Tag Archives: Sex life

Sex is simultaneously one of the most awkward and most enjoyable experiences of our lives. We love sex for all of what it gives us: embarrassing stories to tell our friends, confidence and lots of orgasms (well, hopefully).

What Happens When Your Girlfriend Wants Sex Less Than You Do

What do you do when there’s a significant difference between your sex drive and your partner’s?

I have a long history of sexually incompatible partners. Not necessarily that I didn’t want to be compatible with them – I definitely did! But there were always issues, such as my wanting sex more than they did, or them wanting sex more than I did – or them wanting sex more with someone else. (That one’s always painful.)

In my current relationship, our biggest disagreement – always – is that I can’t bring myself to want sex as often as she’d like to give it to me. All in all, this isn’t a bad problem to have, really, and it sure beats the problem I had with my ex (who only wanted to have sex about once a month… Well, with me at least).

Even worse is that it’s not even that I don’t want to have sex with her. She’s the best I’ve ever had, by far. I just have so much stress from everything going on in my life that it can be hard to unwind.

From my experience on both sides of the spectrum, I can provide some insight into the complicated situations that arise when your sex drive doesn’t really match up with your lover’s – and offer some tips that may help to fix the problem.

Be patient, Sexaholic.

Sometimes your partner won’t want to get down to business – and in some cases there’s really nothing you can do but wait. While sex is a wonderful stress reliever, that definitely doesn’t guarantee that she’ll be able to unwind enough to get into the mood. And, as I’m sure you probably know – sex when you’re not aroused can be incredibly painful.

Make sure to get her warmed up first.

This is probably my biggest tip, one that will get you the furthest – turn her on before you try to play! It should be self-explanatory, but sometimes when one partner is accidentally doing something that the other partner feels is “seductive”, it can create tension. This tension makes it even more difficult for the less-driven partner to get in the mood.

Try giving her a massage.

In addition to having an extremely calming effect (which can make it easier to arouse her), many women are actually aroused by receiving a massage in the first place. I know I can be – although occasionally, if I’m not in the mood, I just get ticklish. It’s a turn-on for some people, but not for me.

Try sexting.

I have a confession: Sexting is my guilty pleasure. Getting a well-crafted dirty text message when I’m not able to follow through with it is a tease – which is incredibly sexy to many women. Obviously, don’t get her in trouble if she’s working or if she shares a phone with a family member, because that can just cause more stress. Also, make sure you don’t start off too dirty – the goal is to tease her until she’s begging for it when she gets home.

Try spicing things up.

Fact: Every woman has some type of kink or fantasy. Some women may not be so inclined to share them with you, but there is definitely something that gets her juices flowing and her thoughts rolling into the gutter. The trick is to find this secret fantasy and exploit it for your sexual benefit.

Consider telling her “no” sometimes.

This sort of goes hand in hand with the sexting tip. You always want it more when you can’t have it, therefore it might be that all it takes to get her in the mood is to tell her she can’t have it every now and then.

Obviously if you shoot her down every time, she’ll eventually stop trying, but playing with the control of the tease can have a wonderful effect on the sex drive of both parties. Just think of how much more you want it every time she’s not in the mood. It’s reverse psychology 101!

Never, ever force the issue.

Believe it or not, sexual abuse is a real issue, even in committed lesbian relationships. While we may feel that we “deserve” our partner’s body whenever we decide, that’s simply not true. Consent needs to be given on a case-by-case basis or you run the risk of traumatizing your partner and making them even less likely to submit to your sex drive in the future.

On the same note, there’s the idea of “taking your business elsewhere”. There’s this idea that humans aren’t meant to be monogamous – and to some extent, I agree. However, the people who make those arguments based on our baser animal instincts forget one simple fact: The majority of “monogamous” animals are different than the majority of “monogamous” humans. Animals that mate for life actually do mate for life – never having another partner.

However, when humans use the term “monogamy”, it’s referencing “from this point forward”. Very few people actually have the same romantic partner for their entire life – but a far greater number of people have one exclusive romantic partner at a time.

If you and your partner do have an open relationship, this can be a grey area – obviously if you’re allowed to sleep with other people

My advice doesn’t really pertain to you as much, but you should still consult with her before you go looking for someone else to fill your needs. Just because you have a relationship free from jealousy doesn’t mean you have the right to go sneaking about.

For the partner who isn’t in the mood, you have tasks to do, too.

First of all, you shouldn’t simply shut your partner down if they’re in the mood and you’re not. If at all possible, try to explain to your partner why you’re not susceptible to arousal at that time – whether you’re in pain, you’re exhausted from work, you have too much stress on your mind, et cetera.

If you tell your partner what’s going on that’s keeping you in your clothes, she might be able to address the issue. Even if she isn’t, it’s a safe bet that she’ll allow you to vent to her, possibly in order to cash in the “brownie points” later. Let her!

At least try to get in the mood.

This one can be tough sometimes, especially if the issue that’s hindering your libido is something like tiredness or physical pain. But if you don’t have a truly legitimate excuse to deny your partner, you should at least be giving her some pointers to get the ball rolling, and try to be receptive to her attempts. It won’t always work, but as Wayne Gretzky once said – “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Try to compromise.

If you don’t want sex because you’re too tired or you have too much work to do, consider “compromising” with your partner and telling her that you’ll give it up the next day – and then do your best to follow through on this promise.

If you don’t want to receive sex, but you’d be willing to give it to your partner – let her know this! I know some women get more satisfaction from giving than they do from receiving, but for any woman who consents to having it both ways – some pleasure is better than no pleasure.

Don’t intentionally turn her on unless you’re willing to give her some.

I understand that sometimes we can unintentionally cause a great deal of frustration to our partners, through no direct fault of our own. Maybe you were wearing the yoga pants and sports bra you love because they’re comfortable, but your girlfriend loves them because of the exposed skin and tight fit – try to be courteous of these “mismatched needs” when you can.

This is an entirely different story than intentionally causing your partner frustration, though – take it from personal experience. My ex had “this look” that she used to give me to signal that she wanted to get lucky – and then at some point she started giving that look to me randomly, and then wondering why I’d want to stop what I was doing and make love to her.

From her end, it was “harmless fun”, as she enjoyed the idea of teasing without following through – but from my perspective, it was cruel and torturous. Don’t be that person.

So what have we learned today?

Just like with any other aspect of your relationship, compromise and open communication are the keys. You need to be accepting of her wants and needs, and she needs to be accepting of yours.

If you have honesty and trust you can be assured that this issue can be improved. It won’t happen overnight, and it takes a solid effort from all people involved, but differences in sex drive are usually one of the easiest relationship problems to work on.

If, for some reason, you two are absolutely not able to reach a satisfactory compromise through these tips, you may need to seek out therapy, or to take a break from each other. This can be a painful process, but if you’re truly not compatible – you’re not compatible.

9 Types Of Lesbians It Sucks To Have Sex With

Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Maybe people grow apart, maybe they want different things or maybe the sex is bad.

That’s right – bad sex is something many women actually end a relationship over.

So what type of women does it suck to have sex with?

1. The stationary lover

Why do some women feel the need to keep sex to one position and at the same pace? There’s a whole world out there.


2. The tongue-jabber

These women treat oral like it’s an assault, and when you make-out with them, they try to remove your tonsils with their tongue. Too much tongue action is will numb all body parts – It’s a vagina, not a deck that needs a new finish.


3. The look-me-in-the-eyes lover

Sometimes you want to close your eyes and think happy, sexy thoughts. But this lady removes you from your moment, forcing you to look deep into her eyes. While, yes this can be ‘hot’ with the right type of lover, there is a certain type of woman who seems to think that good sex can only happen with constant eye contact. It’s not always going to be soulful lovemaking.


4. The ‘limited’ dirty talker

Talking dirty is an art form, which you need to come prepared for. Just saying “wet” & “horny” 70 times gets me dry. Also, no one wants a slutty parrot in the room.


5. The fast-finger blaster

Treating my private parts like a video game will get you no-where. Chill. There’s no gold at the end of this rainbow.


6. The only-her-oral-obsessed woman – really, really!?

In my eyes, selfishness about oral is a cardinal sin. It’s in the fine print of the Ten Commandments. Look it up.


7. The orgasm chaser

We all deserve to come in our own time. I don’t need to hear “are you there yet, are you there yet, are you there yet”. This mantra is an orgasm turn off.


8. The period-phobic

Periods happen. Period sex can happen. Get over it.


9. The woman who simply doesn’t pay attention

Above all, the worst type of person to have sex with is someone who doesn’t pay attention. Ask. Communicate. Listen.


Apparently Lesbians ‘Never Have To Fake An Orgasm’, But Some Do – Here’s Why

We often hear tales of women who fake orgasm with their partner. Sometimes the partner knows, and sometimes they don’t. Those who don’t fake orgasms might be wondering why anyone actually would. Well, we’ve done a bit of soul-searching and came up with 5 reasons that would make a woman want to fake an orgasm. Read on to find out what we came up with!

She wants to hurry up and get it over with.

A woman might fake an orgasm because she doesn’t really want to be having sex right then. Maybe she would rather be reading a book, or watching a movie. She figures if she fakes it really quick, she can move on to something else.

The problem with this is that your partner can usually tell if you’re not really into it. This isn’t necessarily true if you’ve faked it the whole relationship, but for those who can tell the difference between fake orgasms and real ones – they’ll know.

She’s not in the mood.

Maybe she’s stressed out, or her lady didn’t do enough in the foreplay department. For whatever reason, she’s not in the mood for sex and just wants to get it over with. For getting it over with, refer to reason #1.

She doesn’t care if she finishes – but her partner cares.

For some women, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. This isn’t exactly a bad thing, because it’s nice to not focus on the idea of having an orgasm. Certain medications, medical conditions, or a number of other factors can make it difficult to achieve climax, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it didn’t feel good.

The problem with this issue is that, by faking orgasm, you’re actually focusing on the destination – even if you’re trying not to. If you find yourself unable to reach orgasm, it’s much more beneficial to tell your partner that you’re having a good time but you’re not going to finish. Her feelings may be hurt if she discovers you were faking it.

Her partner isn’t very good.

Sometimes, the people we have sex with just aren’t particularly skilled lovers. It’s not always something second-nature, and in fact many people have to learn how to be good lovers. She might not want to hurt her partner’s feelings, so she pretends she’s God’s gift to women.

The problem with this reason is that, by not telling your partner what she’s doing wrong, you’re actually encouraging her to remain a lousy lover. With a little bit of communication (which you can learn to work into your sexual play) you can actually teach your partner to be a better lover. But if you don’t let her know she needs improvement, she’ll never know.


She’s never had an orgasm before.

I’ve spoken to some women who had never actually reached the point of climax before, and as such they were faking it every time because they thought that’s just what you do. Or, they may have thought they’d reached orgasm, but weren’t sure.

Trust me, ladies. If you don’t know if you’ve had an orgasm, you haven’t.

If you value your sexual relationship with your partner, it’s up to you to let her know if you finish or not. If it’s not important to you whether you do, make sure she knows that, too. You may be able to get away with faking it for a while, but in the long run your partner will most likely be hurt if she found out. Most women will guess that a fake orgasm means that they weren’t doing a good job – it’s human nature to doubt ourselves if we’re not sure. It’s your job as the receiver to let her know the truth.

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What Your Zodiac Sign Says About Your Sex Life

Astrology is a fun thing to think about for many people, and for every person who thinks it’s utter garbage there’s bound to be someone who uses their astrological signs to make many important life choices. Personally, I think it has as much power over you as you allow it – just like any other “alternative” sciences.

So, what does this mean for you? Your choice to believe in astrology or not is purely a personal decision. If you find correlations that help you, that’s great! Everyone needs something to believe in, and if astrology is your thing, the following “sex horoscopes” may help guide you on your path to sexual fulfillment for this month.

Aries (March 20 – April 20)

Aries, if you’re single, you should expect a great deal of new encounters this month – some may even call them adventures on their own! On the 9th, Mercury goes direct, which promises that your love and sex will be truly exciting. Later in the month, Mars joins with Venus to entice the prospect of new dates and sexy fun. If it seems like your romantic interest isn’t feeling the same way about you, rest assured that they’re probably just shy. Make the first move and you will be rewarded.

For the Rams in a serious relationship, the full moon brings a blossoming of your love, so you should plan for new romantic encounters with your love. This will lead to the passionate sex you’ve been dying for, and makes for a perfect excuse to look for that sexy Halloween costume you’ve had your eye on. Not big into Halloween? That’s fine, just take advantage of the current influx of costumes to pick out an outfit that’s only for your partner to see.

Taurus (April 20 – May 21)

In the second half of the month, the shroud that’s been covering your sensuality should be lifted, and you have plenty of time to approach that new boo you’ve been eyeing. Make that date – you’ve got a great deal of luck coming to you this month. Make sure you don’t use this as an excuse to over-spend on your dates, though; this isn’t the way to win their affections.
Committed Bulls, the cooler weather will no doubt bring back the spark that you’ve been repressing lately. It’s a great time to get frisky with your lover – maybe even get the Halloween treats and costumes into the mix for some special holiday fun.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Gemini, this month brings you personal satisfaction and a great deal of pleasure. Your intelligence and charm will help you win over that woman you’ve been pursuing. Your judgment will be clear and your sex drive will roar because of it. You’ll be able to accurately discern who is interested in you sexually, and use this to your full advantage this month. However, towards the end of the month, this will begin to taper off, and you’ll be more inclined to connect with your family than to seek out a new flame – don’t resist this urge!

If you’re in a committed relationship, your dual spirit will lead you to a deeper personal connection with your partner. Take some time to get to know her better – even if you’ve been together years, there’s no doubt a lot more to learn about her. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this is a good time to seek out new friends, as the wavering in your sex drive will ensure that your attention can be focused on being a good friend and partner, rather than focusing on your sexual needs.

Cancer (June 21 – July 23)

For most of the month, you should be focusing on taking care of your body. This can be particularly difficult with the abundance of candy that’s present everywhere right now, but you must be diligent. Take some time to work on your emotional bonds, and it will translate to a better sexual experience around the 22nd. Don’t plan for any dates on the 27th, as the full moon may interfere with your plans and lead to heartbreak.

Love and sex are both a bit of an investment this month for all Crabs. Exercising with your love interest or partner could prove beneficial, as it will help to regulate your emotions and clear your mind. You will be rewarded for your focus and dedication with the glorious conjunction of Venus, Mars, and Jupiter towards the end of the month.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Your animal magnetism will shine bright this month, Leo, and you will be showered with affection. Consider making those changes you’ve been thinking about in regards to your wardrobe and your hair style – these will dazzle your new date. You could try a Halloween shopping date and choose a fun costume for yourself and your new partner – then tempt them to bring it to the bedroom for some extra sexy fun.

For the Lions in a committed relationship, you should put your effort into your relationship right now. Take some time off work, if at all possible, and spend that time with your partner. Get a fun new costume or outfit and parade yourself to your partner – she’s sure to love it. With Halloween so close, the full moon on the 27th promises to be a fun time for a private rendezvous in costume – what do you have to lose?

