We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.

Q: Is scissoring actualy effective? 

Dear KitschMix,

So I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we want to get more adventurous in the bedroom. She really likes the idea of scissoring and I’m open trying anything once.

We tried last night as well…no luck was had.

Our main problem was that our vulvas, let alone our clits, weren’t rubbing together that well. If anything, both of our asses kept getting in the way. We kept referring to pictures online on lesbian forums, tried to position both our bodies differently, used pillows, etc. etc., but still no improvement.

Has anyone had success with scissoring? Any tips?

A: Oh my goodness, scissoring. It is both my guilty pleasure and the bane of my existence. It can definitely be effective, but there are some problems.

First, it’s definitely a learning experience. Chances are, it’s different than other things you’ve tried in the bedroom, and this can make it difficult to know when you’ve got it right. Especially if your main information is through pictures or porn – because the goal of these two types of materials is to show you what’s going on, they’re a bit misleading when it comes to actual practice.

You really need to be right on top of each other or it isn’t going to work. Most likely, you’re going to have to practice a lot before you get it down – but you’ll definitely know when you do.

Second, your anatomy plays a big part in it too – to an extent. I am not a very small girl, especially in the hips and butt area, so I feel your pain! My current partner and I have both gained a bit of weight over the past year or so – partially due to her having surgery, and partially because I stopped exercising as much as I used to. Before, when we were smaller, we were able to work it out – but even before we got to the sizes we are currently, it got difficult as we got further away from that “perfect” weight for us. We still try every now and then, but it’s not like it was when we were smaller.

For something that feels like scissoring but is a bit more forgiving to body types that aren’t “perfectly built” for such, consider standard tribbing. Technically, the only difference between the two is that scissoring is clit-to-clit while tribbing is clit-to-anything. This makes it a lot easier to handle, but produces the same end result.

Try aligning yourselves with your legs between each other’s legs. Try and get your thigh flat against her vagina, and help her to do the same. Then, as one of you rubs yourself against a leg, the leg that is against your partner will rub against her, too – and if the two of you are on the same rhythm, it feels very similar to “real” scissoring.

I hope this helps – please write again and let us know if this worked for you!

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We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.

Q: In A Relationship, But I Have Major Crush On Another Woman

Dear KitschMix,

My SO and I have been together for 2.5 years. I love her more than anything and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. She makes me incredibly happy! We’re so comfortable with each other, tell each other EVERYTHING, and there’s never a time when our conversation feels “dead”. Point being, we’re madly in love.

But… We’ve been doing long distance the past month, and I developed a crush on a girl with whom I work. I told this to my SO, and she said that if the occasion arises, I should not feel bad about kissing said crush.

Part of me is conflicted. Why am I feeling the need to kiss someone else? I was immediately attracted to my crush the moment I saw her. We’ve flirted, sent texts, pictures, etc, but nothing beyond that. (And yes, I showed my SO the pictures and texts). Crush has a boyfriend, but the flirtation from her end was insane. Selfies, innuendos, emojis… She’s calmed down her flirting, but I told my SO that I do miss it a little.

Anyway, it felt good to get that off my chest. SO has been very supportive, and I thank Raptor that she’s in my life!!

Dear Reader,

It seems like you’re in a complicated position right now – but also that you have a very supportive girlfriend. Not everyone is able to support an “open” relationship. It certainly doesn’t work for everyone, but if it works for you – I know many people who are quite in love inside of their polyamorous relationships.

In my opinion, you should discuss with this other girl whether or not her boyfriend is aware of her flirtation with you. As I’ve said, there are a great deal of people who get along wonderfully inside of an open relationship – but if it’s not built on honesty, it’s dangerous territory. If her boyfriend knows and is OK with the situation, and your girlfriend also doesn’t mind, I don’t really see a problem in pursuing it.

You should be aware that there is always a potential for these things to go sour, though. There’s a chance that your girlfriend starts out OK with it and a later point decides she isn’t, at which point you’ll have to choose between the two women. Often, if your true feelings lie with your girlfriend, the choice may be easy and you’ve already “got it out of your system” with the other girl.

Other times, however, this won’t be the case. There is a potential that you will develop deeper feelings for this other girl. This can be difficult emotionally on everyone involved, but I am a firm believer that “what will be, will be” and eventually you will arrive at the right decision for you.

Of course, the main point of all of this is that there should be complete honesty between everyone involved. Make sure you communicate the situation at every step of the way, to avoid as much hurt as possible. There is no such thing as a perfect shot, but if the lines of communication stay fully open (ideally between all of you) your chances are as good as they can be.

Best of luck!

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