watching themselves reach climax. If you’re the type of woman who is curious about what your “O” face looks like, mirror sex is one way to check it out.

It lets us catch the small details.

For those who are interested in the smaller details of the sexual experience, mirror sex helps to capture details that otherwise might have slipped right by. Whether it’s details of your partner’s body, details of your own body, or any number of small details, watching ourselves in a mirror is one way to make sure we can see everything.

It lets us see ourselves as sexual objects.

In a way, it’s like watching your own live porn show… But you get to experience it, too! This can be intensely erotic for some people, as the idea of being “used” as a sexual object can be somewhat of a turn-on.

Sex is a visual experience.

After all, when’s the last time you had sex with someone who wasn’t at least a little physically attractive to you? Your partner may not be a perfect ten, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that you find your partner attractive enough that sometimes, the pure sight of her naked may be enough to put you in the mood. By adding more angles to the experience, you’re multiplying the visual aspects of the sex and making it that much hotter.

It feels like you’re being watched – without the pressure of actually being watched by anyone else.

Some people may be highly aroused by the idea of someone else watching them have sex, but often they may be too shy to make that happen. With mirror sex, you are your own audience. You don’t have to worry about impressing anyone. It’s just you, your partner, and the mirror.

What do you think?

Are you ready to incorporate mirror sex into your repertoire? It’s definitely not for everyone, but for those who are into it, it can be incredibly sexy, on top of an already sexy experience. It’s worth giving a shot to see if you like it, too. Who knows? You could find out something new about yourself!

[interaction id=”561262c874a791dd4b459468″]

6 Types of “Good Sex” You Can Have With a Partner

Good sex is, naturally, a subjective topic. Things that deeply arouse one woman could completely turn off another, and there’s often no way to tell just by looking at someone what they might like. But generally, there are a few types of sex that are considered better than others – which type is your favorite?

Angry Sex

Whether it’s sex in the middle of a fight or sex instead of fighting (or even sex just because), angry sex is raw and passionate. It allows the partners to express their frustrations, whether with each other or with outside forces, and when done right it ends in one of the best stress relievers out there.

Caring Sex

Of course, with the right partner, all sex is caring sex. But we’re talking about that deeply passionate sex that makes your body yearn for more closeness with your partner – the type of sex that you’d see in an old fashioned romance book. (You know those cheesy ones your grandmother used to keep around and tell you they were “most definitely not for children”? Of course you do.)

Morning Sex

Morning sex is best when it’s unexpected, although certainly you could plan for it if you’re the sort who likes to pencil in intimacy. There’s something extra sexy about your partner wanting you so bad that she wakes you up to have you – and morning sex is often the way to go for this.

Hotel Sex

Especially if you live in an apartment, or if you share a place with friends, family, or roommates, it can be a bit awkward to have sex if you think you’re going to get too loud. But if you’re in a hotel, you don’t have to worry about being too loud, because most likely you don’t know the people around you. You’ll never see them again – so you’re free to be as loud as you need to.

Forbidden Sex

Whether you’re fooling around somewhere you shouldn’t be fooling around, or with someone you shouldn’t be fooling around with, there’s a sexy appeal of doing something you shouldn’t. Of course, we must advise that you don’t break up any relationships or break any laws – but beyond that, feel free to pursue your wildest desires!

Passionate Sex

This is really up to interpretation. Some people consider passion to be the rough, gritty sex that we long for when we haven’t gotten any in awhile. Other people consider it the tender, loving sex you have after you first confess your love to someone. No matter what it is, passionate sex is certainly one of the perks of a committed relationship.

Of course, this is not to be considered a complete list of all the types of good sex you can have. With the right partner and adequate communication, every type of sex can be the best. We encourage you to talk to your partner about the type of sex you both like, and coordinate to ensure that both your needs are being met.

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

13 Simple Rules of Sex Etiquette We’re Too Afraid To Talk About

When it comes to sex, there are a few rules that most people aren’t ready to talk about. We should, though – they hold a tremendous amount of weight that’s not to be ignored.

These are things you should be talking about, with every partner – sometimes every time we have sex.

How many do you talk about?