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Virgo (August 23 – September 23)

During the beginning of the month, you probably encountered some stress and hectic emotions. Rest assured that this is over for now and you can begin to relax. The alignment of Mars and Venus assure that your sexual appetite will boom – you should seek out a new partner and plan a great date. It’ll definitely net you the results you’re looking for.

If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s a good time to rent a sexy movie or read an erotic novel with your love. This activity will bring you closer as a couple and allow you to bring back the spice.

Consider planning an unforgettable evening, including a candlelight dinner, around the 27th – your partner will thank you accordingly!

Libra (September 23 – October 23)

Libra, this month has some few surprises up its sleeve for you, especially as it pertains to sex and love. You should expect some good news sometime soon – but don’t forget to set aside some attention to the important matters like your bills. The alignment of the planets right now will lead you to focus on your lustful thoughts, but you must not neglect the other aspects of your life.

For my committed Libra friends, this means that you should plan on a more romantic tone with your lover, and allow things to progress naturally. Don’t try to push the sex as you can get wrapped up in the moment and cause an argument. In fact, that argument may be inevitable – and it has the potential to translate to a bigger problem down the line. Don’t neglect your partner’s needs, or your financial responsibilities during this time or you can seriously regret it in the near future.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

Scorpio, this month is going to be thrilling for you. There will be plenty of opportunities for new sexual escapades, so you shouldn’t ignore these chances. You will have a great deal of charisma working for you this month, and the sexual power will flow through you better than ever.

Committed Scorpio lovers, your partner will surprise you with an increase in passion. Don’t let your jealousy ruin this extra love right now. Your partner deserves the same love they are giving to you. Especially toward the end of the month, your temper may be short, and you will have to control yourself to ensure you don’t make any silly mistakes.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 22)

This month is a great time to sweep your lover off her feet with a romantic getaway. It doesn’t matter if you’re whisking her off to a tropical beach or simply visiting the local farm for some apple picking and pumpkin carving. Go shopping for some new clothes and buy those tickets!

For single Sagittarius ladies, this month invites you to take a new date to somewhere you’ve never been. You should try to travel as much as possible, and try new things. Splurge on something you’ve been eyeing for awhile, and take that new date to the restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Consider taking her on a road trip – the alignment of the planets this month almost guarantees that your rendezvous will result in a satisfying sexual experience before the end of the month.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Single Capricorns should avoid dating any new partners at the beginning of the month, as Saturn has an uneasy alliance with Uranus for a good portion of the month. This can cause some problems in a new relationship, and it’s likely to factor into your love and sex life for the month. It should clear up around the 22nd.

If you’re already in an established relationship, however, you can use this time to deepen your bond with your partner. Watch an old movie or read a book together, and ensure that you are there for each other during this time. Make sure you are guarding against depression as emotions are likely to fluctuate throughout the month.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The month of October is a great time for Aquarius to meet new people, as there will be plenty of parties (which you love!) and dating will be an adventure. The last week would be a great time to invite that special new person in your life to a fun party – whether it’s planned by a friend or by you yourself.
For my lovers, use this time to get into the Halloween spirit with your loved one. Pick out fun and sexy costumes for each other, unpack the decorations, and get to planning the perfect witchy bash for the spookiest night of the year. This social energy will translate to a charge in your sexual chemistry, and your sex life is bound to see a spike this month.

Pisces (February 18 – March 20)

Love and sex are on the up-and-up for you this month. Your anxieties will begin to fade away, which will allow you to connect with someone special towards the end of the month. If your anxiety hasn’t melted away completely yet, don’t worry – push yourself past it and the right person will come find you.
Fish in a committed relationship should take care that they are not overspending this month, as there are plenty of romantic activities you can do with your partner for much cheaper that will still allow you to harness the sexual energy building this month. Go for a walk and hold hands, roll around in some fallen leaves together, or share a bucket of popcorn at the movies – and then enjoy the sexual spark when you return home.

Why Eye Contact Is The Ultimate Foreplay

When trying to turn on the woman you love, sometimes a simple look can hold all the answers.

For many women, the idea of arousing their partner can be difficult to manage. Sometimes, she’s stressed out and really not feeling the idea of intimacy. Sure, you love each other – and in theory that should be enough to charge the spark – but what about when it’s not?

In speaking to my current partner, I was told that my eyes are a dead giveaway when I’m in the mood. She swears that they’re brighter, even glowing, when I’m feeling frisky. I personally have never verified this, but she’s not the first person I’ve heard it from, so maybe it’s true.

Even if you don’t have color changing eyes, though, it’s quite likely that your lover will notice subtle changes in them. Our eyes respond to our emotions in their own ways, and the woman who pays closest attention to them is sure to pick up on these hints. I’m sure you can tell with her eyes, too, even if you might not notice it right away.

Her eyes will speak to you, and they’ll speak volumes. If you pay attention to the patterns, you’ll pick up on these changes – and chances are, if you know what you’re looking for, seeing that light in her eyes will ignite a fire within you as well.

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It’s important to realize that this probably won’t work on someone you’ve just met. That old saying “the eyes are the windows to the soul” implies that you’ll have to hold a piece of her soul (metaphorically speaking, of course) in order to see into it.

If you’ve got an emotional connection as well as a sexual one – even if the emotion isn’t as deep as “love” – you’ll be able to channel these emotions into a deeper, more satisfying sexual experience.

Ladies, nothing worth having happens overnight – and this little trick is no exception. There are people who think that love is a necessary prerequisite to sexual satisfaction, and indeed there are people that see it the other way around.

If you want to build a connection that allows you to get her ready without touching her, you’ll have to arouse her mind first. Prove to her that you have what she needs, and she’ll melt.

The Importance Of Your Partner’s Fetishes

Fetishes and fantasies are sort of an unspoken thing among people. Surely, there are as many fetishes as there are people – and they cover a wide variety of topics.

Usually, in order to be considered a “fetish”, it must involve sexual gratification linked to a particular item of clothing, part of the body, or a particular object not “traditionally” associated with sex, although it’s often expanded to include a number of things.

Often, when we think of these fetishes, we tend to write them off, thinking that they’re “weird”. However, if your partner has a particular fetish or fantasy – one that you can help to fulfill – it can be an incredibly intimate bonding activity if you choose to participate in it.

Here we will provide a brief description of the most common sexual fetishes, and what you can do to accommodate those fetishes if you’re not exactly keen on them yourself.

Sure, it can be a bit weird at first, but if you care about your partner it’s important that you realize that these simple actions can make a world of difference in their sexual satisfaction, and she’s sure to thank you for it.


Fetish #1: Group Sex and Swinging.

This particular fetish can be tough for some to accommodate, as it requires a great deal of trust among the partners.

However, for those who do choose to participate, it can be a bit exciting to watch your partner with someone else – and likewise have your partner watch you with someone else.

Many people who are actively aroused by this type of activity will require a polyamorous relationship, while others are satisfied with it as an occasional thing (think of a threesome).

If your partner wishes to participate in this and you are not willing, consider roleplaying as another person – this will allow your partner to “have sex outside the relationship” without the need for an outside person to be involved.


Fetish #2: Cross-dressing and gender bending.

This is a tricky situation, as it was once lumped into the same category as transgenderism – but the reality is that it’s not the same.

Cross-dressing refers to a sexual attraction to clothing items “forbidden”, or playing with the idea that they are sexually capable as the opposite gender.

Transgender, in contrast, refers to feeling that the body they were born into does not reflect who they are on the inside, and is typically not a sexual thing.

This is a very easy fetish to accommodate, as it doesn’t really require any effort on your part – simply allow your partner to convey herself as she would like to for your sexual activity.

This may mean that she chooses to believe that a strap-on is actually a part of herself, rather than a sex toy – go with it! It might cause some confusion for you, but if you truly care about your partner, you should love her and respect her wishes.

It may become apparent that her desire to gender-bend is actually based in transgenderism; in this case, you may find yourselves discussing the possibility of transitioning.

You should be able to decide whether you are comfortable with the idea of your girlfriend becoming your “boyfriend”, and whether you would be accepting of this change if it should come about.

Fetish #3: Water sports.

This is an especially tricky situation for those who don’t feel the same way. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, “water sports” actually has nothing to do with water – it is a sexual arousal to urine, and it’s more common than you might think.

Many times the person with this fetish may be aroused by the idea of wetting themselves or watching someone else to wet themselves, or being urinated on (often referred to as a “golden shower”).

However, if you are unwilling to participate in these activities, it may also be arousing to your partner if you agree to allow her to watch you using the restroom, or possibly even urinating in public (or watching her do so).

Fetish #4: Foot worship.

This refers to a sexual attraction to either feet, shoes, or stockings of some sort – and for many, the idea of sexualizing feet can be strange at first.

However, if your partner has a sexual attraction to feet, it’s important that you do what you can to accommodate this attraction. Many foot fetishists are attracted to the idea of kissing and sucking on feet, although that’s not necessarily all that it entails.

For those who are less willing to accommodate, you might consider wearing heels during your sexual activities, and allowing your partner to rub on them.

This can be infinitely rewarding to her without forcing you too far out of your comfort zone.

Fetish #5: Spanking.

Whether your partner enjoys spanking you or being spanked herself, this is actually pretty easy to understand.

The place where the bum meets the top of the thigh is an erogenous zone for many people, even if they don’t really associate it with spanking – and therefore, the right amount of pressure to this area can provide a great deal of arousal.

Aside from that, it can bring us back to feelings of childhood, and the person doing the spanking is seen as taking control. If you’re into domination, it’s particularly rewarding.

If you’re not sure if you’re interested in being spanked yourself, you may consider instead spanking your partner – often this desire can go both ways.

Likewise, you may choose to allow your partner to spank you, but with open communication – so that you can tell your partner when she’s spanking you too hard.

Fetish #6: Voyeurism and exhibitionism.

This deals with the desire to either watch sexual activities or show off your body in order to achieve sexual gratification. While technically these types of activities are illegal, that doesn’t mean that they don’t happen.

The appeal of having sex in public is strong for those with exhibitionist tendencies, while those who are interested in voyeurism can often be placated by pornography.

A fun way to compromise on this fetish would be to allow your partner to film you while you have sex – this way you won’t be breaking any laws, but your partner is free to watch you at her pleasure, while limiting the need for her to seek outside pleasures.

Consider allowing her to film you playing with yourself as well – you might even find that you enjoy it!


Fetish #7: Rubber, latex, and leather.

This deals with either an attraction to the tight material and the way it hugs the body (effectively forming a sort of bondage), or possibly the smell of the materials. Either way, this can be a bit tricky to work around if you’re not interested in it, as the tight material can be a bit much for some people.

However, that’s not to say that you should ignore it completely. If your partner is attracted to the smell of the materials, it’s possible that you can compromise by either playing with a small amount of body latex paint – applied to areas that you don’t feel constricted by – or by leather handcuffs or similar restraint devices.

Fetish #8: Sexual role-playing.

This is definitely one of the most common fetishes, but it can be met with a bit of opposition from those who think of it as “pretending”. In all actuality, this is exactly what it is.

Pretending to be someone you’re not in order to please your partner’s sexual fantasies can seem like a personal rejection, but it’s important to realize that’s not it at all. In fact, if your partner actually wished to reject you, she would be seeking out whoever this fantasy person was, rather than asking you to participate, and your refusal to do so can be just as much of a rejection to her.

There are many simple ways to indulge this fantasy, including dressing in costumes for your sexual play – although more advanced methods may involve costumes, props, and specialized locations. It’s up to you to determine how much of this fantasy you wish to participate in.

Fetish #9: Infantilism.

Infantilism refers to the fetish of an adult who wishes to be treated like a baby for sexual pleasure. Often, this fetish stems on the need to be nurtured, as well as an escape from the stresses and responsibilities of adult life.

They may choose to wear a diaper, to be fed from a bottle (or nurse from the nipples of their partners), and even baby talk.

Understandably, it can be a bit weird for those who don’t share in the fetish – but that’s not to say that you can’t still be accommodating.

If your partner wishes to be treated like a baby, but you’re less than eager, consider compromising on which aspects to participate in – for example, allow her to “nurse” on you, and call her pet names that refer to her childlike desires.

Fetish #10: Domination and submission.

By far the most common fetish is that of bondage, which can take on a great number of forms. In its simplest, this may refer to one partner being in control while the other partner is in a position of vulnerability.

This may include restraints, administration of physical pain, or many other aspects – the specific nature of this arrangement are up to the participants. Consider starting slow, as this can often be an experience of indulgence for both partners, but only when great care is exercised.

It seems that the dominant partner would be the one with all the control, but in reality the submissive partner is the one in charge of calling the shots. If there’s not absolute consent between the partners, it’s not bondage – it’s sexual abuse.

This list is in no way inclusive of all sexual fetishes, but it may help to understand the most common ones. I invite you to have an open discussion with your partner about any fantasies she may not be sharing with you.

Often, she may be repressing these fantasies out of fear of pushing you away – and it’s important that you reassure her that this is not the case.

If you love her, you owe it to her to explore her fantasies before writing them off completely.

Who knows? You may even enjoy them and not even realize it!

Why You Should Ask What She Wants in the Bedroom (And Not Just Assume)

There’s a myth that we, as lesbians, automatically know what our sexual partners want – but it’s exactly that, a MYTH!

Sometimes when we’re with someone for awhile, we tend to think that we can predict what they’ll like in the bedroom. This is sometimes true, for partners who have good communication – but it’s important to realize that the communication is a necessary part of this process.

In the lesbian community, many of us propagate the myth that “women know what women want”. To some degree, this is true; we can infer the things that are applicable to all women… But quite frankly, these all-encompassing rules are few and far between.

This is especially true when it comes to a newer relationship or one that is specifically focused on sex.

Why, you may ask?

1. Every woman is different.

There may be common interests between you and your partner, or your current partner and your previous partners, but no two women are exactly alike. What turns one woman on can completely turn off another – and this is something you won’t know for sure unless you actually ask.

2. Some women don’t even know what they want.

Sure, we might have an idea of the things we like, but that doesn’t mean that we know everything about ourselves. If you assume that you know her better than she knows herself, you’re most likely greatly mistaken. You might know a bit more about her mannerisms than she does, but that doesn’t mean you can see through her and know what all of her interests are, especially if she doesn’t even know them herself.

3. There’s a chance she agrees to things because she knows/thinks you like them.

This can be particularly damaging if you are both just going along with the flow. If you don’t like ear kissing, for example, but you assume she loves it because she’s never said otherwise. She doesn’t say anything because she thinks you enjoy kissing her ears. In all reality, neither one of you may be satisfied with this experience, but you’re just trying to go with it to please your partner. Do you see the problem here?

4. She might think you won’t enjoy the activities she wants the most.

I’ve been guilty of this in the past – I’ve kept my desires to myself in the hopes that my partner will suggest the things she wants, and I can either agree or disagree, and that’s that. But along with #2, this means that we could be denying something just because we’ve never tried it before, or it could simply not come to mind because it’s not something we actually enjoy ourselves.

