The subjects of masturbation and casual sex are deeply personal, and many women don’t like to talk about them, let alone advocate one or the other. If we share our interests in casual sex, we’re often presumed to be promiscuous – which has unfair negative connotations. After all, sex is great – why should we be chastised for liking it?
There has been a recent movement to remove the stigmas surrounding casual sex. Certainly, some women (and men) enjoy having sex without commitments, and generally speaking there’s nothing wrong with this, as long as you can keep the emotions at bay.
But the fact remains that the easiest way to have sex without emotional attachments is to be your own lover!
Reason #1: Masturbation helps you discover your own orgasm.
There’s a school of thought that states that the ability to orgasm is “learned”. This sounds a bit silly, as many women are surprised by their first orgasm – especially if they have had a number of partners previously and not yet reached it before.
When you take matters into your own hands, you are enabling yourself to reach orgasm on your own terms. There’s no worry about your partner getting tired and not being able to finish the job for you, as your own pleasure is often the motivator required to continue when efforts seem fruitless. To a partner, a lack of orgasm in a timely fashion could signify that they’re not doing a good job – but when you are your own partner, you’ll know when you’re getting close.
Reason #2: Masturbation helps you be a better lover.
As ladies who love other ladies, it’s almost a duty that we learn how to be good lovers. The truth is, very few people are “born” with the ability to be a mind-blowing lover, but we are all able to learn. This learning process can be achieved through practice with partners or even practice with yourself.
The benefit of being your own practice partner is fairly obvious. There is no pressure, as you won’t be disappointing anyone (except maybe yourself) if you don’t achieve orgasm. You’ve got pretty much unlimited time, based on whatever you have to work with – as opposed to having to coordinate around two different schedules. You’ll have direct, honest input as to whether your efforts are effective – whereas, with a partner, you’re relying on her to let you know.
Reason #3: Masturbation can help prevent infections.
The truth is, any sexual activities can help to prevent cervical infections when done safely. The difference with masturbation is that you are working on your own terms (and of course I use the word “working” very loosely here) and taking a proactive stance on your own sexual health.
When you masturbate, the moisture that your body produces can help to flush out any toxins in the area. The nerve endings that are responsible for the pleasure also help to relieve pain (or at a minimum, distract you from it). And the orgasm itself helps to open the cervix, which pulls mucous from within and allows the cervical fluid (the technical term for “female juices”) to become more acidic. (Don’t worry, this only sounds like a bad thing. The acidity of your cervical fluid directly corresponds to the amount of good bacteria in there.)
Reason #4: Masturbation helps prevent heart disease.
Technically, this pertains to any orgasm, but its correlation with masturbation is what we are examining. When you orgasm, your cardiovascular system gets a workout – and when you orgasm through masturbation, you can feel it coming before it happens, so you know when to amp up your efforts.
The more orgasms you have, the lower your risk for coronary heart disease and type 2 diabetes. And for many women, multiple orgasms are more likely with masturbation than they are with a partner. (Of course, if you have a partner who prides herself on delivering multiple times, that’s wonderful – but with a casual partner, there’s never any guarantee.)
Reason #5: No one knows you like you do.
Even the most attentive partners are liable to miss something every now and then. It’s human nature. But when you are your own lover, you won’t ever have to pretend. There’s no confusion between sounds of pain and sounds of pleasure (which often are similar). You can go as fast or as slow as you want – you don’t have to worry about what someone else wants!
By yourself, you’re less likely to be self-conscious, too. We are programmed to be more confident when we’re alone than when we’re “under supervision”. We’d all like to think that “supervision” only counts if you’re on camera or in public, but unless you’re 100% comfortable with your partner (which is unlikely in a casual sex situation, but definitely not impossible), your body will amplify your self-doubt more than when you’re alone.
Reason #6: Masturbation helps beat insomnia.
Again, this one pertains to any orgasm… But often in casual sex relationships, we might not want to actually sleep with the person who gets us off. (This is, of course, a generalization.) But the process of reaching climax tends to make us sleepy – and if you don’t want your partner to spend the night, you might not want to get too sleepy until she’s gone.
When we masturbate before bed, we allow ourselves to become sleepy (and we help clear the stresses from our minds that keep us awake). If we are only having sex with a partner, we might latch on to the confusion over the situation with that partner (if any exists), or we might worry about whether our partner reached orgasm, too. If you’re your own lover, you know when you reach orgasm, and there’s no confusion about the relationship.
Reason #7: Masturbation strengthens our relationship with ourselves.