1. Safer sex only works if it’s every time.

The temptation to skip over the things we do to make sex safer can be overwhelming sometimes. But unless you are 100% certain that you and your partner are completely faithful, and neither of you has any diseases, you must resist the urge to skip the necessary precautions.

2. Cuddling should be discussed beforehand.

Some women like to cuddle after sex, and some women don’t. It’s best if you know these things before sex happens so you don’t end up the weird clinger who’s cuddling with someone who doesn’t want to, or the weird hands-off person who would rather push your partner out of bed. Neither one is actually weird, of course, but if you don’t clear things up ahead of time, there’s bound to be some confusion.

3. Ladies… Wash your hands first.

Sometimes sex is spontaneous, and that’s great! But if you’ve carefully planned out your sexual encounter, you should make sure your hands are clean if there’s going to be any penetration with them. Bacteria under your fingernails (or on a not-washed toy) can cause a bad infection that makes sex completely out of the question, so it’s best to make sure you’re not putting your partner at risk.

4. Do you clean up your partner or let her do it herself?

This one’s a matter of personal preference, like cuddling. For some women it depends on how the experience was. For example, if you’re too tired to move, it might be nice to let your partner dry you up – but if you’re still way too sensitive down there, it might be preferable to do it yourself. Ask her before you assume.

5. Kissing after oral sex – what’s the big deal?

According to Buzzfeed’s “Sex Etiquette Poll”, 82% of people think it’s weird if you don’t kiss after oral sex. After all, you should be comfortable with yourself, and if the smell of your own juices is a turn-off for you, maybe you should have washed up better beforehand – but this is an opinion, and not every woman will want to kiss after. Make sure she’s okay with it first.

6. Periods should come with a warning.

Not everyone minds period sex. In fact, here at KitschMix, we encourage it – when practiced safely. But you shouldn’t just assume that your partner is OK with going down on you when you’re on your period, and she shouldn’t assume that of you, either. Make sure you let your partner know if you’re bleeding down there so she can plan accordingly.

7. Communicate the good stuff!

Sometimes it’s hard to get the right words out – we understand. But if you don’t ask, you can’t be upset when you don’t get it. You should tell your partner what you want, so that she can choose whether to give it to you or not. Just keep in mind that you asking for it doesn’t obligate her to do it – consent goes both ways.

8. Communicate the bad stuff too!

Many people think that if they have given consent, they are obligated to follow through with the entire act of sex, wherever it leads. This is absolutely not true. If your partner is doing something that you’re not comfortable with, speak up!

9. Make some noise.

There’s nothing more awkward than having sex with a dead fish. You don’t have to go all-out with porn star theatrics, but you should at least make it known that you’re having a good time. Not only does it make the whole experience less awkward, it also helps to ensure you get more of what feels good and less of what doesn’t. It’s a win-win!

10. Always ask before butt stuff.

Maybe that’s not the most graceful way I could have worded it, but it’s something that’s worth noting. Even if you’re with someone who loves a lot of anal play (I’ve been there before), you need to ask her before you actually put it into motion. Every time.

11. Don’t skip over the foreplay.

Unless you absolutely know that your lady is aroused by you not taking the time to get her aroused, make sure you spend ample time getting her warmed up. This is just as true for a long-term relationship as it is the first time you have sex. Don’t skimp!

12. Don’t give with the expectation of getting in return.

Of course, it’s rude to let your partner do something to you that you wouldn’t dream of doing to them – but people have different preferences. You shouldn’t give your partner something just because you think you’ll get it back. Hopefully everything all evens out in the end – but when you give something, you shouldn’t expect that they’ll return the favor. You should be doing it because you want to.

13. Sex doesn’t always mean a relationship.

Casual sex is a tricky subject. Some people like sleeping around, and our society likes to tell these people that there’s something wrong with them. The truth is, as long as you’re acting safely, and with regard to your partner’s emotions, you’re not doing anything wrong. Most people like sex, so to pretend that liking sex more than liking a relationship is anything other than a preference is wrong.

That being said, you do need to discuss with your partner if you are developing feelings. It’s inevitable sometimes. You should never assume that the other person is developing feelings too, nor should you assume that they aren’t. It needs to be a conversation point so no one gets hurt more than what’s necessary.