That doesn’t mean that we’re not willing to do it, just that it’s not something we’d think to suggest.

5. She may have fantasies she’s embarrassed to express.

It can be tough to open up, especially in a new relationship. Some sexual fantasies are particularly tricky to eloquently bring up, especially when one partner is shy and/or inexperienced. But you never know what you could be missing if you keep things inside. You never know, you might share these fantasies and you’d never even guess.

6. Communication is vital in every aspect of your relationship!

You can’t expect to read your partner’s mind, nor should she be expected to read yours. This applies to all the various components in your relationship – perhaps your sexual relationship most of all. If you don’t communicate your wants, needs, and desires, at least one of you is likely to be unsatisfied with the relationship.

Ladies, there’s a whole world of sexual experiences out there, and if you limit yourself to the assumptions of your partner (or yourself), you could be missing things and not even know it. Not everyone is into everything, and that’s okay.

Ten Tantalising Sex Positions You And Your Girlfriend Need To Try

We’ve all been there – bored of your “normal” sexual routine, but unaware of what you can do to spice it up.

Toys are an option, but not everyone’s into them (and any that are worth anything are so expensive!). You could try role playing, but somehow that just seems like you’re pretending, and with an overly anxious partner it may lead them to believe that they’re not actually what you want (even if that couldn’t be further from the truth).

So, what’s left – what can you do to spice up the ordinary to make it extraordinary again?

Maybe a change of position may be in order.

Some may argue that lesbian sex can really only occur in a few positions in the first place – but those people in particular could benefit from this list. The truth is, there are hundreds upon hundreds of possible positions to get to your lover – and if you’re not utilizing all of them, it’s no wonder you’re in a slump!

In order to make this list, the position has to be achievable by a beginner – because believe it or not, trying out sexual positions that you’re not properly prepared for can cause serious injuries (not to mention embarrassment if this is a new partner).

Additionally, they have to be useful with or without toys. Not everyone enjoys toys, and that’s ok. Take a look at the top 10 positions that should be added to your repertoire immediately!


Ok, so this one is probably in your inventory already – it’s considered one of the basics. However, if you’re not familiar with the position, this is where one partner lays on top of the partner, such that their bodies resemble the reflection between the numbers “6” and “9” – that is, each head between the legs of the other partner. This is best suited for partners who are similar in size, or where one partner is smaller (in which case the smaller partner will probably choose to be on top), however if there is a fair amount of trust in your relationship, it can go either way. It’s great because you and your partner can stimulate each other simultaneously, and it allows for the possibility (but not the guarantee!) of simultaneous climax. Once you get the hang of it, or if you’re particularly flexible, you can even try it standing!



Scissoring (also referred to as tribadism or “tribbing”) has a bit of a mixed reception among lesbians. Some women swear by it, while others swear it simply doesn’t do anything. In my experience, however, it can be wonderful as long as you know what you’re doing. In order to do this, you and your partner should be similar sizes (preferably smaller) and reasonably flexible.

You will then rub yourself against each other – whether that means against her leg, or directly crotch-to-crotch is up to you. It provides an intense amount of stimulation and it can get quite messy. It can be difficult to achieve climax this way, but it works wonders when used to get the juices flowing and provides the necessary motivation to proceed to other activities if you desire. Additionally, you can even do this with clothes on for a bit of quick stimulation.


The Spoon

This position is great because it allows full physical contact with your partner – something that’s often left out of lesbian sexual experiences. In order to perform “the spoon”, one partner will need to be positioned behind the other partner, laying down in bed. She will then reach her hand over and start rubbing… And, well, I’m sure you can imagine the rest. If your partner is into penetration, this can be difficult in this position without the help of a toy – but definitely not impossible. It’s great because it allows you to kiss your partner’s neck, which can lead to extra stimulation and a heightened sense of arousal. If she desires, she can even reach her hand back and “service” you as well – the possibilities are endless!


Above Below

This one’s a little trickier, but definitely not difficult. In order to get this going, one partner will need to lay on her stomach on the bed, while the other partner lays on top of her. The partner on top will then rub herself against her partner while also stimulating the partner with her fingers – additionally, you can use a strap-on or other toy. The partner on bottom can additionally rub herself against the bed or a properly positioned pillow to add to the excitement. If done correctly, both partners should be able to climax this way – and if you’re into penetration, this is a position that sets you up to hit all the right spots.


The See Saw

The See Saw is a little more difficult to explain, but nevertheless exciting for both of you. One partner should be lying on her back with her legs bent – as if the other partner were going to go down on her. However, instead, the second partner should sit between her legs and drape her own over the top of them – picture forming an “M” with the two sets of legs. Once you’re in position, the rest is up to you – you can rub or penetrate, or even trib – whatever you desire!


The Ripple

For this position, one partner will need to be on her hands and knees. The other partner will be on her hands and knees behind her, so that she may give her some oral pleasure. Of course you can use your fingers or toys as well, but this isn’t important – the sensation of a tongue caressing you from behind is sure to be a delight. This is especially great if you enjoy a little mystery in your sex life; the partner being pleased will be unable to see what her partner is going to do to her – and often the sensations are even greater if you don’t find out until they’re happening!


The Works

The “receiving” partner should be standing for this one, and the other partner should be either sitting or kneeling just behind her. If you’re into anal play, this is a good opportunity for that – but it’s definitely not limited to that! The partner who is giving can reach under her partner and provide any types of sexual favors she desires; just as with “The Ripple”, you have the element of mystery working to your favor here.


Sublime Caress

Both partners will be standing for this position, facing each other, with something nearby for the “receiving” partner to rest her foot on (preferably forming a 90 degree angle, but it’s up to you – whatever you are comfortable with, as long as it is elevated to allow for a proper view). There’s something extra special about standing up for sex; I can’t quite place my finger on it, but it’s magical. Once you’re both in position, rubbing is key – although penetration can also be used, if you’re into it.


Pleasure Perch

This is another standing position – but only the receiving partner will be standing. The other partner will be kneeling in front of her, and the “receiver” will drape her leg over her partner’s shoulder in order to receive some good oral attention. Careful, though – if your partner knows her way with her tongue, you may need to make sure you have something to lean against so you don’t fall backward! This is great because the “giving” partner will have a full view of all of the “receiver’s” body, and will be able to lick and tease her partner to insanity.


Pandora’s Box

For “Pandora’s Box”, one partner will need to be seated in a chair, with her legs stretched out in front of her. The partner who is “giving” will need to be sitting, kneeling, or crouching between her outstretched legs. Oral pleasure is easy to give in this position, although there’s no rule that says you have to. (Due to the seated partner’s position, penetration may be difficult, but not impossible.) Once climax approaches, the seated partner will want to arch her back and possibly stretch those legs a little more – make sure your lady has a good hold on you if your chair doesn’t have a back on it!


If any of these positions is new to you, please don’t hesitate to try them out with your woman (or your woman of the night). They’re sure to impress, and with a little practice could easily become your go-to positions – no more boring sex!

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‘What’s In Your Box?’ Subscription Service Helps Women Have Better Sex

Vaginas are awesome.

But even though vaginas are so awesome, people who have them aren’t taught to be proud of them. Women, non/abinary people and trans* men who have vaginas are taught from a young age to hide them.

Just think back to your elementary school textbooks – how many dicks were drawn on the pages? Probably a lot. But if you’d tried to draw a vagina, you would have been hauled to the principal’s office for obscenity.

Penises indicate strength, while vaginas indicate weakness – being called a p*ssy is an insult. And let’s not start with the double-standard between men and women regarding sexual promiscuity.

The new subscription service What’s In Your Box? is changing all of that. According to the official website, this monthly subscription box is “a social movement opening the dialogue around women’s sexual health to empower all women to explore their bodies freely without stigma or shame.”

A new box arrives at your doorstep each month. Each box includes five product samples that cater to sexual health, pleasure, hygiene, education and pride.


Christine Long founded the company when she became frustrated as a young woman in her twenties. She says,

I was inspired to start WIYB after my own personal run-in with STIs, which caused me to feel a lot of shame around my body and sexuality. As a young woman in her 20s wanting to explore sex, I felt there were no reliable brands or resources I could turn to that would help me take charge of my sexual health.”

WYIB aims to be affordable so as not to cater to just one demographic. Subscriptions start at $15 a month for a 3-month plan and go up to $18 for a month-to-month plan, although the contents of each box are worth up to $50.

So what can you expect to find in your surprise box? Each includes toys, washes, lubricants, condoms, dental dams, lingerie, stickers, diagrams, and more.

Get your own box for your box at the official site.

Why You Deserve A Professional Lesbian Massage (and How to Get One)

There’s nothing like a nice, relaxing massage. After all, being queer is hard work – we’ve got endless flannel shirts to wash and carabiners to organize – and having someone else massage the stress away feels incredible. The right massage can erase years of tension with a little baby oil.

Massages just got better. And a whole lot sexier.

Lesbian tantra massages are an ancient practice that dates back to the year 400 A.D., according to tantric masseuse Erica, who runs Karma Tantric in the UK. Tantric massage is the “ritual by which you liberate or separate two aspects of consciousness and female divine body.” It “stimulates total undoubted release of the body and mind between a female masseuse and her female client.”

If you’re new to tantric massage, it’s not for kids. Tantric massages view sexuality as just an extension of the relaxation process.

Masseuses are just as likely to rub between your shoulder blades as they are to rub between your legs. They’re popular among couples who want to bring spirituality and intimacy into their sex lives, because it’s said to promote spiritual bonding.

Tantric lesbian massages are even better than heterosexual ones. One of Erica’s clients called it “a session of feminine discovery and erotic pleasure in authentic magical tantric energy.” A little over the top? Maybe. Hot? Definitely.

You don’t have to be a lesbian to enjoy this. Many of her clients identify as straight women who just prefer to get erotic arousal and spiritual bonding from female hands.

Even if you’re interested, you might feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of a stranger’s hands all over (and potentially in) your body. Erica says that if you’re interested at all, “it’s safe to say there’s a subconscious interest there. We very rarely dislike the things we crave passionately, after all, if you like the idea of it, you will probably love the real physical and erotically enchanting touch of another female.”

Read the rest of Erica’s interview here and search for a lesbian tantric massage near you.

Why Faking Orgasms Is Hurting Your Relationship

At some point or another, we’ve all faked it in bed.

We’ve faked moans, we’ve faked intensity or maybe we’ve faked the entire orgasm. After all, we don’t want to hurt our partners’ feelings, and making them think that they’re amazing in bed is the best way to spare them. Right? (Wrong.)

According to YourTango, here are the most common reasons queer women fake orgasms:

  • “I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
  • “I don’t really like what she’s doing, but I don’t know how (or am too shy) to tell her or show her what I do like.”
  • “I’m ready to stop having sex, but she’ll feel bad if she knows I didn’t come.”
  • “I want her to like me and think I’m hot.”
  • “She’s doing all the right things, so I should be turned on. There must be something wrong with me (and I don’t want her to find out.)”
  • “She’s been working so hard down there, I think she must be tired. I need to fake it to take care of her.”
  • “I feel insecure about how long it takes me to come.”
  • “I really didn’t feel like having sex right now in the first place.”
  • “I’m not really attracted to her, but I thought maybe it would feel different once we got into bed!”

But think about it. Would you like it if you found out that your partner had been faking it? How would you feel? Probably a little disappointed in them and yourself, and maybe even a bit humiliated. If they had just told you what you were doing wrong, you would have fixed it! After all, sex should be about the pleasure of both people.

Give your partner the same courtesy.

If something just isn’t working, let them know. I know it’s nerve-wracking to be vulnerable. How do you say, “I like you but I don’t like what you’re doing,” when they’ve already seen the most intimate parts of you?

If you’re just not into sex at all that day, then it’s especially hard to communicate, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not really in the mood anymore.” It might seem easier to just fake it and get it over with.

But if you’re not honest with your partner, your intimacy will suffer. The longer you go without telling them what you want in bed, the more difficult it will become – how do you explain after two years that they’ve never actually made you come?

Being honest, and encouraging honesty in your partner, is the first step to true intimacy.

Now how do you actually go about doing it? Check out Conscious Girlfriend for more information.

This Expensive Club Lets Straight Girls Be Lesbians For One Night

Wouldn’t it be great to have all of the joys of being a lesbian without, y’know, actually being a lesbian?

That’s the idea driving Skirt Club, a new lesbian sex club that caters to women who enjoy lesbian sex but who identify as heterosexual (or, if there’s a tiny bit open-minded, bicurious).

This all-girl orgy allows women to experiment with their sexuality away from the prying eyes of men, which was a major complaint of many attendees – most of them had attended sex parties organized by men, where the male gaze kept them from feeling completely comfortable. Nothing ruins the mood like a man trying to insert himself into the mix (literally) when you’re trying to kiss a cute girl.

Some straight women felt like frauds when they attended lesbian sex parties, because they felt like they were leading on queer women who may have wanted a relationship. Despite their attraction to women – and some Skirt Clubbers say that they’ve been attracted to women for a long time – they identify as staunchly heterosexual, and the idea of dating a woman is inconceivable.

The application process to apply to the Skirt Club is extensive and includes a mandatory ful-body photo. The party founder, Genevieve LeJeune, aims to build a “femme membership” of women, and she has to approve of your appearance before you are allowed access. Wouldn’t want any pesky masculine-of-center women to complicate things, right? Only attractive femme women ages 21-49 are allowed.

The application also includes a space for divulging your career details, and the party comes at a hefty fee of $180 a night. Why? To “weed out women who don’t have high-income careers.”

If you’re keeping track, this party is only for wealthy, young, attractive “straight” women who want to be lesbians for a night.

Is this inherently problematic? No. After all, LeJeune has the right to create any type of party she likes and for any audience. But if the women who attend truly want to explore their sexuality, then they might want to look past this homogenous, self-selective group.

This Vibrator Syncs to Audiobooks

When it comes to sex toys, the crazier the better.

That seems to be the motto of Vibease, who specializes in creating vibrators to fill needs that you didn’t know you had. Who knew that you couldn’t truly appreciate the literary qualities of Fifty Shades of Grey, without actually feeling physical sexual stimulation?

The Vibease Wearable Smart Vibrator isn’t as “smart” as it is eclectic. This little thing does so much. For example, it lets your partner control it by playing with a dot on the screen.

It also syncs to your favorite sounds. Yes, not just songs, but sounds. That means you can set it to sync to a podcast – next time you’re listening to Hamilton the Podcast, use this vibrator for the full experience. You can even set the vibrator to pulse along to special recordings, so you’ll never need to leave a normal voicemail again.

But the vibrator’s most unique function is its audiobook functionality.

It calls itself “the vibrator that brings Fifty Shades of Grey to life.” Each erotic story in its collection affects the vibration in different ways. During a gently erotic story, the vibrator may just pulse slightly. During a hardcore erotic story, the vibrator may rattle. This is a whole new way to be immersed in a story. Each story is about 10-20 minutes.

The downside? Well, the vibrator stops whenever characters stop having sex in the story, so you might find yourself frustratingly edging as you skip ahead from 30-second sex scene to 30-second sex scene.

