Tag Archives: Science Says

What Your Zodiac Sign Says About Your Sex Life

Astrology is a fun thing to think about for many people, and for every person who thinks it’s utter garbage there’s bound to be someone who uses their astrological signs to make many important life choices. Personally, I think it has as much power over you as you allow it – just like any other “alternative” sciences.

So, what does this mean for you? Your choice to believe in astrology or not is purely a personal decision. If you find correlations that help you, that’s great! Everyone needs something to believe in, and if astrology is your thing, the following “sex horoscopes” may help guide you on your path to sexual fulfillment for this month.

Aries (March 20 – April 20)

Aries, if you’re single, you should expect a great deal of new encounters this month – some may even call them adventures on their own! On the 9th, Mercury goes direct, which promises that your love and sex will be truly exciting. Later in the month, Mars joins with Venus to entice the prospect of new dates and sexy fun. If it seems like your romantic interest isn’t feeling the same way about you, rest assured that they’re probably just shy. Make the first move and you will be rewarded.

For the Rams in a serious relationship, the full moon brings a blossoming of your love, so you should plan for new romantic encounters with your love. This will lead to the passionate sex you’ve been dying for, and makes for a perfect excuse to look for that sexy Halloween costume you’ve had your eye on. Not big into Halloween? That’s fine, just take advantage of the current influx of costumes to pick out an outfit that’s only for your partner to see.

Taurus (April 20 – May 21)

In the second half of the month, the shroud that’s been covering your sensuality should be lifted, and you have plenty of time to approach that new boo you’ve been eyeing. Make that date – you’ve got a great deal of luck coming to you this month. Make sure you don’t use this as an excuse to over-spend on your dates, though; this isn’t the way to win their affections.
Committed Bulls, the cooler weather will no doubt bring back the spark that you’ve been repressing lately. It’s a great time to get frisky with your lover – maybe even get the Halloween treats and costumes into the mix for some special holiday fun.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Gemini, this month brings you personal satisfaction and a great deal of pleasure. Your intelligence and charm will help you win over that woman you’ve been pursuing. Your judgment will be clear and your sex drive will roar because of it. You’ll be able to accurately discern who is interested in you sexually, and use this to your full advantage this month. However, towards the end of the month, this will begin to taper off, and you’ll be more inclined to connect with your family than to seek out a new flame – don’t resist this urge!

If you’re in a committed relationship, your dual spirit will lead you to a deeper personal connection with your partner. Take some time to get to know her better – even if you’ve been together years, there’s no doubt a lot more to learn about her. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this is a good time to seek out new friends, as the wavering in your sex drive will ensure that your attention can be focused on being a good friend and partner, rather than focusing on your sexual needs.

Cancer (June 21 – July 23)

For most of the month, you should be focusing on taking care of your body. This can be particularly difficult with the abundance of candy that’s present everywhere right now, but you must be diligent. Take some time to work on your emotional bonds, and it will translate to a better sexual experience around the 22nd. Don’t plan for any dates on the 27th, as the full moon may interfere with your plans and lead to heartbreak.

Love and sex are both a bit of an investment this month for all Crabs. Exercising with your love interest or partner could prove beneficial, as it will help to regulate your emotions and clear your mind. You will be rewarded for your focus and dedication with the glorious conjunction of Venus, Mars, and Jupiter towards the end of the month.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Your animal magnetism will shine bright this month, Leo, and you will be showered with affection. Consider making those changes you’ve been thinking about in regards to your wardrobe and your hair style – these will dazzle your new date. You could try a Halloween shopping date and choose a fun costume for yourself and your new partner – then tempt them to bring it to the bedroom for some extra sexy fun.

For the Lions in a committed relationship, you should put your effort into your relationship right now. Take some time off work, if at all possible, and spend that time with your partner. Get a fun new costume or outfit and parade yourself to your partner – she’s sure to love it. With Halloween so close, the full moon on the 27th promises to be a fun time for a private rendezvous in costume – what do you have to lose?

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Virgo (August 23 – September 23)

During the beginning of the month, you probably encountered some stress and hectic emotions. Rest assured that this is over for now and you can begin to relax. The alignment of Mars and Venus assure that your sexual appetite will boom – you should seek out a new partner and plan a great date. It’ll definitely net you the results you’re looking for.

If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s a good time to rent a sexy movie or read an erotic novel with your love. This activity will bring you closer as a couple and allow you to bring back the spice.

Consider planning an unforgettable evening, including a candlelight dinner, around the 27th – your partner will thank you accordingly!

Libra (September 23 – October 23)

Libra, this month has some few surprises up its sleeve for you, especially as it pertains to sex and love. You should expect some good news sometime soon – but don’t forget to set aside some attention to the important matters like your bills. The alignment of the planets right now will lead you to focus on your lustful thoughts, but you must not neglect the other aspects of your life.

For my committed Libra friends, this means that you should plan on a more romantic tone with your lover, and allow things to progress naturally. Don’t try to push the sex as you can get wrapped up in the moment and cause an argument. In fact, that argument may be inevitable – and it has the potential to translate to a bigger problem down the line. Don’t neglect your partner’s needs, or your financial responsibilities during this time or you can seriously regret it in the near future.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

Scorpio, this month is going to be thrilling for you. There will be plenty of opportunities for new sexual escapades, so you shouldn’t ignore these chances. You will have a great deal of charisma working for you this month, and the sexual power will flow through you better than ever.

Committed Scorpio lovers, your partner will surprise you with an increase in passion. Don’t let your jealousy ruin this extra love right now. Your partner deserves the same love they are giving to you. Especially toward the end of the month, your temper may be short, and you will have to control yourself to ensure you don’t make any silly mistakes.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 22)

This month is a great time to sweep your lover off her feet with a romantic getaway. It doesn’t matter if you’re whisking her off to a tropical beach or simply visiting the local farm for some apple picking and pumpkin carving. Go shopping for some new clothes and buy those tickets!

For single Sagittarius ladies, this month invites you to take a new date to somewhere you’ve never been. You should try to travel as much as possible, and try new things. Splurge on something you’ve been eyeing for awhile, and take that new date to the restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Consider taking her on a road trip – the alignment of the planets this month almost guarantees that your rendezvous will result in a satisfying sexual experience before the end of the month.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Single Capricorns should avoid dating any new partners at the beginning of the month, as Saturn has an uneasy alliance with Uranus for a good portion of the month. This can cause some problems in a new relationship, and it’s likely to factor into your love and sex life for the month. It should clear up around the 22nd.

If you’re already in an established relationship, however, you can use this time to deepen your bond with your partner. Watch an old movie or read a book together, and ensure that you are there for each other during this time. Make sure you are guarding against depression as emotions are likely to fluctuate throughout the month.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The month of October is a great time for Aquarius to meet new people, as there will be plenty of parties (which you love!) and dating will be an adventure. The last week would be a great time to invite that special new person in your life to a fun party – whether it’s planned by a friend or by you yourself.
For my lovers, use this time to get into the Halloween spirit with your loved one. Pick out fun and sexy costumes for each other, unpack the decorations, and get to planning the perfect witchy bash for the spookiest night of the year. This social energy will translate to a charge in your sexual chemistry, and your sex life is bound to see a spike this month.

Pisces (February 18 – March 20)

Love and sex are on the up-and-up for you this month. Your anxieties will begin to fade away, which will allow you to connect with someone special towards the end of the month. If your anxiety hasn’t melted away completely yet, don’t worry – push yourself past it and the right person will come find you.
Fish in a committed relationship should take care that they are not overspending this month, as there are plenty of romantic activities you can do with your partner for much cheaper that will still allow you to harness the sexual energy building this month. Go for a walk and hold hands, roll around in some fallen leaves together, or share a bucket of popcorn at the movies – and then enjoy the sexual spark when you return home.

Why Dating A Stem Is Pretty Much The Best

When it comes to lesbians, there are typically two main categories that we’re broken into: That would be, studs and femmes. However, many lesbians choose to stay somewhere in the middle area – I like to call that stem territory. (Stem = stud + femme, for those who weren’t aware.)


Other people refer to this as “verses”, “no labels”, or any variety of words, really, because the labels you assign yourself happen to be a matter of personal preference.

Don’t get me wrong – I love all women. On a fundamental level, none of us is any better than any others, and this article isn’t meant to convey superiority. But in the interest of equality, shouldn’t we all be striving for actual equality? Stems and no-labels happen to fit the bill perfectly in this regard.

Here are my top 10 reasons why dating a stem is something everyone should experience in their lives!

1. They don’t care about your stereotypes.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with stereotypes, in theory. They’re there because they serve a purpose, whether it’s for the person submitting themselves to the stereotype or the person assigning the stereotype. However, when you turn the stereotypes on their face, you force the people to actually accept you as you are – and that’s a beautiful thing!

2. They look great in anything.

Stems can rock basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt one day, and the next day they could step out in an evening gown and some heels. It’s great because some days you want to look extra stunning, and other days you might not want to put forth the effort. A stem will easily understand if you, too, don’t want to put forth that same effort sometimes – it’s hard work trying to fit the same label all the time!

3. You basically have two girlfriends.

Some of the stems I know even have separate personas for their multiple labels. No, that doesn’t mean they’re crazy, just that they identify in a non-binary way that lets you have two different girlfriends: The one rocking Jordans and the one rocking Louboutins – and neither one is mad because they share the same body.

Win-win! (And if you happen to have a stem with curly hair and glasses, this can be extra fun… A straightener and some contacts will up the “girlfriend” count to 8. It’s pretty great, actually.)

4. They’re down for whatever.

Going to the ballet? She’s down, because she spent six years in ballet classes when she was a kid. Going to the hockey game? Even better, she’ll cheer louder than everyone else in the arena. Stems don’t like to limit themselves for anything, and they won’t expect you to limit yourself to just the interests that “fit” with your image.

5. They’re easy going!

OK, so technically this isn’t inclusive of all stems, nor does it exclude all who fit into a predefined label. But generally speaking, stems don’t really care what you choose to label yourself as, because they haven’t labeled themselves either. They just don’t care. And if you do have a specific preference in a partner, they’re likely willing to accommodate – within reason.

You want a femme? She’ll be the girliest girl you’ve ever seen on every date. You prefer studs? Watch her rock a pinstriped suit like a boss.

6. They’re independent.

Because they don’t choose to limit themselves to the “traditionally male” or “traditionally female” roles, they’re more ready to open themselves to the possibility of whatever life throws at them. They may lift weights so that they can open their own jars without you, and they might know how to give a killer manicure because they just spent all of last week obsessing over the perfect nail polish shades.

There’s something extra sexy about knowing your girl wants you, but she doesn’t need you.

7. They get to play “spy”.

The stems that I know can present themselves as more masculine when they’re hanging out with their guy friends, or they can present themselves as more feminine when they’re hanging out with their girl friends. It’s not an exact science, but being able to fit in with the straight community is pretty helpful in this day and age where lesbians are presumed to be more accepted, but in reality they’re just more sexualized.

By being “one of the guys” with their straight male friends, and “one of the girls” with their straight female friends, they can influence the topic of discussion away from the “Are you sure you’re gay?” and the “I’m not sure I’m straight”, respectively.

8. Studs – they’ll teach you how to be more feminine.

Maybe you don’t think you need to be more feminine, and that’s ok. But when you date a stem, she’ll probably show you how fun it can be to lay back and be the “pillow princess” – even if you’d prefer to be called Batman. Stems can teach you the things that you’re missing out on by putting up your masculine face first.

9. Femmes – they’ll teach you how to be more masculine.

Just like with the studs, maybe you’re comfortable with your current balance. That’s fine, and she should never force you into anything you don’t want to do. But if you have yet to experience how sexy it can be when she looks at you and says “I want you to take me right now” – well, you’re in for a treat!

10. They look the same naked anyway.

This doesn’t specifically refer to stems, but I’ve chosen to include it because, at the end of the day, your lady is still going to be your lady, regardless of how she chooses to dress. Why limit yourself to someone who fits into this stereotype that you’ve defined?

Stem girls will still be the same person at the end of the day that they were yesterday, a week ago, or two years ago. And isn’t that what really matters?

Say What?! Controversial Study Claims Women Are Lesbians Because Men Want Them To Be

Researcher Menelaos Apostolou is puzzled as to why women are attracted to one another, therefore has blamed it on men. No really.

According to Apostolou the male penchant for women who have sex with women drove the evolution of homosexuality in women.

My argument in the paper is this: A considerable proportion of men desire same-sex attractions in women, and this is one possible reason why many women have such attractions.”

According to a study by the Cypriot researchers, from the University of Nicosia, about 15% of heterosexual men in long-term relationships say that they would want their partner to have a sexual encounter with another woman. This figure goes up to about 30% of men in short-term relationships. The figures for heterosexual women who found same-sex attraction a turn on in their male partners were much lower in both types of relationship.

The researchers argued that one of the reasons for men being attracted to women who experience same-sex attraction could be to increase their certainty of being the father of a potential child if their partner sleeps with someone else.

The paper reads:

A woman, driven by her sexual desires, may seek sexual contact outside of her long-term intimate relationship. When this woman has sex with another woman she does not have sex with another man which translates into same-sex contact reducing the risk of cuckoldry.”

To say the least, the theory has been called a bit of a stretch.

Diana Fleischman, a psychologist at the University of Portsmouth, points out;

The paper totally ignores a lot of other possible hypotheses and makes claims that are really not supported by the evidence they provide. If you ask men about all kinds of sex fetishes their partner might have – so, how would you feel if a woman had a foot fetish – more men wouldn’t care than if you asked women about male partners.”

But even though men are typically more accepting of women’s fluid sexuality, fetishes or paraphilia, women do not have higher rates of them than men do, Fleischman said, which introduces a bit of a hole in the hypothesis.

Another problem is that the study doesn’t account for the effects of porn.

Apostolou argued;

I can’t really see how cultural factors would make some men be turned on when their partners tell them I want to have sex with another woman. These kinds of sexual traits are more instinctive. It’s a mechanism that has been selected to serve a purpose – to make you reproduce. For me, these things are expressions of old mechanisms.

I’m not sure that factors like the media have an important effect. This is not something that is promoted, for instance, having a girlfriend who also has same-sex attraction. I don’t see it there.”

Apostolou did recognise some of the limitations of his arguments and accepted that more research needs to be carried out if we are to understand the complexity of same-sex attractions.

He told PinkNews:

I believe also that there are additional factors that need to be taken into consideration if same-sex attraction in women is to be understood.

The publication of my theory gives the opportunity for a fruitful academic dialogue, where another scholar may attempt to refute, alter, or expand it and replicate my findings.”


Here’s Why You Need To Stop Shaving Down There

Research has shown increasing numbers of women shave their pubic hair because they believe it is “more hygenic”, despite medical advice to the contrary.

In the past, studies suggested we as women felt compelled to remove their pubic hair for the purposes of sexual activity, but now new research now say we feel the need to shave down there for health reasons.

Not the case. New scientific evidence suggest it is exactly the opposite, and that we are actually putting ourselves at risk for doing so.

Dr Vanessa Mackay – a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists – said pubic hair was vital for preventing pathogens entering the vagina.

Pubic hair offers a natural barrier to keep things clean, to decrease contact with viruses and bacteria, and to protect the tender skin of the area.

While protecting against diseases and skin problems, pubic hair prevents foreign particles like dust and pathogenic bacteria from entering the body.

Pubic hair also helps to control the moisture of the area which decreases the chances of yeast infections.”

The new study, published the journal JAMA Dermatology, also says a majority of women of all ages “groom” their pubic hair to some degree.

62% of women surveyed in the USA said they chose to completely remove their hair, while 84% reported some kind of grooming or trimming.