Of course, there are easily at least a million rules when it comes to the etiquette surrounding sex. Sometimes you’ll set different rules for yourself, and that is 100% okay. But the most important thing is that you communicate with your partner and act with self-respect and dignity. (Yes, that’s possible even with casual sex – simply liking sex doesn’t mean you don’t have your dignity.)

[interaction id=”55e446ec1cec712a2e4cb80a”]

The Lost Art Of Teasing: Why So Many People Find Sex Unsatisfying

There’s this stigma associated with teasing your partner. Truly, it can be a frustrating experience if you are teased mercilessly without being allowed release, but the truth is, the longer you wait for your orgasm, the more satisfying it will be when you finally get it.

Why is it that we find sex less satisfying if the lead-up leaves something to be desired? Well, there are a number of reasons for this.

Teasing makes us want it more.

It’s a matter of basic human psychology. If you think you can’t have something, you’ll want it more. (Call it reverse psychology, I suppose.) If your partner is big on foreplay – perhaps letting it overshadow the sexual act itself – it can make you beg and squirm for it. Doesn’t that sound fun?

Teasing allows us to focus on our partner more.

When you pay extra attention to the foreplay, you are allowing yourself to explore your partner’s body, perhaps in ways you haven’t explored it before. This lets us get closer and more acquainted with each other, and of course lets us find the little things that turn each other on. In other words, you’ll know your partner better if you try to see what makes her beg.

Teasing takes the focus off the orgasm itself.

While we might like to think of an orgasm as the end-result of sexual activity, the truth is that putting the pressure to “finish” can be damaging. In some situations, if we’re too focused on the idea of getting off, it can make it more difficult to actually do it. Sex is supposed to be a stress reliever – why add extra stress into it?

Teasing feels good.

Let’s be honest. The reason that teasing is so frustrating is because it feels so damn good. So why wouldn’t you want to do it as much as you can? It puts you in a position of control, whether implied or actual, and lets you decide when your partner is ready for more.

Sex without foreplay can hurt.

Depending on the sexual activity you’re participating in, it can be painful to move forward without taking adequate time to get things started. This is especially true with penetrative sex, but it’s also true for clitoral stimulation. If you don’t get it warmed up enough first, it’s not going to feel good.

Sex without foreplay is boring.

Let’s be honest – with the exception of the various positions you can try, the variety involved with sex is pretty limited. When you expand your sexual activities to include more teasing, you’re exponentially increasing the possibilities. After all, you can start teasing anywhere – and then pick up where you left off when it’s more convenient to do so. And that’s really sexy.

Sex without foreplay is too quick.

Hey, don’t get me wrong – sometimes a quickie is just the thing you’re looking for. But if every sexual encounter is over quickly, it gets more and more difficult for us to enjoy it. We start to feel neglected, as if our needs aren’t important to our partner. Too much of this and we may begin to feel that our partner simply doesn’t care, or that they’re rushing things on purpose.

Sex without foreplay is less intimate.

Of course there are ways to be intimate that don’t involve sex at all. But if you feel deeply about your partner, it’s nice to be able to incorporate that intimacy as much as you can – and foreplay is a great way to do it. You can use this time to show your partner how much attention you’ve paid to the things she enjoys, and choose whether you give them to her right away or if you drag it out and make her yearn for it.

Foreplay is an important part of the sexual experience.

Overall, sex isn’t really complete without teasing beforehand. The truth is, the teasing itself can be a wonderful sexual experience even if there is no final release. It brings us closer to each other, and it helps us to explore every part of our partner’s bodies – and it allows us to make the most of every subsequent sexual encounter. If you’re not teasing your partner already, what’s stopping you?


[interaction id=”561262c874a791dd4b459468″]

Why It’s Not Always Easy To Avoid Emotions After Casual Sex

Many of us like to think that we can control who we develop feelings for – even though that goes against one of the biggest arguments in support of homosexual rights. Why, then, do we want to pretend that we have a choice in the matter?

The truth is, you can’t really help who you’re attracted to – only which attractions you act on. And in the case of casual sex, you’ve already acted on those feelings before they fully came to light. Ever wonder why that is?

You’re drawn to those you spend time around.

If you’re having casual sex with the same person (which is considered safer than having multiple partners, in terms of diseases), chances are, you’re going to develop feelings for that person. We tend to be drawn to the people we spend the most time with, after all, and if you happen to be having sex with that person – the emotions are bound to happen.

