Tag Archives: Sexuality

Kristen Stewart Talks Sexuality, Indie Films and Staying True to Herself

In a recent interview, Kristen Stewart talks about how she was previously warned to hide her sexuality to further her career, being told: “If you just, like, do yourself a favour and don’t go out holding your girlfriend’s hand in public, you might get a Marvel movie.”

In a new interview with Style, Stewart revealed why she chose to go public, despite the potential impact on her career.

I’ve felt a responsibility to not be this fake thing who’s only putting out what people want to hear, but at the same time not wanting to leak details about my private life. I was in the situation where hiding the fact that you’re with a girl is different from hiding your being with a particular guy, and that’s why I decided to say it openly.

But today’s generation doesn’t attach that much importance to gender roles. We don’t believe in those big distinctions and reducing everything to one kind of identity vs another. There’s so much more going on in the inside and a lot of young people today assume that naturally.

Stewart says she stays true to herself and now is able to skilfully handle the gossip and news

It’s usually a losing battle to get involved with that. All you’re doing is adding to the bull … even when you’re trying to be honest and doing your best to address a situation. And when you’re dealing with something like a break-up, usually you’re only going to make things worse and keep the story going. Just like I’ve never planned out my career in a specific way, I don’t try to control the perception of me or make people think a certain way about me … I don’t know how people do that.

Despite her recent blockbuster appearances Stewart supports indie projects with as much passion, and as a director she’s on the lookout for untold stories about sexual minorities.

As time goes by, I realise that there are many outstanding stories to be told. I’m always looking for stories and often when I watch a period film, I wonder where the gay characters are because gay people have always existed. But those stories were being very narrowly told and it’s only been lately that we’ve started to tell those stories.

During my own journey of self-discovery, I’ve been able to play gender-fluid characters and I’m happy to be able to defend and tell those stories as a director. I don’t see a big difference between being an actor and a director – the two activities overlap and complement each other.

She’s currently planning on directing a feature film, The Chronology of Water, based on the autobiography by the American bisexual swimmer Lidia Yuknavitch.

Close Friends Say Whitney Houston ‘Was In A Lesbian Relationship With Her Assistant’

Whitney Houston’s friends have spoken out about claims she was in a relationship with her female assistant Robyn Crawford, with one pal insisting the singer was bisexual.

The revelations come in explosive new docu-film Whitney: Can I Be Me, which explores how close she was to Robyn Crawford.

The films reveals never before seen backstage footage of the superstar, and sheds new light on decades of rumours about her sexuality.

Whitney’s dresser Ellin Lavar says:

I don’t think she was gay, I think she was bisexual. Robyn provided a safe place for her … in that Whitney found safety and solace.”

Rumours followed the women throughout their careers, including while the singer was married to Bobby Brown.

The star’s former bodyguard David Roberts has claimed Robyn and Whitney’s ex-husband Bobby Brown used to clash over their affections for the ‘Greatest Love Of All’ singer.

Bobby Brown and Robyn Crawford together were the equivalent of fire and water, petrol and a short fuse – they hated each other. Simple. They would battle for her affections and they would battle for her attention, mainly to identify with the hate they had for each other.”

Documentary maker Nick Broomfield believes Whitney and Robyn’s relationship was the “closest” she had “for 15 years”, and insisted they often shared a bed together.

He told MailOnline:

It’s almost like people want the condom or here’s the stained sheet. I don’t know what kind of conclusive proof one wants except this is the closest relationship for years that Whitney had. They shared a house together; they often shared the same bed. I think the most important thing is that it was the most productive, supportive and creative relationship that she had for probably 15 years.”

In 2015, it was claimed Whitney was the victim of an extortion plot over the alleged lesbian affair. It was claimed in book ‘Whitney & Bobbi Kristina: The Deadly Price of Fame’ that a heavily-redacted FBI file on the late singer stated she was asked for $250,000 from a Chicago lawyer on the night before the premiere of her 1992 movie The Bodyguard.

The lawyer reportedly told an FBI agent their information included “knowledge of intimate details regarding Whitney Houston’s romantic relationships” and that they would “go public with the information”. But her father John Houston was said to have “settled the matter by sending a confidentiality agreement almost immediately”.

The singer repeatedly denied rumours she was in a relationship with her close companion Crawford.

Following her daughter’s death, Houston’s mother revealed to Oprah Winfrey that had her daughter been gay, she would “absolutely” have had a problem with it.

During the interview, Oprah read the section of the book where Cissy Houston wrote: “I knew I didn’t want Robyn near my daughter and I told Nippy [the family’s pet name for Whitney] that.”

Questioned by Oprah, Cissy Houston admitted she “didn’t really like” Crawford, saying she spoke “disrespectful”.

When Oprah asked if she would have been “bothered” if her daughter was a lesbian, she replied: “Absolutely.”

How To Get Away With Murder’s Viola Davis Applauds How Her Character’s Sexuality Is Represented

Academy Award winning actor, Viola Davis – who is famed for playing lawyer and professor Annalise Keating in How To Get Away With Murder – has praised treatment Keating’s sexuality in the show.

Talking E! News, she explained that Keating, who was identified as pansexual by show creator Pete Nowalk, has an “interesting” love life.

I love the idea that she’s just searching for love and intimacy and whoever will give it to her.

I love that it’s not coming from a place of damage and being screwed up because I don’t think it’s screwed up.”

She added that it was a “liberating” role to play.

I think it’s an interesting, liberating thought to just seek the person who is seeking you.

It’s kind of an interesting 21st Century element to place in this character.”

Davis goes on to explain that she hopes Keating can act as inspiration for the LGBT+ community.

I’m at a place where I just want to do anything that is different. And anything that I feel is going to touch people in a way. I think a lot of homosexuals and the LGBT community, they’re kind of feeling like they’re on the outside now and I think it’s wonderful to have a character like that to relate to and is not once again coming from a place of damage but coming from a place of seeking, of really wanting to be loved and love.”

Speaking at GLAAD, Nowalk said that he was “lucky” because his characters are bad.

I got really lucky in not having to make my characters perfect.

Because they’re all bad people. You don’t necessarily have to make them do things that aren’t real.

Viola’s character—we’ve never said, but I think she’s pansexual. She gets to just be bad in all the best ways.

In that way, it’s very liberating to write any LGBTQ character on the show.”

Cara Delevingne On How She Defines Her Sexuality

Cara Delevingne actress and model has had high-profile relationships with women.

However, in a recent interview with Glamour Magazine she was quick to dismiss being the labelled “gay” – explaining her reasoning in this interview this week.

She explained:

I am very happy how sexuality has become easier and freer to talk about, especially for kids. Once I spoke about my sexual fluidity, [some] people were like, ‘So you’re gay’, and I’m like, ‘No, I’m not gay’. A lot of the friends I have who are straight have such an old way of thinking.”

It’s ‘so you’re just gay, right?’ [They] don’t understand it. [If] I’m like, ‘Oh, I really like this guy’, [they’re like], ‘But you’re gay’. I’m like, ‘No, you’re so annoying!’. Someone is in a relationship with a girl one minute, or a boy is in a relationship with a boy, I don’t want them to be pigeonholed. Imagine if I got married to a man. Would people be like, ‘she lied to us!’? It’s like, no. I’m not gay. I am… I’m not. I’m fluid! I like fluid.”

In previous interview, Delevingne explained how it took her a long time accept her sexuality.

It took me a long time to accept the idea, until I first fell in love with a girl at 20 and recognized that I had to accept it. I think that being in love with my girlfriend is a big part of why I’m feeling so happy with who I am these days. And for those words to come out of my mouth is actually a miracle.”

Hayley Kiyoko Says She Regrets Not Opening Up About Her Sexuality Sooner

In recent years Hayley Kiyoko has been open about the fact she is attracted to women and identifies as bisexual.

Her anthemic pop tracks like Girls Like Girls from This Side Of Paradise and Pretty Girl on CITRINE have allowed the 26-year-old actress-and-singer to creatively open up about her sexuality and encourage her fans to be their truest selves.

But Kiyoko says wishes she had the confidence to be honest earlier in her life.