Experts also explained how pubic hair also acts as a soft cushion for the sensitive skin of the labia and vagina.

Underwear which fails to protect the area, such as thongs and even pants that merely thread a string between the legs, cause particular pain and abrasions for women’s genital parts.

Other complications include vaginal and vulvar infections, inflammation of the hair follicles, abscesses, lacerations and allergic reactions.

Dr Mackay said that tiny “wounds” left by shaving, along with the warm and moist genital area, created a “happy culture medium” for bacteria to grow in.

If you shave your pubic hair, you are putting yourself at a higher risk of contracting genital warts.

Although pubic hair doesn’t completely prevent it, it helps avoid skin on skin contact with someone who may already have it.

Removing pubic hair also irritates and inflames the hair follicles left behind, leaving microscopic open wounds.”

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According To Science, Amber Heard Has The Most Beautiful Face In the World

Bisexual actress, Amber Heard is the most beautiful woman in the world, according to facial mapping.

Her face was found to be 91.85% accurate to the Greek Golden Ratio of Beauty Phi – which for thousands of years was thought to hold the secret formula of perfection.

Using computer mapping technology, Heard – who is currently going through a messy divorce with Johnny Depp – was tested with the latest facial mapping techniques by Harley Street surgeon Dr Julian De Silva – who found her features to be the closest to the Golden Ratio of Beauty.


From pictures, her eyes, eyebrows, nose, lips, chin, jaw, and facial shape were measured and 12 key marker points were analysed and found to be 91.85 per cent of the Greek ratio of Phi which is 1.618.

The study also found that Kim Kardashian had perfect eyebrows, Scarlett Johansson came out on top for her eyes, Rihanna’s face shape was deemed the most beautiful, while Emily Ratajkowski’s lips and Kate Moss’s forehead were also praised.

Bisexual, Gay, And Lesbian Adults Face Greater Health Risks, According To New Study

According to study, bisexual, gay and lesbian adults are more likely to experience psychological distress and engage in unhealthy behaviours, possibly as a result of being the target of discrimination, according to a study published Monday.

The study in the US medical journal JAMA Internal Medicine analysed the results of the 2013 and 2014 National Health Interview Survey, which for the first time included a question on sexual orientation.

It reported,

Findings from our study indicate that LGB adults experience significant health disparities — particularly in mental health and substance use — likely due to the minority stress that LGB adults experience as a result of their exposure to both interpersonal and structural discrimination.”

The analysis showed that 40.1% of bisexual men and 25.9% of gay men reported moderate or severe levels of psychological distress, compared to 16.9% of heterosexual men.

Heavy drinking was reported by 10.9% of bisexual men, compared with 5.7% for heterosexual men and 5.1% for gay men.

Rates of heavy smoking were also highest among bisexual men at 9.3%, compared to 6.2% for gay men and six percent for heterosexual men.

Among women, 46.4% of bisexuals and 28.4% of lesbians reported moderate and severe psychological distress, compared with 21.9% of heterosexual women.

Bisexual women also had the highest rates of heavy alcohol consumption, 11.7%, compared with 8.9% for lesbians and 4.8% for heterosexual women.

Heavy smoking was most prevalent among lesbian women at 5.2%, followed by bisexual women at 4.2%. The rate among heterosexual women was 3.4%.

The negative findings for bisexual adults may be linked to their “marginalization” by heterosexuals and “stigma” from gays and lesbians, according to the study, led by Gilbert Gonzales of Vanderbilt University.

JAMA Internal Medicine Deputy Editor Mitchell Katz wrote in an editor’s note that it’s important for medical professionals to ask patients open-ended questions.

For example, asking a new patient whether he or she has sex with men, women or both indicates openness and acceptance. In caring for people who have experienced bias and discrimination, support is a very potent medicine.”

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5 Habits that Make You Less Intelligent, According to Psychologists

The comparison of the human brain to a computer processor has been done, time and time again. In fact, it might be one of the easiest-to-understand comparisons out there: Information goes in, it goes through certain processes, and it comes out the other side (occasionally encrypted beyond recollection).

You might not know that your brain has a limited amount of processing power, too – and at any given moment, your intellectual resources can be drained by a number of competing tasks or moods.

These competing tasks or emotional states are just a normal part of everyday life, and short of a whole-life makeover, there’s not always too much you can do to control them.

When these tasks and moods take up too much of our intellectual resources, we don’t have enough juice left to do other things, such as express our creativity, solve problems, or concentrate on a single thing.

While this temporary reduction doesn’t really affect our long-term intelligence, it does limit our functioning IQ – making us less effective at that exact moment. It’s completely normal to get frazzled every now and then, but if you find it’s happening all the time, you might be doing one of the 5 things that psychologists say lower your functioning IQ. How many habits can you break?

Dwelling on past events and hardships.

It’s good to think about the past. Whether the memories are good or bad, there’s most likely a lesson you can learn from them, and this is important to the human experience. The problem comes when you can’t stop thinking about the past. When you replay upsetting, frustrating, or distressing events over and over again in your mind, your mind will automatically start to race. Emotions may get stirred up and start to affect your cognitive functioning. In extreme cases, brooding can even cause long-term damage to your physical and emotional health. (For more information, please read The Seven Hidden Dangers of Brooding from Psychology Today.)

While the article linked deals with the complications of dwelling on bad memories, there is a risk associated with certain good memories, too. If the sense of nostalgia over the past causes frustration and distress, it may give similar effects to your cognitive functioning. Remember, it’s good to think about the past, as long as you remember you don’t live there anymore.

Avoiding forgiveness – from others, and from ourselves.

It’s human nature to dislike the feeling of guilt. Yet despite our best efforts, we all experience guilt from time to time. Some actions may result in a stronger sense of guilt than others, and if we’re unable to resolve the source of our guilt, it can distract us from the rest of our day-to-day lives. Whenever possible, we should seek to resolve these feelings of guilt – either by seeking forgiveness from the person we’ve wronged, and making up for it in an appropriate way, or from releasing ourselves from our own blame.

One of the best ways to find forgiveness is to deliver an effective apology. Most adults apologize in much the same way that children do, and as a result the apologies sound just as insincere and unconvincing as a child’s apology does. Learning how to apologize properly can help resolve guilty feelings and express a true sense of remorse, as opposed to just adhering to social expectations.

Complaining, without doing anything to fix the situation.

Why is it easier to complain to ten friends who’ll listen instead of telling one person who knows how to fix the problems? The short answer is: Humans are lazy. Every time we complain about something that’s taxing us, we don’t have to physically do anything about it. It’s going to frustrate us every time, though – and that’s where the biggest problem lies. Anger and frustration use up a lot of our cognitive capacity – which is why some people talk about “seeing red” or “blacking out” when they’re angry. Their processing power is all taken up by their anger, and there’s nothing left to process their surroundings.

Ineffectual complaining might seem like the easier option, but the stress-relieving powers of actually solving your problems takes a lot of strain off your mind, which frees up some of that precious processing power so you can tackle other things. The sense of accomplishment when you achieve your goals will motivate you to achieve more goals. This snowball effect has the potential to make you smarter, in the long run, as you’ll be more motivated to improve yourself.

Taking rejection and criticism too personally.

We all know that we shouldn’t let someone else’s rejection of us define us, but that’s really a lot easier said than done. When we perceive that someone has rejected us, even if we haven’t actually put ourselves out there to be rejected, it creates a significant emotional pain, which has a negative impact on our mood – which affects our cognitive functioning capacity. Over time, this rejection and criticism can be reflected in how we feel about ourselves.

When we fall into the habit of being self-critical, we are actively lowering our self-esteem through the words we use to think about ourselves. This process means that the rejection we feel from other people causes prolonged pain, because it carries new emotional distress every time we repeat these things to ourselves. Thankfully, there are ways to modify your thinking and embrace a more positive lifestyle, but they do take some time to really start working. (I promise, it’s worth the time.)

Worrying about a problem, instead of finding a solution.

This is very closely related to habit #3, complaining ineffectively, but it relies on a different emotion. When you’re worried about a problem, such as not knowing whether you have a ride home from work or not, you’re distracting yourself from the other things going on in your life. In situations where a problem is causing you significant stress, it’s much easier to focus on solving the problem quickly, rather than try to get to it later (while still thinking about it the entire time). Worrying takes a significant toll on your cognitive functioning, while not actively helping anything.

However, worrying often sparks an urge to solve the problem anyway – and if you feel this urge, you should definitely go with it. In most cases, something that worries you isn’t going to stop worrying you until you sit down and find a solution. Of course, you’ll have to explore what’s most urgent to you and handle the most taxing things first, but this helps create a positive long-term habit of worry-free courage.

According To New Study Here Is Why Women Are More Sexual Fluid Than Men

This theory again attempts to explain why women are more interested in same-sex acts than men

Women have been known to be more sexually fluid than men, but no one had a solid theory for why that is – until now.

According to the journal, Biological Reviews, sexual fluidity may be a result of evolutionary design.

The lead author of the study and evolutionary psychologist, Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, proposes that sexual fluidity arose in women as a mechanism for reducing conflict and tension among co-wives in polygynous marriages.

Being sexually fluid would have allowed women to have sex with their co-wives while still successfully reproducing with husband.

The theory suggests that women may not have sexual orientations in the same sense as men do. Rather than being straight or gay, to whom women are sexually attracted may depend largely on the particular partner, their reproductive status, and other circumstances.”

The researcher says this suggests that women’s sexual fluidity may have been evolutionarily selected as one method for facilitating polygynous marriages, in which a husband can have more than one wife.

Kanazawa writes.

Even though humans have been mildly polygynous throughout evolutionary history, polygynous marriages are often characterised by conflict and tension among co-wives. I propose that occasional sex among co-wives may have reduced such conflict and tension, and increased their reproductive success. Female sexual fluidity may have evolved as an adaptation to facilitate it.”

Sexual fluidity may have arisen to help women establish bonds and key alliances in their new group, where they were surrounded by strangers.

Since friendships and alliances can have reproductive benefits, sexual fluidity that facilitates such friendships and alliances among women is expected to be evolutionary selected.”

According to Kanazawa, this theory may also help explain many other puzzles in human sexuality, including male arousal to lesbian sex, and menstrual synchrony, in which the menstrual cycles of female companions align over time.

10 Reasons Why Make-Up Sex Is Better Than Regular Sex

We’ve all been there before: your relationship is going well, your sex life is pretty good, and everything seems perfect. But then, you get into a fight, and things get a bit mean. (Hopefully not too mean, of course, but we are all prone to saying things we don’t mean sometimes… We’re all human, after all.) Thankfully, in most cases, we can move past these fights and get to the really fun part: The make-up sex.

It’s so weird how something that we do almost every day (okay, my girlfriend wishes it was almost every day) can be made so much more special when it follows a period of tension. Ever wonder why that works?

1. Human emotion is a balance.

Without rain, there are no rainbows. Without sadness, you can’t appreciate sadness. And since fighting and sex are basically polar opposites in terms of your passion, it makes sense that you can’t allow yourself to fully appreciate the tenderness hidden even within the roughest sex – that is, until it follows a period of unhappiness, such as when you’re fighting.

Admittedly, this can be an addictive contrast, though. Have you ever stayed in a horrible relationship because the make-up sex was so amazing? Balance isn’t always a good thing, when it’s being used to “cancel out” a situation that’s far less than ideal. Make sure your balance leans more toward the happiness, and let the negatives bring you to appreciate the positives more.

2. Human emotion is a spectrum.

Since emotion isn’t just a clear-cut “happy” or “sad”, those times in between (i.e. makeup sex, bittersweet goodbyes, and those times you’re drawn to your partner more just because you feel like you “can’t have her”) are precious and celebrated by our brains. Our subconscious mind takes these things that could be a very negative experience and turns them into something special – even something remarkable.

Because of this spectrum, the most complicated emotions are the ones we feel the most deeply. Let’s say, for example, you’re happy about your new job – but you’re also sad because it means you’ll be out of the house more. You appreciate the time you spend together more because it’s offset with time spent apart. Your make-up sex is so amazing because immediately before it, there was fighting – so, by contrast, the good times feel even better.

3. Make-up sex is anger and love, rolled into one.

Anger mixed with love makes passion – which means that the sex is going to be better, just based on core details. While you should do your best to avoid anger in the bedroom directly, you can take advantage of those heart-pumping, blood-flowing, rough emotions you’ve been feeling… And harness them in a way that allows you to express a different side of the equation.

For many people, make-up sex ends up being rough, hard, and no-holds-barred. (Maybe I’m guessing at the “many” thing – but that’s the way it’s been with almost all of my exes.) Your blood is already pumping harder, so there’s no need for (as much) foreplay. For those who have softer, gentler sex, you’ll be showing how your anger with your partner doesn’t affect your love for them – and that’s beautiful, too.

4. It’s a stress reliever.

Technically, sex is always a stress reliever. The only problem with that is, most women don’t want sex when they’re stressed out. It can be difficult to “wind down” enough to get in the mood for sex – unless, of course, you’re blowing off some steam. Since the act of shouting already helps to bring down the tension, your mind can start at a slightly lower level than it is otherwise – so there’s not as much work to be done to make it work out.

Please note that I am definitely not trying to encourage you to scream and shout at your partners. If possible, your arguments should be kept civil – after all, you love this woman. But sometimes, that’s easier said than done, and if you need to, go let out a primal scream to cool off a bit. Maybe even throw some things if you need to – I recommend keeping some thrift store dishes on hand for this, as it’ll be significantly cheaper than replacing stuff you actually need. Trust me on this one – I’ve broken many a cell phone out of anger.

5. It’s a different way to express our emotions.

After a particularly rough fight, it can be hard to remember the things that are important and the things that aren’t. But, for most of us, when we see our partner’s naked body eagerly waiting for us… Well, certain emotions take over and do the deciding for us. Generally, that’s not a bad thing – but it means more if you’re letting love win out over anger, as opposed to love winning out over complacency.

Obviously, I firmly advocate for communicating verbally with your partner, since it’s the most straightforward way to communicate your wants and needs – but sometimes, the words don’t come easy. Just be sure that you’re reminding your partner that your love is about more than just sex – or expect another fight to follow soon after.

6. Sex produces a bonding hormone.

It makes a lot of sense that fighting either pushes you closer together, or further apart. If the bonds are completely shattered (or hanging on by a thread), it’s often easier for one person to walk away. If the bond is still in pretty good shape, make-up sex can help ease the wounds caused by words. All sex produces the hormone oxytocin in the brain, which can actually become an addiction. (This leads to sex and intimacy addictions – which are a very real problem for some people.)

When we fight with our partner, some of the bonds and attachments connected to the oxytocin become damaged – which causes the brain to crave more oxytocin to replenish the lost supplies. (It’s also the reason you may find yourself tempted to sleep with the rebound girl, too. After a break-up, your brain doesn’t exactly recognize the difference between your attraction to your partner and your attachment to this other, newer girl – it just recognizes the oxytocin.)

7. Sex also produces endorphins – just like anger does.

Endorphins work to provide a number of effects to the body, and building a foundation of anger and sex will inevitably leave you feeling one or the other just a little bit stronger. For those whose anger takes over, it can mean hate-sex or a final break-up, but for those whose passions take over, it means highly-charged and seriously amazing sex – and a renewed sense of couple-dom.

What exactly do endorphins do to your body? Well, the endorphins produce a sense of euphoria and calm. When it comes to anger, this is used to help calm you down, so you don’t hurt others or yourself. (I suspect this is also why seriously grumpy people seem to like being mad all the time, but I’ve got no scientific proof on this one.) After sex, these same endorphins are used to calm you down and make you happy, and actually affect similar areas of your brain as drug use. It makes sense that combining the two biggest sources of endorphin production will basically get you high – making it the best sex you’ve ever had.