And the jury is still out on whether its lesbian erotic content adequately meets the needs of its queer female readers. The vast majority of the available stories feature shirtless men with six-packs staring moodily into the distance. If that’s your kink, then you’ll be right at home.

But if you’re an avid reader, head to the Vibease Fantasy Erotica page for a truly stimulating literary experience.

Can You Make Your Best Friend Climax Without Touching Her?

Whether you’ve had a crush on your best friend for ten years or whether you two are strictly platonic, you can take your friendship to the next level by giving each other hands-free orgasms. How? With these adorable joint vibrators.

The Sync vibrators are technically made for couples, but female best friends have been using them for a little bit of platonically erotic play. Give this trend a try for yourself.

Step one. Get these matching vibrators with your best friend. Very cute, right? They come in a rainbow of colors.

Step two. Sync your best friend’s vibrator to your phone and vice versa using this app.

Step three. Let go of your fears. You’re doing this.

Step four. Have your best friend insert the vibrator into herself.

Step five. Use the app on your phone to control her vibrator. With her pleasure in your hands, you can make the vibrator go slower, deeper, harder, better, faster, stronger.

The vibrator comes with ten different settings: low, medium, high, ultra, pulse, wave, echo, tide, crest and surf.

With the app’s Beat mode, you can sync the vibrator’s pulsations to music. With the app’s Touch mode, you can control her pleasure with your fingertips.

Best of all, the synched vibrators work from anywhere, so if you and your best friend are too embarrassed to be in the same place, use the app when you’re in separate apartments. Or if you miss your long-distance bestie and want to feel close to her across the ocean, these vibrators are a unique way to keep in touch (without physical touch).

If you’re really adventurous, then insert the small vibrator before you’re about to run errands and tell your bff to surprise you throughout the day.

Of course, you can obviously use these vibrators with your girlfriend – they’re called couple’s vibrators for a reason. But if you’re single or if you just enjoy queerplatonic fun, then why don’t you mix things up and let your best friend control your pleasure?

Get your own at the official website.


When Does A Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Some women remember the exact moment that they lost their virginity. For some, it was magical. For others, humiliating. For still others, underwhelming or overwhelming or boring.

But for women who sleep with women…many of us aren’t even sure when we lost our virginity.

Everyone has a different opinion of cisgender lesbian sex, because it doesn’t involve penetration with a penis. So what counts as sex? Is it oral? Finger-to-genital touching? Your first orgasm? Do you have to be penetrated with something, even a finger, for it to “count”?

If you’re distressed about whether you’ve actually lost your virginity, don’t be. First, the concept of “virginity” changes based on whom you talk to, even when you’re talking about penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex.

Ancient Greeks thought that when a woman had a penis inserted into her for the first time, her throat would permanently grow bigger. Sometimes they determined virginity by the size of a woman’s throat.

More recently, the Kinsey Institute ran a study that showed that 18% of men over the age of sixty believe that PIV sex isn’t sex as long as the man wears a condom. Sex is for procreation, or it isn’t sex.

The same study found that “less than 25 percent of participants considered oral genital behavior to be having sex, more than 60 percent thought that the giver or receiver of oral sex was a sexual partner, and more than 97 percent considered a partner who had oral sex with someone else to be have been unfaithful.” So oral sex isn’t sex, but if you have oral sex then that person is a sexual partner, and oral sex is enough sex to be considered adultery. So it’s simultaneously sex and not sex?

So what does all of this mean? Basically, it means that the definition of sex and virginity are always changing. Always. Sex is whatever you believe it to be. And anyone who believes they have the definitive definition of sex is just kidding themselves.

The exact moment you lost your virginity is whatever moment you think it is. Maybe it’s the first time you went down on a girl. Maybe it’s the first time a girl touched you beneath your bra. Maybe it’s the first time you let your girlfriend use a dildo.

It’s completely up to you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now, just make sure that you do it safely.

5 Types Of Foods That Will Help Vaginal Health And Boost Your Sex Life

Preparing for a night of passion with your boo is more than just waxing, showering and smelling nice. A healthy vagina is as important as a healthy sex life and these foods can help keep your vagina healthy and well, which of course will boost your sex life too. So, if you know you might be getting lucky between the sheets quite soon, follow our one day eating plan to keep everything it top condition.

Drinks Throughout the Day

Start your day off with some cranberry juice. Cranberries are great for keeping UTI’s at bay due to the bacteria fighting oxidants they contain. Don’t have more than 2 glasses though as the sugar content is quite high.

Green tea is also good for decreasing bacteria as it contains catechins and be sure to also drink plenty of water as water flushes out impurities in the body.


Greek Yogurt and Banana is what’s needed here. Greek yogurt has live cultures which kill off yeast infections and it helps to keep the PH balance correct in your vagina as well. Greek yogurt also contains probiotics which will take away any bloated feelings and the bananas are full of potassium which offsets sodium into the body, therefore helping to keep your tummy flatter too.


Salmon, green salad and sweet potatoes is the perfect combination, not only because it tastes just great but because the properties in these foods will work wonders for your sexual health.

Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids which helps improve circulation, therefore keeping you supple. Fatty acids also keep blood flow consistent to your sex organs which will help enhance your sex life and help with lubrication.

Sweet potatoes are full of vitamin A which helps generate hormones for energy and also helps with sex drive too. The green salad is also good for circulation which helps to increase stimulation and arousal.


An apple and handful of almonds will not only keep you from feeling hungry but will also help your sex drive and lady parts out too. Apples contain phloridzin which mimics the female sex hormone estradiol and vitamin E is aplenty in almonds which are full of hydrating properties. No vaginal dryness happening to you with a handful of these nuts, that’s for sure.


Sushi is the best meal to have for your dinner. Have a tuna and avocado roll as the omega 3 and the B6 is great for libido. The miso and edamame will help with lubrication and wasabi is an aphrodisiac which will help get you in the mood. For dessert enjoy a light dark chocolate mousse. Dark chocolate contains dopamine which is a feel good chemical, ensuring that you will be in a great mood to enjoy your night of passion later.

Why Your Sex Life Will Improve At 30

So many women complain that they have never had an orgasm from their partner’s finger or a dildo and have actually said out loud that perhaps the G-spot simply doesn’t exist. But it does. However, we only become aware of how to achieve an orgasm through penetration only, or how to relax enough to come, through self-awareness and confidence, both of which also come with maturity.

We all know the clit is the only way to shudder, right? Wrong. The G-spot does exist, orgasms can be achieved with your boo’s finger or a dildo, but, it’s most likely to happen when you have reached these pivotal points in your life and not before. As we mature we go on a learning curve and that includes learning how to have good sex. Here are some reasons why your sex life will improve when you hit your 30’s.

You’ll Learn to Position Yourself Correctly

Seriously, this is true. As the years pass we learn new things and this includes new things about our bodies. By the time you are 30 you will know exactly how to be positioned during sex to ensure that orgasm happens, even during penetrative sex. Women gain more confidence as they get older and this means you won’t feel so insecure shifting around, moving your hips or elevating your legs to ensure the spot is hit. It’s an age and experience thing, honestly.

You Won’t Hate Your Body

We don’t mean that the second after you hit 30 you’ll no longer have any insecurities, of course you will, but, they will not be so important to you. It’s all about our prospective of self-image. We start exercising more as we get older, we will try more things to combat aging and we tend to have more meaningful relationships with partner’s that make us feel good about ourselves. So, we begin to develop more self-confidence and realise that it doesn’t matter if we have a few wobbly bits, we know we still look quite hot. When you reach this point you’ll not spend the whole time during sex worrying about how you look. You’ll relax more and learn to embrace the moment and enjoy it.

You Will Become More Open-minded in the Bedroom

In our 20’s the thought of being handcuffed to the bed post, dressing up or becoming submissive can send us into a complete state of panic. But when you get older, it won’t. As you become more relaxed and confident as you age, you will become more open to experimental fun in the bedroom which will lead you to discover new sensations and find new turn-on’s. You will go past the point of worrying that you look stupid or you’re not doing it right and you’ll immerse yourself completely into experimentation, most of which would have horrified you ten years ago.

You’ll Only Fuck Girls That Treat You Well

How many of us can put our hands up and confess we’ve slept with some right bitches, simply because they showed us a bit of attention? Well, you will eventually get to the point when you don’t need flattery from some cow to make you feel good about yourself. You’ll only sleep with people that show you respect and treat you with respect, all of which will help you grow as a person and learn that you deserve the best, not a few hours of sex from a person that doesn’t care about you at all.

You’ll Have More Sober Sex

Most of us party during our late teens and twenties. It’s a fact. This means lots of the sex we have is a drunken, meaningless fumble that we can barely remember. Not the best way to learn what we like and what we don’t like in the bedroom and not great when we wake up in the morning and can barely remember what we did the night before. You won’t participate in this kind of behaviour by the time you reach 30. You’re likely to be slightly more responsible and not see the point in wasting your money on getting pissed and hooking up with someone for a one night stand.

You Will Only Sleep with Women That Rock Your Boat

A number of women will sleep with someone because they feel they ‘have to’ not because they actually want to. Trust us, you will stop doing that. Eventually you will decide yourself whether you find someone attractive enough to want to have sex with them or not. Just because you went on a nice date and had fun doesn’t mean you owe her anything and you will get to the point that you feel confident enough not to feel like you owe anyone anything.

Myth Busted: Women Can Get Erections Too!

As we can all agree, female genitals are mysterious yet amazing things; and here at KitschMix, we’re always on a mission to discover more.

So is Erika Moen, who has created this awesome cartoon, which explains (among other things) how women get erections, not just men.


If you want to know more – check out her work here.

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40 Thoughts You’ll Have While Dry Humping Your Girlfriend

I’m not sure about your relationships, but my girlfriend is definitely a humper. Sometimes we joke about it (she insists she can’t fall asleep unless she humps me first – especially if I’m not giving it up that day – but I’m not convinced). Other times, I actually get into it and it works its way into “real” sex. But the fact remains that dry humping is pretty weird.

For most people, dry humping is that thing you do before sex. Whether it’s because you’re not ready yet (with this partner), you’re not ready yet (with any partner), or you’re not ready yet (tonight), dry humping can definitely set the mood for things to come. (Pun definitely intended.)

But what sorts of things go through your mind when you’re dry humping?

1. She’s literally just rubbing herself against my butt right now.

2. This doesn’t really do anything for me.

3. Oh wait, that moan in my ear does a little something.

4. If I moan back maybe she’ll fondle my boobs.

5. OK, she’s way more excited than I am – boob fondling is not the business.

6. For the love of all that is holy, please stop humping my butt.

7. Maybe if I roll over, she’ll hump my front instead.

8. Oh yes – now she’s on top of me.

9. Wait, why did she slow down?

10. Is she about to finish?

11. Nope, you’re not getting off if I can’t get off.

12. She’s trying to undo my pants. Do I let her?

13. She started teasing, so she should definitely keep teasing for a while.

14. Screw this, teasing sucks.

15. Wait… Teasing isn’t so bad after all.

16. Is it bad that I want her to beg for it?

17. Crap… I’m about to beg for it.

18. LOL, I can feel how wet she is.

19. Can she feel how wet I am right now?

20. Well, she definitely noticed – and for some reason felt the need to comment on it.

21. Why is someone grinding against me so sexy?

22. That face she just made isn’t very sexy, though.

23. But that moan definitely was.

24. Can’t we just get to business already?

25. Note to self: I am a classy lady.

26. Second note to self: Dry humping doesn’t make me feel very classy.

27. Dry humping makes me feel like a teenager.

28. Did I dry hump when I was a teenager?

29. I definitely dry humped my first girlfriend.

30. I wonder what she’s doing now.

31. No – stop! Don’t think about your ex right now!

32. Didn’t she eventually decide she was straight though?

33. Didn’t really seem so straight when she was pressed against me.

34. This dry humping thing isn’t really doing it – maybe if I take off my pants, it’ll work better.

35. I repeat: I am a classy lady.

36. Classy ladies don’t take off their pants right away.

37. But classy ladies don’t dry hump either.

38. Why can’t we be classy and still have lots of sex?

39. Why am I not having sex right now?

40. Screw it – let’s have sex.

Are there any thoughts I missed? Share in the comments some of the things that go through your mind when you’re dry humping (or being dry humped by) your lady!

The Best Reasons To Be Your Own Partner

Ladies, have you ever been with someone who was just so lousy in bed that you couldn’t help but think to yourself, “WTF was that?” I know I’ve been there, and it’s super disappointing – especially when you care about the person. For many of us, this is a huge cycle, though. We don’t want to hurt our partner’s feelings, but we also kinda don’t want to have our partner keep being terrible. What do you do in a situation like this?

The answer is typically something as simple as, well, do it yourself. When you take a hands-on approach to your own sexual satisfaction, you’re taking responsibility for whether or not you finish. But it might be helpful in other ways, too – curious as to what those reasons are?

Masturbation helps you become more comfortable with your own body.

As much as we want to believe that it’s our partner’s fault if we don’t reach orgasm, that’s not always the case. Sometimes, an inability to orgasm comes from a lack of comfort within ourselves. I’m not talking fuzzy-pants-and-no-bra comfort here (although that definitely doesn’t hurt), I’m talking about our actual self-confidence.

Think about it for a minute. When you’re having sex with a partner, you’re opening yourself up for their judgment, even if they’re not actually judging you. We worry about the faces we make, the noises we make, whether we’re taking too long, and a slew of other things that basically puts us at their mercy. And if you’re not comfortable with the idea of handling these things on our own, we can’t really be comfortable with handling them with a partner.

With enough practice, you can learn to ignore these things (our faces and moans) because we’re just focused on what feels good. Unfortunately, this practice isn’t always easy with a partner, because we’ll still be actively self-conscious the whole time. This isn’t really a “face your fears head-on” situation.

When you become more comfortable and less self-aware during sex, you can really let go – which will make your sensuality explode. Being able to harness this power and use it when you’re with a partner won’t likely come naturally, but practicing by yourself can help.

Masturbation helps you figure out what you like.

I’m a firm believer in the whole “don’t knock it ‘till you try it” ideology. That’s pretty much paved the way for my sexual exploration, both with and without a partner (and helps me to understand why I went “back in the closet” for a while as a teenager). If you haven’t tried something, you really don’t know if you like it or not – right?

Of course, trying new things with your partner is great, too, especially if you have a strong connection with that partner. But sometimes trying new things “with an audience” (even if that audience member is an active participant) can be stressful. As I said in my first point, we are overly-conscious of everything that’s happening with our bodies when we have sex – and this is something we have to un-learn.

Besides, wouldn’t it be great if your partner asks “What do you want me to do to you?” and you already have an answer prepared – or maybe even ten?

Even if you’re doing the exact same things with your partner that you’d do with yourself, it will feel different, because your partner can reach different angles with you – unless you happen to be super flexible or have really long arms. (I’m pretty flexible myself, but I’ve got “T-Rex Arms” – I feel like they’re much too short to reach the best positions by myself.)