Orgasms produce a bonding hormone.

If you’ve heard of the bonding hormone, oxytocin, you no doubt know that there are multiple times when it’s excreted by your body. Orgasm happens to be one of those times. This is because the body naturally wants to have feelings for the person we’re having sex with – it makes us feel good, so we want to feel it with the same person again. (Of course, this idea implies that it has to be good sex, but even if it’s just okay, the more sex you have with the same person, the more attached you’re going to be.)

Patterns begin to develop.

It’s bound to happen during sex – you start to learn more about the person. Whether it’s learning each other’s sexual intricacies, or speaking after sex (but before they leave), or you “accidentally” fall asleep cuddling, you’re bound to learn more about your sexual partner than you knew when you began. These patterns will eventually lead to feelings unless they’re stopped early enough.

Why does this matter?

If you don’t mind the idea of getting attached to someone you’ve been seeing casually, then it doesn’t matter. This is, of course, assuming you’ve put forth the time to make sure the person you’re sleeping with is in line with what you want for yourself (but that can be difficult!) and that you’re on the same page with your sexual partner. But it isn’t always easy to stay on the same page, and in fact it can be downright impossible without proper communication.

But we tend to treat our strictly-sexual partners as if they aren’t worthy of our communication. In an attempt to keep feelings at bay, we might limit our interactions to just the things we want to share with them, and leave out everything else. Even then, it might still be out of your control. There are so many factors involved with developing feelings that it’s unlikely you can prevent it from every side.

Rather, the most effective way to ensure you don’t get attached to the person you’re having sex with? Develop a sexual relationship with yourself! Get to know your own wants, your likes and dislikes, the things that turn you on. Buy yourself presents and toys and lingerie (if you like) and be your own date. Learn what makes you tick and how to make yourself climax – you’ll be glad you did!

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

7 Reasons Why Dirty Talking Makes Sex So Much Better

Most of us are looking for ways to spice up our routine at home. Sometimes, that’s easier said than done. But what if it really was as easy as saying it? Well, sometimes it is!

Not everyone feels comfortable with dirty talking, and that’s okay. But typically speaking, if you’re not comfortable expressing what you want in the bedroom, you really can’t complain if you don’t get it. All it takes to get more comfortable at the dirty talk is simply practicing. It will feel awkward the first few times, but eventually you’ll be a pro!

For those who may be wondering why you should bother learning to dirty talk, the answer is very simple – but the reason that motivates you the most may be different than the reasons that motivate your partner the most. Read on to find our top 7 answers, and feel free to add to our list in the comments!

1. It’s sexy.

Most women agree that dirty talk is sexy, when done correctly and by someone you care about. Of course, most women aren’t into unsolicited dirty talk from someone who isn’t their partner, but even that is negotiable sometimes. Just be sure you don’t push it with a woman who seems uninterested.

2. It helps us communicate our desires.

Under the cover of dirty talk, it might be easier to communicate the things that turn you on. You have the safety net of being able to say you were caught up in the moment – although that won’t make the things you say any less true.

3. It forces us to think about our desires.

When a partner talks dirty to you, you are forced to evaluate whether you find the activity she’s describing sexy or not. Most of the time, you’ll know for sure what the answer is, but in some cases it may uncover additional areas you can explore.

4. It’s the easiest form of roleplaying.

For women who may be experimenting with the idea of roleplaying, maybe the easiest way to do this is just to talk as if you were someone else – this new side of you will be a sexual goddess, who says what’s on her mind exactly when it’s on her mind. Give it a try to see if it works for you!

5. It’s a new level of intimacy.

For partners who have already explored the aspects of intimacy that pertain to our lives outside of the bedroom, we might be wondering how we can make it better. Dirty talking allows us to get even closer – replacing simple moans and other sexual noises with actual words.

6. It’s exciting.

It can be deeply exciting to tell your partner about all the dirty things you want, and to hear her say them to you. Even if you can’t actually address the desires at that exact moment, you can begin thinking about them – which, for many women, can be a fun new foreplay tactic.