8. Sex and anger both produce adrenaline.

Just in case there weren’t enough hormones in the mix, make-up sex helps prolong the exposure to another addictive brain chemical: Adrenaline. Now, adrenaline activates the sympathetic nervous system, increasing blood flow and making you pretty excited (in one way or another). This leads to a racing heart, a hyped-up mood, and yes, possible addiction.

When your adrenaline is already built up after a fight with your partner, you’re going to be physically easier to arouse, since arousal and anger rely on the same hormones. This results in a heightened state of awareness to your surroundings, including your partner’s physical touch. If you haven’t fully recovered from the pain of the argument, it can even be a way to express your frustrations in a physical (but relatively safe) way.

9. Because you appreciate her more after a fight.

You can’t really appreciate what you have until you’re at risk of losing it, or once it’s already gone. This means that, naturally, after a bad fight, you’re more likely to recognize the things about one another that you enjoy and appreciate – you’re not trying to think about the bad stuff anymore.  If you appreciate her more, you’re going to pay much closer attention to the things she’s doing, and the things you’re doing to her.

I’m sure we all know that paying closer attention to your partner is one of the surest ways to make sure she enjoys herself in the bedroom. Appreciation, affection, and attention – sometimes the equation is really that simple.

10. Because you finally got it off your chest.

Holding things in because you don’t want to fight sounds like a really good idea, but realistically, it’s damaging to your sex life. It causes resentment when one partner is blaming the other for things that aren’t even their fault. It causes guilt when there’s something you need to say, but you’re afraid of how your partner will take the news. It causes an emotional rift.

According to the Dual Control Model that we explained here, your body probably isn’t going to respond well to sex if you’re not in the right frame of mind. Once you’ve let go of the stresses that you’ve been keeping built up for so long, your body is naturally going to be more responsive for sex – putting you in a better mood, and more likely to have a stronger climax. Go science!

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13 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Your Vagina (But Totally Should)

I’m going to level with you here: I’ve suffered from more than my fair share of vagina envy. Okay, I guess technically it’s vulva envy, because it’s pretty difficult to actually envy someone else’s vagina – we’ll get to that in a minute. I could go off on some little tangent about how “everyone is the same on the inside” and all that nonsense, but that would just be silly. (Even though, realistically, most vaginas are pretty similar on the inside.)

Basically, though, that entire region is just weird. I can only imagine that it’s even weirder for those who weren’t born with their vaginas, or who haven’t taken the time to fully explore the situation down there. As women who love other women (assuming you also have sex with those other women), we’ve got a bit of a unique vantage point on the whole subject. I think we’re more prone to “vagina envy” than straight women are because, in general, we’ve probably seen more of them. (Vulvas, that is – I very rarely encounter a straight woman in my day-to-day routine, but I also don’t leave my house as often as I probably should.)

Even if you’ve had your vagina your entire life, most likely there are things you don’t know about it. How many of these things did you know – and are there any other interesting tidbits you think we should all know?

1. You can’t (usually) see the vagina.

We, as a society, tend to use the word vagina to mean the female sexual organs. That’s actually incorrect. The part that’s most commonly referred to as the vagina is actually the vulva. The female sexual organs are a collection of a bunch of different bits, and the actual vagina is up inside of everything else. I’m sure you can imagine that there are certain scenarios when you might be able to physically see the actual vagina, such as after some extreme fisting. (I’m not interested in it, personally, but if it works for you, you do your thing.)

The moral of the story: Your vulva consists of all the external parts. Your vagina is on the inside. Practice using the correct terminology.

2. Your vagina does not need to be cleaned.

You know how you sometimes get really wet, without being even remotely in the mood? This is your vagina cleaning itself. It actually does a great job all on its own, too – trying to help it out (such as douching, or even rinsing inside with plain water) can cause a nasty infection, called bacterial vaginosis. It can get swollen, and it will be incredibly uncomfortable. The good bacteria in your vagina’s secretions act as a lubricant, and help to protect from bad bacteria.

Your vulva, on the other hand, should be washed regularly. Sometimes bits of debris (lint from your underwear, little toilet paper balls, period blood…) can get caught up, and should be cleaned off periodically. Just make sure you limit your cleaning to the outside, and let the good bacteria inside do its job.

3. Healthy vaginal discharge is free from strong odors, and usually colorless.

As awkward as that unexpected moisture can be, it’s usually completely normal – and no one but you can smell it. We tend to smell ourselves more than we smell others, particularly if it’s something we’re a bit insecure about. But, rest assured, if there was actually something going on with your vagina’s smell, your partner would most likely let you know.

You should pay attention to your discharge, though, particularly any changes. It’s completely normal to have clear or white discharge, or to have some brown discharge if you’ve recently gotten off your period. If it’s suddenly not clear, or if it smells really strong, make a note to talk to your doctor about it – this could be a sign of infection. Your discharge should never result in any itching or soreness, either. If you’re experiencing any sudden changes or inconsistencies, it’s best to have it checked out to rule out the possibility of infection.

4. Your vagina needs exercise – just like you do.

Your vagina isn’t exactly a muscle – but there are muscles in your vagina, and they need to be exercised. Certain situations put you at higher risk for muscular weakness in the area – so if you’ve given birth, gone through menopause, gained some weight, or if you’re a smoker, you might want to practice your Kegels a little more often than lower-risk-category women. Just like any other muscle in the body, you’ll need to keep it strengthened, otherwise it can get flabby. (It’s true!)

Kegel exercises might sound intimidating if you’ve never done them, but really they’re pretty simple – you can even do them without anyone knowing. Sitting at your desk with nothing else to keep you occupied? Do a little squeeze – it should feel like you’re trying to cut off your pee, mid-stream. As a side note, you shouldn’t do your Kegels while you’re peeing – that can cause a whole host of problems. Any other time you’re sitting or lying down is totally fair game, though. (If you and your partner have penetrative sex, I find that this is an amazing time to do them.)

5. A “loose” vagina has nothing to do with promiscuity.

For at least as long as I’ve been alive, there’s been this stigma surrounding women who have a loose vagina. They’re said to have penetrative sex with multiple partners, on a frequent basis. They’re often labeled with all sorts of nasty, derogatory names – over something that’s simply not true. If having sex with multiple partners really loosened the vaginal tissue (which, by the way, is designed to expand enough to push out a baby), then women who have had a lot of sex with the same person would be just as much at risk of “stretching out” as a woman who had a slew of one-night stands. In most cases, single women won’t have as much sex as someone who’s in a committed relationship – it just seems like they have more, because it’s a larger portion of the time they spend with that certain someone.

There are a number of reasons why one vagina may be looser than others, and none of them involve having sex with multiple partners. The most common reasons for “stretching” include the recent birth of a child (vaginally, of course) or neglecting those super-important Kegel exercises. The great news is that those very same Kegels can help to tighten a vagina – without dangerous surgeries or creams to make you “swell up” down there. If you want to tighten your vagina, the absolute best choice is to follow tip #4, above – save your money, and don’t risk your well-being. Seriously. It’s not that big of a deal.

6. “Neo-vaginas” are vastly different than “natural vaginas”.

Gynecologists still don’t fully understand the complexities of a vagina created through transitional surgery, but it’s clear that they are very different than “natural vaginas”. This makes it particularly complicated, as doctors aren’t really sure what the proper care is at this point. It is advised that you share any concerns with your doctor, and it’s advised that you take extra precautions to guard against infection, particularly while you’re still healing.

Although the specifics of optimal care are still largely under-researched, trans women should use special douches – generally a saline rinse – to help keep everything clean. Since these vaginas are basically hand-crafted works of art, rather than natural biological organs, trans women don’t have the benefit of the automatic bacteria production – any bacteria in that area is a bad thing. Be safe, and be sure that you’re taking proper care of your new vagina.

7. Neo-vaginas need to be dilated – regularly.

For those of us who have had vaginas our whole lives, the idea of penetrating ourselves for any reason other than sexual gratification can seem a bit odd. But for trans women, it’s absolutely essential: Their vaginas are made from tissues that originally had a different function and form. They will need to use a vaginal dilator, which is a phallic tube that stretches and/or maintains the opening until it has completely healed.

Immediately following the surgery, it’s essential that the neo-vagina be dilated for at least 30 to 45 minutes at a time, at least six days a week. Once the vagina has reached the desired capacity, penetrative sex can make the process more enjoyable. (It also won’t need to be done as often anymore, but a number of trans women decide to keep it up – because hey, why not!)

8. Yeast infections are super common – we just don’t talk about them much.

At least 75% of cis women (and pre-operative trans men) will experience a yeast infection in their lifetime, and it is a truly uncomfortable experience. Some women are more prone to yeast infections, particularly when on antibiotics, as these will kill the good bacteria as well as the bacteria they’re meant to fight. Cis men (and pre-operative trans women) are also at risk of developing a yeast infection, although it is less common. Unfortunately, sexual contact can spread the bacteria to your partner, too.

Thankfully, yeast infections are generally harmless, as long as they’re treated promptly and properly. Thankfully, there are a number of treatments that can be performed without any embarrassing trips to the doctor – even though there’s no reason to be embarrassed about something that literally happens to almost everyone. (Hint: Going commando is helpful in preventing the infections in the first place, as is washing up with a mild soap after sex. There are certain pH-balanced soaps created specifically for this purpose – just make sure you’re not going inside with them.)

9. Taking good care of your vagina can help prevent most yeast infections.

If you’ve ever experienced the (dis)pleasure of a yeast infection, chances are, you’ll want to do whatever it takes to prevent it from happening again. While some people may be more prone to the infections in the first place, it’s not completely unavoidable. Good vaginal care, including those common-knowledge things like “wipe front to back” and “don’t receive sex while you’re showing symptoms”, can help prevent the spread of yeast infections – or, at the very least, help shorten the time you’ll be suffering with them.

It’s also a good idea to drink plenty of water – at least two liters per day, or about a half-gallon for our US-based readers. As nice as bubble baths are, they’re not good news for your vagina either, nor are scented soaps and shower gels. Tight-fitting clothing (including your underwear) should be avoided, or at least minimized, as there is a known connection between keeping the area cooped up and being more prone to infection. If you’re comfortable doing so, you should probably be going without underwear (or tights!) as much as possible.

10. Always pee after sex – and as soon as possible when you feel the need.

Most women know that penetrative sex should be immediately followed by a quick trip to the bathroom. If you’ve been getting enough water and not holding your urine in, it shouldn’t be too difficult to go. What many don’t know is that holding in your pee can increase the likelihood of a urinary tract infection (which is not something you want to experience), as can oral sex if not followed by a potty break.

Urinary tract infections are caused by bacteria. UTI is really a blanket term, since any foreign bacteria in the vaginal area can cause an infection. We think about this with penetrative sex, as we’re introducing a foreign object into the vagina, but your mouth is one of the most bacteria-laden parts of your body – so oral sex can cause just as many problems down there as using toys or your fingers. (It’s less likely if you’ve used a dental dam without a powder coating, but it is still possible – better safe than sorry!)

11. Always clean your toys and wash your hands before sex – not necessarily after.

Of course, it’s a good idea to clean them twice, both before and after. But if you’re strapped for time, it’s significantly more important to thoroughly wash anything that’s going to come into contact with vaginal moisture before it actually comes into contact. This is particularly true for those who are more prone to infections, but even someone who has never had a UTI before can experience the discomfort with little actual warning.

If you’re using any barrier methods, you’ll want to wash those, too. Some dental dams have a powder coating to prevent them from sticking together, and most latex gloves (commonly cut up for makeshift dental dams) will have a similar powder coating on the outside. This powder definitely counts as a foreign object that can penetrate the vagina – even if you’re not having penetrative sex. And, while condoms are a great idea for using toys, they often have spermicides that can create their own problems. If you don’t need the spermicide, opt for a condom without it.

12. No two vaginas (or vulvas) are exactly the same.

Many of us grew up with the idea of “porn vaginas” being the ideal. Quite frankly, this is probably one of the most self-esteem-damaging body image issues that face the modern woman. Every vagina has a slightly different color, different shape, and different size. Labias are all different, too, and it’s even possible (and likely!) that one half of your vulva won’t quite match up with the other half.

Your labia looks different at different times, too. During orgasm, for example, the labia will be darker and larger than it usually is, due to the increased blood flow to the area. This is definitely not a bad thing – that darker, “fatter” labia is a sign that you’re probably enjoying yourself, and should be celebrated!

13. If your partner gives a damn what you look like down there, she’s the problem – not you.

If your partner truly likes women, he or she isn’t going to care if your vulva looks pretty, or if your vagina isn’t “tight enough”, or if you haven’t shaved in a while. (Although oral sex is a bit uncomfortable with sharp stubble, most of us know how to work around it pretty well.) As long as you’re taking care of things, there’s no such thing as a bad smell from a healthy vagina – perhaps it could smell a bit strong, but most likely, your partner won’t care.

My partner happens to love the strong smell that comes after a good workout, although personally I don’t like the way I smell at that time. Does it mean there’s a problem with my vagina? Not at all – it’s just a stronger scent, and for those who love the smell of a healthy vagina, a stronger smell is not a bad thing at all. If your partner judges you for anything involving your lady bits, she is not the right woman for you!

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Here’s Why You Can’t Orgasm – According To Science

If you’re sick and tired of hearing about your friends’ great sex lives while feeling a little insecure because you can’t seem to orgasm during sex, take heart.

It’s not you. It’s not your girlfriend. It’s science.

A team of researchers from the Mayo Clinic and the Indiana University School of Medicine have investigated why some women find it difficult to achieve orgasm, and they’ve found that it’s not all in the mind.

The new study, published in the journal Clinical Anatomy, looked at a range of previous studies in an attempt to clarify the links between sexual anatomy and the ability to orgasm. Some of the studies included magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans of couples copulating, which provided information as to which sexual positions were the most likely to culminate in an orgasm.

For women, problems achieving orgasm are more related to sexual positioning. The researchers note that the closer the clitoris is to the vaginal wall during sex, the more likely an orgasm will occur.

The clitoris actually migrates towards this wall during intercourse, and as the MRI scans revealed, different positions are variably effective in helping to encourage this.

The most ideal position, according to the study, is one that stimulates the front wall of the vagina, like “missionary” or “cowgirl.”

The authors conclude that “orgasms are complex phenomena involving psychological, physiological, and anatomic variation.”

It’s safe to say that, then, different folks certainly require different strokes, so to speak.

While more research needs to be conducted on this specific topic, it’s worth noting it’s actually pretty common for women to have a tough time orgasming from sex.

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How Much Do You Know About Sex? Science Says Not A Lot

We all have our preconceived accepted “truths” about sex. But, how much of what we think we know is actually true?

Well, we’ve done the research on all things orgasmic, risque and desirable, and what we’ve uncovered will shock you.

Post-Coital Cuddling Benefits Long After Leaving the Bedroom


Cuddling has been a standard of proper post-intercourse procedure for as long as such bedroom behaviours have existed.

Though its popularity may waver – particularly among young, reportedly-non-committals – new research shows side effects of spooning may be stronger than you think.

According to findings of Amy Muise, Elaine Giang and Emily Impett, the duration of post-sex affection has positive association with higher sexual satisfaction, resulting in higher relationship satisfaction for those in committed relationships.

Women Fake It for Themselves


Contrary to popular belief, women may be faking orgasms not to stroke their partner’s ego, but to enhance their own sexual pleasure.