Speaking to Billboard, she said:

I think the only thing regret is not being more confident with my sexuality at an earlier age. I love being open and sharing my stories because it inspires other kids to hopefully be more comfortable with themselves at a younger age. School, growing up and life is hard. If all of us can be brave and stand up, hopefully fewer people will have struggles and have better lives.”

Earlier this year, Kiyoko – who was previously in pop group Allie Goninowith before embarking on a solo career in 2013 – again used her platform as an artist for the greater good with the release of an L.A. noir visual companion to her track One Bad Night, which explored themes of trans-violence and the human connection.

I always try to use my art to cover topics that people don’t really do or are scared of covering. I also loved the challenge of listening to One Bad Night and trying to take a 360-spin on the lyrics and what it could tell and create. I think it’s important to not be afraid to talk about real life — trans violence is a real thing that happens all the time. The main focus that I loved about One Bad Night is that it’s about human compassion for each other. Especially in times like now in the world we’re living in, it’s important to show human compassion. If you see something, it’s important to stand up for your neighbor even if they’re a stranger and not walk away. We’re all neighbors within one another. And it’s about finding hope in one another. At the end [the two characters] smile at each other and doughnuts — it’s about enjoying the simple things in life and those simple moments. I really wanted to come across those simple acts of kindness in the video.

In the interview, Kiyoko has also opened up on the terrorist attack which took place after Ariana Grande’s concert at the Manchester Arena in May and the effect the horrific event has had on her.

Seeing what happened was horrible, and I think all of us are heartbroken over it because it’s terrible. But, I do think we can’t live in fear, and we have to continue on with our lives. We need to continue to do things that make us happy, feel good and escape because if we don’t, then they win. I would just tell everyone to continue to live your life to the fullest and do what you love. That’s all you can do because you can’t control what happens. That’s the really shitty part of this situation.”

But Hayley has urged her fans to not let the bombing, which claimed the lives of 22 people, stop them from enjoying their lives and going to concerts.


OITNB’s Taylor Schilling Opens Up About Her Sexuality

Over the years, there has been much speculation regarding Taylor Schilling sexuality – with rumours circulating that she dated Portlandia star and musician Carrie Brownstein.

But in a recent interview with the Evening Standard Magazine, Schilling talked candidly about how she saw her sexuality.

‘I’ve had very serious relationships with lots of people, and I’m a very expansive human. There’s no part of me that can be put under a label. I really don’t fit into a box – that’s too reductive.”

Schilling, who is currently single, explained:

I’m working all the time – I don’t really have anything else going on. But I’ve had wonderful relationships. I’ve had a lot of love, and I don’t have any qualms about where it comes from.”

Orange Is the New Black has been a pioneering show, confronting LGBT issues head on without stopping to apologise or diluting scenes for fear of offending.

Schilling added she was delighted with how much progress had been made with LGBT issues since the show aired.

Oh, in the first season, all people wanted to talk about was what it was like to kiss a girl. Now, if someone asks me that, there’s complete understanding if I say: ‘I’m not going to answer that question.’”

She says the difference now is that people have stopped caring as much about same-sex relationships

The things that are happening in this show, and to Piper, are not about the gender of the person she’s sleeping with. And that’s only four years. I do feel that things have changed – the world has become a little more Orange.”


Selena Gomez Plays A Teen Struggling With Her Sexuality In New ‘Bad Liar’ Music Video

Selena Gomez has released the music video for her new track Bad Liar, which she had been teasing for a couple of days.

In the video, Gomez takes on four different roles: that of a young closeted schoolgirl in the ’70s, a guy who seems to be the school principal, the mother, and a cheerful blonde gym teacher.

Throughout the video, shy Gomez keeps looking over hopefully at gym teacher Gomez. She’s in love with her, but so is does principal Gomez.

By the end of the 3 minutes and 52 seconds video, she’s shown caressing a picture of gym teacher that she keeps hidden underneath her pillow.

The whole thing is super twisted but once fans get the message, it’s pretty incredible.

After executive producing 13 Reasons Why and now seeing this video, it seems like Selena is really pushing for her fans to have important conversations with their parents whether it be about their sexuality, about depression or really anything else that they might be scared to bring up.

Kelly Osbourne Calls Out Young Female Celebrities Pretending To Be Gay

While promoting her new memoir on the site Pride Source, There Is No F**king Secret: Letters from a Bad**s B**ch, Kelly Osbourne was asked about how she labels her own sexuality.

She answered that while she has never been in a relationship with a woman, she is not opposed to the possibility.

I’m open to loving anybody. It’s about the person. I don’t think it’s about sexuality at all… It’s not like I’m trying to be forward-thinking or progressive ― it’s just that sexuality is a word I try not to even define the way the world defines it. It’s the person who you are sexually attracted to… My whole rule is, never say never. I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman, but I don’t know that it’s not a possibility.”

However, Osbourne told the publication that one of her biggest frustrations when it comes to Hollywood’s relationship with the LGBTQ community is when “people claim to be gay and then are not.”

I also don’t like it when people claim to be gay and then not. There’s this whole generation of young Hollywood girls who can’t find love where they think it’s supposed to be, and then they come out being gay and two weeks later they have a boyfriend. It drives me nuts!”

She adds:

I’m like, I know you. I’ve known you pretty much since before you used to shit outside of a diaper. You are not gay! But I think outing somebody in that way is just as bad as outing somebody who has not come out of the closet. It’s one of those things I have to keep to myself… and it drives me fucking crazy!”

The 32-year-old television personality thinks its damaging the entire LGBT rights movement.

I think it takes all the proactive work the LGBT community has done and sets them back ‘Oh, so now you’re gay? Then two weeks later: “Oh no, that was just a phase.” You don’t get to do that.

I’ve marched till my feet bled for the right of equal love in the gay community, and you’re just gonna step in because it looks cool for you and now tell everybody that you’re a lesbian when you’ve never even seen another puss that’s not yours so you can get attention?”

Why You Deserve A Professional Lesbian Massage (and How to Get One)

There’s nothing like a nice, relaxing massage. After all, being queer is hard work – we’ve got endless flannel shirts to wash and carabiners to organize – and having someone else massage the stress away feels incredible. The right massage can erase years of tension with a little baby oil.

Massages just got better. And a whole lot sexier.

Lesbian tantra massages are an ancient practice that dates back to the year 400 A.D., according to tantric masseuse Erica, who runs Karma Tantric in the UK. Tantric massage is the “ritual by which you liberate or separate two aspects of consciousness and female divine body.” It “stimulates total undoubted release of the body and mind between a female masseuse and her female client.”

If you’re new to tantric massage, it’s not for kids. Tantric massages view sexuality as just an extension of the relaxation process.

Masseuses are just as likely to rub between your shoulder blades as they are to rub between your legs. They’re popular among couples who want to bring spirituality and intimacy into their sex lives, because it’s said to promote spiritual bonding.

Tantric lesbian massages are even better than heterosexual ones. One of Erica’s clients called it “a session of feminine discovery and erotic pleasure in authentic magical tantric energy.” A little over the top? Maybe. Hot? Definitely.

You don’t have to be a lesbian to enjoy this. Many of her clients identify as straight women who just prefer to get erotic arousal and spiritual bonding from female hands.

Even if you’re interested, you might feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of a stranger’s hands all over (and potentially in) your body. Erica says that if you’re interested at all, “it’s safe to say there’s a subconscious interest there. We very rarely dislike the things we crave passionately, after all, if you like the idea of it, you will probably love the real physical and erotically enchanting touch of another female.”

Read the rest of Erica’s interview here and search for a lesbian tantric massage near you.

Queer Fantasy Novels Are Pushing the Boundaries of Gender and Sex

Gender and sexuality are endlessly complicated. And yet we tend to see everything in terms of male or female, gay or straight.If you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, you’re trans. If you like someone of the same gender, you’re queer.

If you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, you’re trans. If you like someone of the same gender, you’re queer.

Even all the different types of women – femme, butch, masculine-of-center, stemme, and more – are just lumped into the category of women.

But it’s more complicated than that.

That’s why fantasy books are the some of the more progressive pieces of queer literature available. They reimagine what sexuality, gender, relationships and even race could be.