This change makes it to where there is still an element of surprise, even if it’s something you’ve done by yourself a million times – making it a valuable “first” no matter how much you’ve fantasized about it before.

Masturbation helps you focus on yourself.

“Wait… I thought you said we shouldn’t focus on ourselves while we masturbate?” Well, that’s true – but only in regards to your body. Masturbation helps you focus on your mind, the mental aspect of the orgasm, and lets you guarantee yourself an orgasm. Or, if it’s just not working out like that, you can tap out without leaving anyone unsatisfied or disappointed.

Masturbating is completely personal. You are giving yourself permission to be your own top priority. Of course, the best sexual partners will also put your orgasm ahead of their own – at least until it’s their “turn” – but there’s never a guarantee with it. Sometimes, we get greedy – and that’s perfectly OK!

The only problem is that selfishness in the bedroom can be super frustrating to the person who’s tasked with “giving” all the time. Most women aren’t willing to always be the giver; sex should (ideally) satisfy everyone involved.

But when you’re masturbating, you’re the only one involved – so you’re the only one who matters.

Masturbation helps you guide your partner.

Some of us lack confidence with expressing what we want, even if we know exactly what it is. This is because many people are visual thinkers – we don’t think in words, we think in pictures. If you’re not a skilled communicator, you might not be able to translate between the two concepts.

Masturbation helps, because you learn the “directions” through doing, and you can tell your partner how far off they are. You’ve already explored your own personal road map, and you know the difference in feelings. You know where she should go, because you’ve gone “the wrong way” too.

When you masturbate, you’re exploring yourself and becoming more acquainted with your own body. In a lesbian relationship, this can even help to give you ideas about what to do to your partner, because the anatomy is going to be similar.

It should be noted, though, that just because the anatomy is similar doesn’t mean that the turn-ons are going to be exactly the same. Every woman is different, and it’s imperative that you take the time to learn what your partner actually wants – and not just go with what you like. Let it guide you, but let your partner guide you more.

Masturbation helps you stay in-the-moment.

I’m sure we’ve all heard the idea that you should masturbate before a date to keep lust at bay, and focus on the actual person you’re dating. In some ways, this can be translated to the sex as well. If we’re hung up on the idea of getting off, we can become frustrated if we don’t get there quickly.

Whereas if we’ve already gotten ourselves off earlier in the day, we can focus on enjoying the journey.

Of course, a skilled lover will be able to do this anyway – but not everyone has the patience for delayed gratification, and this is where masturbation is so important. We all know that longer sex = better sex in most cases, so trying to race to the finish line isn’t really a great idea.

When you’ve masturbated before your sexual activity (or when you spend a great deal of time getting to know yourself anyway) there’s no rush to climax because you know that, if your partner doesn’t do it for you, you can do it yourself after she leaves or falls asleep.

Masturbation makes sex last longer.

Okay, this is sort of an over-generalization. Typically, the “jacking off means longer sex later” thing is used in reference to men, who have a bit of a “recovery time” for a second orgasm. Women don’t usually have this delay, and in fact the second orgasm usually comes quicker than the first (at least in my experience).

But if you’re deeply connected to your own sexual power, these additional orgasms are more likely – which can be a wonderful, exciting, and passionate experience.

If you’ve never attained multiple orgasms before (or even your first one), masturbation can help you unlock the secrets. Sometimes it’s just a matter of your partner’s lack of skill, which is easy to work around as you begin to teach her things about you.

Masturbating (in front of your partner) is sexy as hell.

If you are already familiar with the idea of multiple orgasms (and maybe you even strive for them) masturbation can help you to prolong the experience simply by being comfortable with the idea of “doing it yourself” in front of her.

Have you ever seen how sexy it is for a woman to play with herself in front of you? It’s pretty hot.

Plus, you’re giving her a chance to take a break, without stopping the action for yourself. Anyone who’s been actively engaging in lesbian sex knows that multiple orgasms will cause muscle fatigue to your partner, whether she admits it or not. If you “take turns” with your sexuality, this fatigue can be kept at bay for even longer.

Masturbation makes you feel sexy.

Ladies, there is really only one way to fully be in charge of your own sex life – and that’s to be your own sexual partner. Sure, the sexual revolution is great, but you’re still at the mercy of your partner if you want to have sex with her.

If you don’t need a partner to feel sexy, you can feel sexy all by yourself. Buy yourself lingerie, and wear it even when you’re alone. Touch yourself while you’re wearing your sexiest outfit, and be your own fantasy. Trust me, this one works wonders.

You won’t have to worry about whether you look OK or not, because no one else is going to see it. You don’t have to worry about how you sound (well, unless you live with someone). You don’t have to worry about anything except making yourself feel good – and that is hot.

Being able to see yourself as a sexy creature is super important for your happiness, because far too few of us are confident enough in our own skin. When you feel sexy all on your own, you’re bound to feel sexier with your partner.

Masturbation makes you feel independent.

As wonderful as it is to have sex with a partner, it can be daunting to feel that you need a partner in order to climax. What happens when the relationship ends? You’re stuck with only yourself. If you don’t orgasm until after you’ve entered a new relationship, you’re going to be cranky, and it’s even possible that you’ll let your sexual frustrations translate to you pursuing someone who’s totally wrong for you.

When you take matters into your own hands, you are freeing yourself from the dependence of another partner. You’re not held down to the idea of being celibate until you meet someone new. You can have sex with yourself as much and as often as you’d like – as long as you’re not neglecting your priorities to do it.

Once upon a time, it was considered taboo for a woman to masturbate, and especially to talk about it. That’s just not true anymore. Have you ever heard of a “pleasure party”? The idea of masturbation is actually a thriving industry, and it can even spell financial independence for some women. Why wouldn’t you want to harness your sexual independence?

The Pros And Cons Of Dating A Pillow Princess

I’m sure at some point in your life, you’ve either known or been a Pillow Princess. For those who don’t know, this term refers to a woman who only receives pleasure from her partner. She doesn’t return the favor (or at least she doesn’t want to – there is room for negotiation, of course.)

While the term elicits a sense of femininity, that’s not always the case. I’ve known “Pillow Bois” in my life too; butch women who don’t like to give pleasure. Maybe it’s less common, as the masculinity assumes a role of dominance for many people, but it’s still a real thing and worthy of note.

For someone who gets the majority of their sexual gratification from providing pleasure to their partner, a Pillow Princess is great – it’s someone who won’t expect to give you something in return, so you can focus on giving her a mind-blowing orgasm without worrying about whether you’ve “maintained” your lady bits as much as you “should” in order to receive sex in return.

But if you’re not primarily a giver, Pillow Princesses can be, understandably, frustrating. After all, she doesn’t want to return the favor, and she won’t hesitate to let you know that it’s really not what she wants to be doing. Most of the time, these women can be convinced to give pleasure to their partners, too, but they might resent the idea.

Wonder if it’s worth dating one of these magical beasts? Read on to find out if the benefits outweigh the costs for you.

Pro: You won’t have to worry about sex hair.

If you’re not on the receiving end of sex, you probably won’t have to fix your hair as much after. Anyone who’s got long hair that’s easily tangled will appreciate that they don’t have to brush out a mess of knots when their hair tie comes out on the pillow. Because… Well, your head won’t be on the pillow.

Con: You won’t get to experience a direct-contact orgasm.

This isn’t a deal-breaker for everyone, as many women are able to achieve orgasm through mental stimulation, such as the type of stimulation you get when you cater to your partner. But for others, this can be frustrating, as you won’t have the physical orgasm – which is usually much stronger and more powerful.

Pro: You get to retain your “virginity”.

The subject of virginity is complicated, especially as it pertains to lesbians. There are a million different ways to define what makes it “sex”, but for many women, virginity is associated with a lack of penetration. If you’d prefer to keep your lady bits a secret until you’re ready to settle down for good, dating a Pillow Princess allows you to do just that – without anyone’s feelings getting hurt.

Con: Sexual frustration can definitely happen.

As the term implies, sexual frustration can be pretty frustrating. It’s not a big deal to everyone, since you’re obviously able to handle things on your own (masturbation is great like that) but if you’re not keen on touching yourself, you’re not going to be pleased with the limitations.

Pro: It’s less to worry about.

While safer sex is always the best option, if you only have to make sure that you’re being safe (and not making sure your partner is, too) you can effectively maximize your control. Less chances for someone skimping on the safety means less chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease.

Con: You’ll probably worry about where you stand.

If you’re not necessarily a “giver”, you could wonder if your partner is really interested in you, since she’s not willing to do for you as you’d do for her. It’s not an exact science, but we tend to associate someone’s willingness to do things for us (sexual, romantic, or otherwise) with how they feel about us – and if they seem to come up short, it can create questions.

Pro: No bad sex.

When you’re dating a Pillow Princess, you don’t have to worry about having bad sex with her – because you won’t be getting any. Bad sex can be more frustrating than no sex, at least to me.

Con: No good sex, either.

You’re not going to have good sex that completely blows your mind. You’re going to be the only one putting out your sexuality, and she’s just going to be eating it up – but not literally of course, because her head is on the pillow the whole time.

Pro: You could be her first.

Some women are deeply aroused by the idea of being the first anything. With Pillow Princesses, you could be the first woman she ever touches – isn’t that a sexy idea?

Con: You’d be her first.

As hot as it is to be someone’s first, there’s some “teaching” that goes along with it – rarely is anyone an expert right away. That experience you might have got when you were a teenager, she’ll just be starting to get now, as an adult. It’s not always a bad thing, but it can be its own source of frustrations.

What do you think I missed? Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts!

WTF?! Scientist Say It’s Time To Stop Masturbating So Much

I’m just going to break the ice and start this piece off by being as honest as I can possibly be: I love to masturbate.

I mean, who doesn’t? It’s relaxing, its pleasurable, and it’s fun.

And in an always-busy, always-bustling city like London, masturbation can be the perfect way to let your hair down once you’ve retreated to your cosy bedroom.

Over the years, science has often indicated that routine masturbation is a good thing. There are verified benefits of a regular release including better energy levels, and lower stress levels.

However, apparently just like any good thing, too much can be harmful.

You may not think so, but orgasms are pretty complicated things. It’s easy to assume that an orgasm is the same no matter how it’s achieved, but that’s not the case.

In a study conducted by Dr. Stuart Brody and Tillman Kruger, it was observed that certain hormones released when you come are greater (some times 400% higher) during sex than masturbation, including oxytocin.

Oxytocin is thought to be released during hugging, touching, and orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and may be involved in the formation of trust between people and generosity.”

So basically, higher levels of oxytocin released in the brain leads to a greater feeling of satisfaction because it offsets dopamine.

Dopamine itself is fine. It’s responsible for our pleasure/reward reactions.

The issue is that when too much dopamine is released too frequently, our brains become desensitized to it.

Any behaviour that floods the brain with dopamine can desensitize us, requiring more of the same behaviour in order to get the same reward.

Brain scans conducted on people with porn addictions found that the part of the brain that lights up is the same part that lights up when a heroin addict has just injected heroin. Yikes.

So masturbation does a great job of flooding the brain with dopamine but it doesn’t produce much oxytocin, which combats the dopamine. This makes excessive masturbation dangerously addictive. Excessive dopamine can even make your brain more stressed out.

Dr. N.K.Lin, adds

Since dopamine is the precursor to the stress hormone epinephrine (adrenaline), excess dopamine results in the adrenal glands overproducing epinephrine and putting the body in a prolonged state of fight-or-flight stress. At the same time, norepinephrine is synthesized from dopamine and released from the adrenal medulla into the blood as a hormone, along with the stress hormone cortisol.”

Epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol fuel the fight-or-flight response, directly increasing heart rate, triggering the release of glucose from energy stores, and increasing blood flow to skeletal muscle. All of this has a severely taxing effect on the body.”

Party poopers

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What’s The Most Intimate Display of Affection?

Intimacy is weird. There are people who are super great at sharing themselves fully with their partners, and there are others who can’t be bothered to try. For those of us who are not so good at it but looking to try new things, it can be intimidating territory.

Personally, I’m terrible at showing my partners affection, and it’s really not because I don’t want to. I’m pretty romantic most of the time – at least in my head. The only problem is I have a hard time translating that to my body.

I know I’m not alone, either.  It’s estimated that approximately 97% of couples are lacking when it comes to intimacy, and it’s not always from a lack of trying – more often, it’s coming from miscommunication and it doesn’t always mean that they’re not having enough sex.

Are you having the sex you want to have?

As many as 75% of people are not having the sex they fantasize about, simply because they’re not telling their partner their fantasies. 51% of people are embarrassed or ashamed of their fantasies, and don’t share them out of fear of judgment. If your partner cares about you, it seems silly to be ashamed to admit your desires – especially when you consider that these numbers refer to people in committed, long-term relationships.

If you are embarrassed about sharing your desires with your partner, you might think that it’s an discomfort with your own kinks, but in all actuality, it’s more likely that you’re uncomfortable with your sexuality in general. As women, we are often taught from a young age that we must allow ourselves to be seen as sexual objects while remaining “pure” in our reputations. This can turn into quite a conundrum as we explore our own sexuality.

There’s a paradox built into these numbers, though. An estimated 80% of people want to share their sexual fantasies with their partner – which is a large enough for some overlap with those who are embarrassed to do so. The obvious answer is to open up, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.

When we offer ourselves completely to our partner through communication, we are allowing her to see parts of ourselves that we don’t share with the rest of the world. In an age where sexuality is often on display, it’s nice to reserve this type of intimacy for someone close to us.

But does that mean that your fantasies make up the most intimate form of affection?

Are you laying your heart and soul in the open?

Talking obviously goes much further than just sex, and opening ourselves up to our partner emotionally is a great way to strengthen our bond. Gritty, raw emotion is something else that we as women are told to keep to ourselves. When a woman displays “too much emotion” in public, onlookers may subconsciously assign excuses to her.

“She must be on her period.”

“Wow, she sure is sensitive.”

“She must be crazy – look how she reacted to _____!”

It’s sort of funny, when you think about it, because these types of assumptions would royally piss us off if we knew we were on the receiving end, too. We pass judgment on others without even thinking about it, but we become defensive if we know others are judging us, too. It can become a vicious cycle if you let it.

Note that this doesn’t just apply to women, either, although there is a bit of misogyny associated with the phenomenon. After all, men who exhibit similar emotions will undoubtedly have some witnesses who assume that they must be effeminate or prissy. It’s definitely not a female phenomenon, but it’s associated with femininity.

For butch women, this adds an extra layer to the emotional wall – butch women are expected to refrain from “feminine” behaviors, which means that they’re often cast out if they display any. Butch women are expected to be strong and sturdy. The obvious issue here is that they have feelings, too, and they deserve the right to express them freely.

Ladies and gentlestuds, let me tell you. If you’re not sharing your feelings with your partner, you’re leaving her to guess them – and we are not all exactly mind readers. Some women might not even care to know your emotions, but that’s not generally a sign that your emotions are wrong – it’s a sign you’re with the wrong woman.

So, does this mean talking is the most intimate way to show your affection?

Are you kissing your partner as much as you can?