In one study, four factors were used in the Faking Orgasm Scale for Women (FOS):

  • faking orgasm out of concern for one’s partner’s feelings
  • faking for fear of a negative sexual experience
  • faking to increase one’s own arousal
  • faking it to end sexual activity

Though faking it to spare a partner’s feelings was a key factor, study co-author Erin Cooper told a Huffington Post writer that pretending to reach climax is merely another “tool in the toolbox” of sexual satisfaction techniques for women.

Only Heterosexual Males Care About Infidelity


Emotional cheating versus physical infidelity is a divide that has threatened to destroy even the oldest of partnerships.

In a survey of 63,894 gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual individuals, researchers asked participants which would cause them more emotional distress: a partner engaging in an emotional affair (but never engaging physically) or a partner having sexual relations with another (but not falling in love).

Researchers, David Frederick and Melissa Fales,  that while the heterosexual male survey population was by far more upset by sexual infidelity, a staggering 70 percent of all other participants preferred physical cheating over emotional unfaithfulness.

Orgasm Obsession Can Actual Deter Satisfaction


That’s right. Despite what your favorite porn provider may lead you to believe, focusing too much on orgasm achievement may actually inhibit one’s ability to climax.

In a study of sexual satisfaction, four factors of focus were considered:

  • emotional and masculine
  • relational and feminine
  • partner-emphasized
  • orgasm-emphasized

Dr. Sarah McClelland that though orgasm was important to some participants, it was not a viable determinant for whether or not an individual was sexually satisfied.

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Science Says, The Longer You’re With Your Girlfriend, The Less Likely You Are To Break Up

It’s true: Losing a lover can be one of the toughest experiences you will ever face.

But why do things fizzle out? How frequently do two people go their separate ways? And how do the chances of breaking up change over time?

These are some of the many questions Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Stanford, has been asking as part of a longitudinal study he started in 2009.

“We know a lot more about the relationships that worked out than the ones that didn’t. The way the census and other surveys tend to collect data just doesn’t produce a very good picture. People also don’t recall failed relationships too well.”

Rosenfeld, who has been tracking more than 3,000 people, is helping to fix that. And the answers he has found – at least those he has mustered so far (the study is ongoing) – are pretty revealing.

According to Rosenfeld, the likelihood of breaking up changes as time goes by for straight and gay couples, both married and not.

There are obvious patterns, of course. Marriage, for instance, is a strong binder. Both straight and same-sex married couples are far less likely to separate than their non-married counterparts.


For same-sex married couples, the break-up rate falls from roughly 8% for those who have been together for 5 years to under, and 1% for those who have been together for at least 20 years.

For heterosexual married couples, the rate falls from a shade over 3% to less than 1% over the same period.

Unmarried couples on the other hand, both straight and gay, have much higher break-up rates – even when they have been together for more than twenty years.

Where things get interesting is when one zeroes in on Rosenfeld’s data for non-married couples, which offer a rare window into the trajectory of modern relationships.

Broadly, the takeaway is that time really does help reduce the likelihood that two people go their separate ways.

And rather quickly at that. Notice in the chart above how steep the curve is for both straight and gay couples early on.

60% of the unmarried couples who had been together for less than 2 months during the first wave of Rosenfeld’s study were no longer together when he checked up again the following year.

However, once a relationship lasts a year, the likelihood that it ends begins to drop precipitously.

Over the first five years, the rate falls by roughly 10% each year, reaching about 20% for both straight and same-sex couples. And the rate continues to fall until about 15 years in, when it levels off for both—at just over 10 percent for gay couples and roughly 5 percent for straight couples.

Why? Well, it’s fairly straightforward.

As Rosenfeld noted in 2014

… the longer a couple stays together, the more hurdles they cross together, the more time and effort they have jointly invested into the relationship, and the more bound together they are.”

As Rosenfeld continues his study, more of the gaps in his data will likely fill in.

There is, at the moment, insufficient data for same-sex couples who have been married for fewer than 5 years (which is why that line begins later than the others).

There is also too small a sample size for same-sex married couples who have been together for longer than 35 years. That he hopes to remedy, too. And it might very well mimic that which he has observed their straight counterparts, which rises after three decades (resultant, one might imagine, from some sort of mid or late-life crisis).

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How to Tell if Other People Think You’re Hot – According to Science

Our society, by and large, is pretty self-centered. As someone with extreme social anxiety I can guarantee you that I don’t think about what other people do or look like when they’re out in public nearly as much as I care about myself in those situations, and I think that’s probably true for a lot of people. Basically, this means that my social anxieties are pretty unfounded, and inwardly I know that.

Simply from a self-preservation standpoint, it shouldn’t really matter anyway. I mean, you don’t owe these people a good appearance, just as they don’t owe you anything. Of course, at work or something there might be certain looks you’re obligated to have, but even then, past the point of uniformity, your appearance really doesn’t belong to anyone else.

That being said… When I found out there was a scientific way to figure out if other people found me attractive, I was pretty eager to check it out. After all, who doesn’t want a little confirmation that they look good every now and then?

A lot of understanding what people are thinking about you requires accepting that they’re probably not thinking about you, or at least not to the extent that you think about yourself. Picture it this way: How much do you know about a random passing stranger? Odds are, very little. But you know yourself quite intimately, so there are bound to be things that you scrutinize yourself for that your random everyday stranger will have literally no clue about.

With a little fine-tuning, though, you can “think like Sherlock Holmes” and mentally pick apart the strangers you pass by – evaluating the seemingly-insignificant clues like a genius. Of course, you’ll need an understanding of human body language to do this, but you’ll also need the ability to take a step back from yourself. After all, you can’t possibly see yourself like a stranger sees you, unless you look at yourself like a stranger would.

As you might expect, this is the hard part.

You’ll need to consciously distance yourself from all the information about you that’s not visible to the naked idea. Mentally erase all your insecurities, your perceived shortcomings, and anything else that others wouldn’t be able to tell about you. One of the easiest ways to evaluate your appearance with a “fresh set of eyes” is to look at a picture of yourself from a few months ago. Sure, some details might have changed between then and today, but trust me here – the general impression will be the same.

If you look at a picture of yourself from the day before, chances are, you’re going to remember everything that went into the shot. You’ll think, I look tired, because you know you hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before. You’ll think about how your hair wasn’t done very well, because you were in a rush that morning. But six months from now, you’re not going to remember those fine details – you’re going to see the more general “truth” that the picture holds.

It’s the same when a stranger evaluates your appearance. They don’t know the details that you know about yourself, or what has gone on that day. Strangers can’t see that you ate too much at lunch, or that you forgot to match your bra to your underwear, or that you only spent half as much time in the shower that morning. How could they know those things?

You can do this experiment with a video of yourself, too – just a short introduction. Chances are, the words that you use to introduce yourself are going to have a strong impression on the person who sees it, and this introduction is going to be pretty similar to the one you actually use when meeting new people. Take the video, then don’t look at it for a while – then watch it and see yourself as others see you.

Using this trick to help you fully understand what others are thinking about themselves, though, is a little different. You can’t understand someone else’s situation unless you’re literally in their shoes, and human psychology makes it impossible to do that by trying. If you look at a still photograph of someone and try to predict how they would see themselves in that picture, you’ll most likely fail.

This is, in part, a reminder that other people don’t see the flaws and problems we see in ourselves – which is a good thing.

This means that you can tell how you look to other people by simply examining the things you see in a picture from a long time ago and comparing that to the body language they exhibit. If you picked a picture from your past where you felt attractive, and the person you’re trying to read is looking at you, chances are that they see what you did. Your overall positivity will help, too, as confidence is proven to be an attractive quality.

In the end, though, we should all stop focusing so much on what other people think of us, and pay closer attention to the way we feel about ourselves. This positive outlook can be contagious and it’s becoming more and more important for us to learn how to love ourselves. Are you doing everything you need to do?

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Ways You Can Pleasure Your Girlfriend – Using Only Your Fingers

Most of us are looking for ways to improve our sex lives. We tend to look towards new gadgets, new techniques, new costumes, special lubes…

We can get so caught up in bigger-and-better that we neglect the basics. Not only are there ways you can please your partner without any special “equipment”, but if you put a lot into your normal routines, you can forget that sometimes, simple is better. I know some of us might feel like fingers are “just the beginning”, and that can be true. But have you ever had an orgasm that denied the use of oral?

For a long time, I thought I couldn’t have an orgasm unless there was some tongue involved. And then, I met the partner who bothered to try. It’s in your best interest to be the partner who tries. We’ll let you in on the secrets.

1. Start with a massage.

Most women are pretty responsive to a good sensual massage. Splurge on a nice body oil or lotion (but keep in mind that it probably can’t be used as lube). My favorite massage oil smells like lavender and almonds, and has the added bonus of being safe to use as a facial moisturizer. Your experience may vary, so make sure to do your research to ensure you’re getting a scent that both you and your partner enjoy. If you aren’t able to reach an agreement, opt for a scent-free baby oil – it’s gentle on the skin and glides on silky smooth.

Unfortunately, giving a massage itself isn’t quite as easy as it might seem, so it will take some practice to get things just right. The use of oils or lotions means that you’ll need to put a little more pressure to actually relieve the muscle tension, otherwise you’re literally just rubbing oil into her, and while that can be relaxing for some, it doesn’t count as a massage.

However, too much pressure and you can get strained, which will also affect the quality of the massage – because it’ll be much shorter. It might take some practice to get your methods just right, but trust me – your girlfriend will thank you when you get the hang of it.

2. Focus on teasing.

Too often, we find ourselves tempted to jump right into “the good stuff” – without realizing that what you do before can make the good stuff either better or worse. Rarely is a woman fully aroused just by the thought of getting some action, so you’ll need to tempt and tease her body before you give in. Prolonging this teasing makes the “actual work” portion of the sex much more effective, since your partner will be significantly more aroused, and probably a lot wetter, too.

Don’t just tease her vagina, though. It’s important to make a full-body connection if you want a powerful response. Let your fingers graze the back of her neck, and the sides of her stomach, and even the backs of her legs. These are highly sensitive areas that are easy to overlook, since they don’t seem like they would turn her on. But, particularly if you’ve started with a sensual massage, these areas are highly erogenous zones that can make a huge difference in the long run.

Make sure you’re talking to your partner, to see what she likes and doesn’t like. Realistically, you should be getting pleasure from giving her pleasure, not from doing specific things you like doing. If you want her to be satisfied, you’re going to actually need to know what she wants, otherwise your efforts are just a shot in the dark.

3. Don’t forget the nipples, too!

I’ve known women who said that they didn’t like nipple play… Just to find out that they only liked certain types of nipple play. It’s actually built into our internal systems that nipple stimulation will feel good. It’s just a matter of figuring out what your partner responds best to, and working on that, instead of other techniques that just don’t work for her.

Many women respond well to their nipples being slightly grazed, and the nipples will react by becoming hard. Personally, though, that just makes my nipples itchy, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Some women like gentle tugging or pinching. Some women even like hard tugging and pinching. You can even try “rolling” the nipples between your fingers, using gentle circular motions with your thumb and index finger.

When you’re playing with your partner’s nipples, make sure you’re not neglecting the rest of the breast, too. Generally, women with smaller breasts will notice that their entire breast area is more sensitive, since all boobs have the same number of nerves in them. This sounds disappointing for those with larger breasts, but rest assured – most of these nerves are in the nipples, so as long as you’re giving them the attention they need, you should be just fine.

4. Drag out the anticipation.

I know, I know – I already mentioned teasing. But I’m mentioning it again, because it really is that important. Now, though, you’ll be focusing on the “good parts”. Well, next to the good parts. The inner thighs, the outer folds of the vagina, and even the lower stomach (between the pubic mound and the belly button) are all directly connected to the clitoris, and you can indirectly stimulate her by gently rubbing these areas.

Try to hold off on touching her clitoris or her vaginal opening for as long as possible – your goal is to make her beg for it (and trust me, if you’re doing it right, she will.) Instead, get close to these areas, maybe brush against them with the back of your hand or your knuckles, and continue prolonging things.

Some women like the feeling of having their inner labia gently pulled on, but you should definitely make sure you check with her first, as this is uncomfortable for others. You can also run your finger along the inner edges of the labia, trying not to touch the clitoris (but it’s really not a problem if you do touch it). At this point, you should be able to feel her quite wet – and that’s a good sign that it’s almost time to give her what she wants. (But not yet!)

5. Try something new with her clit.

Unfortunately, many of us are pretty lazy in bed. I actually had someone tell me once that she wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t like receiving from a strap-on, because it’s less work for her. To me, this is incredibly selfish. Most of us find that one thing that works for us, and that’s “our thing” – we don’t bother trying any variations. This is not good, and even if your partner doesn’t say it, she’s probably bored of “your thing” by now, and somewhere deep inside, you probably already know this.

If you’re used to rubbing up and down, try using circles instead. If you normally do circles, try “stroking” the hooded part of the clitoris with your fingers. Try rubbing side to side with your fingers in a V motion. Try using two fingers to rub her clit instead of one – this gives you the ability to change the direction you’re rubbing with one finger, and have the other one still doing “the usual”. Even a change of position can make the difference – if you typically place yourself between her legs, or at her side, try reaching from behind – it’s an entirely different feeling.

Of course, this particular step can take a while to master, especially since you’ll be (basically) re-learning something that seems so simple. But comfort is the enemy of progress, and if you really want her to reach peak levels of sexual satisfaction, you’re probably going to need to make yourself just a little bit uncomfortable sometimes. Isn’t her happiness worth trying something new and awkward?

6. If she’s into penetration, don’t give it to her yet.

Yes, I’m actually going to tell you not to give your partner what she wants right now. But this is all part of the super-tease master plan, and the more time you spend now, the less time you’ll spend throwing your arm out to reach that G-Spot. Trust me on this one. Do not penetrate your partner the first time she asks you to. You want her to do more than ask… You want her to beg for it.

Instead, use your finger to gently circle the entrance to her vagina. You’ll want to feel how wet she is, and perhaps dip just inside every now and then – but not enough to give her what she really wants. If you’d like, you can go back and forth between the vaginal opening and the clitoris, taking just a little bit of her natural lubrication with you as you go, and waiting for her to ask again.

It might seem mean to prolong the anticipation for this long, but that’s just because our society has been conditioned to prefer instant gratification. But psychologically, people prefer things they have to wait for. And, of course, you’re not going to leave her hanging – you’ll give her what she wants in just a little while.

7. Once she’s begging, penetrate her nice and slow.

I’m really bad about wanting it hard, so I’ll try to resist begging for it until I’m ready to hurry up and finish. But that’s not what leads to the best orgasms. Sure, you can have rough and hard – but you need to start nice and slow first, otherwise it’s simply not going to be as satisfying. Slide your fingers in gently, and try to do more “wiggling” than thrusting.

In order to have a G-spot orgasm, you’re going to want a little bit of rotating pressure. This is why those rotating vibrators are so popular – it feels a lot better. Try to make a “scooping” motion with your fingers, and even try “kicking” with them. (Gently, of course.) These two often-overlooked techniques provide a great deal of sensation, but “kicking” will require two fingers. (If your partner is still newer to being penetrated, two fingers might be a bit much, unless you’ve done a lot of teasing beforehand – the vagina is designed to expand to fit a baby through it, so as long as things are properly lubricated, you shouldn’t have trouble slowly introducing a second finger.)

Take your time, and wait until she can’t handle another second of teasing. She might be trying to push your face down at this point, but if you really want to give her a great orgasm with your fingers, you’re going to have to resist taking the “easy way out”.

8. Give her everything you’ve got.

Once she really can’t handle it anymore, it’s time to get to work and give her everything she asks for. Literally everything. If she wants a finger in her bum, put a finger in her bum (but make sure you’re being gentle back there – that’s sensitive tissue that doesn’t expand in the same ways the vagina does). If she wants you to thrust hard enough to cause her physical pain, do it – she wouldn’t ask for it specifically unless she actually wanted it.