For example, let’s look at Jon Skovron’s Empire of Storms Books.

Skovron is a man who knows the blurring of identities. He identifies as a man, but considers his masculinity atypical – he’s sensitive and creative, all of his close friends are women and gay men, and he was raised in a houseful of women. He was married to a woman for nine years until she realized she was a lesbian and left him for another woman.

After that devastating event, he realized that gender and sexuality are fluid. Just because his wife fell in love with a woman didn’t mean that she had never loved him. He realized that people are always changing.

That helped to inform the characters in Empire of Storms. He finally freed himself up to write dynamic characters that defied labels. He says,

If we can imagine flying dragons and elves, why not a third gender, or a fourth, or a whole spectrum of gender?”

The protagonist, Red, identifies as a man but not with “typical” masculinity. Like Skovron, Red identifies more with emotions and female friendship than with “many” activities like fighting. He says, “Red is, in part, my attempt to embrace and celebrate my own somewhat unconventional masculinity.”

Another gender-defying character is Brigga Lin, who can magically change sexes at will. This power is less about how cool it would be if one could switch back and forth, but about how powerful it is to be able to present as your desired gender at will.

Skovron isn’t the only writer to do this. In Ursula K. LeGuin’s Left Hand of Darkness, everyone is sexless except for once a month, for breeding purposes, and everyone uses the pronoun “he” regardless of what sex they happen to take on that month.

In Ann Leckie’s Ancillary Justice, the main character comes from a genderless society and finds it tiring and futile to interact with a society with such rigid genders. The character refers to everyone as “she.”

Read more about Skovron’s gender-bending writing here or Left Hand of Darkness, Ancillary Justice and other gender-queering books here.

‘Hamilton the Podcast’ Queers Theatre One Hilarious Episode at a Time

With powerhouse shows like Fun Home and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Broadway has become a place to express queer sexuality and explore gender identity.

Instead of analyzing a queer show like Rent, lesbian comedian Brittani Nichols and her friend Khahlehla Rixon have applied their queer female lens to a different show. They’ve created Hamilton: The Podcast, which is about – three guesses – the groundbreaking hip-hop musical Hamilton.

Even if you haven’t seen Hamilton (and who has? tickets are sold out for the next couple of years) you’ll enjoy these ladies’ track-by-track rundown of the musical. For each song, they discuss the historical context behind it, the musical arrangement, the lyrics and the story as a whole. Except they’re hilarious. And gay. And will have you laughing in your chair about things you’ve never thought about before, like the 19th century US Treasury.

Even if you hate musicals with a fiery passion, there’s a high chance you’ll fall in love with their analysis of Hamilton. Especially since they also haven’t seen Hamilton, and mostly just guess what it’s like.

Their analysis will also have you reflecting on queer questions you’ve never thought about before. Which Schuyler sister was the most attractive? Did Aaron and Burr have sexual tension? How likely was it that Alexander Hamilton had a crush on John Laurens? Was Lafeyette as queer as his name sounds?

They just finished going through the whole musical, so you have 50+ hours of podcast material to catch up on; it’s perfect for long trips or study sessions.

What’s next for the duo? One can only hope that they interview Hamilton’s queer cast members, such as Ariana DeBose, who played the most important role in the show: the bullet.

When you’re done, check out Words with Girls, Brittani’s gay web series-turned-fully-produced show:

What is a Polyamorous Family?

Polyamory comes in all shapes and sizes. Some people treat polyamory like an open relationship with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, while other people give their partners a run-down of the people they’re sleeping with.

Then there are families. Families are for people who like their partners to all know each other and, in some cases, all be sexually involved.

If you’ve read Is Polyamory Right for You and Your Girlfriend? or 15 Signs You Might Be Polyamorous, then you’re probably familiar with the first two scenarios, but what on earth is a family? (And how do you maybe get into one?)

Every poly family is a little bit different.

According to a recent study, 9.8 million Americans have experimented with an open relationship, and 5 percent of Americans (15.9 million people) participate in ethical non-monogamy.

There are as many different ways to do polyamory as there are polyamorous people. Some throuples are comprised of three equal partners, while some families are organized like a family tree, with one couple being primary (most important) and other couples in the tree considered secondary.

In dom-headed families, the family tree gets even more complex. One dom (dominant partner) named Fyre recently broke down her own system of partners. She and her primary partner, Angel, define their relationship as master-slave: Fyre decides everything about Angel’s life, from what Angel eats to what Angel does for a living. Fyre’s secondary partner, Dane, has a little more freedom; Fyre doesn’t control where he works, but she does control all of his sexual activities. Her tertiary partner, Puppy, isn’t a sexual partner; in fact, Puppy has a separate boyfriend but comes to Fyre for power play.

Get ready for rules, lots of rules.

Some people turn to polyamory looking for a sexual free-for-all where they can have sex with anyone they want all the time. That’s not true, especially in families – and yes, you can still cheat even if you’re polyamorous.

In most poly families, every member of the family has to give permission for another member to sleep with someone outside of the family. And many families require new members to provide medical records to prove that they don’t have STDs.

If you enter into a polyamorous family, be ready to live by the rules and engage in open communication.

Some partners aren’t sexual.

Fyre and Puppy don’t have a sexual relationship, which is a core tenet of polyamory: In polyamory, partnership can look like anything, from throuples to queerplatonic relationships.

Just because you’re in a family with someone doesn’t mean that you want to sleep with them. Some family members are just there for companionship or for non-sexual power play. Broaden your idea of what partnership can be.

For more information about poly families, click here.

Susan Sarandon Says Her Sexuality Is ‘Up For Grabs’

Susan Sarandon has described her sexual orientation as “open” and “up for grabs”.

Sarandon said she would have relationships with people of any gender but added that she is not getting many offers.

Speaking to PrideSource, the Academy Award winner, who split from her longtime partner, Tim Robbins, in 2009, simply said she’s very “open.”

I’m a serial monogamist, so I haven’t really had a large dating career.

I married Chris Sarandon when I was 20, and that went on for quite a while – each of my relationships have. I haven’t exactly been in the midst of a lot of offers of any kind. I’m still not!

I don’t know what’s going on! But I think back in the ’60s it just was much more open.”

Asked if she was open about her sexuality, she replied:

Yeah, I’m open. My sexual orientation is up for grabs, I guess you could say.”

Sarandon also revealed she once had an affair with gay British actor Philip Sayer, who was her co-star in the 1983 vampire film The Hunger and who died in 1989.

She said:

I did at one point have a very successful and very loving and wonderful affair with a man who then wasn’t with another woman after me, and that worked out fine!

Sexuality Poses No Risk To Mental Health, According To Major New Study

According to researchs from the Australian National University; people are not at an increased risk by simply being gay or bisexual – but could be affected by other factors.

The eight year study challenged the common perception that LGBT people are at a higher risk of mental health issues and suicide.

Speaking in the Guardian, Dr Richard Burns – who led the researcher – said mental health issues were not down to sexuality itself, but driven by other factors such as negative social interactions, the absence of support, childhood adversity, or even smoking.

Dr Burns, also said that a heterosexual person in a stressful or traumatic situation “would be at just as much risk as a homosexual who is reporting negative social support.

“It’s these other risk factors that are driving people’s risks, not their sexual orientation. “

Gay and bisexual people were found to experience more of these risk factors, which could be the result of their orientation, but “positive and supportive social networks” minimised the risk significantly.

Bisexual people were more at risk than gay people, but this was also mitigated by positive social networks.

Young M.A. Opens Up About Her Sexuality: ‘I Need to Just Be Myself’

Brooklyn rapper Young M.A burst onto the music scene last summer with her catchy track, “Ooouuu,” a song that scored remixes from everyone from Nicki Minaj to Remy Ma.

However, beyond her music, Young M.A was also making waves in the industry by succeeding as an openly lesbian rapper in the male-dominated world of hip hop.

In an interview with The Fader, Young M.A revealed that growing up in New York helped her come to terms with her sexuality.

Life is too short. I need to just be myself, express myself.

In New York City, it’s popular. I used to think to myself, Man, there’s a lot of gay people out here. And it had me comfortable, it was like, I can be myself! I used to still try to hide it, until it was really overwhelming — there were just too much girls attracted to me!”

