Kind of true-ish, well for some of them are. As queer women, we tend to use stereotypes to figure out how to fit in with our little queer nation. And some of us actually become the stereotypes them selves.
Some stereotypes we initially us to learn how to fit in, but then we move past that and evolve into being our authentic and individual lesbian selves.
So, how do you know if you’re a lesbian or bisexual? Its actually a big question to ask yourself. However, you’re not alone in asking this – a lot of women find themselves questioning their sexual orientation at different stages of their lives.
The truth is that no one, but yourself can find the answer to this question. It’s YOUR identity, and no partner, parent, friend, mentor, or stranger can figure it out for you. Sexuality is often very fluid. Its is a moveable feast and many people move across a continuum during their sexual lifetimes, with heterosexual on one pole and homosexual on the other. In addition, orientations change over time — sometimes temporarily and others permanently. So, don’t worry too much about being right and finding the right answer.
Even people who identify as strictly homosexual can find themselves in a situation in which they are aroused by heterosexual images or by a heterosexual experience. Or fantasise about genders and sexual experiences that they would not actually physically enjoy in reality.
Then there are the people who identify as homo-flexible or hetero-flexible. Homo-flexible are people who are sexually attracted to people of their own sex, but there are certain situations in which they might be attracted to those of another sex/gender. Hetero-flexible people are primarily attracted to people of the opposite sex, but on occasion they may have a sexual interest or encounter with someone of the same sex. These are often classed as bi-curious women, who occasionally become sexually involved with other women, but who would not have a full romantic relationship with another woman.
There are those who identify as bisexual who lean toward one pole or the other, and tend to confine their serious relationships to either homosexual or heterosexual, but have shorter term liaisons or relationships with people falling toward the other pole.
In the middle are those of us who are closer to 50/50 in our orientations. We come close to equally preferring partners of our own sex and partners of another gender. Many of us find that it is the energy and connection that determines the large part of our attractions.
There are those whose gender orientation is fluid as well and this interacts with sexual orientation. Fluid gender orientation means that the person does not identify as strictly one gender all of the time. He may identify as male some of the time, female some of the time, feel like a mix of the two some of the time or identify as being without a gender.
At the end of the day, you don’t need to label yourself unless it’s what YOU want and it helps YOU. There’s a wealth of info about coming out as LGBT on the internet. We especially recommend the Queer Youth Network website, RH Reality Check or the Both Directions booklet from BCN.
People often ask ‘so when did you discover you were a lesbian?’ Which is highly annoying, but does give me food for though – was I always a lesbian, or did I discover my sexuality?
I kind of knew I was gay, but when I was younger I didn’t really know what that meant. In school I chased boys, and I even had a boyfriend for most of my time at high school, but on the back burner I was having these weird crushes on girls.
However, at the time, the thought of being with a woman felt more like a ‘secret’ fantasy than reality. Back then, I didn’t think I’d ever act on these ‘secret’ feelings and sadly, the idea of actually telling people I was lesbian, bi, queer… terrified me. I felt certain it would fill my life with stress, judgment and trouble. I was scared.
It wasn’t until I met my first girlfriend, and my pulse sped up to the point where I felt dizzy that I knew. So, I finally embraced, and found, myself.
The process of discovering sexuality differs for everyone. It might take a while for you to figure it out, and there’s no need to rush.
Like me some people say they ‘felt different’ from the time when they were young, but it took a while to think of themselves as queer, lesbian, or bisexual. As they grew older, they realise that those words fit in with their feelings.
Some other people don’t discover their attractions until later in adulthood.
If you’re feeling confused, you’re not alone. Sexual orientation, like many things in life, develop over time and over time your questions will become clearer.
I like to call everyone when I’m drunk. No one is safe. Ex girlfriends, friends, colleagues, immediate family, potential lovers…
The moment one too many drinks get into my system, I obtain this super power I’ve always dreamed of.
If I’m dealing with a broken heart, I suddenly unearth the strength to call my ex. If I’m been crushing on someone, booze lights the fire under in my belly and I’m in the casanova zone.
Everyone knows the feeling of power that flows through your veins when you’re holding your phone and you’ve had one too many drinks. Even if you’re in tears, complaining about your ex, the power is still there.
But what we also know, is too much alcohol causes us to lose all forms of rational thinking and behaviour. When sober, you have a better chance of utilising your brain to help control your impulses – not the case when drunk
Its a thing – The Gay Agenda Committee. So what is the Gay Agenda? Well the term was actually introduced by our dearest friends, the conservative Christians over in the United States, as a disparaging way to describe the advocacy and acceptance of homosexual lifestyles.
But little did they know it is actually a real thing. Watch and learn people.
Another brilliant film by The Gay Women’s Channel.
Its a good question – how do you know if you’re lesbian? Well, truth is only you can truly determine if you are queer, and you need to do this on your own terms. There’s no test for it, so the most reliable method is to look at your history, your feelings, and make an educated guess.
Inappropriate crushes are usually those forbidden fruits we all fantasy about – be it a highschool teacher, your best friends sister, your best friend’s mum (eek)… crushes are crushes. Sometimes they make sense and other times there is no sense in them whatsoever.
But the truth is we all have inappropriate crushes. Well maybe not as many as the ladies of The GW Channel, but we have at sometime or another found ourselves crush over people we shouldn’t.
For some people, it can be really intimidating to figure out all of the ways to ask another woman out. There are all these same-sex flirting rules and same-sex relationship rules to get your head around.
So we turn to the ladies of The Gay Women Channel for help. Watch the latest Pillow Talk and be inspired to ask a girl out.
Kitsch Mix, is a rapidly growing social platform developed to promote the diverse creative ventures of women in the LGBT community. It aims to chronicle and celebrate the stories, people and voices that are emerging and inspiring all of us, ranging in topics from pop culture and style to politics and news, all through the lens of today’s LGBTQ community.
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