7. It eliminates confusion (usually).

If you’re telling your partner exactly what you want her to do to you, or exactly what you want to do to her, you’re giving her a chance to say whether that’s something she is also interested in or not. In cases where one partner may have been a victim of sexual assault, dirty talk may help eliminate the chance of a triggering sexual episode by laying out exactly what you plan to do before you do it. Of course, you’ll still have to listen and pay attention to her.

[interaction id=”5613a3c574a791dd4b4e82b7″]

Why Rebound Sex Only Makes You More Messed Up

Often, we hear that the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. That makes a great mantra – but it may not be the best advice. Whether we choose to believe it or not, sex is a deeply psychological commitment made with someone, and the effects may last long after the escapade has ended. There are a few different reasons why this is, and to my readers, I reassure you that none of these comes from a place of judgment. (Hey, we’ve all been there before.)

1. You could become emotionally attached to this person.

It’s always a possibility that you will form an emotional bond with a person you have sex with. This certainly isn’t always a bad thing, but if the other person isn’t on the same page as you, it can be emotionally devastating. Especially if you’re still hung up on your ex – think of all the confusing emotions that could go on there!

2. She could become emotionally attached to you.

This is right on board with #1, but from the other side of the coin. It’s not really fair to lead someone on, and if you’re not honest with your hookup about the nature of the relationship, you could inadvertently break her heart. This would then put her in the position of deciding between rebounding or working on herself – it’s a never-ending cycle.

3. You could regret the decision.

Sometimes, in a moment of desperation, we are drawn to someone who we would not otherwise be even remotely attracted to. I’m not just talking about the physical aspect of a person, because generally physical appearance is not an indicator of a person’s worth. But if you typically hold yourself to high standards with the people you date, the next morning you could feel guilt and regret about the person you chose – they might not meet the standards you set for yourself.

4. Sex is better when you know a person well.

This is because of the bonding hormone, oxytocin. Our bodies release this chemical during a few important times in our lives: When we cuddle with someone, when we have an orgasm, when we breastfeed (if you choose to do so), during childbirth… The list is nearly limitless, but in many cases, this bonding hormone is responsible for creating a bond. That bond, in turn, makes your body create more oxytocin in response to that person. Some women may be great in bed anyway – but think of how much better it would be if you waited until you were already bonded with her.

5. There is a chance of STDs with any new partner.

Of course, you could elect to get a full test before and after every partner (which you should do anyway). But most people won’t do this with every random hookup – many don’t even do it with the partners they’ve been with for awhile. There’s also a myth that lesbian sex is automatically “safer sex”, but this is not based in scientific fact at all.

In fact, a recent study found that oral sex could lead to cancer. Yikes!

6. You haven’t given yourself time to heal.

The idea of “rebound sex” is to replace the healing process with an “easier” method. But have you ever noticed that “easier” or “quicker” usually isn’t as effective as the long version of the process? It’s definitely not true in all circumstances, but when it comes to healing your heart, forcing yourself to get over the break-up usually doesn’t work as intended.

7. It’s not fair to the rebound.

This isn’t true in every situation, as some women don’t mind being “used” for a one-night-stand. But generally speaking, it’s not fair to a woman to use her for sex – even if she knows about the situation upfront. She might be uncomfortable with the idea, but feel like she hasn’t known you long enough to correct the situation. This really isn’t fair to either of you, and it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be having sex yet.

8. It’s usually not for the right reasons.

There are “good” reasons for sex, and “bad” reasons for sex, and for the most part, women make those decisions for themselves. However, if the reason has nothing to do with the woman you’re going to have sex with, it’s safe to say it’s wrong. You should choose your partners for sex, rather than choosing your timing for sex. It will happen when the time is right, if you have been fair to yourself and allowed yourself to grow and heal.

9. Treating sex like a race is never good for anyone.

Usually we don’t like to think of sex as a race. But if you’re in a hurry to have sex with someone else to push you past the idea of your ex, are you really helping anyone out? This is a different form of racing – and it can have negative consequences, not only for you, but also for the person you’re having sex with.

10. If you return to your partner, you’ll need to be honest.

I’m sure you’ve been there – a big fight with your partner, and she says it’s over for good. Then awhile later, you guys will decide that you didn’t actually need to break up, and you’ll give it another shot. Well, if you’ve had sex with someone during that “break” period, you owe your partner the courtesy of telling her – as you have put yourself at risk for an STD during the time apart, and it’s her right to know if you have done so. This can be a very uncomfortable conversation, so wouldn’t it be easier to avoid it until you’re completely over your ex?