She also shared that she hopes that while she’s comfortable being open about her sexuality, she doesn’t want it to pigeonhole her as an artist, preferring instead that people focus on her music and how it makes them feel.

I hear from all different people, not just people like me, or lesbians. It be straight people, it be grown men, it be grown women, people that have been sick or depressed that say, ‘Oh, you made me want to go do what I want to do for myself and chase my dreams.’ That’s my purpose.

… If I change people’s lives, that’s all that matters to me,” she says. “I don’t want to be the first ‘dyke rapper,’ ‘aggressive rapper,’ you know what I mean? I don’t care for that.”

Controversial Lesbian Sex Game “Ladykillers” Now Available

Hit lesbian game Ladykiller in a Bind has made headlines as a “bold exploration of sexual experiences and perspectives” for straight, gay and genderqueer characters alike.

It received rave reviews for being one of very few games to give an honest, unflinching depiction of sex. Created by Christine Love, whis “erotic visual novel” tackles queer sex and sexuality, BDSM, issues of consent, powerplay, trickery and kinks. Dynamic characters take the stage in a gripping and titillating yet complex story about pleasure and power.

The Plot

Forced to pretend to be her twin brother on a cruise ship full of his classmates and enemies, the Beast finds herself thrown into a game of complex social manipulation, as well as literal bondage. An erotic visual novel by the creators of Analogue: A Hate Story about social manipulation, cross-dressing, and girls tying up other girls.

As the Beast, you are a “super cool dyke with a sweet motorcycle and a reputation for being a ladykiller.” You’re also rich and have wear a badass leather jacket.

The Game

Ladykiller in a Bind centers around two main romance storylines, although all characters are available for your sexual pleasure.

The game features a week worth of “explicit, sensual, kinky lesbian sex” aboard a glamorous cruise ship – or you “live dangerously with your brother’s classmates, who just want to fuck you up.”

The game received excellent reviews for its dynamic conversation system, which differs from traditional games in that “instead of hanging off your every word, dialogue options appear as they occur to you and disappear as they become irrelevant to the conversation.”

Your job is to unwind the complex secrets that wrap around your brother and his friend, while you sleep your way through half of his classmates. Characters include Beauty, who is a dominatrix, Stalker, who is a hacker, Swimmer, who is a beach babe, Photographer, who is a spy, Nerd, who is serious and bookish, and Boy, who is a cross-dresser.

The Controversy

Ladykiller is graphic. Very graphic. Characters are depicted naked, tied up, and in other compromising sexual situations. The most popular gaming marketplace, Steam – think the iPhone App Store, but for hardcore gamers – censors the sex out of most games. But Ladykiller simply doesn’t make sense without the sex that drives the plot forward.

Love released the game on Humble, a much smaller marketplace, to widespread success. Fans petitioned for the game to head to Steam. However, the process took months of bargaining and protesting on Love’s part, as the owners of Steam were not immediately cooperative.

Love’s persistence finally paid off, however, and the game is now available to a much wider audience.

Pick up this queer sex game here.

Danielle LoPresti’s ‘Holy’ Proves That Sexuality Enhances Religion

Then there’s you, the holiest thing I could do.

Danielle LoPresti’s much-hyped single Holy has finally been released in visual form. The song takes you inside the mind of someone grappling with both religion and homosexuality. Is it a sin to be gay, or is loving someone the ultimate expression of religious faith?

The song is decades in the making. To write it, LoPresti drew on her own traumatizing experiences in the Catholic Church. Although LoPresti identified with the Church’s teachings, the congregants’ bigoted attitudes  toward homosexuality left her feeling ostracized.

On the song’s website, www.HolyMusicVideo.com, LoPresti discusses her relationship between her sexuality and her church:

This most pure act, choosing someone completely because of who they were on the INSIDE ironically ended up pitting me opposite the most religious people in my community. Here I was loving someone for all the reasons I’d learned that God wanted us to choose our mate, and I was now hated by religious people near and far for it.

LoPresti’s pain became almost unbearable in 2008 when California voted on Proposition 8, a state constitutional amendment that banned gay marriage. Watching her neighbors support the homophobic bill, LoPresti struggled to comprehend how “such vitriolic rhetoric could be cast upon something so honest, so pure.”

LoPresti turned her testimony into the song Holy. The song is dedicated as much to her spouse as it is to every queer person who has been cast out of the church.

The video opens with LoPresti in the role of a well-meaning Christian ministering to several homosexual couples. She insists that although she loves the couples, they are living in sin. Over the course of the video, each couple speaks out about their experiences and why they believe that their sexuality epitomizes God’s love.

Eventually, as her voice scrapes the back of her throat and tears prick her eyes, LoPresti sings:

Then there’s you, the holiest thing I could do
They may not see it but I do
The holiest thing I could do is to love you

Watch the video below.

Art, Sexuality And Funding

As you may have noticed, lately more and more artists are relying on sources such as Kickstarter or Indiegogo to fund their work.

Relying n strangers for money has gone from a luxury to a brilliant way to make sure projects you love see the light of day.

As many other artists, Curtis te Brinke and Sadie Epstein-Fine have decided to produce Tire Swing, a new show that debuted at Kensington Hall in Toronto last October.

But what is Tire Swing?

Tire Swing is a small-town queer coming-of-age horror story centring on three kids involved in the disappearance of one of their friends, years earlier.

Think of it as a much-watch, scary, queer version of Stranger Things! Was the process of finding funding easy? Definitely not, as Epstein-Fine mentioned to Canadian website Dailyxtra,

There’s a lot of competition for everything, but as a creator/producer I feel a little better at night knowing I’m calling my own shots more than some people are. I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and keep working.”

Independently of funding source, the show is a beautiful coming-of-age piece, focusing not only on loss and pain but also on experimentation and sexual orientation, which should reach a large audience.

As te Brinke explains,

I’ve noticed older queer audience come out in droves for established acts, but have no idea who’s doing what in the under-30 group, (…) I’d like to challenge this older group to see some of the young queers moving and shaking right now.”

If you are interested in finding out more about the play, Canadian website mooneyontheatre.com has recently reviewed the show (you can check it here), with a mostly positive praise of the show, it’s characters, and the script.

Although the show finished on October 18, I am excited to see what te Brinke and Epstein-Fine’s next project will be and hopefully, with enough funding, it will be available in an online platform.

Are You Ecosexual?

If you love dating other environmental activists, or if you derive sexual pleasure from rolling naked in the dirt, you might be ecosexual. 

There’s currently no “E” in the LGBTQIA+ acronym, but some ecosexual activists contend that there should be, and they’re fighting to make that happen.

What is ecosexuality? Ecosexuality includes, well, just about everyone. An ecosexual could be a person who just enjoys skinny-dipping and being outside in natural. An ecosexual could be a person who only buys sustainable sex toys. An ecosexual could be a person who has sexual intercourse with a tree and masturbates in a bed of roses. Amanda Morgan of the eceosexual movement told Vivce that some people “roll around in the dirt having an orgasm covered in potting soil. There are people who have intercourse with trees, or masturbate under a waterfall.”

Where did ecosexuality come from, and how did it suddenly become a “movement”? Although the term has been in vogue for several decades, its current prominence is owed to performance artists and activists Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens.

Sprinkle and Stephens, who are in a relationship with each other as well as the earth, have produced several films and documentaries on ecosexuality, are currently touring a theatre piece entitled Dirty Sexecology: 25 Ways to Make Love to the Earth, and officiate wedding ceremonies between ecosexuals and “the earth, moon and other natural entities.” The earth, moon and other natural entities were not available for comment.

While some may believe ecosexuality is a just an extreme version of environmentalism, the two movements differ sharply in that ecosexuality is not interested in politics or policy, but in helping people connect with the earth. Morgan explained that the ecosexuality movement is a way of moving beyond “the depressing Al Gore stuff” associated with environmentalism, into a more holistic understanding of body-earth relations. She hopes to create “a sense of hopefulness” among ecosexuals.

Currently, 100,000 people identify as ecosexual. If you believe you may be one of them, or if you think the entire movement is crazy, check out Sprinkle and Stephens’ ecosexual manifesto on their website, SexEcology.