Even in completely happy relationships, after some time, the urge to touch each other diminishes. It’s not that you don’t want your partner, it’s just that you have other things going on – possibly even important things like work or school or raising children. But it’s important that you find time to kiss your partner, as often as you find the opportunity.

I know I’m bad at this myself. I’ve often said that I don’t even really like kissing – I’ve had partners who I dated for months and only kissed once or twice during the entire time. I’ve had a partner I dated for years, who I probably only kissed a handful of times during the last year or so of the relationship. Kissing just feels weird to me if I’m not 100% sure about the person.

Believe it or not, that’s exactly why it’s so important to kiss your partner. You know how that first kiss in any rom-com brings sparks, fireworks, celebrations, and that extra-special foot raise? Yeah… Kissing shows you the chemistry in the relationship. When you’re fighting, it reminds you of your love. When you’re making love, it reminds you of your bond. When you’re sick, it brings you comfort.

There are a million types of kisses, and each has its rightful place – and will feel all wrong if the situation isn’t right for it.

Our lips have nerve endings in them that directly correlate with our mental state, our sexual attraction, and even our maternal instincts. Those of you who were raised by a mother-figure or a grandmother-figure (which, it’s important to realize, is not always the same as a biological mother or grandmother) may remember her kissing your face to determine whether you had a fever. Those who had this growing up are likely to be calmed by it as adults – and those who didn’t have it as children are likely to yearn for it later in life. This is probably why most people feel a sense of calm when someone they love kisses them on the forehead or cheek.

The particular sensitivity of our lips is something that makes an obvious connection to sexual attraction and satisfaction, too. After all, it’s widely assumed that someone who is a bad kisser is also a bad lover. (Do you think that has anything to do with why lesbians notoriously have better sex than straight women? Hmm. Maybe it’s in the tongue.)

Additionally, kissing is linked to our emotional state as well, being one of the catalysts for oxytocin production. This particular brain chemical is responsible for bonding, and is also produced during orgasm, childbirth, and even cuddling. By definition, anything that produces oxytocin is an intimate activity – so what makes kissing so special?

Kissing is open-ended.

Compared to many other forms of intimacy, there’s no implied destination when it comes to kissing. It can be the whole journey, a form of foreplay, a goodbye, a gesture of good will… The opportunities are limitless.

When you are communicating (verbally) with someone, there are two main objectives: Either you are trying to understand the other person, or you are trying to be heard. Occasionally there may be a third goal (hearing your own voice) but we try not to focus on that one since it’s not really productive. While communication is necessary for a healthy relationship, it understandably has its limits.

Having sex with someone opens the doors to intimacy a little wider, but it’s still largely limited. In sex, your goals are to a) bring your partner pleasure; b) bring yourself pleasure; and often c) exchange pleasure with your partner. It implies a greater amount of trust than a conversation, although that trust can definitely be initiated by liquid courage. Still, it’s not exactly the biggest indicator of happiness – you can have sex every single day and still not be fulfilled.

Kissing, on the other hand, doesn’t come with a predefined list of goals. In some cultures, kissing the face of your friends is considered the fondest greeting, while in other cultures you are expected to have your first non-familial kiss on your wedding day. These aren’t the only two possibilities, either – there are literally hundreds of reasons why you might kiss someone, and just as many places and ways to kiss them as well.

Kissing is naked and honest.

You can’t fake a kiss. It’s honest and true, and it’s up for debate whether you can improve your kissing ability. It’s largely accepted that each person has their own kissing style, and not all styles are compatible – just as not all sexual chemistries are compatible. You can’t really pretend to be into a kiss if you’re not; your body most likely won’t let you.

Think back to the romantic movies you’ve watched. In the loving scenes where the characters share their first kiss, which ones stick out to you? There are bound to be some that just looked so genuine and pure – and often it’s revealed when the movie is in post-production that the characters are actually romantically involved. Do you think this is a coincidence?

Even professional actors have a hard time selling a “fake” kiss. Kissing is a way to lay open your soul to someone without saying a single word. There’s a multi-billion-dollar international industry suggesting that sex just doesn’t offer the same type of connection.

Kissing is intimate because it’s completely genuine. In a world full of artificial things and half-hearted promises, kissing remains its own unique language. In this language there are no lies, no secrets, and no expectations. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everything were that simple?

7 Things Besides Sex That Will Give You The Same Feeling As An Orgasm

When we think of the pleasure of an orgasm, we usually think of sexual release. But what would you say if I told you there were other things that could give you the same type of pleasure? Believe it or not, you don’t have to have sex to receive that type of stimulation – we have compiled 7 different sensations that affect your mind and body the same way.

1          Meditation

The verdict is still out on the overall benefits of meditation, but there are many people who swear by meditation as a path to tranquility. It’s not hard to begin finding similarities to a sexual orgasm, but in this case the experience is more spiritual than physical.

Both sex and meditation have the ability to free us from our conscious thoughts, and research shows that the two activities both increase the blood flow to the prefrontal cortex. Meditation and sex both bring the user to a state of bliss while distracting us from our pain, stress, and body consciousness.

2        Exercise

You’ve probably heard of the “runner’s high”, but there may be more to it than that. Separate studies, performed by NY Magazine as well as Indiana University, found that as many as 40% of women may be able to experience a feeling similar to an orgasm while performing certain types of exercise.

The exercises responsible for this phenomenon might be different from one woman to another, but most often the exercises involved include abdominal strengthening, cardiovascular activity (which increases the blood flow to the vagina), and many exercises which involved tight clothing that may rub against the sensitive areas.

3        Childbirth

Although we don’t typically want to associate our children with orgasms (and for good reason), some women experience a phenomenon called an “orgasmic birth”. In this scenario, the baby’s head will push against the same places inside the mother that would be stimulated during intense sexual activity. This causes a pleasure that helps to counteract some of the pain otherwise involved in childbirth.

An estimated 3% of births will result in this type of orgasm, which is likely assisted by the body’s production of oxytocin – the same bonding chemical that is released when we reach climax with a sexual partner. This hormone is released in order to help the mother form a bond with her baby, and along with beta-endorphins and prolactin create a type of molecular ecstasy.

4        Dreams

Most women are aware that there is a direct connection between their imagination and their sexual stimulation. However, what most aren’t aware of is that genital stimulation is sometimes triggered by completely non-sexual thoughts. This often happens during REM sleep, while our brain is mostly shut down – while simultaneously having increased circulation to the vaginal and pelvic area.

When we think of wet dreams, we typically think of a sexual experience, but unlike men, women do not require direct genital stimulation or particularly erotic thoughts to encourage this type of nocturnal release. (Although they certainly don’t hurt!) The research on this particular phenomenon goes all the way back to 1953, when it was reported that as many as 37% of women are able to orgasm this way.

5        Sounds

Of course the sound of her partner moaning will likely bring a woman closer to orgasm – but for some women, other sounds (such as whispering and the tapping of fingernails) can elicit a fantasy response in the female brain – even if there is no direct sexual connection to be made to the sound.

This particular phenomenon is referred to as an automatic sensory meridian response, or ASMR for short. While this isn’t exactly like an orgasm, it can produce the same sorts of tingles that you might experience in the middle of sexual activity – and it’s not only from sounds, either. Some women feel these tingles while having their hair played with, having their makeup done, or getting an eye exam.

6        Sneezing

I’m sure we’ve all seen that meme that claims that a sneeze is basically 1/10 of an orgasm. Well, as silly as that sounds, there’s actually some truth to it – at least for many people. While there isn’t a lot of scientific evidence to back this one up, there are some significant similarities between the two activities.

First, the nose (like the genitals) contain erectile tissue, so anatomically they are more similar than you might think. Second, both orgasms and sneezes release endorphins in the brain – the “feel-good” hormones that are also associated with “coregasms” (#2). Lastly, they both imply a sense of build-up and then a release, which eliminates the frustrations associated. Scientists might not confirm this one, but we sure do.

7         Shopping

Do you know a woman who is really, really into shopping? Well, science explains that one, too – Focus News determined that when we find a good deal shopping, our brain chemistry shows the same reactions as having mind-blowing sex. The same outlet reported that overspending can create the exact opposite reactions, though, so only savvy shoppers are going to feel this one.

Of course, this phenomenon won’t extend to every woman – so if you’re not really a shopper, most likely you can’t pick this one up just by starting now. Wouldn’t it be great if you could, though!

This list is in no way conclusive – there are millions of things that cause a similar type of release, but they are different from woman to woman. What are some of yours?

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21 Reasons To Wait For Sex

There are a million and one opinions on when the “right time” to have sex with a new partner is. Basically, people care way too much about things that have nothing to do with them, right? Well, while the right time for everyone is different, there are a few reasons waiting might not be such a bad idea.

1. We’ve become desensitized.

The majority of the mainstream media is filled with songs making it seem like sex is no big deal. What’s more is that, for many people, it really isn’t. Sex used to be something reserved for the most special person in your life – and nowadays many people will jump into bed with whoever offers.

Okay, that’s an unfair generalization, but most of the stigmas around sex are starting to fall away. Trust me, that’s not a bad thing – but we are so desensitized to our own sexualization that many people are left completely unimpressed by any sexual activity.

Name a kink, and I’ll bet you can think of someone who practices it without batting an eye. Once upon a time, you had to search deep to find people’s sexual interests – but these days, people actually share porn to the Facebook profiles their grandmother follows. It’s crazy how far we’ve come.

Again, this is a severe generalization, but the moral of the story is the same: People are less sensitive about sex. Ironically, sex is supposed to be one of the most sensitive things you can do. Taking a step back can help you appreciate the little things more.

2. We don’t leave ourselves mysteries anymore.

“She loved mysteries so much she became one.” Ah, John Green, how you took the words straight out of my mouth. But isn’t it such a beautiful thought that we could be mysterious to the person we’re dating – a special enigma for them to sort out?

When we give ourselves to our partner sexually, we are often taking away their ability to imagine us – to picture what lies beneath the surface. You shouldn’t be so mysterious that you become an outcast (if you can avoid it), but keeping something a secret for just a while longer is nice.

When you leave things up to the imagination, it will draw interest – providing you’re not doing it dishonestly. Mysteries are cool, lies are not.

3. We still have time.

What’s the rush to have sex, anyway? You’ve got your whole life for that – or at least your whole relationship. Lesbians aren’t as prone to sexual disabilities as heterosexual couples (think erectile dysfunction for example) so there’s no rush to be ready. Take your time and smell the roses!

4. It’s hard to learn about each other when we’re naked.

While it’s true that sex is one of the many keys of intimacy in a relationship, it makes other forms of intimacy a little more difficult. Have you ever tried to focus on someone’s personality when you have a vagina in your face? It doesn’t usually work out so well.

That’s not to say that you can’t get to know each other after having sex, too, but doing things this way gives the chance of regretting the encounter – as well as the possibility that the relationship will only ever be sexual. If you don’t mind taking that risk, feel free to ignore my advice.

5. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready.

Not too long ago, most people waited until they were married to have sex with their partner. Okay, so we’ve made a lot of strides for equality since then – but now those who haven’t had sex are seen as an oddity. Some people even claim you can’t know your sexuality unless you’ve tried all your options.

I’m a strong advocate for the “don’t knock it ‘till you try it” approach to romance and sex, but that doesn’t mean that virgins are doing it wrong, or that they can’t know what they want. There are no rules when it comes to sex (as long as it’s between consenting adults), so pressuring someone to have sex before they’re ready is pretty pointless.

Try to think of something actually wrong in the world, and the 24-year-old who’s never taken her panties off for someone doesn’t seem so bad. People are ready at different times and there’s nothing wrong with being a late bloomer.

6. Sexual manipulation is still manipulation.

Many people may feel pressured to have sex before they’re ready because “it’s what you do”. But no one has rights over your body but you, and letting someone dictate what you do with it is allowing yourself to be controlled. If you’re not ready, you shouldn’t feel pressured to get there.

7. Delaying gratification improves appreciation.

That’s basically my obnoxious way of saying “nothing worth having comes without patience”. You do have to work for the things you want, but sometimes the hardest work is investing in your future. Our society is so hung up on the idea of instant gratification that we often settle for a lesser experience because it means we can have it right away.

Hey, I get it – sometimes you just don’t want to wait. But if you knew you’d be sacrificing your satisfaction if you were impatient – would you still want it right now?

8. A polite “not yet” shouldn’t be a deal breaker.

If the person you’re seeing doesn’t respect you enough to wait until you’re ready, she’s not going to respect you after you give it up, either. You can compromise to find a time that meets both of your needs – but your partner shouldn’t demand to get their way.

9. Romance is still a thing.

If we’re looking for sex right away, chances are we’re throwing the idea of romance out the window. Not that there’s anything wrong with sex, or even sex without love – but sometimes, you want to know that it’s more than that.

A partner who pushes for sex too early in the relationship is showing that they don’t want to work for it, and the partner that gives into this push is showing that she doesn’t feel worthy of being loved. I’m definitely not saying that you can’t love someone you’ve had casual sex with, but the chances of it working out aren’t as good.

With less than 15% of relationships classified as an “overall success” (when quantified by things like marriage, happiness, and longevity), why would you want to jeopardize those numbers any further?

10. Closer bond = more comfortable = better sex.

It’s basic sexual compatibility. When you have an emotional connection with someone, sex with them is going to be even better. Skill and technique still play into it, for sure, but since one of the primary chemicals in the brain during sex is the same as what’s present during a cuddle session, your body can (easily) be trained to be more responsive to your partner.

Beyond that, a closer bond with your partner will make it easier for you to communicate your desires with her – which can result in better sex, too. A partner that cares about your overall happiness, and not just whether you get off or not, is more likely to work towards the bigger picture. This, my friends, is one endless cycle that just keeps getting better.

11. Think quality, not quantity.

The more times you experience something, the less special it is. This extends to every “first” in particular – in this case, your first time having sex with a new partner. If you’ve had “first time sex” 20 times, it’s only 1/20 as special as if you’d only had it once.

I’m not saying that we should only have one sexual partner in our lives. Honestly, I think I’m getting pretty close to that 20-mark myself. But if I had the chance to do it all over again, there are definitely a few I wouldn’t do the second time around. They just weren’t worth the effort I put forth to make it happen.

Far be it for me to get in the way of your desires, but when you look back on your past experiences, don’t you want to say that all of your experiences had happy endings?

12. You don’t have to wait forever.

There’s a difference between waiting a minute and saving yourself – and that line should be yours to define.

13. Awkward sex is… Well, awkward.

The more comfortable you are with a person, the less the likelihood that the sex is going to be weird. There’s always the chance that your girlfriend is going to be into something you’re not, but exploring those things as a solid couple is definitely going to be less awkward than exploring them as acquaintances.

While awkwardness isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the confidence that comes from a solid partnership can help prevent it from biting you in the face.

14. We forget about kissing.

When you rush into sex, there’s a potential to forget about kissing. And you should never forget about kissing – it’s awesome. When you skip straight to sex, you skip past the fun of making out like teenagers. After all, don’t we all wish we were 18 again?

(No? Just me?)