If you’ve done the previous steps right, your partner will be telling you exactly what she wants. It might be difficult to get the words out, but the goals are no secret. Pay attention to her body language, do the things you already know she likes, and don’t forget the other parts of her body, too. Just because the foreplay is done doesn’t mean you can focus on one part of her body only. Reach a hand up and grab her breast, rub her nipples between your fingers, or grip her hips.

Make sure you’re really paying attention, though. Not everyone is into the same things, and just because something works for one woman doesn’t always mean that they’ll work for every woman. You should hopefully have an understanding with your partner so that she feels comfortable communicating with you during sex – because, believe it or not, that’s really the most important part.

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What Do Your Weird Sex Dreams Really Mean?

We’ve all been there before: Fooling around in your dreams, and then when the person shows their face, you’re completely appalled. It’s someone totally awkward, like your ex, or your boss, or a trio of clowns. (Hey… No judgment here.) You’d probably wake up a little freaked out. You don’t really want to have sex with those people… Right? Suddenly, you start to question everything you thought you knew about yourself. Are you secretly attracted to clowns?

Well, probably not. An estimated 8% of dreams end up having a sexual component to them, and they’re rarely as cut-and-dry as they seem. Most of the time, sex dreams aren’t actually about sex at all, but they can be linked to other areas of your life. Many of us are aware that dream psychology is a pretty strange subject anyway – like how death in a dream usually signifies a new beginning, not an ending like you may think – but, for some reason, we can forget that this applies to sex in a dream, too.

Dream psychologist Ian Wallace, who wrote the book The Top 100 Dreams: The Dreams That We All Have and What They Really Mean, reminds us that someone popping up in a sexy dream doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex with that person. In fact, most of the time, the dream actually has more to do with you than with them.

Because dreams don’t usually translate literally, it can be helpful to understand that sex in a dream represents vulnerability. It’s not about literally being naked with that particular person, but it is about laying yourself in the open. Usually the people in your sex dreams are a type of representation of yourself, too. There will usually be a quality that you admire, or one that you see reflected in yourself. If you find yourself having sexual dreams about people you don’t find admirable, you’ll need to evaluate why you’re seeing yourself in them – and work to improve the situation.

Here’s a brief rundown of the most common awkward sex dream partners – and what it means when you’re dreaming about them.

Your boss

If you’re having sex dreams about your boss, you’re really not alone. Most people will have a sex dream about a boss or coworker at some point in their lives, and it doesn’t always mean you’re attracted to them. Since your boss is in a symbolic position of power over you, a dream where you’re having sex with him or her could mean that you’re understanding your own leadership capabilities and ready to take a position of power for yourself. Wallace says, “Your subconscious is probably becoming aware of your ability to make decisions and act as a leader.” You should probably not try to have actual, not imaginary sex with your boss as one of those decisions – but it would be a good idea to set up a meeting to discuss a promotion.

Your platonic friend(s)

Having sexual dreams about someone you feel you could never have a sexual connection with might make you question some of your innermost thoughts, but realistically, they probably don’t actually have anything to do with sexual attraction. More likely, there is some sort of talent that he or she has that you find yourself wanting to emulate. Is he good at karaoke? Does she have flawless eyebrow game? Whatever it is, your subconscious mind is trying to absorb this skill through imaginary sex, and convince you to start practicing in your awake life.

Your crush

You’d think that a sex dream about the person you’re obviously sexually attracted to is – obviously – about sex. But we don’t have sex dreams based on sexual attractiveness. More likely, you’re attracted to this person’s emotional or spiritual self, which can help push the sexual attraction along. But I’m sure you’ll find that you don’t really have sex dreams about someone you have a purely physical connection to – because your dreams aren’t a literal manifestation of things.

A celebrity (male or female)

This one seems like a purely physical thing, too, especially if the celebrity happens to fall on a list of celebrities you greatly admire. But yet again, it’s not about attraction – it’s about recognizing yourself. Maybe you find yourself having sex dreams about a singer who stands up for gay rights, or an actress who happens to be great at math. Whatever it is, your subconscious is identifying something you have in common with them and essentially giving you an ego boost. You’re just as good as the celebrity you’re dreaming about, your brain says to you. And while that might not make the sex dream any less awkward, it’s still not about the celebrity – it’s about you.

A family member

Before I continue, let me say that I know you’re thinking that incest is wrong, and it definitely is. But, just like the other people on this list, it’s not about actually having sex with the person. Rather, if you’re having sex dreams about a family member, it most likely means that there’s a skill or character trait that they have that you really admire and want to implement in your own life. It doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with your brother or your dad or your great-uncle.

Your ex

This is a particularly hard one, because it usually crops up after you’re decidedly over your ex. It might even make you wonder if you were wrong about being over it. Really, though, it’s your subconscious telling you that you’re repeating your past mistakes – and it should be treated like a wake-up call. This could mean that you’re failing in some aspect of your current relationship, or that you’re letting your insecurities from your last relationship take over your dating game. Whatever it is, it’s important to find the root cause and fix it before things get out of your control.

A stranger (like those clowns)

Usually, when someone has a sex dream about a stranger, their face will be obscured in some way. For the clowns, this’ll be through the makeup. Other times, it may involve a mask, or the person might just have no face at all! This has nothing to do with some freaky fetish you didn’t know you had. In fact, it more often has to do with a talent you’ve been hiding. Work on being a truer version of yourself, and the mysterious stranger dreams will probably go away.

Bonus sex dream: Your partner cheating on you

Many of us have had dreams where our partner was cheating on us, and sometimes we might even be upset with them because of the things that they did in our dreams. But it’s important to realize that the dream has literally nothing to do with them. Instead, your brain is trying to tell you that you’re doubting yourself. You need a confidence boost, and your mind is telling you that you need to be this person (the one your honey is getting a little too sweet with) in order to hang onto her. Generally, the person that your partner is cheating on will be a reflection of yourself: Either who you used to be, if you’ve stopped putting forth the effort, or who you want to be.

Why do dreams have to be so complicated?

Honestly, they’re not… As long as you look at them from a more abstract angle. Very rarely are our dreams literally what we’re thinking about. It’s important to remember that dreams are actually made up of brain impulses and electrical activity, so even though we feel like we can see the things happening, really there’s nothing to see. This is easier said than fully understood, though, and it’s often difficult to pick apart the electrical responses (the “nakedness” you feel) from the manifestation (the act of having sex with someone in your dream).

Of course, even with intense study, dreams can be difficult to fully understand, especially since – occasionally – they really are exactly what they seem like. (These dreams are generally memories, although it can be tough when the memories are faded and convoluted, as the psychological aspect tends to run into the memories and make things even less logical.)

If you’re looking for a little more insight into the world of dreams, there are a variety of dream encyclopedias out there, some even available for free. If you’ve never looked into it before, be warned – it can be life-changing!

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How to Have Better, Stronger Orgasms – According to Science

I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time “finishing” in the bedroom. I’ve only had a handful of partners who could actually bring me to orgasm, and it’s almost always involved a bunch of different stuff. I end up feeling guilty about it sometimes, because I know that sometimes, you really just want a quickie, and I’m not about to get off until at least 45 minutes in.

Realistically, though, there’s nothing to feel guilty about that. Statistically speaking, most women can’t orgasm from a single type of stimulation, and there are many women who can’t orgasm (or, at least, they haven’t). I look at statistics like these, and suddenly my 45-minutes-to-three-hours doesn’t sound so bad after all.

When I heard that there were ways to increase the orgasms I had, both in quantity and quality (so to speak), I was really excited to check them out – and, of course, share them with you!

So, what are these mysterious, scientifically-proven methods?

Kegel exercises.

I’m sure we’ve all heard of Kegel exercises before, but just for a recap, that’s when you intentionally work your pelvic floor muscles. Like any other muscles, they can get a little squishy, and they don’t have the same “push-back” when you’re getting busy.

What you might not know is that Kegel exercises actually have a whole host of other benefits, too. Your pelvic floor helps support your bladder, your uterus, and your vagina. Not only does it help to tighten the vagina (which will increase the sensations that you feel during penetrative sex), but it can also help with frequent urination problems! (Although, technically, its ability to produce a stronger orgasm aren’t completely proven – they are a bit subjective, after all.

To get started with Kegel exercises, all you need to do is sit in a comfortable position. Now, imagine that you’re urinating, and squeeze as if you’re trying to stop peeing. (Please don’t actually do this while you’re using the restroom, as it can actually cause some problems – instead, just do them while you’re watching TV, playing on Facebook, driving…) You can even do them during penetrative sex, and your partner will be able to feel you squeeze. Ideally you’ll want to do these exercises a few times a day, and not just while you’re getting busy. Like any other muscle, repeated strength training will definitely improve things.

If you’re looking to buy something to help with your Kegel exercises (although it’s totally not necessary), Ben Wa Balls were literally made for this. There’s also a handy new device that’s basically a FitBit for your personal bits, and it’s actually pretty cute! Or, for those with a little more of a flair for technology, there’s even a device to let you use your vagina to control a video game. Yes, you read right.

More sexual frustration.

I know, it sounds like this is the opposite of what you want, but let me explain. Your orgasms are going to be much stronger, the longer you’re left anticipating them. According to sex educator Dorian Solot, “The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion.” This means that you really should be teasing your partner more, and letting her do the same for you – it’ll pay off in the long run!

Faster breathing.

Leave those yoga breaths outside of the bedroom. Beth Orenstein, contributor for Everyday Health, tells us that focusing on your breathing when you’re approaching orgasm will actually make things better. Instead of slow, deep breaths, try taking shorter, quicker breaths. This one won’t work for everyone, but it’s worth giving it a try – what do you have to lose?


I’m starting to feel like a broken record, because I keep insisting on the importance of open communication, in every stage of every type of every relationship ever. But it’s true, and when it comes to sexy talk, it actually has a double-edged benefit. Not only does asking for what you want greatly increase the probability that you’ll get it, but talking dirty can be really fun and sexy anyway. It might take some time to get used to it, particularly if you’re shy, but thankfully we’ve got a handy little guide for that one, too.


It’s pretty much impossible to know what you like if you haven’t fully explored your options. There are so many different possibilities with masturbation (and sex in general) that it’s almost impossible to try every single idea out there – but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

In addition to using different tools (such as your fingers, toys meant for penetration, toys meant for external stimulation, the massaging shower wand…), you should try different locations. Most people masturbate in bed, and some in the shower, but what about on the couch, or your (private) back yard? Of course, your locations should probably be limited to what’s legal, so no movie-theater masturbation or diddling-while-driving, please.

Another thing you should be considering is the different times of the day. Some women are incredibly responsive in the morning – so if you find that your morning self-love sessions do the trick for you, try for some wake-up sex with your partner! Others will find that midnight does better for them. There’s no right or wrong – just what works for you. But you have to figure it out first.

Cut back on alcohol.

Since alcohol is commonly used to lower sexual inhibitions, it seems a little unfair that it actually cheats you out of the good orgasms you want (and deserve). For most women (and men too!), alcohol makes the orgasm significantly less intense, if you even have one at all. Personally, I implement a rule that I don’t have sex if I’ve got more than a slight buzz on – and, for the sake of your sexual satisfaction, you probably should, too. Better yet, have sex before you go out drinking, and you might not even need as much alcohol to have a good time!

Have sex more often.

According to a 2014 University of Albany study, heterosexual female college students in committed relationships had better orgasms the more often they had them. Of course, there are a variety of factors in place here, so it would definitely be something you should try for yourself, rather than taking the study at face value. But, even mediocre orgasms are still pretty great, so we think it’s worth practicing a little for this one.

Use toys, sex cushions, or even costumes.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as mixing things up. There are so many different types of sex toys on the market, designed for so many different things, you’re really not limited by anything other than your budget and your personal inhibitions. For those who like penetrative sex, those are definitely the most widely used sex toys, but they are far from the only option out there.

Sex cushions, on the other hand, don’t need to be specifically sexual (although there are wedges that are strategically designed to put your body at the “perfect” position for optimum pleasure). Just use some pillows, and experiment with different angles. Not only does a cushion or pillow let you try something new without being incredibly uncomfortable, they can even give you a better look at what your partner is doing down there – and that can be incredibly sexy.

For the super adventurous among us, having your partner play to your fantasies and fetishes can stimulate you mentally while she stimulates you physically – leading to a double-edged orgasm that will, by design, be even stronger. Of course, you should pick a costume that your partner actually feels comfortable wearing, but you should feel free to explore your fetishes.

Improve your circulatory health.

The “throbbing” feeling that you get when you’re incredibly aroused comes from blood flow – so it makes sense that you should work on improving your circulation whenever possible. We know that exercising, eating right, and giving up nicotine are all responsible for improved blood flow, so if you’ve been looking for more motivation to keep up with those good habits (and kick the bad ones), remind yourself that your orgasms are going to be so much better when you do.

Feel free to laugh.

Okay, so it might seem weird to make jokes while you’re having sex, but hear me out: Being with someone who makes you laugh leads to better sex. It doesn’t have to be in the bedroom, of course; the correlation between humor and sex drive is documented no matter when your partner makes you laugh. But if you can’t have sex without cracking a joke sometimes, are you really having sex with the right person?

Experiment and practice.

This one really ought to go without saying, but… You never know what you like until you’ve tried a few things, and you’ll never get good at something unless you practice. That obviously means that the more experimenting and practicing you do, the better your sex is going to be, right? We think so, too.

All in all, there really isn’t a lot that’s off limits between consenting adults, so you should try to find someone who’s into trying the things you want to try – and then trying them a few more times, just to be sure.

Science Proves That Homophobia Means You’re (Probably) Gay

According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, homophobes are “more likely to be gay”. (Which, of course, we already knew, but now we’ve got science to back it up.)

This study, conducted in 2012, tested the correlation between “autonomy-thwarting parents” and internalized self-loathing homophobia, and found that the two are pretty likely to intersect.

As someone who went through a homophobic stage for the few years preceding my eventual coming out, I can definitely understand what the study is trying to convey.

I was gay-shamed by one particular family member for a long time before I even realized I was into girls (read: pre-puberty). Of course, my parents weren’t (and still aren’t) exactly homophobic, but there was a rift in place that caused me to say some pretty terrible things to some friends and later-came-out-as-gay boyfriends.

(Yes, I’ve had a few gay boyfriends. It probably should have been a sign.)

What did this study find?

Homophobia may be a mask.

When someone identifies that they’re gay, but isn’t ready to confirm it to the rest of the world, it’s somewhat normal to defiantly reject the idea. We see it a lot in other contexts, so it makes sense that it applies to human sexuality too. (Does this mean that slut-shamers wish they could get a little more action? Maybe, but I haven’t seen any data on this yet.) Another example of this connection can be seen in bullies who have a difficult or abusive home life – we hurt others to hide our own pain. It’s not right, but it is human nature.

It’s important to realize that this isn’t the only reason for homophobia, though… Just that there’s a pretty high likelihood.

Homophobia based in homosexuality can be fixed.

Richard Ryan, who was one of the authors on the previously-mentioned study, suggests that the individuals struggling with their own homophobia should take a step back from their world of hate, and instead look at their own lives. If they’re insecure about their own desires, they’re going to lash out at others. The brain tells us that we can’t like the things we like. Then, it tells us that if we can’t, no one else should, either. And voila – homophobia is born.

Like with any other insecurity, though, fixing the problem will require a commitment from the person who’s suffering from the insecurities. If they’re not ready to accept that it’s an internal problem and not an external one, they’ll never be able to get past it.