Alicia Keys Latest Lyrics Cause The World To Question Her Sexuality Once More

What’re they gonna do ’cause we’re the same sex?”

Do you remember the first time you hooked up with a girl? Your heart pounded, sweat dripped, you couldn’t tell where your body ended and hers began. Your head probably swam with questions: “Am I gay? Is she gay?” and, of course, “What do I do now?”

Alicia Keys asks the same questions in Where Do We Begin Now? a song that will make you nostalgic for the first time you woke up in a girl’s bed.

In Keys’ song, the confusion is somehow bittersweet. She enjoys the rush of not even knowing where to start. Her queer identity is unmapped territory.

“We ain’t even had a conversation,” sings Keys. This line is familiar to anyone who’s woken up too nervous ask, “What does this mean?” or “What are we?” (Or maybe even “What’s your name?”)

The song asks a lot of questions, but gives very, very few answers. Keys says, “All I know is that it feels right.”


This song is a quiet, but powerful piano anthem propelled by a steady drumbeat, which pounds like a heartbeat. Every beat of the drum takes you back to your lost love. Keys’ voice wavers all over the track, overcome with emotion yet somehow restrained – her voice never cracks, but you can tell she is close, as if singing through tears.

Listeners may have a question of their own: Is the song autobiographical? No one is quite sure, and Keys has not discussed the song in public.

The track is quietly slipped second-to-last on her most recent album, HERE, an eleven-song statement about peace and human rights. As of yet, the track has not gained traction in the queer community, but that’s likely to change.

Since the early 00s, Keys has been known for her trademark tomboy swagger and ambiguous gender presentation.

Although she is currently married to hip-hop artist Swizz Beatz, this song calls into question her perceived heterosexuality.

Perhaps this is Keys’ way of coming out as bisexual. Or perhaps she just needed an LGBT-positive song to fit with the humanitarian theme of her album.

She’s not the first female R&B singer to question her sexuality via music. If you like this song, check out Keke Palmer’s song I Don’t Belong to You, which features a love scene between Palmer and singer Cassie.

10 Things To Keep In Mind If You’re Questioning Your Sexuality And/Or Gender

LGBTQ+ voices, communities and public dialogue, often focus on issues that concern specific identities (the more widely accepted and talked about the identity, the better).

This is absolutely necessary, but what we need to remember sometimes is that not all the people who have reached that point of sharing their experiences with others, giving useful advice about coming out, relationships, advocacy and support, had their identities, preferences and desires figured from the very beginning. In fact, most LGBTQ+ youth go through a questioning process.

That happens not only because it is absolutely normal for people to reevaluate their choices as they go through different things or to experience situations in their lives fluidly, but also because we live in a hetero-cis/normative society that sets heterosexual, cisgender existences as the default, so that everyone else might first have to go through a process of doubting, shaming and dismissing themselves and their feelings as if they’re something that “can’t be”, that doesn’t make sense, something that’s just in their minds, or something they can’t easily validate just yet. But that’s alright.

Think of that: have you often heard people around you worrying whether they might be straight, or questioning their sexuality because it occurred to them that heterosexuality may be a possibility? I don’t think so.

Society’s standards for us to initially be heterosexual (and sexual, for that matter), make it evident that people are most likely to question this given sexuality when they feel it doesn’t explain their feelings and experiences. A paper published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that in a survey answered by women who identified as heterosexual, most of them were deliberate in their answers and had come to a conscious conclusion about their heterosexuality “after contemplating alternative possibilities”.

Such effects are even more visible in questioning our gender. Our society is strongly gendered, aligning bodies with preferences with behaviors, and limiting us within a binary system of only male and female that we are assigned at birth without even having a concept of what gender might be. We grow up all our lives being taught that we should do X things, behave a Y way and make Z choices based on our genitals and these lines can truly be drawn very strictly around us.

That makes it even harder for us to question whether the gender we have been assigned at birth does not feel entirely right for us, since questioning even gender norms, let alone gender identities, is not something that society encourages.

For non-binary questioning people things get a lot more complicated, since genders that fall outside the gender binary are outright invalidated by public discourse.

So what should a young person expect when they’re questioning? What should you keep in mind when you’re unsure, or experimenting about your sexuality and/or gender identity?

What should you ideally be demanding other people around you to do in order to make you feel more comfortable and at home during this process – that might either lead to concrete results, or may never end up doing so?

1. Define in your own words.

I can hardly remember questioning my sexuality though I’m sure it kind of happened – the thing is that it did happen but I accepted the change too quickly, so my questioning period wasn’t that long. I identified as straight until, during my adolescence, I started getting strong crushes on female celebrities. The explanation was pretty simple: having grown up in a homophobic and biphobic environment, I was homophobic myself… until I wasn’t.

Reading gay fanfiction about my favorite characters was what actually helped me stop being a bigot, and that was the solid and concrete turning point where I woke up and realized that my crushes on women were actually crushes, and not simply fangirling on celebrities I admired. I came to accept that I might, after all, have experienced a crush or two for girls in real life as well, and boom! There was even a pre-existing word for it: I was bisexual.

Soon, after I heard about non-binary identities and met non-binary people, I shifted more towards identifying as pansexual, as I realized that there weren’t only two genders and that people’s gender was not a determining factor for me to feel attracted to them.

It was not that simple, however, when I recently started questioning my gender, and I will say more about it later. When this started taking shape in my mind, the first thing that helped me was to try and put into words whatever messy raw material I possessed at that moment; the very fresh, blurry feelings that you might not yet be able to distinguish, but you can say a thing or two about them.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know exactly how to describe everything that you’re feeling, or if you’ve never heard of people with similar experiences to yours before, or even if you have – but the experiences you’ve heard of are slightly different than your own, or were dealt with differently. No one else can tell you how to feel, or experience things, simply because no one else feels and experiences things for you, without you. Only you know what’s valid for you, and even if you don’t know for sure what works and what doesn’t.

Do this for you: take your time to define yourself and not let anyone tell you that “you’re not gay enough, trans enough, – something – enough”, that “it’s all in your mind” or that “it doesn’t work this way”.

2. Put a label on it – or don’t.

Honestly, in this whole questioning process this is the only rule: do shit your way. I’m all for labels and yet I feel like things are still too fresh for me to grasp everything around the term “trans”, even though I might not be as cis as I always thought, even though trans is an umbrella term used to describe everyone whose gender and the way they experience it doesn’t entirely match what they were assigned at birth. When something is new for you, you might need time to feel like you’re in clothes that fit without it all being too disorientating.

Labels are really important if, by naming your identity helps in reminding you that it’s valid, that it exists, and that you can be included in communities. Labels, however, can also feel limiting if you see them as definitions that don’t quite define you. You don’t have to use them if they tend to limit you even more, or if they end up turning this into a competition of constantly having to prove yourself and people around you that you are what you are.

And if you use them, remember that they’re not books that you borrow from a library or DVDs that you have to return to the video club in excellent condition and pay for them. They’re not a checklist, or something that you have the privilege – or the gained right – to appropriate, and need to treat cautiously. Instead they’re something that you need to own, rephrase, adapt and transform in the way that feels right for you.

The main point of labels (and what makes them very useful) is not to make you feel like a mass-produced tin of soup, but to help and empower you, to give you the sense of community and solidarity with other people with similar experiences.

Don’t try to meet up to other people’s standards for your identity. Don’t follow behaviors that don’t fit your personality, or habits you don’t feel comfortable with, just to prove something that cannot be proven with a super market receipt or a college degree. The purpose of labels is not to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do or conform with to identify the way you do, so try not to think in terms of “I can’t be X because I don’t fit Y requirement”.

Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not trans enough if you don’t experience dysphoria, if you don’t try to pass, if you don’t fully transition or if you decide to not transition at all – whether it be socially, legally or medically. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not asexual because you’ve had sex in the past. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not a lesbian or bisexual because you haven’t had sexual relations with girls yet.

You are something if you say you are. You may feel like one concrete thing or many things at once.