11. You will quite possibly be disappointed.

There is a learning curve associated with having sex with someone. Generally speaking, women have different sexual needs, and therefore there is no single approach that works on every single woman. If your last partner took the time to get to know your body and understand exactly what you like, you could be incredibly disappointed if your new partner doesn’t do this – after all, there are no guarantees with a new partner, and if this is only meant to be a one-night-stand, she won’t have the time to learn your ins and outs and discover what works best for you.

12. The new lady could be crazy!

I’m a firm believer that all women are crazy; some just hide it better than others, or are crazy about different things. Obviously, it’s an exaggeration (what is “crazy” anyway?) but the truth is, you never know what’s going to happen when you seek out someone new – it’s probably best if you have at least an idea before you allow her inside your vagina. (I had a rebound once, when I was in high school, that ended up stalking me for the next five years… It’s actually pretty scary!)

Overall, it’s most important to fully understand your feelings, and you can’t do that without giving yourself time. Get to know yourself and love yourself first. Not only will you be a better lover, but you’ll also attract a better lover in return.

We can’t demand the world if we’re not willing to offer anything in return – and we can’t offer anything that’s not ours to give.

Why You Should F*ck Her Mind Before You F*ck Her Body

Most of us are looking for ways to make our sex lives even better. Even if your sex life is great, it can be hard to not wonder if there’s room for improvement. Of course, we believe that there’s always room to improve, in every aspect of life – and sometimes it can be as simple as talking it out.

There are multiple things that this could possibly mean. First, “fucking her mind” could refer to challenging her intellectually (some women consider themselves “sapiosexuals”, attracted to intelligence, although that’s not a real word as far as the dictionary is concerned). We could talk about the benefits of emotional intimacy – things that maybe you don’t tell everyone, but you tell each other. We can even talk about the pleasures of sexting (which we’ve already established is a great form of foreplay) and dirty talk.

Instead of singling any one of these out, we’re going to spend a few minutes discussing the benefits of each – and the order you should do them for best results.

Step One: Challenge her.

Of course I’m not talking about challenging her to a duel or anything like that. Rather, when you challenge someone on an intellectual level, many women find this attractive. As long as it’s done in the form of an educated debate, and not just shouting things like “You’re wrong!”, the ability to make someone question their own stance on things is a great ice breaker.

Note: Not all women will enjoy the challenge. Some women are really looking for someone easy-going, who will basically let them run the show. If you’re into that, or you’re attracted to a woman who doesn’t enjoy the chase and the competition, these tips aren’t really going to help you. Use your own discretion.

Sometimes it’s possible to agree completely and still challenge each other. But to bring to her attention any doubts she might have about her opinions – such as why do I feel ____ about ____? – you must rely on your own intellect and essentially put it on display.

If you’re planning to use your intelligence as a method of picking up women, it’s absolutely necessary that you do so with tact and logic. As eluded to before, “debating” where you simply tell the other person that they’re wrong isn’t going to win you any friends, and certainly not any lovers. You want to make her question herself without being… Well, an asshole. If you don’t think you can do that, don’t try.

Not all women will respond well to debate, and in fact some women (who already doubt their opinions and their intellect) may be put off by it. In general, the women who appreciate this form of flirting are likely to pride themselves on their brains. There should be enough of a connection between the two of you already that you know she won’t be offended.

Most importantly, you should never be insulting about your debate, whether done with romantic intentions or simply the spirit of debate. There’s a big difference between a debate and an argument, and those who don’t know the difference are probably just argumentative.

Step Two: Connect with her.

When we think of intimacy, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the physical aspect. However, it’s a pretty common belief that an emotional connection is important in a healthy sexual relationship. In fact, some women have to have that emotional connection before even thinking about having sex with someone.

When you open up to your lady, you are allowing her access to a part of yourself that not many other people see. Of course, there are some women who are pretty much an open book (myself included), but even with honest women, they’re not likely to lie everything on the table to just anyone. There are parts of ourselves that we reserve for the people we trust.