They’re hating out of jealousy.

If someone has an extreme dislike of anything, it’s because it occupies a large portion of their thoughts. What does this really mean for us as the queer community? Well, probably not much, since we already covered above that they won’t change until they’re ready to change, and most people can’t handle having their insecurities thrown in their face. This means that a homophobic person will probably not have an epiphany just because you told them they’re really just secretly gay.

It does mean that there’s a strong connection to the amount of hatred compared to the likelihood of gay-ness. That person who casually makes off-handed remarks that come across as homophobic? Probably not gay. But the person who goes out and commits hate crimes, or petitions to keep lesbians out of the ladies’ room… Probably pretty gay.

Homophobia allows a disconnect.

Most homophobic people don’t hate the individual person that they’re shaming, attacking, or otherwise hating on. Rather, they hate the fact that they can see themselves in the person’s “lifestyle” – and they feel guilty about it. By doing hateful things toward this person, they’re consciously disconnecting themselves and allowing for “proof” that they can’t possibly be gay themselves. But the gay community knows better, and has for a long time.

Does that mean it’s right for closeted people to be bigots? No, not in the least. But it does make psychological sense.

It would be okay… If it wasn’t so hurtful.

The greatest things that keep us unique in this world are our different opinions and beliefs, and as much as we don’t want to believe it, homophobia is definitely a belief system. The problem isn’t necessarily the homophobic thoughts themselves, but how a person chooses to handle these thoughts. Contrary to what much of the gay community thinks, internalizing these thoughts isn’t the best course of action, as this can lead to suicide (if the thoughts are bad enough). But unleashing it as hate crimes and harassment isn’t good, either.

From a psychological standpoint, this situation is pretty similar to the cycle of abuse. Bullies are often abused at home, or have been previously bullied by someone else. Sexual predators are quite often child victims of sexual violence. And homophobes have probably been on the other side of the hatred before. This seems to happen a lot in super-conservative families, perpetuating the idea that homosexuality is a “liberal thing”.

It’s a natural fight-or-flight.

For many homophobes, the internal struggle with their own sexuality kicks off their fight-or-flight response. In this case, “flight” represents running away from home, or possibly committing suicide, whereas “fight” represents attacking non-closeted homosexuals. There are, of course, other options, too – but the brain doesn’t always recognize those other options when it’s already battling with itself.

As members of the gay community, we have a type of obligation to be accepting of those who aren’t accepting of us. I know, that goes against basic survival instincts – but hear me out. The person will need to confront their fears about what homosexuality really means, and this could potentially distance them from all of their family. Remember, most of these people will have had it ingrained in them that they’re not allowed to be gay. We need to help them understand that they are allowed to be who they are.

Understanding the problem is not enough.

Most likely, the person already knows they’re at least a little bit gay (please, no backlash from the bisexual community – you know what I’m getting at here), and that alone isn’t enough to fix the problem. They’ve probably been conditioned their entire lives to think that being gay is something to be ashamed of – and no matter how diligent they are in fixing things, that’s not going to happen overnight. Some gay people live their whole lives in the closet, and that is their right. Anti-discrimination laws can help, too, but as is often the case, there are going to be people who don’t care what the law says.

All the studies that have been done on the subject have only discovered a connection – not a plausible solution.

Blame the parents.

In almost all cases, the way the person was raised will dictate their attitudes towards homophobia versus acceptance. In every study yet conducted on the subject, the parents were really the ones being tested. This applies whether the person is actually gay or not. In my personal life, I see a connection: I came out to the parent who was supportive before I came out to the parent who shamed me. Like, a lot earlier – I don’t think I ever formally came out to Parent #2 here, but Parent #1 knew before I turned 16.

It seems like a stereotypical answer in the psychological community, but in many ways, the methods used for raising a child are primarily responsible for how the child turns out when they grow up. Even if we wipe out homophobia, it won’t really be gone for a few generations.

Support and affection play a huge role.

Parents who are truly nurturing, supportive, and affectionate with their kids raise kids who are nicer and more accepting of the differences in people. Their personality does play a part, too, but to a lesser extent. If a child doesn’t feel loved, appreciated, and welcomed as they are, they are more likely to develop a pattern of mean behavior in the future. And children who haven’t been shown a lot of affection at home are often less able to show affection outside of the home, as they grow up.

This sounds pretty doom-and-gloom, but just as a pattern of sexual abuse can end with one person taking a stand, so can the pattern of unsupportive parenting.

Homophobia is, essentially, the same as a temper tantrum.

When a child is frustrated and unhappy, they’re going to throw a tantrum. Closeted homosexuals are, by definition, frustrated and unhappy with their situation – so they lash out at those who they feel are freer to explore their sexual desires. It all goes back to the parents – whether the person was catered to as a child (and is, therefore, spoiled as an adult) or they were neglected as a child (and, therefore, feel undeserving of happiness).

The way they were raised can even help predict the way things will be in the future – although there are always cases where a person will go against what’s expected. For some, this may be their rebellious stage – questioning the values they were raised with. For others, it may be the time they realize that the way they were raised wasn’t right, and they actively seek out a way to make the world a more beautiful place. The third category – those who develop homophobic tendencies themselves – is pretty miserable inside and wants others to feel the same type of misery.

Homophobia is a belief that hatred is OK when it can be justified by pseudo-science.

This way of thinking really needs to end, because it’s not fair to anyone involved. The need to hate or compete with others is a virus, and it spreads quickly – sometimes even accidentally (such as the parent who isn’t gay, who makes off-handed homophobic remarks in front of their closeted gay child). Other times, it’s spread intentionally, and it lights up a fire within people. Some people get seriously angry about their right to be homophobic!

There is no single step to eradicate homophobia, but one of the biggest steps in the process is to do away with the idea that it’s okay to hate someone else. The only legitimate reason to judge someone else is if they have done something directly to you that wasn’t fair – and even in those cases, people can change. You shouldn’t trust that they’ve changed without seeing proof, but whenever possible, you need to let go of the past – for your own sanity.

We’ve come a long way – but there’s still so much further to go.

The vast majority of my generation is pretty accepting of others from different cultures and communities, which is a huge deal – and the effects have been seen drastically. Whereas the original assumption was that about 10% of people were gay, bisexual, or transgender, now those numbers seem to be a little closer to 50-50. Yes, straight people are still in the majority, which is almost a biological necessity. (Newly-discovered science dealing with same-sex procreation could make it to where that’s no longer a necessity, and there’s always the bisexual community that can theoretically procreate naturally… But that’s not the point here.)

If you want to make a difference, you can – and the help is always appreciated. Just remember that the person who’s being homophobic toward you is really hurting themselves – so proceed with care! Show them that there’s no shame in being unapologetically real, including being real about who you love. Hopefully, we’ll see a homophobia-free world within our lifetimes – let’s make that happen!

According To Science, Obsessively Checking Your Phone Is Totally Normal

Researchers from the University of Florida say, regardless of you pick up your phone or not, just hearing you phone’s ringer or feeling your phone’s vibrations can be distracting.

In a study, consisted of 212 undergraduates, the Florida team sort to figure out if it’s actually phones or the anticipation of being contacted that was the most distracting.

Obvi, it was the second option.

In the test, some students put their phones on silent while others put them on vibrate, or turned the ringer on.

People’s whose phones were silent were more focussed than those who could hear their notifications going off, but didn’t answer them.

Those who picked up their phones were eliminated from the data collection because, for the purpose of the study, the researchers were only interested in participants who genuinely tried to ignore their phones.

Of those left, the results showed even the students who made an honest effort to not touch their vibrating or ringing phones still became more distracted than those whose phones were kept on silent

The authors of the study wrote,

Our results suggest that mobile phones can disrupt attention performance even if one does not interact with the device. As mobile phones become integrated into more and more tasks, it may become increasingly difficult for people to set their phones aside and concentrate fully on the task at hand, whatever it may be.

Moral of the story, if your morning routine doesn’t include checking Insta, Twitter, Facebook, and SnapChat, then you’re doing something wrong.

So don’t listen to anyone who tells you to stop checking your phone, because it’s just the new human nature.

According To Science We’ve Got Too Many Facebook Friends

We’ve all got that one friend who always has more Twitter followers or Facebook friends than you, and always seem to get a zillion likes a day.

This can be annoying and always makes me feel socially inadequate. However, the latest studies show these amazing social butterflies probably don’t have more “real” friends than you do.

Researchers at the University of Oxford have determined how many Facebook friends you should have, and sadly most of us have to many.

According to Professor Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Oxford, the mental capacity of human beings allows them to maintain social relationships with about 150 people.

He and a team of researchers surveyed over 3,300 people in a study questioning whether or not the Internet made it possible for humans to have functional relationships with more than 150 people.

They found the average male Facebook user had 145 friends compared to 166 for the average female user. This puts the average amount of friends for all users at 155, close to the same number of real friends Dunbar believes one can maintain.

He reportedly said,

This suggests that the constraints that limit the number of friends we can have in the everyday offline world also limit the number we have online. I suggest that this is because friendships ultimately require occasional face-to-face interaction if they are to be maintained over time.

Survey participants considered just 28% of their Facebook friends to be true friends and also claimed they would turn to only four in an emergency.

Those participants with significantly more than 155 Facebook friends confessed they too have only a small amount of truly close and dependable friends.

The findings imply real friendships cannot be maintained exclusively online.

Dunbar reportedly explained,

Social media certainly help to slow down the natural rate of decay in relationship quality that would set in once we cannot readily meet friends face-to-face. But no amount of social media will prevent a friend eventually becoming ‘just another acquaintance’ if you don’t meet face-to-face from time to time. There is something paramount about face-to-face interactions that is crucial for maintaining friendships.

This study was originally published in Royal Society Open Science.

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Science Says Couples Who Do This One Thing Together Have More Sex Together

In a recent study conducted by Apple and Sonos – a company making WiFi-connected audio systems – music played out loud has a magical effect on couples: it leads to more sex.

For one week, 30 families from around the world were observed going about their days as usual, with no music played out loud.

Their homes were stocked with Apple iBeacons to track the proximity of family members to each other, smart watches to monitor their heart rates and several web cams.

Without the presence of music, family members rarely made eye contact or spoke to each other, even when they were in the same room.

Both children and parents seemed to be preoccupied with iPads or iPhones, which kept their heads down.

In the second week, the households were given Sonos sound systems, as well as subscriptions to Apple Music.

Video filmed during this portion of the study shows family members laughing together, singing, dancing and displaying much higher amounts of affection.

During the week when music was played out loud, families reported spending 13% more time together and 20% more time in closer proximity to each other.

The total increase in sex was significant, with a staggering 67% spike.

Neuroscientist and author Daniel J. Levitin, who was involved in the study, attributed these findings to music’s effect on the brain.

Previous research determined music triggers a release of dopamine and the neurotransmitter oxytocin.

Levitin reportedly said,

[Oxytocin is] responsible for helping us feeling connected with people, bonded to them or avoid them. It signals what in [our] social environment is good and bad.

Sonos allows different music to be played in different rooms, but it’s the act of sharing music with each other that appears to have brought the families together, according to Levitin.

He reportedly added,

This is a return to something that’s more organic and natural to us as a species.

These findings were released in accordance with Apple Music becoming available on Sonos.

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According To New Study Friendships Are Just As Important To Your Health As Exercise

New research from the University of North Carolina has concluded a solid social network throughout your life is very important to your health — as important as getting enough exercise, in fact.

Researchers found being socially isolated is pretty much equal to being physically inactive in terms of obesity risk, and not having a social network was linked with other health problems like inflammation, high blood pressure and more.

Interestingly, different types of relationships matter at different stages of life. As an adolescent, it’s more important for your health to have a large social network, while in middle adulthood, quality of relationships matters more than quantity.

Researcher Kathleen Mullan Harris said,

Based on these findings, it should be as important to encourage adolescents and young adults to build broad social relationships and social skills for interacting with others as it is to eat healthy and be physically active.”

This isn’t the first time social isolation was studied. In fact, previous research suggested feelings of loneliness are twice as likely to kill you as being overweight, which is pretty terrifying.

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Science Says This One Thing Will Make Or Break Your Relationship

As some of will testify too, long-term relationships are hard work.

But, it would seem science as found the key component for longevity in a relationship, and aapparently there is one trait that can help or hinder your relationship in a major way.

p.s. it’s not sex.

John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of The Gottman Institute, told Business Insider the fate of a relationship lies in the way we argue.

Quick question: when your partner makes a mistake, do you let the anger pass and eventually realize they had no intention of causing harm? Or do you stew in your anger and let it alter your opinion of that person?

If you see yourself choosing the latter, you may experience some trouble keeping your relationship in tact due to a familiar cocktail of anger and disgust called contempt.

And according toGottman, contempt is the kiss of death in any relationship

He claimed contempt can cause you to see your partner as beneath you.

Along with the help of University of California, Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson, Gottman is apparently able to predict divorce with 93% accuracy, thanks (or no thanks?) to the presence of contempt.

The percentage resulted from a 14-year study of 79 Midwestern couples published in 2002. Over the course of the study, 21 of the participating couples divorced.

Moral of the story: before you hit the rage button over your partner, remember you chose to be in this relationship for a reason. Everyone makes mistakes. Let’s focus on our partners’ strengths and keep contempt out of the equation.

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4 Scientific “Hacks” That Might Change Your Sex Life, Forever

I have never been a particularly scientific person, at least not with any of the physical sciences. I have the most difficult remembering anything scientific that isn’t mitochondria or osmosis. (I know I sound like I’m joking, but other than issues of psychology, I’m science-dumb.)

When it comes to the bigger scientific issues facing the world – I’m interested, but I leave it to the experts. That’s how I stumbled upon the 4 scientific terms that describe the process of arousal – the psychology, chemistry, and even the biology of it. Curious? Let’s take a look at the “short version”.

1.    The Dual Control Model

According to Emily Nagoski, a self-proclaimed “sex nerd” with a PhD in human sexuality, explains the Dual Control Model as the illustrative representation of our body’s arousal and desire. Essentially, this model says that human sexual arousal is not a single response system, but a pair of response systems that work to “activate” and “deactivate” your sexual pleasure centers.

The Sexual Excitation System (or SES) is responsible for picking up what Nagoski calls “sexually relevant information”. Generally, these are the things that would make up a person’s turn-ons, such as trust in a partner, seeing or hearing other people having sex, or genital stimulation. There is no one-size-fits-all list, but generally, activating many of these triggers at or around the same time will increase the likelihood of arousal.

However, there is a conflicting system, as well – the Sexual Inhibition System (or SIS). The triggers for a non-arousal response include things like sleep deprivation, anxiety, and a sense of obligation. These are all things that, naturally, turn us off and make us not want sex. Many of these triggers have nothing to do with the sex, but will still weigh against the outcomes.

Nagoski offered a small hack for people struggling to get through this problem, though. Whereas most people may think that activating more of the SES triggers (turn-ons) will improve the chances for sex, this is not scientifically proven to have any benefit. On the other hand, decreasing the number of SIS triggers (turn-offs) has been found to have a much greater effect on a person’s sex drive and overall sense of arousal.

Moral of the story: If you want to put your girlfriend in the mood, you should make sure to put her mind at ease first!

2.    Responsive Desire vs. Spontaneous Desire

Emily continued to explain two terms that help define the type of arousal a person can feel: Responsive desire and spontaneous desire. Spontaneous desire refers to desire that comes about out of nowhere – such as when you’re suddenly in the mood, with seemingly no provocation. Responsive desire refers to desire that is set into motion in response to specific sexual stimulation, such as when your partner kisses on your neck.