4. Be open.

Accept all possibilities. It’s not always that easy, especially when you’ve learnt that you’re something you whole life and then suddenly something starts feeling off – or, hell, if it’s been feeling off all along but this shit is not the easiest to deal with. If something has always been different but you haven’t yet figured it out, it’s okay. If something changes oh so suddenly, it’s not the end of the world. Both your gender and your sexuality may be fluidly changing during your life (and at this point remember to distinguish bisexuality from sexual fluidity, or questioning processes phases from sexual fluidity). Just because you identify as one – or ten – things now, it doesn’t mean that you’ll continue to feel that way for the rest of your life.

People (even from within the LGBT community) may try to invalidate the way you identify because, to them, it’s just a way of transitioning to another identity. For example, many people dismiss bisexual identities or experiences because they think it’s just a process of you accepting that you’re truly gay, or they may dismiss non-binary genders because they may assume that it’s just a phase, before coming to terms with being a binary trans person.

You’re not going through a phase: you’re going through a process. Everything that has to do with self-discovery is changeable, and everything is a process. Being bisexual, asexual and/or genderfluid, agender or whatever else is not a phase, but your true identity as long as you feel like it describes you.

And even if you stop identifying as bisexual and start feeling attraction only towards women, or if you decide that a binary gender identity suits you best, it doesn’t mean that the ways in which you used to identify were just phases. Imagine being in university until you become twenty four, and then getting a job as a lawyer.

Just because you’re a lawyer now and you’re not a student anymore, it doesn’t mean that you were never actually a student, or that this period of your life was any less real or valid than your lawyer period. You were a toddler once. Just because you’re an adult now, it doesn’t mean that your toddler period never existed. Your identity at a specific period of time is valid and it affects you and it is what matters, whether it’s going to change in the future or never change at all.

As Adrian Ballou writes about social transition in their article I think I might be trans: “You have the right to change [your name, pronouns, and/or gender expression] […] as often as you want or need.”

4. Ask, talk, read, research, participate…

Thankfully, even if our societies may sometimes not even acknowledge, let alone represent, sufficiently research, or talk about our identities, LGBTQ+ individuals and communities have started developing huge pools where you can fish knowledge and resources, available either online, in LGBTQ+ media, or in local communities.

Tumblr was a great space for me to start and meet people like me even before joining the LGBTQ+ group in my area. That being said, the latter was the best thing I ever did to myself. Reach for people with similar experiences to yours. Ask them how it was for them. You’re gonna discover that, even those who seem so sure about their identities now and you imagine them being born that way, did go through a questioning period when everything felt confusing as fuck.

The Internet is your friend. Search for online support groups. Tumblr is a space where you can find people willing to share their experiences with you and help you find what you’re looking for without having to come out to your surroundings just yet. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network is the widest online asexual community and can tremendously help you.

Here you can read why it’s important to value trans or trans-questioning identities that come without experiences of dysphoria and in this article that I quoted before you can find an amazing guide with resources useful if you think you might not be cis. This is a guide to non-binary identities, which are usually so hard to see represented and sufficiently talked about and this is an article (all of this writer’s articles, actually), that helped me tremendously when I recently started considering being non-binary and had absolutely no idea of where to start.

Also, gradually more books, articles and movies about LGBTQ+ issues are being brought to the public eye. Here is a book list as well as a movie list to read and watch if you’re questioning your sexuality, and you can find numerous TV series and websites – such as, of course, Kitschmix and Everyday Feminism – that represent you and share advice and experiences that you may relate to.

5. …but even if you do so, don’t expect others’ experiences to echo yours.

It’s most likely that someone, somewhere, has experienced things the exact same way that you do, and they can make you heave in relief when they affirm “I can relate!”

If you meet people with similar experiences, then that’s grand! But if you don’t, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, or that your identity is not valid. There are countless ways to be gay, bi or trans (there are limitless ways to be a binary trans person, and limitless ways to be a non-binary trans person).

There’s no wrong or right way to be who you are – unless that something is hurting others and, in the case of your gender and/or sexuality, it shouldn’t be hurting anybody, given that they don’t hold homophobic, biphobic or transphobic views.

Also, don’t listen to people who clearly don’t understand. Demand from others to respect your feelings. When I first decided to share my concerns about the fixity of my gender with some of my childhood friends.

Since I wasn’t yet ready to discuss it with people of my LGBTQ+ community (for reasons I’ll share below) they insisted on discussing the whole issue as solely a gender expression issue (eg. it’s okay to want to dress with all kinds of clothes or to have sexual fantasies like that, you never had a “typically female” behavior and that doesn’t mean you’re not a women) which is all absolutely right, but the point was that I wanted to discuss things I felt were happening with my gender identity, and not things that had to do with my dressing style (which most of the time is, by the way, pretty femme), or my (un-)ladylike attitude.

I was heavily disappointed and that led me to avoid discussing this again for a while. When I shared my thoughts with a friend who doesn’t identify with a binary gender though, the response was much more helpful and made things look much simpler and easier to deal with.

And that brings us to:

6. Coming out

Coming out is great, but you are not obliged to do it if you’re not ready. No one is waiting behind a desk, staring at their watch and tapping their foot impatiently for you to declare Name, Surname, ID number, Pronouns, a fixed gender and sexuality all at once.

Keep in mind that people around you may also react in problematic ways that may affect you if you come out. First of all you need to protect yourself and do what feels right and necessary.

Ask yourself: is it important for you that the people around you know everything about you? What do you need them to know and what do you prefer to keep for yourself? Are you going to have problems with your family or colleagues if you come out? Are you going to have problems with yourself if you don’t come out?

Put your priorities straight (no pun intended) and don’t feel pressured by anyone to do anything. Questioning is hard enough without the possible homophobia, biphobia, acephobia and transphobia that you may encounter and have your process halted by. In the end, the people who care are those who will make an effort to understand, even if they’ve never been in your shoes before.

7. Don’t shame yourself.

I’m a guilty person by nature. You might find me apologizing for global warming, for the arrival of your period cramps, and for other things I shouldn’t normally feel guilty about. That usually comes with the feeling that I’m taking up too much space. I’m also a talkative person by nature, and an overly dramatic person by nature, so all that clashes a bit destructively: when something happens I’ll feel like it’s the end of the world, I’ll tell everyone and take all the time whining about it, and then I’ll feel too bad for whining too much and making a big fuss about myself.

Sometimes when I advocate bi/pan-sexual issues, or when I demand that my identity be respected, I might momentarily feel like I’m taking too much space from gay and bi people who are currently facing discrimination because they are in a relationship with a person of the same gender, while I’m in a so-called straight-passing privileged relationship. That’s all total bullshit, but it does feel like that when I’m in the mood of shaming myself.

This was all much more intense when I started questioning my gender. According to Natalie Reed:

Internalized cisnormativity leads us to assume that we need to prove that we’re trans to ourselves, but that being cis is simply taken as a given.”

Having spent my whole life thinking I was cis, I immediately tried to shut my feelings down because “they must be fake and un-true since they haven’t been here all along/since I haven’t been experiencing dysphoria the way I’ve heard other people describe”, “it must all be in my mind”, “I might be doing it for attention”, “maybe I’m  appropriating lives that are not mine and issues I don’t share with other people”.

And, most importantly: “maybe I’m gonna take up too much space that I don’t deserve since for some people their gender and its connotations affects and shapes their lives to a great extent, while for me the way I’ll be gendered on the street might not make that much of a difference”.

Then I talked more, with people who’ve gone through the same things and it was incredibly helpful. I found out that these are thoughts some of them have had in the past, or continue to have now that their identity makes more sense. Or I found out that their identity never ended up making perfect sense but hey, it doesn’t always have to.

They told me to stop shaming myself for what I was feeling and to give value to the way that my needs present themselves to me.  This made a huge difference to other advice such as “don’t give it much thought, you get easily influenced anyway”, which made me feel like a fake gender-copycat lil’ piece of shit. Spoiler alert: no one benefited from that thought. Neither me, nor my trans loved-ones the space of whom I was scared I’d steal.

Experimenting can be tricky since, following the previous point you might feel like you’re appropriating something that belongs to other people. But here’s the thing: gender and sexuality don’t solely belong to other people, and just because you do something that other people do doesn’t mean that you share all parts of their identities.