When you begin a romantic involvement with someone, there’s bound to be a little lust in play. (Obviously, this is a generalization.) By forcing yourself to focus on the emotional and romantic parts of your relationship before you take things to the next level, not only are you getting a better understanding of each other, but you’re also delaying the gratification.

A lot of people would prefer instant gratification – and I totally get that. We’re pre-programmed to want a quick turnaround on things, and sex usually makes that list too. But the way the human brain is wired, the longer we have to wait for something, the more satisfying it is when you finally get it. This means if you wait longer to have sex, it’s more likely to be mind-blowing.

Step Three: Talk dirty to her.

Some women have more of a way with words than others do. For me personally, it’s easier to express myself in writing than it is verbally, and luckily in the age of technology, it’s not hard to do. Sexting can be incredibly helpful here for a number of reasons.

First, we have the opportunity to change our words before sending them, and can get exactly what we want to say out without worrying about shyness or awkwardness. (Well… I’ve actually had some awkward sexts, but there was definitely a chance to fix it before it was sent. The woman simply chose not to.)

Second, most of the time sexting will involve being in a situation where you can’t actually address the issue right away. For example, one of you is at work, or you’re at your respective houses, far away from each other. This plays into the “delayed gratification” we touched on above. Often, just knowing that your partner wants you can make you want her in return – and because you can’t have it right then, this only increases the sexual tension.

As humans, we tend to think of sexual tension as a negative thing, but it really doesn’t have to be. When used appropriately, sexual tension can be incredibly sexy. (Just as long as you’re not all tease – that can get frustrating after a while!)

If you’re not used to talking dirty, it can be really awkward at first. Before my current partner, I never talked dirty out loud – only in writing. For some reason when I got with her, though, my inner porn star came out in all the best ways. Chances are, if you’re considering implementing dirty talk to your own sex life, you’re probably feeling the same way. Play with that idea!

Step Four: Repeat – Often!

Ladies, we know that there’s no real end to connecting with your partner. The best relationships involve constant growth, constant exploration, and constant communication. It sounds like a lot of work, but with the right partner, it can be virtually effortless.

That’s not to say that you’ll get it right, right away. Most likely it’ll be a lengthy process to get completely comfortable with these ideas, particularly if you’re shy or soft spoken. But the good news is, the more you practice, the easier it’ll get – and the sexier your relationship will become.

Riding The Crimson Wave: The Pros and Cons Of Having Sex On Your Period

Many ladies get a bit squeamish when it comes to the subject of period sex. It’s pretty understandable, actually, as many women have learned to think that their menstrual cycle is “gross” or “dirty”. It’s not the cleanest time, and we may even think we smell. However, period sex is one of those weird things that you can’t help but think about. After all, many women are highly aroused and sensitive to stimulation when on their period. It’s scientific.

Is it worth putting up with the “gross” bits in order to give in to your desires? Well, that’s a matter of personal preference. There are arguments for and against it, and no two people weigh the factors exactly the same. We have taken a look into the pros and cons in order to help you make a more informed decision one way or the other.

Pro: It feels really good.

When you’re on your period, your body is naturally more receptive to certain stimuli. Sometimes this is an emotional stimulus, such as something that would normally make you a bit frustrated suddenly makes you quite angry. Some women may not be aware that this sensitivity extends to your physical senses, too.

Particularly if you haven’t been touched in a while, the nerve endings in your skin will be on fire at the slightest touch. Sometimes this can make you extra ticklish – but sometimes it means that you’ll be more turned on. We all know that the more turned on you are, the better it feels!

Con: It can be messy.

Ladies, the best sex is usually messy. This may not ring true for everyone, but if your partner is sufficiently aroused, she’s most likely to leave a “wet spot” on the bed. However, there’s a huge difference between normal sexual fluids and period blood, and often the difference can mean stained sheets if you’re not careful.

If you wish to participate in period sex, but don’t want to worry about the mess, there are some options. I find that putting in a fresh tampon and washing the area before sexual activity is generally the cleanest solution. If you are still concerned, there’s probably some old towel lying around somewhere that can help save your bedding just in case there’s any bleeding over.