In most clinical contexts, spontaneous desire is considered to be the “default”. Spontaneous desire is a normal and healthy arousal style, which may result in a higher sex drive. Often those with spontaneous desires will want to experience sex in more contexts, and may have been told by previous partners that they were hypersexualized.

Responsive desire, on the other hand, is clinically medicalized as “low desire”, despite being a completely normal and healthy arousal style. Those with responsive desire may prefer their sexual scenarios to be more detail-oriented, although they often have a less frequent desire for sex. The insecurity over their low sex drive may be a trigger for their SIS (as referenced in section 1, above).

While both are completely normal and healthy, society may condition the “spontaneous” partner to feel rejected while the “responsive” partner is conditioned to think that there’s something wrong with them. But both of these are wrong, according to Emily. “The idea that a functioning sexual desire requires wanting sex out of the blue is bullshit.” This is good news for couples who have fallen out of sync!

Emily advises couples to introduce more non-sexual touching and communication into their relationships, among other suggestions. Rather than looking at your lack of sex as a separate problem, remember that it’s the culminating result of other problems – and focus on fixing those. You will learn which triggers are the worst for your partner, and help her resolve those.

Moral of the story: Emily says. “If you have more physical affection, more trust, more caring, less worry and stress, and less performance pressure, you’ll actually start to respond more readily and have more instances of spontaneous desire.”

3.    Arousal Nonconcordance

The third scientific expression that Emily went over was arousal nonconcordance, which is when your mind and your body just don’t agree. We anticipate a genital response when stimulating our partners, but scientifically speaking, the agreement of the biologically female body is often around 10%.

This can result in women being incredibly wet, without the slightest arousal – or “dry as a bone” (in Emily’s words) and mentally ready to go. It’s important that you listen to what your partner is saying in these cases, because her mouth is controlled by her conscious mind, whereas her body is controlled by her unconscious mind.

This shouldn’t stand in the way of a healthy sexual relationship, though – it should only be used as motivation for the two of you to communicate. When you and your partner have the freedom to discuss your desires with one another, it makes it easier for both of you to differentiate between desire and biological response.

Moral of the story: Talk to your partner – her vagina doesn’t always know what it’s talking about.

4.    Meta-Emotions

Whenever I hear the term “meta”, I always think that whatever follows it is going to be something super technological and futuristic. If you get that impression, too, don’t worry – meta-emotions are simply the way you feel about your emotions. Your mood in response to your mood, if you will.

Many relationship problems are a direct result of different styles of affection. One partner might feel that their partner is being emotionally dismissive, but the dismissive partner is actually unaware that there’s a problem in the first place. This can be tricky, because not everyone fully understands the complexity of romantic affection style differences, and some are bound to conflict with one another.

The solution here is to not take your partner’s emotions so personally, but do give them the attention they deserve. If you have a solid understanding of each other’s affection styles, you can try to apply them and find a balanced solution that works for you.

One of the most important things to remember about emotions is that the way you respond to them directly relates to how you handle the problem. In other words, it’s fine to feel bad about something – but you have to accept that you feel bad about it in order to work towards a solution. If you are too busy feeling bad about feeling bad, you can’t possibly fix the problem itself.

Moral of the story: If you’re not trying to fix it, you’re not allowed to complain about it. Complaining and self-doubt are self-fulfilling prophecies that keep you from finding happiness.

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It May Be Soon Possible For Lesbian Couples To Have Children With Genes From Both Parents

According to new research, same-sex couples may one day be able to have children who are genetically related to both partners.

A new technique – yet to be tried on humans – would involve scientists collecting a specific type of cell (such as a muscle cell) and producing a stem cell. These stem cells would then be used to create gametes (sex cells) – including creating an egg from a man or a sperm cell from a woman.

Research published in the Journal of Law and the Biosciences investigates the potential of this new scientific technique, known as ‘in vitro gametogenesis’ (IVG).

This could include ‘multiplex parenting’ with children having groups of more than two parents, or children with just one biological parent.

Scientist Sonia Suter from George Washington University, USA, explains IVG may be preferable to other fertility treatments in some circumstances, but in others it could be ‘substantially more problematic’.

For single parents, where all of the baby’s genetic material would come from one person’s DNA, there are greater challenges, Suter says.

We have minimal knowledge about the implications. The only way to demonstrate the effectiveness and safety of these techniques in humans is to use in vitro gametes (sex cells) to try to produce viable offspring in controlled settings – when and if we deem it sufficiently safe to do so.”

Dr George Ndkwe, medical director of the Zita West fertility clinic, told Huffington Post this technique, while useful, could radically change the notion of parenthood in future.

This is wonderful science, but it’s going to raise questions. There are possible uses of it, which in my opinion can be useful. For instance, for somebody who has no sperm at all or a woman who has no egg, if you can use any of their cells to create sperm or eggs then they can have treatment, so to use it in that way specifically for treatment, in my opinion may have some benefits.”

He added:

It would completely challenge our notion of parenthood with very complex legal implications. That’s where it gets very scary.”

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The Art Of Compromise: Affection Styles And Balance

Ladies, we span the whole board when it comes to sexual needs. Some of us are hypersexual creatures that would prefer to get busy multiple times a day, and others are content with far less than that. But what do you do if your partner considers sex to be “not enough”?

As someone whose sex drive falls a little lower on the scale than my partner’s (admittedly, by quite a bit sometimes), I can see the frustration that women who want more than sex face when their partner wants it more than they do. But I have also been the one who wants it more – so I do see why a “lack” of sex (even if only a slight decline) can be frustrating, too.

How can you bring yourself to show your partner affection the way she wants – without sacrificing the affection you want? It can definitely be a tough process, but it’s not impossible. Your best option may be to find the right balance between the different types of affection that exist. After all, very few things in love are cut-and-dry, one certain way. Most of the time, you’ll have to pick pieces that work and throw away the ones that don’t.

Affection Type: Romance.

For many women, affection is tied to romantic gestures. Maybe she wants a massage, or forehead kisses, or breakfast in bed. These things are often considered “sweet”, and most women respond well to them. They shouldn’t be the only form of affection you show, but they should make up a fair portion of it if either you or your partner is the romantic type.

When we show our love to our partner in non-sexual ways, we are reassuring her that she is more than just a plaything to us. We are showing her that we are attracted to her mind as well as her body, and this is a wonderful feeling to receive. Of course, it’s not something you can easily “fake”, nor should you try. But generally, you should be incorporating romance into your relationship.

Some simple ideas for those who are less romantic:

  • Make her breakfast in bed, or at least a cup of coffee or tea (whichever she prefers).
  • Send her a text message letting her know you’re thinking of her.
  • Offer to rub her back when she’s had a hard day at work.
  • Cuddle while you watch a movie.

For those who are more romantic, you’re not totally off the hook here, either. You’ll need to pay attention to the things she does and evaluate that they are romantic, even if subtly.

  • If she compliments your appearance, she may be trying to voice her romance. Try not to counter with an argument why she’s “wrong”; i.e. if she says you’re beautiful, don’t say “But I haven’t even washed my hair today” – say “Thank you!”
  • If she holds your hand in public (and she’s not particularly romantic), this might be the level of romance she’s comfortable with – accept that romance is, in many ways, a character trait.
  • Notice when she tries and appreciate her efforts. Don’t nitpick that her efforts aren’t good enough, or she’s likely to get discouraged and stop trying.

There are definitely a million other things that you could do to show your love in a romantic way, but they only come about with practice. If you’re not used to being romantic, the first few romantic actions you take can feel incredibly awkward (and sometimes downright uncomfortable).

Not every woman responds the same to romance – so you’ll need to determine what percentage of your affection should be shown this way.

Affection Type: Gifts.

The subject of giving your partner gifts is a loaded topic, to be sure. Some women (including me) are incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of receiving gifts from a new partner, and it may take them quite a while to adjust to the idea. It’s important that you realize that your gifts to her should not make up the entirety of your affection – nor should every gift be a huge purchase.

Small gifts go a long way when they’re being used to show your affection. You shouldn’t have to shower your partner with a million diamonds or a car or a huge chunk of money. Rather, you should be choosing small things that will make your partner happy. Any woman who demands bigger and better gifts is not in the relationship for the right reasons.

Looking for some gift ideas that will show you’re thinking about her without making you look like a sugar momma?

  • Flowers – always a good choice. It shouldn’t matter if they’re flowers you picked or flowers you bought.
  • A book, if she likes to read. If it’s a book she’s specifically mentioned wanting to read, even better!
  • Her favorite movie, if she doesn’t already own it.

When your partner gives you gifts, you’ll need to keep a few things in mind.

  • Be thankful for the gifts you receive. No one likes someone who’s ungrateful. Even if the gift isn’t something you’ll actually use, you should accept that it was given with love.
  • Don’t ask how much she spent. Unless she used your money to buy it, it’s really none of your business! If she got you an inexpensive gift, it may have been all she could afford – if she got you an expensive gift, she may have had extra money saved up for the occasion. She is allowed to surprise you without an interrogation.
  • Do let her know if you are uncomfortable with the gifts she gives you. You should find a tactful way to express this, but if she is giving you things that you genuinely do not feel comfortable with (whether too sexual, too expensive, clothing that’s not your taste, etc.) you should speak up – otherwise she may assume that you liked it and continue giving you those types of gifts.

Any of these gifts will likely fall under $20, so they probably won’t make money-conscious women feel uncomfortable, but they also show that she was on your mind when you weren’t together. It’s up to you whether you save these gifts for a “special occasion” or if you give them to her on impulse – but generally, impulse gifts are more romantic because they don’t seem like an “obligation”.

Affection Type: Sex.

Sex is, of course, a strong way to show your affection. Depending on the type of sex you’re having, it can mean anything from “I want you” to “I love you” to “I want to make you weak”. Good sex generally involves communication, intimacy, and physical contact, although the lines aren’t always clearly drawn.

In relationships where the sex drive between one partner and the other varies greatly (as they sometimes do), it can be tough to show affection through sex, as the partner who wants it less may be under the impression that the need for sex is a purely physical joy. The partner who wants sex may feel that they are being neglected if they don’t get sex as much as they want it. The truth is, neither one is automatically right.

In an honest, loving relationship, there will be a mix of “loving” sex and “feeling” sex – sometimes in the same sitting. What’s important is that you find a balance that satisfies both of you, and you understand that your needs and your partner’s needs are both important.

If you’re the one who wants it more, there are a few things you can do to put your partner more in the mood when she might be less inclined to get naked:

  • Initiate sex with your actions, rather than your words. Don’t ask for sex – work to put her in the mood and see where it goes. Don’t beat yourself up if she still says no. If you respect her, you won’t pressure her into sex if she doesn’t want it.
  • Learn what turns her on and use this to your advantage. If you plan to use sex to show your affection, you should be focused on what she likes – otherwise her assumptions that you’re only after sex are really not that unfounded.
  • Be willing to put your sexual needs to the side if she needs something else. Pressuring her to have sex with you does not come across as affection, it comes across as control. Not everyone likes being controlled. In fact, most people don’t.

This isn’t to say that the less-sexual partner has nothing to do, either. There are things that she should be doing to accommodate her partner’s sexual needs as much as she is able to.

  • Try to be receptive. It’s hard to force yourself in the mood if you don’t want it (trust me, I do understand!) but you’ll need to allow yourself to be influenced. If you fight her every step of the way, you’ll never be in the mood, and she will understandably feel neglected.
  • Try to be understanding. Some women are not great at expressing their romantic intentions, and while she should be willing to try, it’s highly unlikely that she’ll get it right immediately if she’s never been the romantic type before.
  • Try to compromise. If you absolutely can’t put yourself in the mood, offer to give her something instead. Not all women like receiving, so this might not work in your situation, but in my experience most women will “settle” for getting when they don’t want to give.

Sexual chemistry might not be a “science” in the most literal sense of the word, but it is a learning process that can be changed to suit the needs of the couple in most cases. If you find that you and your partner have entirely incompatible needs, it might be best if you move on – but as long as the two of you are willing to work through it, there’s nothing saying that your relationship is doomed.

Affection Type: Communication.

Anyone who has read pretty much any of my previous articles knows that I am big on communication. Maybe that’s why I became a writer – I have a need to express how I feel, and I feel insulted when/if my partner doesn’t feel the same way. Communication is important in a relationship, always – but the amount of communication that you need may vary in every relationship you have.

There’s an assumption that, in lesbian relationships, both will want to share their feelings – because that’s what “women” do. I think that’s a load of garbage. Not everyone is into expressing themselves, and as someone who desires to see into the soul of my partner (figuratively, of course), it becomes irritating when she doesn’t want to communicate with me.

It’s important that those of us who value communication are able to take a step back and see the unspoken communication, too, as some women are more comfortable expressing themselves non-verbally. While it’s certainly easier to work with straight-forward words, non-verbal communication is just as important as the things we say out loud.

For those who aren’t good with speaking your feelings, there are a few things that you should work extra hard to make sure your partner knows. It might be hard, but they’re necessary parts of a “grown-up” relationship.

  • Tell her you love her – but only if you actually do.
  • Tell her the things she does that you like.
  • Tell her the things she does that you don’t (Don’t expect her to guess, and don’t keep them bottled up.)
  • Tell her how you’re feeling, if it’s something worth noting. You don’t have to share every thought that crosses your mind, or fill every silence, but if you’re in a bad mood, tell her with your words, instead of lashing out at her. If you’re happy with her, make sure you let her know. If you’re sad because you’re thinking about your dog who died when you were six – yeah, tell her that too! You should be able to share with your partner.
  • If any of these things is particularly difficult to you, you can put them in writing – most likely she will appreciate the effort you put forth to share what’s on your mind, even if you can’t bring your mouth to say the words.

For those, like me, who tend to be heavy on communication, there are a few guidelines to follow to make sure your message is actually being heard.

  • Do allow yourself to express your feelings. If your partner does not value your feelings or does not want you to communicate things, you have every right to be mad about this. She should listen to and respect you.
  • Don’t force your verbal right-of-way. If your chats turn into a shouting match, with each of you trying to speak over the other, it might be best to walk away and revisit the situation when you’ve both calmed down.
  • Don’t bottle up a fight, if it’s over something important. If there’s something your partner does that annoys you to no end, you can speak up about it – you deserve to be happy. You shouldn’t be fighting about every little thing, but you shouldn’t remain miserable, either. Find that balance that shows you care enough about the relationship to work out the kinks.

Just as with the other types of affection, in most cases communication will not be the only way you show your affection for one another – and it shouldn’t be. After all, if you’re just looking for someone to talk to, you can get a pen-pal or a cat. Your partner needs to know that you appreciate all the aspects of her person – even if you don’t love all the different pieces, you love her as a whole, and she deserves to know.

What’s the right balance?

This is where things get tricky. No two relationships will have the same ratio. It would be so easy to say it should be 25% romance, 25% gift-giving, 25% sex, and 25% talking… But does that seem realistic to you? All four components are necessary to some degree, but you will have to evaluate those degrees for yourself. Rarely will it be a completely equal distribution.

Say, for example, neither of you is comfortable with the idea of getting gifts, and you both have high sex drives. Would it make sense to give each other gifts as often as you have sex? Probably not. But most relationships won’t have both partners heavy in the same area – and this is where compromise comes into play.

The equality should work out such that yours and your partner’s needs are considered equal – that’s an absolute must. After all, this is a partnership, not a dictatorship, right? Be fair to each other, and find what works for the two of you. If you absolutely can’t agree, the relationship might not be right – and that’s okay too, believe it or not.

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Scientists Discover How Loneliness Is Having A Serious Effect On Our Immune Systems

We’ve all felt isolated at times, but the so-called “invisible epidemic” that is loneliness is about much more than ephemeral feelings of sadness.