15. Sex isn’t everything.

Focusing on sex makes it difficult to see the value in anything else – and can lead to a sex addiction in certain cases. It might not be as dangerous of an addiction as, say, opiates and alcohol – but as a general rule, everything is better in moderation.

If you focus on sex, it can cause the whole relationship to focus on sex – and that can eventually be damaging to your psychological well-being. Do you want to send the message that your partner is only good for one thing in your eyes? Chances are, you don’t – so don’t do it!

16. Love is best without expectations.

Most people don’t like the idea of their partner “demanding” things from them, but they might consider “expecting” to be a grey area. When you allow your partner to define your roles for you, you’re implying you’d rather be a part of something than be your own person. Life (and love) are better when you don’t try to squeeze into a mold.

If everyone did what was expected of them, some of us wouldn’t be here today – because our parents might not have met in the first place. Isn’t that an intriguing though!

17. Relationships take time to grow.

Just like children, flowers, and even bread dough, there is a period of time when a relationship should focus on growing – rather than becoming something else. There’s not always a concrete timeline, but rushing things along will obviously mess things up.

Children who aren’t allowed to be kids grow into cynical adults. Plants that are overexposed to the sunlight produce awful-tasting fruit. Dough that isn’t allowed to rise will just be all wrong. What makes you think relationships are exempt from this phenomenon?

18. Sex can cloud our judgment.

If it wasn’t true, we wouldn’t have phrases like “the walk of shame” or “coyote ugly”. Maybe they’re a bit harsh, but it’s true – sometimes our hormones can make the wrong person look oh so right. You shouldn’t go shopping when you’re hungry, you shouldn’t go to the bar when you’re angry, and you shouldn’t have sex when you’re not sure – it can lead to poor choices if you do.

19. Our brain wants us to think sex = love.

Of course, we’re all smart enough to know that sex and love are not mutually exclusive concepts. But our brain doesn’t know that, and it doesn’t want us to know that, either.

There’s a slew of chemicals that your brain produces when you reach climax that are also produced when you feel love and joy. Cuddling, happy memories, sex, childbirth – all make our brain produce a combination of hormones and natural highs that tell us we’re in heaven. But the funny thing is that the same process goes on for a number of crazy reasons – for some women, even shopping can cause this type of pleasure.

Does this mean we fall in love every time we feel that “tingle”?

Not exactly, but the chemical reaction is basically the same. It’s even been likened to an addiction to hard drugs – and these things can be equally addicting.

20. But sex isn’t love.

And love isn’t always sex, either. There are no guarantees when it comes to these things, and just because you give your body to someone doesn’t always mean they get to keep it, any more than loving someone means they own you. There are going to be grey areas. There are even going to be some WTF moments.

Being able to distinguish between love, lust, and everything else is a part of becoming a better partner – whether you’re currently with someone or not. The more experience you have making those distinctions, the easier it becomes to tell them apart – and that’s a happy feeling.

21. Because you can!

Hey, the whole moral of all of this is that sex is your decision, but really it’s a bit deeper than that. In all honesty, you’re only responsible for one person’s happiness.

Your own.

You can’t please everyone – and you can’t serve others from an empty cup. You have to love yourself, know yourself, and be your own lover before you can expect to offer those things to another person. You can’t ever really make someone happy – you can only influence them to be happy when you’re around, and act in ways that make them happy to think of you.

By the same token, that means that some blog post on the internet shouldn’t tell you that you can’t have sex. That’s not what I’m hoping to do here. My goal is simply to inform you that you have options. Your past doesn’t determine your future, and you can change your image whenever it suits you.

Tired of waiting for sex and want to get lucky? Go forth and get your luckiest. Tired of keeping things casual and ready for a deep relationship? Step out of the scene and let love find you. Your happiness should be your number one priority.

Take care, and be good to each other!

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9 Types Of Sex You Have During the First Year Of A Lesbian Relationship

New relationships are crazy territory. While your heart’s aflutter with the new love (or is it lust?) and your stomach is full of butterflies, there’s going to be a day when you come to have sex. The “right time” is different for everyone, but most people will have sex with a partner within the first year of dating – many giving into the temptation much sooner.

Even if everyone was on the same sex schedule, though, there is a variety of different sex you’ll have. First, everyone has a different sexual style, which of course factors in to some of the differences – but more than that, there are different types of sex that appeal to different stages of the relationship, and everyone will reach these stages at a different time point.

How many of these can you say you did in the first year with your partner?

1.     Awkward Sex

Particularly if either you or your partner had never had sex before, the first time can be super awkward sometimes. Not everyone goes through this awkward phase, but those who do need to know that it’s not uncommon – in fact, most people experience awkward sex sometimes. Sometimes this awkward sex continues long after you and your partner have become more comfortable with each other – and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

The awkwardness of first time sex comes mostly from our mind telling us that we’re not ready. Even if we feel (hormonally) way overdue for sex, the truth is that sometimes our mind and our body don’t want to work together. When this “disagreement” happens, sex can be really weird.

2.     Passionate Sex

In a perfect world, all sex would be passionate, we’d all get off every time, and no one would ever be unsatisfied. But the truth is, it doesn’t always work out that way – and that’s okay, too. Passionate sex happens when your body and your mind are in complete sync, and you can’t stand the thought of waiting even another second for it.

Passionate sex is one of the most fulfilling types of sex, because it makes us feel wanted, loved, and used – in the best sense of each word. While we might like to think of ourselves as dignified and classy, sometimes you just want to be used for sex. As long as the person “using” us cares deeply about us, too (whether it’s true love or not), there’s nothing wrong with being a plaything.

3.     Finally-Figured-It-Out Sex

This is the sex that lets you know you’ve got your technique down with this partner. For some of us who might have more experience, we’d expect this sex to come early on in the relationship, but that’s not necessarily the case. Each partner you have will have different wants, needs, and turn-ons, and it might take you a little while to get used to the change.

Sometimes, the partners will be totally in sync and they’ll figure out what works for them right away. It’s great when that happens, but you shouldn’t fret if it doesn’t. Sex is a complicated process and you shouldn’t be in a rush to skip to the end. Take your time getting to know your partner. Treat each new partner as if she was your first – because, after all, she’s the first partner of the rest of your life – right?

4.     Not the Best, But Not Bad Sex

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but… Not every sexual experience will be a 10. Even if your partner has gotten you off a hundred times before, there’s going to be the occasional hint of mediocrity. You shouldn’t let this bother you, if it’s an occasional thing.

If you notice your partner no longer has the ability to make you orgasm (after examining a large “sample period”, it might be worth bringing up to her – maybe she thinks she’s getting the job done. If you don’t tell her she’s not, you have no one to blame but yourself.

5.     Quickie Sex

Some people really, really like quickies. They’re great when you’re just looking to get it over with and you don’t care about all that mushy stuff. As long as they’re not making up most of your sexual encounters (hint: romance is still important too), there’s nothing wrong with rushing things every now and then.

The thing you need to realize is that not all women respond to quickie sex. Some women take a long time to get warmed up, so unless you’ve been teasing for quite a while (sexting can help here) that quickie just isn’t going to get the job done for her. Make sure you talk to your partner to make sure she’s satisfied!

6.     Silly Sex

Even those of us who like to think of ourselves as “strictly business” have had sex that results in us laughing more than we’re moaning. Sometimes it’s awkward, but if you and your partner are comfortable with each other, it doesn’t have to be.

I’m a firm believer that you have to be able to laugh with your partner – no matter what the situation may be. (Okay, maybe not during a funeral or something, but you get the idea.) If you can’t have “silly sex” with your partner, you might not be with the right person. It’s not something you can force.

7.     New Turn-On Sex

One great thing about having different sexual partners in your lifetime is that you’re bound to pick up on things that you’ve never tried before. When you pick the ones you like and share them with a new partner (assuming your partner is willing to try – make sure you communicate first!), you both might be surprised at the things that get your juices flowing.

For most things, you don’t know whether you like something or not until you try it – and that definitely holds true for sex. Fantasies are all over the board, and sometimes we don’t think about them once we’ve come up with a couple ideas that work for us. By introducing your partner to something they’ve never tried before, you might find something that makes you both enjoy it a lot more.

8.     Fantasy Sex

Every now and then, you’re going to picture someone else when you’re having sex. This might make you feel guilty, or awkward, or a number of different emotions – but generally, it’s not a bad thing. As long as you’re still content having sex with your partner and just imagining someone else, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Humans, by nature, fantasize.

Most of the time we think about fantasies as they relate to our sex lives. But I’ll bet you’ve even eaten something and imagined eating something else. Does it mean what you’re eating isn’t good? No, it just means you’re thinking about something else. Do you feel like you’re cheating on your sandwich if you’re thinking about cheesecake? I doubt it.

9.     Bad Sex

Bad sex is a subjective issue – and it’s something that happens to everyone sometimes. If you think you’ve never had bad sex, chances are you’ve got a previous partner who wasn’t completely honest with you. Sex isn’t always going to be good.

The good news is that bad sex can usually be “fixed” with a little communication. Very rarely is it due to a lack of skill. Usually, it’s just that you two are into different things, and one partner is afraid to hurt the other one’s feelings, so she keeps quiet. In the first year, you might not read your partner well enough to understand when she’s trying to save your feelings – that comes in time.

No matter what order you take these different types of sex in, you should be communicating with your partner to make sure the two of you are on the same page. After all, you can’t just expect things to work out on their own – you need to talk about what you like and dislike. No one is a mind reader, despite what they may think. Expecting your partner to read your mind is setting yourself up for failure.

The only “truly” bad sex is bad sex that never gets better – everything can be worked around as long as you’re willing to try!

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18 Reasons Why We Turn Down Sex (When We Actually Really Want It)

Sex is a complex issue for many women. We love it, but we want it on our own terms. Yet sometimes, just because we want sex doesn’t mean we really need it.

In fact, there are a number of reasons you should say no – even if you really, really want to say yes.

1. You’ve just broken up “for good”.

I think we’ve all been there at least once – you and your lady break up, “for real this time”, but you’re still super attracted to one another. And after all, you don’t want to go out and find someone new, just to have sex with them. But if you think that you and your ex are really done, adding sex back into the mix is just going to confuse the issue. Don’t do it.

2. You’ve got an upset stomach.

Ladies, we know we probably shouldn’t be overly active when we’ve got an upset stomach. If you’re nauseous or – heaven forbid – things are threatening to come out the other side, it’s best if you say no to sex. It doesn’t matter how much you want it. If your upset stomach evacuates on your partner, they may never want to have sex with you again. Just don’t risk it.

3. You’ve got gas.

Apparently there are some people who are turned on by flatulence. If you’re dating one of those women, this isn’t really going to apply to you. But for the vast majority of women, a little toot to the face is enough to kill the mood – best not to risk it.

4. You’ve got a UTI.

We know we should say no if there’s any type of infection down there, but sometimes that can be hard to remember. Think about this: The more foreign matter you introduce to the already-present infection, the longer it’s going to last. Wouldn’t it just be better to wait a few days?

5. You’re sharing a room with someone.

Whether you’re staying with family for a visit or you’re sharing a hotel with your BFFs, it can be difficult to resist the urge to sneak in a quickie while they’re sleeping. In fact, some women may be turned on by the risk of being caught. But chances are, if the person who might catch you is someone you know and you’ll have to deal with in the future, risking them seeing you having sex with your lady is going to be incredibly awkward, now and in the future.

6. You don’t really like her.

It’s one thing if you’re irritated with her, but to actually not like your lover at all – it’s probably best if you don’t have sex with her. I know that physical attraction can be overwhelming sometimes, but if your partner is someone who you’re not going to have anything in common with outside of the bedroom, having sex with her simply based on how she looks is really not a good idea.

7. She’s cheating on her partner.

Note that there is a big difference between “cheating” and “polyamory”. If all partners involved are aware of the fact that there are other partners, it’s safe to proceed. But do you really want to be the side chick? People who intentionally meddle with someone who’s already spoken for are just as low as the people who are lying to their partners. Don’t be that person.

8. You’d be cheating on your partner.

This falls in almost the same category as #7. If you have a partner who is not okay with you seeing other people, you shouldn’t be with other people – or you shouldn’t be with her. There are a multitude of people out there who embrace a polyamorous lifestyle. If you can’t be monogamous, find one of those people instead of hurting someone else.

9. Either one of you is too drunk.

Drunk sex can be a lot of fun – but it can also be a lot of confusion. I have a personal rule that I won’t have sex with someone if there’s any chance that the intentions could be misconstrued. Too drunk to send a coherent text message? You’re probably too drunk for sex, too. Just say no.

10. You don’t know her name.

This is actually a more blanket statement than it sounds like. If you don’t know the first thing about your new lover, it’s best if you don’t get wrapped up in sex with her. After all, if you don’t even know her name (or how old she is, or whether she really likes women…) you’re setting yourself up for a bad reputation. Truly, reputations can be unfair, but why would you intentionally do something to ruin yours?

11. You have responsibilities.

It can be tough to turn down sex when you really want it, but you’re running late for something “more important”. If you’ve got to ditch your responsibilities in order to have sex with someone, that’s a sign that your priorities are out of whack, and could be a sign of a psychological dependence on sex. Do your best to avoid it.

12. She’s underage.

The laws surrounding the age of consent vary from region to region, and in some cases they may be different for same-sex couples than they are for opposite-sex couples. Be sure that you know the laws in your area; even if both partners are willing participants, if the law says she can’t consent, you can get in a lot of trouble.

13. You can’t talk about it.

Some women are shy – I totally get it; after all, I’m pretty shy myself. But if you can’t handle the idea of discussing sex with your partner (including safer sex, your desires, and your personal boundaries), you can’t handle actually having sex with her. Some people may not agree with this, but whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, sex is a big decision and it comes with a lot of responsibility. Don’t let the heat of the moment stop you from making an informed decision.

14. She’s an asshole.

Some women may be attracted to women who are mean, rude, obscene, or any number of things. If you think she’s a jerk, you shouldn’t be sleeping with her – even if you’re in a relationship with her. (Of course, you shouldn’t be with anyone who’s not good to you anyway, but that’s another subject entirely.)

15. You’re not over your ex.

Rebound sex is one of those things that can cause a tremendous amount of uncertainty for people. Truly, it can lead to deeper emotional problems down the road. If you’re not over your last lady yet, you shouldn’t try to push yourself to sleep with someone new – it’ll only end up hurting you in the end.

16. You’re really tired.

Technically, sleep is a responsibility. It can be tempting sometimes to squeeze in a quickie before you fall asleep – but there will always be a chance of falling asleep during the quickie, and that’s not sexy – at all. It’s best if you wait until you’re more rested.

17. You haven’t had a shower in days.

I’ve recently become aware that there are people who are greatly aroused by the idea of “dirty sex” – the smellier, the better. But unless you’re actually dating one of those people (and you know that they like it like that), you should wait until you’ve had a chance to clean yourself up. Of course, skipping a day every now and then isn’t likely to be an issue, but if you’re preoccupied by the idea that you smell – down there or anywhere else – you’re not going to enjoy the sex. Luckily, this one usually only takes about ten minutes to not be an issue anymore – just take a shower!