Many women have negative feelings about themselves. In fact, it’s almost unavoidable. We’re our own worst critics, and some definitely have it worse than others. But when you masturbate, you are actively making time for your own pleasure, and taking your own needs into consideration. You don’t have to worry about whether your partner will respect your needs, because you’re not going to do anything to yourself that doesn’t feel good to you.
Additionally, masturbation helps us to explore our inner fantasies – something that’s never guaranteed with a partner, particularly a new partner. When we masturbate, we are relying primarily on our imagination. The things we discover when our mind (and hands!) wander can help launch a discussion with current (and future) partners in regards to the things we’re curious about.
Reason #8: Masturbation improves mood and reduces stress.
I know, I know – yet another “reason” that pertains to any orgasm. It’s common knowledge that reaching climax can have a tremendous effect on your mood and your stress levels, and in some ways that doesn’t really matter whether you have a partner or not.
But think of it this way: If you’re having casual sex, whether with a man or a woman, there’s a chance of infection. Add a point to the “stress” column. There’s a chance for emotional attachment from your partner – which, if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, can lead to guilt. Add a point for “stress”. There’s a chance for emotional attachment on your end – which, if not reciprocated, can lead to embarrassment and heartache. You guessed it, more stress and less happiness.
It seems obvious, then, that sexual activities with zero chances of contracting an STD or “catching feelings” would be even less stress than sexual activities with even a slight chance. When you prioritize yourself as a lover, you’re eliminating any chances of negative outcome (except, of course, the need to wash your sheets, toys, hands…)
Reason #9: Masturbation carries zero risks.
I touched on this a little in Reason #8, but it warrants its own section, too. Even the safest of sexual practices and the most constricting of “personal rules” has a chance to go south. Accidents happen – it’s a part of life.
But what happens if you become emotionally attached to yourself? Well, that’s a pure positive! Having a deep connection with yourself promotes your own satisfaction as a priority, and it helps to eliminate doubt and self-esteem issues. If we are comfortable with ourselves, we are inclined to be more comfortable with our partners – even if we haven’t found them yet.
And, of course, it goes without saying that you can’t give yourself an STD. It’s commonly thought that lesbian sex doesn’t carry risk factors for most sexually transmitted diseases, but this is a complete myth. Safer sex with a same-sex partner is just as important as it is with an opposite-sex partner. Unless you are using safer sex techniques with every single partner, and they are too, the risks are still high. Even if you practice safer sex, there’s no method that is 100% guaranteed except masturbation/abstinence.
Reason #10: Masturbation feels good!
When you masturbate, it feels good – pretty much guaranteed. This is because our brains have an automatic “self-preservation” function. We don’t have to think about it, it just happens. This isn’t necessarily the case when you have sex with a partner – they may not be worried about your pleasure. They might be worried about their own satisfaction and prioritize that above yours. This doesn’t automatically mean that they’re a bad person, only that they’re relying on the basic human instinct of “looking out for #1”.
If you’re having sex alone, you are #1. You can tailor your efforts to be the most effective for you. Your body won’t let you do anything that doesn’t work for you, which even extends to not finishing if you’re not feeling it. Of course, the best partners will be attentive to these needs too – but as I mentioned in the section about multiple orgasms, there’s no guarantee.
Reason #11: Masturbation is natural.
I know there are some women who may argue that all sex is natural, and they would be mostly right. It’s definitely not perversion that drives us to sex with a partner, it’s just a matter of how we’re programmed. But think about it this way: Most likely, your first sexual experience was one of self-service. Most people begin masturbating around the onset of puberty, because we are drawn to do it. Not everyone will, and there’s nothing wrong with starting later in life. But if it worked for you when you were younger, why wouldn’t it work for you now?
Your own preferences and needs are bound to change as you grow older, but the pull of masturbation stays pretty constant. Personally, I feel very little “pull” to masturbate when I’m in a committed relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it never happens. Anyone who pretends that they never masturbate is, most likely, lying.
Society teaches us that masturbation is frowned upon. Sometimes, it’s even in our religious teachings or our sexual education. But any claims that there is any psychological consequence from masturbation are largely unfounded.
Of course, some may argue that an “addiction” to masturbation can occur, and this of course is viewed as a bad thing. If your desire to masturbate gets in the way of your daily life (such as needing to masturbate while at work, or putting off your duties in order to do so), you may be relying on it too much. But as long as it doesn’t interfere with your priorities, there is no harm. Everything in moderation.
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