The hardest stereotypes to break are the ones that are so old as to go all the way back to hunter-gatherer days. After all, how can you argue with biology? Women carry the babies, men have the upper body strength to tackle gazelles – right?
But if society has taught us one thing, it’s that it becomes way too easy to attach amendments to that bill, claiming that all sexual and gender stereotypes date back to the early days of human evolution.
Vagina. When was the last time you said the “V” word out loud and didn’t feel a little self-conscious?
In an age of skin-baring pop stars, crazed internet porn and the sexualisation of women, it seems ironic that vaginas are still considered the most taboo area of human anatomy.
So, why is it still so hard for women to talk openly about their vagina?
It took me while to feel comfortable with my vagina, and to even look at it. I used to think it was something to be hidden and ashamed of. But, in time I learnt to see the wonder in vaginas, especially in other women, and in time I saw that pleasure in mine.
According to a study in the U.S, women who feel confident and comfortable about their vaginas have more sex and get more head.
Body confidence is important. All vaginas are beautiful.
Did you know…
Vagina directly translated from Latin means sheath or scabbard. But its name is constantly changing over time. The most universal nicknames for vagina is pussy, muff, cootch, twat and c**t.
Australian feminist and scholar Germaine Greer once said that the latter “is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock”.
C is a recognised word and can be found in various English-language dictionaries including our own Macquarie dictionary, where it is defined as “the female genitalia” as well as “a contemptible person”.
In various indigenous languages it is referred to as “nungle” and “kuckles” (also the name of a Broome-based band).
In French it is called “la chat”, “tarte au poile” (hairy tart) and more politely, “le foufoun”.
The dubious colloquialism “hokey” is used to describe a loose foofa. According to the urban dictionary, the term is derived from the song The Hokey-Pokey, meaning you can put your left leg in and shake it all about.
TV show host Oprah Winfrey even has a name for it – the vajayjay.
Then there’s foofa, box, pink, cock massager, one car garage, sperm dumpster, hoo-ha, axe wound, lady bits, china, vulva, blossomful of nectar, muffin, toolbox, velvety love folds, pastrami meat flaps, pin cushion, catchers mitt, cuckoos nest, the wound that never heals, bearded clam, beef curtains, tunatown, vertical taco, bajango, catpipe, nozzle trap, bushburger, front wedgie, meat hole, fanunu, pecker wetter, dirty south.
Come to think of it, maybe vagina isn’t so bad after all.
Truth – virginity has no definite definition, although some say it does. Most people will say that if you are “penetrated”, but that is a bit of a myth when it comes to women sleeping with women.
Women can lose their virginity through oral sex, penetration with fingers, or finger stimulation of clitoris, or maybe with toys.
For women having sex with other women, it’s a once in a lifetime experience without a real definition. Let’s be real. Sex is sex no matter who it’s with and Slate couldn’t agree more when they try and define when a lesbian loses her virginity.
Ask a Homo: When Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?
Today we take a moment to discuss Lesbian Bed Death – not to be confused with lesbian death bed, as a death bed is where someone dies.
So, WTF Is Lesbian Bed Death?
In 1982, sociologists Pepper Schwartz and Philip Blumstein published American Couples: Money, Work, Sex, which was the first major study to compare gays, lesbians, and heterosexual couples on issues such as sex, communication, and money.
Among many other findings, their research showed that lesbian couples had less frequent sex anyone else – thus the term lesbian bed death was born. Although their methodology and results were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own, with damaging results.
Lesbian bed death – (n.) When sexual relations between a lesbian couple have virtually ceased, yet the companionship remains.
There is now this stereotype that over time, lesbians become almost asexual; using their beds not for wild nights of passion, but for reading, sipping herbal tea, and hanging with their cats.
However, the truth is that lesbians who have been sleeping together for decades do have a love life, its just the marathon sex sessions slow down a little. Also many would argue that all couples (hetro and gay men) get tired of marathon sex sessions too – sex gets old regardless of a couple’s sexual orientation.
Lesbian bed death is not necessarily the symptoms of a doomed relationship. In fact its not a death, its a natural slowing down of a relationship, which is often created out of resignation and habit.
Also, a theory is it’s actually normal for sexual interest to wane when two people compromise a lot and share a lot, both trying to do the right thing by one another. We do so because we think we’re being generous and considerate, but sometimes this actually ends up making us feeling like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. And when we feel like this, we don’t feel sexual.
So what is the answer?
Spoiling. That’s right. So, once a week – when you don’t have to go to bed early or get up early the next day – create a night which is all about spoiling yourself with your partner.
Crack open a bottle of good wine, prepare an excellent dinner (or order in take-away), relax and watch some goofy-assed movie together. Eat some 80% organic, fair-trade chocolate (Green & Blacks is excellent). Have a shower together. Spend some time pleasuring each other, and doesn’t matter if that means backrubs or getting it on, just whatever is for you want to do.
When everything in your evening is all about you and your partner and the enjoyment of fine, wonderful things, you can’t help but have a great time.
When you ask those not in gay / bi women team ‘how do women have sex together’, they kind of tilt their head inquisitively go “hmmm…” and the next thing the topic of scissoring is raising its dainty head.
Why, because scissoring is assumed to be the exclusive sex-activity that we queer women take part in – well that and oral sex.
Huh, really… but why this act in particular? Well, because a) people often know nothing about lesbian sex, apart from what they see in porn, and b) in our hetero-normative culture, sex is seen as a genital-on-genital action, and therefore by that logic, scissoring just makes sense.
So do all lesbians scissor? Well yes and no. Scissoring is a colloquial umbrella term for Tribadism, which is the non-penetrative sex act of rubbing ones vulva against another’s body-parts (e.g. thighs, stomachs, and bottoms) for sexual stimulation.
It’s not just aiming your clitoris at another’s and creating fireworks (massive porn star myth). Also, if you are actually aiming at that it can all become pretty awkward, i.e if there is a significant height difference, it’s way more trouble than it’s worth.
So, yes scissoring is possible. It is pleasurable, but it is not always this…
Female squirting – yes we’re putting it out there. As lesbians, we’re expected to be the oracles on the subject of female sexuality, but the truth is, it is not always plain sailing.
The average woman (myself included) doesn’t know the true ins and outs of squirting – we haven’t been able to crack the code on how or why it happens. For most women, it’s the unicorn of sexual experiences, meaning we have only dreamed of meeting it face to face. This explains why there are so many urban legends about a friend of a friend of a cousin who could do it on command every time – Gee Wow.
But do not fear, Laci Green is here to give us the perfect sex ED on squirting…
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Kitsch Mix, is a rapidly growing social platform developed to promote the diverse creative ventures of women in the LGBT community. It aims to chronicle and celebrate the stories, people and voices that are emerging and inspiring all of us, ranging in topics from pop culture and style to politics and news, all through the lens of today’s LGBTQ community.
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