18. You’re in a public place and could get arrested.

Okay, okay. I’ll admit that I’ve had sex in public places. A lot, actually. It’s not always so horrible – if done carefully, there may be very little chance of being caught (while still maintaining the sexiness of the risk). But if you’re somewhere you could easily be caught, it’s important to remember that most places consider public indecency to be a sexual offense – meaning you could be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life if you’re caught in the act. If you’re turned on by the idea of public sex, make sure you’re doing it somewhere you won’t get caught by the police. It can ruin your entire life if you’re not careful!

What Happens When Not Enough Sex is a Relationship Deal Breaker

Sex can be a tricky subject when it comes to someone new. Sometimes, one partner may be incredibly shy about the subject of sex, and may even put off sex for as long as possible in order to make sure the other person is “worthy” of their sexual attention. Of course, this is a generalized statement; there are a million reasons for not rushing into sex, and they are all valid.

There are others who may have sex right away – maybe even before a formal relationship is present – and they may have sexual needs that never seem to be met. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a horn dog or a pervert, it just means that they have a high sex drive.

So what happens when these two people end up in a relationship together and they must determine how to compromise their needs and desires?

Sexual compatibility is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Just because you have a high sex drive and your partner doesn’t, doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you. Sexuality is a broad spectrum and there is no single right or wrong answer. But if your needs are far apart and it’s difficult to find a compromise, you might not be right for each other.

For those with a lower sex drive, they might not understand how sex can be so important for some people – but for those on the higher end, they can’t understand why it’s not important to their partner. In a perfect world, it would be just as important to both of you – but that’s not automatic. You actually have to find someone whose needs are compatible with yours.

Sexual compatibility is often discovered after the initial attachment.

In situations where the couple doesn’t have sex right away, you might be together for quite awhile before you realize that you’re not compatible with one another. It can cause distress to the two of you – the partner who wants it less may feel that they’re unable to satisfy the one who wants it more, and the one who wants it more can fear that they’re over-sexualized.

It can be incredibly difficult to bring it up tactfully, too. After all, we are taught that sex is intimacy, and we don’t want to talk about it until we feel an intimate closeness with someone – but what if it’s too late to spare yourself then?

Sexual compatibility may change over time.

Sometimes this is referred to as “bed death”, but the truth is that most people want sex, at least occasionally. It never really “dies” – it just might go dormant sometimes.

There are a number of factors that can influence someone’s libido. For example, if they have had their sexual needs neglected for some time, many women are inclined to want it more – but then once their needs have been “caught up”, their desire may taper off. This can appear to their partner as if they are no longer interested, but the reality is that they still want to be interested, it’s just not a priority for them.

What about open relationships?

Sometimes, an open relationship may seem like the perfect answer to sexual compatibility problems. Some people choose an open relationship as a way to indulge the fantasies that their partner is unable or unwilling to offer them. Other times, people may seek an open relationship when one partner has a higher sex drive than their partner – having an “other” to have sex with can take some of the pressure off of the less sexual partner.

However, open relationships aren’t a cure-all. There is always a chance of jealousy, particularly on the end of the partner who isn’t getting as much out of it. If the partner who wants it less finds themselves having more sex with their “other”, for example, the partner with the higher sex drive may feel that they are to blame. Other times, the person who wants it less may have a hard time understanding why they’re not enough for their partner.

Open relationships definitely aren’t for everyone, and they should be based on honesty. There is a difference between an open relationship and “dating around”, and those specifics must be worked out between you and your partner, should you decide to take on the challenge.

Should we just break up?

Well… Maybe. If the partner with the higher sex drive is inflexible with their sexual demands, or the partner with the lower sex drive is inflexible with their sexual willingness (and neither wants to share), it might be easiest to just step away.

It should be noted that just because you aren’t sexually happy with someone doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be sexually satisfied. The truth is that everyone has different needs and wants, and just because we want to be compatible with someone doesn’t mean we always will be. Sometimes, we’re just not right for each other.

What if we’re in love?

Of course, if you’re in love with your partner, but not willing to compromise on your sexual agreement (whatever it may be), it’s likely that at least one of you will be miserable. Holding onto someone you’re not compatible with increases the likelihood of cheating, as we tend to seek out someone who will meet our needs if they are not being met.

This isn’t to say that your relationship is automatically doomed. The partner who wants sex more can try to find another outlet to channel their sexual frustrations, although nothing is guaranteed. The partner who wants sex less is free to try and “push” themselves to want it more – but again, there are no guarantees.

It can be incredibly difficult to modify your habits, and even harder to modify your desires. We are usually not in control of the things we want, only the things we do to get the things we want. This means that changing our demands is often a lengthy process. It’s likely to wear you out and bring you down. But if it’s important enough to you to push through, you will find a way that works for you.

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15 “Lesbian Rules” to Break

The opinions about stereotypes are all over the board. Some people think that stereotypes exist to keep us down, and some people think that stereotypes exist to make categorization easier. Personally, I feel that they can be used for your benefit or against it, depending on how they’re applied.

Certainly, lesbians have their fair share of stereotypes – some of them make no sense to us in the community because they were assigned by someone who didn’t understand. But how many of these things do you find yourself doing just because you feel like you should?

In order to be classified as a stereotypical move, it’s got to be something that you do because society and culture says you should. Obviously if any of these things are a genuine part of your personality and mannerisms, you shouldn’t stop doing them just for the sake of removing the stereotype – but if you’re not sure why you do them, why would you keep doing them?

Rule #1: Butch women need to be aggressive.

I’m not sure how this one came into play, but there’s no reason why a butch/stud woman needs to be identified by her anger and aggression. In many cases, this is a negative set of traits – so the addition of women who are only exhibiting these traits because society tells them they should, really need to stop. (Depending on the nature and extent of the aggression, professional counseling may be available to help curb an ongoing temper problem – if you think it’s something you need to pursue, it probably is.)

Rule #2: Femme women need to be helpless.

This is one of those things that, in many cases, may be just going along with the “traditional” gender roles that society assumes. I encourage everyone to be as powerful as they can be (without being aggressive; as stated previously, this is a different issue entirely). Of course, it’s possible that this isn’t a stereotype, but rather who you are – but knowledge is power, and helplessness is just an end to learning. Learn to be self-sufficient, learn to bring yourself up – don’t let anyone keep you down because of your label!

Rule #3: Lesbians must get attached quickly and move in together as soon as possible.

Okay, so attachment itself isn’t bad. But the nature of this stereotype is that we, as lesbians, become attached to someone before we even really know them – which isn’t really healthy. If you’re with a woman who treats you well and you want to move in together, great! But please, make sure you’ve done your proper research first – don’t just move forward with your relationship because you think it’s time. Wait until you’re actually ready.

Rule #4: Lesbians must decorate with rainbows and naked women – everywhere.

I love rainbows, don’t get me wrong. I even have a floor-length rainbow dress that I consider to be my gayest apparel. And of course, I love naked women (don’t we all?). But if your house “outs” you before a person even walks in the door, you might be going a little overboard. Try choosing a few statement pieces, scattered throughout your house. It’s one thing to be proud of your sexuality – it’s another thing entirely to lean on it for all your décor choices.

Rule #5: Lesbians should hit on straight girls so they know we’re willing to teach them.

Straight girls… What can I even say? Sometimes, we wonder if a woman is straight, because of the way she dresses, or the way she acts, or the way she flirts with us mercilessly. But is there really any difference between predatory lesbians and predatory straight men? Nope. She’s fair game if she comes onto you – but if you know she’s not interested, keep your distance.

Rule #6: Lesbian break-ups need to drag on for ages.

Maybe it’s the attachment thing, but chances are you’ve had at least one break-up that wasn’t over with nice and quick. (I had one girlfriend who I broke up with, multiple times, over the course of 4 years – yeah, it gets bad sometimes.) But the easiest way to get over a break-up is to stop living in it! If you’ve went your separate ways, go your separate ways. Resist the urge to get back together with someone who obviously hasn’t changed since four days ago.

Rule #7: Lesbians must pretend that bisexuals aren’t real, or that they’re really just confused.

It’s almost 2016, and we’ve covered a lot of ground in terms of equal rights for homosexuals – but bisexuals are still getting the short end of the stick. While it’s completely in your rights to prefer not to date a bisexual, it’s not really fair to single them out and discriminate against them. This is the exact thing that causes some bisexuals to have “mixed closets” (that is, call themselves a lesbian when dealing with lesbians, a bisexual when dealing with bisexuals, and a straight girl when dealing with straight people). If they are discriminated against in a community that’s supposed to be about inclusion, what message are we sending?

Rule #8: Shy lesbians must become intoxicated before making a move.

Look, we are all shy under the right circumstances. If you have to be drunk or high to make a move on something, that doesn’t come across as shy – it comes across as either an addiction or a lack of attraction. Get up the courage to approach a woman without compromising your mental clarity, so that you’ll actually be able to remember what was said. Who wants to be with someone who’s not going to remember it in the morning?

Rule #9: Lesbians must go “ghost” when they get a girlfriend.

I am so bad about this one personally. I have such a hard time keeping in touch with people, even when I’m single, but it’s definitely worse when I have a girlfriend. I actually used to set an alarm in my phone to remind me to send “good morning” texts to my besties. (Of course, then I got a girlfriend and deleted the alarm…) But it’s important to remember to keep balance. If anything goes sour with your new boo (which we hope doesn’t happen!), who’s going to be there to help you pick up the pieces? Well, your friends would, if you hadn’t ignored them for the whole relationship!

Rule #10: Lesbians must live, sleep, and breathe for sports.

If you like sports, that’s great! But if you just follow along with (or play) sports because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do as a lesbian, you’re missing the point. You should be an individual, and while you shouldn’t shun things just because they’re popular, you also shouldn’t follow the crowd without thinking for yourself. If you like sports, participate in sports – but if you don’t like sports, there’s really no reason to fake it.

Rule #11: Gold stars are better than everyone else.

I understand why some people have an aversion to women who have been with men before. But it’s important to realize that your aversion does not make you an elite breed. Most lesbians have been with a man before. Some of us take longer to come out than others. Some have family who expect certain things from us. Some of us even used to be attracted to men, or maybe we were questioning ourselves for awhile. Shunning a lesbian just because she hasn’t always followed your own rules of lesbianism is no different than if society shunned us as women because we don’t always act the most ladylike. It’s unfair, and it simply doesn’t hold up.

Rule #12: Lesbians must tell their coming-out story whenever they possibly can.

When you first come out, it can be exciting to share your coming out story. But the truth is that most people don’t care how you came out or what the reaction was. If someone asks, feel free to share – and if someone is questioning whether they should come out too, feel free to give them your experience. But to do it every chance you get makes you look like you’re vying for attention – and that’s not a reputation you want to have.

Rule #13: Lesbians must live in basketball/cargo shorts and tank tops.

I love my basketball shorts and my tank tops. For a long time, that’s all I wore when I wasn’t working. In fact, I still wear them on a fairly regular basis. But most of the time, I’m not going to go out like that – it’s just not practical in all settings. If it actually worked to identify me as a lesbian maybe I’d give it more of a chance, but you should wear what makes you comfortable. Don’t give into the idea of a “lesbian uniform” – it doesn’t work anyway.

Rule #14: Lesbians must love cats.

Cats are funny creatures. It’s hard to tell whether they love you or hate you, and often you’ll see signs of both with the same cat. But you don’t have to own a cat just because you’re gay. “Pussy” jokes aside, not everyone likes cats – and you shouldn’t force yourself to live with one (or five) if you really don’t like them. Pets are best when well cared for, and if you’re not happy with the idea of taking care of it, you shouldn’t have it in the first place.

Rule #15: Lesbians must hate men.

I am of the mindset that no one should hate anyone without a well-justified reason. You only need to justify the reason to yourself, but you should at least understand what it is. This applies to racism, sexism, classism, ableism… Pretty much any -ism you can think of. If you can’t actually justify it in a broad sense, you should consider breaking it down into components. For example, instead of “I hate men”, try “I hate men who won’t accept my sexuality”. Doesn’t that feel better?


I’m hoping that it’s fairly obvious that some of these rules are exaggerated; I can’t think of a single lesbian who actually “follows” every one of these things, nor would I want to. But if you find yourself following along with these things without understanding why you do, I urge you to explore the real reasons behind it – is it something that you actually agree with or just something you feel like you are obligated to do?

If you find it’s the latter, try to change your views on these things – consider the way you can be the best you, instead of the best “lesbian stereotype”. As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, if any of these things actually is a part of who you are, by all means, don’t change yourself to avoid the stereotypes either! Just make sure you’re acting in your own best interest.

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The Appeal of Mirror Sex: Why We Enjoy Watching Ourselves Get Busy

I’m sure you know at least one person who boasts about their love of mirror sex. Maybe it’s even you! There’s just something unexplainable about the joy associated with watching different angles of your own sexual experience than the ones you’d normally see. If you’ve never tried it, it can be difficult to explain exactly what it is that pulls us in.


Here are some of the reasons why mirror sex is so great for so many people.

It lets us see a side we don’t normally see.

In most sexual situations, you can only see one side of your partner at a time. This is nice, but sometimes you want to get a peek into the other side of the equation. Maybe you want to see her chest while you’re taking her from behind, or you want to see her behind while she’s laying between your legs. No matter what angle you’re trying for, a well-placed mirror helps us see something we wouldn’t have normally been able to see.

It lets us see our own “O” face.

Not everyone is interested in watching themselves get off, but there are definitely some women who are quite aroused by the idea of watching themselves reach climax. If you’re the type of woman who is curious about what your “O” face looks like, mirror sex is one way to check it out.

It lets us catch the small details.

For those who are interested in the smaller details of the sexual experience, mirror sex helps to capture details that otherwise might have slipped right by. Whether it’s details of your partner’s body, details of your own body, or any number of small details, watching ourselves in a mirror is one way to make sure we can see everything.

It lets us see ourselves as sexual objects.

In a way, it’s like watching your own live porn show… But you get to experience it, too! This can be intensely erotic for some people, as the idea of being “used” as a sexual object can be somewhat of a turn-on.

Sex is a visual experience.

After all, when’s the last time you had sex with someone who wasn’t at least a little physically attractive to you? Your partner may not be a perfect ten, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that you find your partner attractive enough that sometimes, the pure sight of her naked may be enough to put you in the mood. By adding more angles to the experience, you’re multiplying the visual aspects of the sex and making it that much hotter.

It feels like you’re being watched – without the pressure of actually being watched by anyone else.

Some people may be highly aroused by the idea of someone else watching them have sex, but often they may be too shy to make that happen. With mirror sex, you are your own audience. You don’t have to worry about impressing anyone. It’s just you, your partner, and the mirror.

What do you think?

Are you ready to incorporate mirror sex into your repertoire? It’s definitely not for everyone, but for those who are into it, it can be incredibly sexy, on top of an already sexy experience. It’s worth giving a shot to see if you like it, too. Who knows? You could find out something new about yourself!

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