If you want to sleep with boys to check whether you’re bisexual, do it. You might end up loving sex with boys as much as you love sex with girls. You might end up in a relationship with a boy. You might find out that you’re still only attracted to girls and that you identify as a lesbian. If you want to put makeup on, pack your bra, bind or tuck, do it. Ask yourself what pronouns would make you feel comfortable. Play it all in your head over and over again.

Create an online roleplay account or dress up or shave off your entire head if that makes you feel comfortable. Some things you’ll end up sticking with, some you’ll realize that they’re making you feel uncomfortable.

It’s normal if it all feels overwhelming in the beginning. You don’t have to do everything or anything at all to figure out your identity, but teasing your limits can always help consider things and cross out others. After all your identity is not about a single term, but about choosing who you want to be perceived as, how you wish to express yourself, what practices you want to follow in your everyday life, and how to speak about what you’re feeling.

9. Take your time.

It’s only normal that, when you start questioning something it might be overwhelming and make you anxious with the need to figure all out at once. But it’s amazing how clear things may become if you take some time to let it all unravel.

10. Remember that it’s okay to be confused.

Confusion is not something to have your feelings invalidated over. People usually say you are confused to make you feel like what you’re going through isn’t real, but you can be confused without that meaning that what you’re experiencing is not actually life-changing, significant, or very truly real. Being confused is the most normal thing you should expect. Hell, we are confused over what’s our favorite movie and about the mixed feelings that salt and vinegar chips or too many gummy bears give us. Gender and sexuality are things just as complex (or more complex, depending on how you see it), as picking between The Smiths or The Magnetic Fields, or digestive reactions and neurons reacting to pineapple flavor supplements.

Questioning things around – and inside – us has been part of the human condition since (almost) forever. The point is to learn how to give these questioning processes the value and attention they need, instead of dismissing them just because they may be transitional periods, or periods of confusion.

Sam Fox Opens Up About Her Sexuality: “I Would Say I Prefer To Be With Women”

Sam Fox has admitted she has been frightened to label her sexuality.

The former glamour model turned singer and reality star, come-out publicly back in 2003, when she declared she was in love with her then partner, Myra Stratton.

The couple were together over a decade, but sadly Stratton passed away in 2015 of cancer, leaving Fox devastated.


Speaking on British TV show Loose Women, she revealed that her perception of her sexuality has shifted, as she has entered another relationship with a woman.

I was a bit scared. People in Britain do know about it, and on Big Brother I talked about it. It was a good chance to speak about it in my own words.

I did sit on the fence a little bit. I said I don’t believe in labels. For a long time I was a bit scared, because I did feel maybe – I’ve got of male fans and female fans too – and I was scared I would lose that fanbase.”


Asked if she finds it hard to say ‘I am gay’, she added:

A little bit, because it is a label isn’t it. I always believe in love, you can’t help who you fall in love with, but I can’t really see myself ever marrying a guy.”

She was also asked if she was worried it would be bad for business, she said: “Yes.”

The fact I was with Myra for 16 years and now I am in love again with another woman. It’s just I would say I prefer to be with women. It’s lovely being in love, don’t ever forget that. Be true to yourself.”

The Faces of Queer South Africa

South Africa is one of Africa’s most socially progressive countries. Same-sex marriage was legalized in 2006, nine years before the U.S., and South Africa was the first country to instate a constitution that forbids discrimination based on sexuality.

Unfortunately, despite the progressive legislation, LGBTQ people are far from welcome. Every day, dozens of people experience physical or sexual violence at the hands of homophobic attackers.

Photographer and visual activist Zanele Muholi is using art to combat the injustice. Her project Faces and Phases documents South Africa’s queer women, their strength and their resilience in the face of violence.


Many women in the exhibit were “correctively” raped – that is, raped by a man who believes that heterosexual sex will reverse her homosexuality. Muholi’s portraits put a face to the shocking statistic that 1 in 2 South African women will be raped in her lifetime.


Faces and Phases began in 2006. Initially, it focused on black South African lesbians, but expanded in 2008 to include queer women from other countries. Today, it includes over 300 images. In addition to resilience, her portraits tackle the theme of identity; identity is fluid and ever-changing, and the self is dynamic.


Muholi has received backlash for her visual activism. In 2012, criminals broke into her apartment and stole equipment and hard drives containing five years of work. Unable to recover the lost data, she’s spent the past several years trying to recreate what was lost. The experience has been taxiing.

Her other notable exhibits include Somnyama Ngonyama, a comment on colonialism. In these photos, Muholi dresses up as South African historical stereotypes in order to reclaim and retell her own country’s history.

Her mission with all of her art is “to rewrite a black queer and trans visual history of South Africa for the world to know of our resistance and existence at the height of hate crimes in South Africa and beyond.”

You can order the Faces and Phases book here.

How Can I Be Sure I’m A Lesbian (And Not Just Sexually Curious)?

If you’re still a little confused about your sexuality, check out some of these indicators.

OK, we aren’t going to go on about the obvious and say, ‘the first clue is you like women.’ Of course it is, but that doesn’t necessarily make you gay. It could mean you are bisexual or you simply recognize an attractive woman when you see one. Even Lesbians think some men are good looking!

So how do you really know if you are a lesbian?

You’re fantasizing about women

Sometimes even straight women fantasize about having sex with a woman. That could mean you are simply curious, bisexual, or even just horny. But if your whole sexual fantasy life involves touching, being with or having sex with another woman there is a very good chance you are a lesbian.

You’re experimenting with women

Believe it or not a lot of women find their sexuality can be fluid and having sex or experimenting with women doesn’t always mean you are a lesbian. You could just be bisexual or even just curious, but if you have been having sex or experimenting with women and only women for a period of time this is a good indicator that you are a lesbian.

You’re questioning

Sometimes even asking yourself if something is possible can be an indication that you know the answer deep down. If you find that you are googling ‘how do I know if I’m a Lesbian’ or ‘I think I might be a lesbian’ then the chances are you could well be and are just seeking a little bit of reassurance.

You’re looking at romantic comedies in a different way

Have you noticed recently when watching romcoms that rather than feel happy when guy ends up with gal you wish she had realised just how sexy and super cool her best friend is? Our subconscious often makes us look at things in the way we’d like them to turn out if it was us in the same situation so perhaps you should trust in yourself a little bit more.

You’re checking out women

Do you find yourself looking at attractive women on the street or develop crushes on female film or TV stars? Do you wonder what it might be like to kiss her, or what she might look like naked? Ask yourself if you do this with men? If you don’t then you might be a lesbian.

You feel more comfortable with the Lesbian community

If you find that you feel quite at home surrounded by lesbians and you feel you are able to be yourself and not get judged, then this can be an indicator you are gay. Straight women do go to les bars of course, but, it’s not really the norm for them. If you are finding that when you go out you head for the les bars and feel totally relaxed in them, you are probably a lez.

You think men are attractive but don’t want to have sex with them

This is probably the biggest indicator of all. If you are getting hot under the collar thinking about women, but you simply don’t feel like that over men, you are probably gay. Thinking a man is attractive or looks good doesn’t mean to say you want to get up close and personal with one. If you do and women still rock your boat you could be bisexual.

Try not to be too quick to label yourself. Half the fun of finding out who you are is experimenting and having the confidence in yourself is far more important than labelling yourself. That will happen when you are ready, so just be happy being you and try not to put any more unnecessary pressure on labelling your sexual orientation.

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Another Study Concludes Straight Women Prefer Watching Lesbian Porn (Well Dah)

Another day, and another study into the porn preferences of straight women.

So what can we conclude from this latest study; well heterosexual women overwhelmingly prefer lesbian porn over straight porn.

The study conducted by PornHub and Buzzfeed found women are 132% more likely to watch lesbian porn than men.

The study follows a similar research Pornhub and Buzzfeed carried out in 2014 which has similar results.

Gender and pop culture expert, Dr Lauren Rosewarne, explained the reason this is such a common occurrence is because straight porn is often more aligned with men’s fantasies than women’s.