For those who may be unable (or unwilling) to use a tampon, you can elect to have sex in the shower instead. It’s typically a good idea to not come into contact with someone else’s blood, so ensure that you are taking the adequate precautions. The point here is that it doesn’t have to be messy if you don’t want it to be.

Pro: It helps relieve cramps.

If you’re cramping pretty bad, it can be tough to remember that physical activity helps. Most of us, when on our periods, have very little desire to go for a jog – but there is some other “cardio” you can do that doesn’t even require getting out of bed. If your partner is willing to satisfy your sexual needs and get your heart pumping, it actually has an anesthetic effect on your uterus (your whole body, actually!).

Even if it didn’t actually stop your period pains, it can be a great distraction from them. After all, if you’re in the middle of an orgasm, are you really going to think about your headache?

Con: Some women are afraid it will smell.

When we’re on our periods, we can often smell ourselves – and this makes us uncomfortable. However, remember when I said period sex feels really good? Your sense of smell is overcharged at this point of your menstrual cycle, too – as long as you keep it clean, the only reason you can smell it is because your nose is going haywire.

If you’re worried about the smell of your vagina when you’re on your period, make sure you take a shower. Even just a quick rinse before you begin can do wonders. Most of the time, you smell worse to yourself than you do to someone else.

Pro: It feeds our desire to be pampered.

Of course, not everyone has the desire to be pampered when they’re on their period, but many women do – and period sex is great for that. The “extra work” required can be used as a foreplay tactic, and the receiver can soak up all this attention without guilt. After all, your partner is getting the pleasure of not having limits on when she can have you – that’s its own gift sometimes!

If you plan to use this as a tactic to help you talk your partner into letting you have sex with her when she’s on her period, you can start by giving her a sensual massage. I don’t know too many women who object to getting a massage – especially when they’re on their period! Her body’s nerve endings will be extra stimulated by this, and it’s easy to pave the way to passionate exploration. You might not even have to go “all the way” for her to climax – but your experience may vary.

Con: We might not feel sexy.

I know a lot of women who thrive on their perception of themselves as sexual creatures, and when we’re bloated and miserable, we’re not exactly the most self-confident. However, this is something your partner can directly help with. By showing you that she is attracted to you even when you don’t find yourself attractive, she is confirming that you really are. Her opinion might not be as important to you as your own, but it’s surely a start!

Over time, when a partner shows us that they find us attractive no matter what, our bond is strengthened. Whether we choose to admit it or not, humans are creatures of ego in at least some part. We form our opinions of ourselves indirectly as a result of the opinions of others (whether in agreement or disagreement). This means that even those women with the lowest self-esteem can eventually learn to love their bodies in every way when given enough encouragement.

Pro: It relieves sexual frustration and stress.

Truly, this is something that’s true of any good sex, but it’s particularly important when you’re on your period. The way our hormones may spike can lead to a great deal of stress, which is more difficult to relieve because of those same hormones. It seems like a catch-22, but it doesn’t have to be. You just need to focus on something that brings you joy, and separate yourself from the things that cause you frustrations.

Some women even get stressed about the fact that they “can’t” have sex while they’re on their period, which in some ways is ridiculous. There are no set-in-stone rules that say you can’t, only constructs of your mind that bring up the negativity.

Con: It’s wrong.

Okay, so I said there were no set-in-stone rules, but I think technically it’s in the Bible that you shouldn’t “lie” with a woman on her period. Obviously if you feel that it’s against your religious beliefs, you shouldn’t participate – but otherwise, the fact that it’s “against the rules” can actually be a benefit.

For those who don’t have firm beliefs that period sex is wrong, and instead only have their society or culture telling them that it’s wrong – this can be used to your advantage. Many women are aroused by the idea of doing what’s “taboo”, and period sex can be a way to indulge this. After all, outside of you and your partner, who’s going to know that you did it? It can be a secret if you want it to be – and sometimes secrets are extra sexy.

SeX.ED 101 | Periods Through History (Video)

The hardest stereotypes to break are the ones that are so old as to go all the way back to hunter-gatherer days. After all, how can you argue with biology? Women carry the babies, men have the upper body strength to tackle gazelles – right?

But if society has taught us one thing, it’s that it becomes way too easy to attach amendments to that bill, claiming that all sexual and gender stereotypes date back to the early days of human evolution.