For decades, researchers have been seeing signs that the immune systems of lonely people are working differently.

Loneliness is now linked to everything from heart disease, depression, to Alzheimer’s disease and cancer.

A study suggests that’s because the pain of loneliness activates the immune pattern of a primordial response commonly known as fight or flight.

Lonely people’s white blood cells seem to be more active in a way that increases inflammation, a natural immune response to wounding and bacterial infection. On top of that, they seem to have lower levels of antiviral compounds known as interferons.

That seemed to provide a link to a lot of the poor health outcomes associated with loneliness, since chronic inflammation has been linked to everything from cancer to depression.

The human body isn’t built to hold a high level of inflammation for years, and therefore this is making you ill.

Steve Cole, a genomics researcher at the University of California, Los Angeles, and lead author on the study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences said,

That explains very clearly why lonely people fall at increased risk for cancer, neurodegenerative disease and viral infections as well.”

Not only this, but they have discovered that prolonged loneliness can change how your body works.

To find that out, Cole and his collaborators tracked 141 people over five years.

Every year, the researchers measured how lonely the participants felt and took blood samples to track the activity of genes involved with immunity and inflammation.

They also tracked concentrations of the hormone norepinephrine, one of the two main signals during the flight-or-fight response.

Cole noticed that when people felt lonesome, they had significantly higher levels of norepinephrine coursing through their blood.

That could explain all the other immune changes that happen when people suffer from social isolation.

In a life-threatening situation, norepinephrine cascades through the body and starts shutting down immune functions like viral defence, while ramping up the production of white blood cells called monocytes.

Cole added;

It’s this surge in these pro-inflammatory white blood cells that are highly adapted to defend against wounds, but at the expense of our defenses against viral diseases that come from close social contact with other people,”

At the same time, lonely people seem to be shutting down genes that would make their bodies sensitive to cortisol, which lowers inflammation. That ramps up the defensive inflammation response.

Loneliness would hit the switch on a defence plan our bodies initiate in the face of mortal danger, Cole thinks, if isolation is somehow truly lethal.

At this point, my best guess was that loneliness really is one of the most threatening experiences we can have. Though I didn’t think of loneliness as being that awful. It’s not pleasant, but not something my body should be getting all up in arms about.”

In the world of cubicles and studio apartments, loneliness is everywhere. We find it in both crowds and empty rooms. We change cities and lose friends. Even in relationships, people can be strangers to one another. But things were very different for our ancestors. When humans were evolving in a prehistoric environment, they banded together for food and for protection.

To be ostracised from your tribe was a death sentence, says Charles Raison, a psychiatrist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison who did not work on the study.

Literally they would die. There was no human way to live in isolation.”

Being alone in the wild meant you could be mauled by angry animals or angry human beings. Then your body would need extra defences against wounds and infection, but less protection against viruses you get from other people, like the flu. In that case, the stressful response to loneliness would simply be the body’s way of trying to survive exile.

The findings of this study have been published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

11 Famous Lesbians Who Inspire Us Every Day

Sometimes, when faced with the difficult task of coming out, we rely on the stories of other women who have found success even after being identified as lesbians.

It can be reassuring to know that we’re in good company, and we truly are.

There are many women in Hollywood and in history who have had success despite the oppositions they faced for loving other women.

Read on to find some of our top choices for influential lesbian role models.

Ellen DeGeneres, comedian


Of course Ellen DeGeneres would make our list. She’s often considered the collective “mother” to the lesbian community, and for good reason – she was one of the first big Hollywood names to openly come out as a lesbian.

Although many of Ellen’s fans are in the gay community, she doesn’t market herself “exclusively” to lesbians, and in fact she sees a strong following of gay, straight, and bisexual fans. She actually publicly said that she “never wanted to be a spokesperson for the gay community” – which is in part why she is so admired.

She didn’t come out in hopes of being a role model – it just happened.

Jane Addams, social worker

Jane Addams, social worker

You might not have heard of Jane Addams before, but she’s one of the pioneers of social work. She was born in 1860 and she found the Hull House in Chicago. Although the word “lesbian” wasn’t actually coined until 1890 and she wouldn’t have chosen to refer to herself as a lesbian, an analysis of her life would show that she would have fit the description by today’s standards.

Jane had a tough background that helped to make her relatable to others, and helped to define her interest in doing good. After all, those with the harshest pasts are often the ones who seek to make the brightest futures for others.

Jamie Babbitt, director

Jamie Babbitt, director

Jamie Babbitt is one of the lesser visible lesbians in Hollywood. She is a director who has been out for the entirety of her career, and she doesn’t shy away from making “typically” lesbian films. In fact, she’s the director of one of my personal favorites – But I’m a Cheerleader!

She likes to have mainly-women crews on her movies, and one in particular (Itty Bitty Titty Committee) had an entirely female crew. Her feminist and lesbian-positive outlooks make her a prime role model of what a lesbian can achieve.

Alison Bechdel, writer

Alison Bechdel, writer

As a writer myself, I find it fascinating to discover other famous lesbian writers. Alison Bechdel chronicles the life of lesbians in her comic strip, “Dykes to Watch Out For”, as well as her graphic memoir, “Fun Home”. She explores some deep issues through her comics and she helps to inspire those with similar experiences.

Gladys Bentley, blues singer

Gladys Bentley, blues singer

Gladys Bentley was a pioneer in lesbian visibility before it was cool. In the 1920s, she rose to fame by rewriting popular songs with dirty lyrics, and openly flirted with women in her audiences. At that time in American history, it was enough to be a butch lesbian – never mind the fact that she was a lesbian of color who had a very public relationship with a white woman.

Later in life, she claimed to have “cured” her lesbianism by taking female hormones and married a man. The man denied it, and the science behind her claims of “going straight” just isn’t there. Still, for a large portion of her life, she represented a willingness to be completely true to yourself and to put love first.

Michelle Bonilla, actress

Michelle Bonilla, actress

Michelle Bonilla certainly isn’t one of the “big names” in American television, but she has had some pretty big roles. You might recognize her from her roles in E.R., Star Trek: Enterprise, or even Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. She admits that being out wasn’t even a conscious decision for her – it just sort of happened.

I was posed a question, are you gay? And why was I going to lie?”

It’s always reassuring to hear of people who don’t worry about “coming out”, but rather just being themselves. In a perfect world, everyone would just be free to be who they are.

Sara Gilbert, actress

Okay, I admit – Sara Gilbert made this list because I have a giant crush on her. I think I always have, actually, ever since her early days as Darlene on Roseanne (1988-1997). Of course, back then she was just “a tomboy” – but she has since come out as a lesbian. She supports a great deal of causes, including many animal rights organizations, and she is a vegetarian.

Barbara Gittings, activist

Barbara Gittings, activist

There aren’t too many people that have become famous based on their activism, but in some ways Barbara Gittings could be compared to the Martin Luther King, Jr. of gay rights. In the 1950s and ‘60s, she was a huge supporter of anti-discrimination legislation that would have put an end to workplace discrimination for homosexuals. She also helped to found her local chapter of the Daughters of Bilitis (a lesbian social organization). She was a proud lesbian woman who felt that homosexuals should be judged for reasons beyond their sexuality. It’s a bit sad that we’re still fighting that battle 50 years later, but Barbara helped pave the way.

Gertrude Stein, writer

Gertrude Stein, writer

Gertrude Stein wasn’t exactly out of the closet while she was alive, but letters published after her death indicated that she had a lifelong relationship with Alice B. Toklas, which she referred to as a marriage. She was a well-received writer who even mentored some of the “greats”, like Sherwood Anderson and Ernest Hemingway. She continued writing and teaching until her death in 1946. In 1967, Alice was buried next to her – a testament to lifelong love. (Aww!)

Ellen Page, actress


When Ellen Page came out as a lesbian in 2014, there were many of us in the lesbian community who really weren’t all that shocked. But the fact that, in 2014, she still felt the need to come out publicly says a lot about the invisibility that we still face every day.

Her brave “coming out” speech was inspirational for many teenagers and young adults, and it paved the way for even more in Hollywood to come out. (Plus, if you haven’t heard her coming out speech, it’s pretty incredible.)

Sally Ride, astronaut

Sally Ride, astronaut

For any girl who grew up desiring to go to space, Sally Ride made that a real possibility. She was the first American woman in space, and she paved the way for many girls to grow up loving the sciences. Her life partner, Tam O’Shaughnessy, accepted the Presidential Medal of Freedom on her behalf after her death in 2012.

It was not widely known that she was a lesbian before her death, but her family said she made no attempts to hide her relationship with Tam amongst her private circle.

I’m Always the Other Woman | We Answer Your Questions

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.

Q: I’m Always the Other Woman

Dear KitschMix,

I’m taking a deep breath before spewing this out. Maybe 2 days ago got a phone call informing me that the woman I’ve been chilling with for the past 5 or so months has actually had a long-term, long-distance girlfriend. She’s moving in this weekend. Wait. Stop. Excuse me?!? How did I miss that? To be fair, she withdrew a little last weekend, but really, that withdrawal should not have been the first tip that something so big was going on.

Now, here comes the harder part for me to say. This is the 3rd woman I’ve dated who has had commitments elsewhere. One “forgot” to break it off with me before jumping into bed with the love of her life. With the other, one of her friends tipped me off.

Examining it all, I guess it’s pretty easy to carry on an affair with me. I’m not quite 26 and working to keep my head above water while trying to earn a master’s degree. I work anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week, am enrolled in two classes, and sometimes pick up between 10 and 15 of extra work. I enjoy getting the heck out of town on the weekends with my friends. We always saw one another 2 or 3 days a week, usually at least one weekend day, and had a decent amount of phone and e-mail contact. That seems like a lot of contact to me but there are 3-4 other days a week that I was not physically around to play with her. Short of running hiring a private investigator, how can I verify a woman is telling me the truth when she says that she is single?

In dating, I’m really just looking for someone to play with in my non-work time. If something deeper develops, that’d be great but … chances of finding Mrs Forever seem pretty slim at the moment. After this string of bad luck, I’m annoyed with myself for being a bad people reader. There’s a lesson being missed here, but I can’t seem to grasp it. I just … almost feel like it’s unethical for me to keep dating. I keep thinking of the other women who just moved her life for her! I don’t even have the right to feel this way because she wasn’t mine — she was *hers* and I was stealing her. How do I deal? Should I say something or just let go?

Q: Wow, reader, that seems like a very complicated situation. It sounds to me like you are at least partially blaming yourself for these women being unfaithful to their partners – but if you didn’t know about it when entering the relationship, it’s not you – it’s them.

I know that doesn’t really make it any easier to deal with, but at least you have the clear conscience of knowing that it’s not your fault. (Of course, this is me assuming that you broke it off once you found out that their commitments lied elsewhere.)

You shouldn’t have to hire a private investigator to determine whether the girl is single or not. I understand that it can be difficult when the women aren’t being honest with you, but it can be really difficult to find out if a woman is telling you the truth without invading her personal privacy. Of course, if she’s being dishonest, the invasion may be warranted – but if you “check up” on the wrong woman, it can be disastrous and may even cost you the relationship.

I understand that this can make it extra difficult for you. We don’t want to push the wrong women away, but we also don’t want to pull the wrong women closer to us. This leaves you in the situation of having to trust what they say, even when you have proof that you can’t always do that.

My first thoughts here are simply, where are you finding these women? If you’re meeting them through the same outlets (such as all at a bar, all through online dating, etc.) it may be as simple as changing your approach. It’s always a good idea to switch things up anyway, particularly when you find that you keep attracting “the wrong women”. (Even if they may be “right” in all other ways, and simply emotionally unavailable.)

If it is possible for you to do so, I would recommend that you try and shift your search to women just outside of your personal network – that is, friends of your friends. It can be awkward to find out about women this way, but generally people will know the relationship statuses of their friends. (Be warned, though – I was once set up with a friend-of-a-friend who ended up playing me and another girl; she was being dishonest to our mutual friends, as well.)

In regards to how you feel about this situation – you do have every right to be hurt. Just because she wasn’t “yours” doesn’t mean that you thought she was yours. While you don’t have the right to, for example, demand she leave her long-term girlfriend, you do have the right to feel hurt by this girl’s actions.

I wouldn’t say that it would be unethical for you to date – it’s not like you’re intentionally seeking out girls who are already attached. You’re just as much of a victim as their girlfriends are, as you, too, were being played. It can be a tough situation to be in, as “the other woman” also feels a great amount of guilt, but it’s important for your own sanity that you place the blame where it’s actually due.

I’m of the mind that you should absolutely say something to this woman. Tell her that you don’t think it’s fair how she treated you, and how she went behind her girlfriend’s back. It most likely won’t change anything, but it will probably make you feel better – and sometimes that’s more important. (Besides, even if it did change things – would you want to be with a woman who was unfaithful to their last partner? It might be a generalization, but sometimes a cheater remains a cheater.)

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Science Says There Are Several Reasons Why You’ll End Up Dating A Player

Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to catch yourself a nice, stable women who treats you well and makes you feel special?

You tell yourself you’re looking for someone good for you and yet, you always seem to choose someone who’s all wrong for you.

We’ve all been there.

Getting played by another woman is almost a rite of passage. It’s never a pleasant experience, but it does allow us to grow and learn from past mistakes.


So, why do we keep chasing these women? Well, it turns out the reason you can’t stop chasing that player is plain and simple.

We often find narcissism irresistible

Doesn’t it seem like whenever you’re out of one toxic relationship — with yet another heartbreaker — you seem to end up in a new romance mirroring the last?

The thing about dating is we never really learn our lesson. It doesn’t matter how many douche bags we encounter in the dating world; we’ll still be attracted to them.

We can’t just change our biology to suddenly like the nice, quiet woman who keeps asking us out.

Why is this? Well, researchers at Hartpury College in England studied 146 British women aged 18-24 and found even women with a high quantity of dating experience are still geared towards partners displaying narcissistic (read: assh*le) characteristics.

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been burned; you just keep reaching out and touching the flame over and over again.

We often opt for hot sex over quiet conversation.

If there is one thing those hot, no good, sexy women bring to the table, it’s a fiery sex life.

And this will always top the sweet little beta females.

A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy zeroed in on college-aged women and what they thought of the “nice guy” stereotype.

Researchers found women preferred the nice guy for a typical dating atmosphere but the passionate, unpredictable “bad boi” nearly always won out when it came to sex.

So, while women tend to prefer the ultra-nice lady for conversation and emotional wherewithal, we want the fox with the motorcycle and the bad attitude to come home with us at night.

We think we’ll be the ones to change them.

We always think a cheater won’t always be this way. She just has to find the right girl, and once they do, everything changes.

It’s true, even though the rhetoric has suggested otherwise: once a cheater does not mean always a cheater.

However, old habits die hard, and though you may think this time will be different, you’re only hoping for a different outcome for the same patterns of behaviour.

Sociopaths are the sexiest people on earth.

While not players are not necessarily sociopaths, most sociopaths are players. According to Vice, sociopaths are the most charming, enthralling people on the planet.

She’ll charm us and make us feel good, but it’ll always be about her.

The sociopath will manipulate your emotions. She’ll put herself first and just string us along for the ride.

It’s hard to see it before it’s too late, and by then, you’re too tightly wrapped up in their web of bullsh*t.

We want what we can’t have.

Women are always attracted to the damaged, broken individual because most of us love a project.

We’re nurturing by nature and want to tend to the battered and helpless.

Unfortunately, you cannot fix a woman who doesn’t want to be fixed. More often than not, you’re the one who’ll walk away with pieces missing; she’ll walk away unscathed.