She said that a penis poking in and out of a vagina often isn’t “that great of a look,” and although straight women might appreciate the role of the penis in practice, they do not “necessarily find its deployment in action titillating – particularly since penises are very rarely named as the sexiest part of a man.”

In contrast, the sole focus of lesbian porn is what women find pleasurable – gay or straight.

Sex therapist Megan Flemming added;

In lesbian porn, there is really a focus on oral and clitoral stimulation as the main events. And since this is typically what gets most women off anyway, it’s no wonder this is what you like to see on the screen.”

And the second most popular porn category amongst ladies – male gay porn.

Dr Rosewarne suggests this is because gay porn does what straight porn never does – it sexualises the male body.

Kristen Stewart Opens Up About Her Sexuality And Girlfriend Alicia Cargile: ‘Finally, I Can Feel Again’

Kristen Stewart has opened up about her sexuality and revealed for the first time that she has a girlfriend.

The 26-year-old actress talked about her on-again, off-again relationship with film producer Alicia Cargile in an interview in Elle UK’s September issue.


When I was dating a guy I was hiding everything that I did because everything personal felt like it was immediately trivialised, so I didn’t like it.

We were turned into these characters and placed into this ridiculous comic book, and I was like, ‘That’s mine. You’re making my relationship something that it’s not.’ I didn’t like that.

But then it changed when I started dating a girl. I was like, ‘Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I’m not down with it or I’m ashamed of it’, so I had to alter how I approached being in public.

It opened my life up and I’m so much happier.”

Referring to girlfriend Alicia Cargile, she said:

I’m just really in love with my girlfriend. We’ve broken up a couple of times and gotten back together, and this time I was like, ‘Finally, I can feel again’.”

Stewart and Cargile have been spotted out together in the past – most recently holding hands as they returned from the 2016 Cannes Film Festival.

Gina Rodriguez Gives The Perfect Response To People Questioning Her Sexuality

Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez took to Twitter this week for a Q&A with her fans.

She answered plenty of questions about her hit TV show, what book she’s currently reading and what it’s like to work with a female dominated staff.

However, one question in particular elicited a virtual standing ovation from fans (and us).

When a fan asked, ‘Do you identify as straight?,’ Rodriguez gave the perfect response was perfect


She followed her answer up by responding to this question: “How do you stay positive and happy?”


Yes! Such a beautiful way to say it.


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Majority Of LGBT+ People Still Feel The Need To ‘Hide Sexuality’

According to a new poll, the majority LGBT community feel the need to lie about their gender or sexual identity.

The poll – commissioned by Pride in London – asked more than 1,000 members of the LGBT community how they felt about discussing their private lives in public.

A massive 74% said they still felt the need to hide their sexual orientation or gender identity.

A further 59% of respondents said they felt threatened by other people’s attitudes and behaviours towards them.

Other findings showed that 41% of gay men also said they would think twice about holding a partner’s hand in public.

The charity – which organises London’s annual gay pride event – commissioned a second survey among the general population, which showed a “huge difference” compared with LGBT+ people.

In particular, a larger proportion of the LGBT+ community had “felt threatened by other people’s attitudes and behaviours towards them”, and were more likely to experience workplace bullying as a result of their gender.

It found 77% of LGBT+ respondents had revealed their sexuality to friends, while 50% had come out to all their colleagues.
Chair of Pride in London, Michael Salter-Church, said:

Great progress has been made in the name of LGBT+ equality in recent years, but these figures show the striking reason why Pride is still as important as ever”.

The latest figures show that homophobic attacks all also saw a rise between 2014 and 2015.

The results also showed that the number of homophobic incidents recorded was nearly double those of Islamophobic crimes, and three times the number of anti-Semitic crimes.

The Met data showed that 1,667 homophobic offences took place in the 12 months to July 2015 – up from 1,289 in the 12 months to July 2014.

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Why We Should All Be More Sex Positive in 2016

2015 was a groundbreaking year for feminism. Society at large generally decided that enough is enough – and women and men have been banding together to put an end to the sexist double standards that exist. But we still have a long way to go, ladies – particularly as it pertains to sexuality.

The weird thing about this particular movement is that, all we really need to do to break the boundaries that exist between women and sex in society is to talk about it more. This isn’t a right we have to fight for, it’s not a law we have to pass, it’s just a stigma that needs to be broken.

In most cases, these particular feminist actions only require that women agree to one simple statement:

I define my sexuality. My sexuality does not define me.

This statement seems like it should be so easy to embrace, but for many women (and men) the concept is still hard to grasp. Don’t believe me?

Because sex workers are still considered criminals in most societies.

I have known a few sex workers (not intimately, of course) and I have learned that there are generally two reasons why someone might enter into that particular line of work:

  • They were in a vulnerable position, and someone manipulated them into feeling like the sex trade would help them. In many cases, these women are forced into it against their will, or if they do enter that lifestyle voluntarily, there may be a threat of violence if they try to leave. Many believe they have no other options.
  • They felt they were in a powerful position, and saw an opportunity to make a lot of money without any special training or tools. They have made a business decision over their own body, and these are the women who operate as their own bosses. They are often selective about their clients, or they may work in a sex trade that does not allow the clients to physically touch them (such as strippers and porn actresses).

Between these two situations, which woman are you supposed to look down your nose at? Whether you agree with their decisions or not, there is most likely a reason behind their choice that might not be apparent at first glance.

The women who are involved because they feel they have no other options should not be treated as criminals. These women are often victims of rape and domestic violence. But until we change our views surrounding women and sex, they will be perpetuated as homewreckers and thieves – even if they have no choice in the matter.

The women who are operating their body as a business shouldn’t really be criminalized either, though. Sex work is one of the oldest professions in the world – dating all the way back to the Roman Empire. There have been strippers and prostitutes and even sex slaves throughout all of history. Personally, if everyone involved is a consenting adult, how is it anyone else’s business?

Because rape survivors are still blamed for being raped.

Victim blaming is still a very real thing with rape survivors. Many people never report the assault because they know they’re going to have to deal with the onslaught of questions that follow – the questions that seek to prove, without a reasonable doubt, that they didn’t actually want it. These questions are often traumatizing, and unlike most other crimes, there is almost never any evidence to prove the victim is telling the truth.

This isn’t only from the standpoint of justice, either. Most victims of sexual assault never even get to that point because they fear judgment from those around them. They worry that people will ask them things like, “Well, you must have done something to provoke it.” “Well, what were you wearing?” “Well, if you didn’t want it, why did you let it happen?”

In a perfect society, when someone reported a rape, it would be handled just like any other crime (whether legal or personal). But the assumption is that a woman will “call rape” just because she feels guilty about having sex with someone. More positivity over our sexual expression may help to alleviate victim blaming because it allows women to be freer when they do enjoy sex. This way, there is no confusion between “rape” and “bad sex” – no means no.

Because women who dress provocatively are still called sluts.

This happens to tie in with victim blaming (above), too – we presume that if someone dresses with sex appeal, they must be doing it to get sex. Let me tell you, the two things rarely go hand in hand. Slut-shaming isn’t the only form of sex-negative attention our clothes get, either. Think about the last time you realized that someone “dressed gay”, or that you “didn’t look gay enough”. We don’t think about the deeper meaning within these words, so let me put it a different way.

Clothes say absolutely nothing about sex life.

We assume that someone’s stylistic expression is a reflection of their sexual preferences. A woman in a short skirt is presumed to be getting attention from a lot of men, whereas a woman in cargo shorts and a snapback is presumed to be pulling in a lot of ladies. It’s completely arbitrary, though, and the sooner we stop connecting the two things, the sooner we realize that you literally can’t tell anything about a person by the clothes they wear except what clothes they like – and even that is open to interpretation.

Because trans and butch women are still considered perverts for using public facilities.

I am so glad that trans issues are getting more attention this year, but it breaks my heart when I think about how much of this attention is still largely negative. We’ve made a lot of progress as a society, but it seems like every step forward is met by a step backward. Particularly as it pertains to the whole public restroom debacle – trans and butch women are stereotyped, marginalized, and sometimes even physically assaulted, simply for using public facilities.

This comes from a place of sexual insecurity, of the most damaging kind. The people who would place an assumption that these women would have ulterior motives for being in public spaces that everyone else gets to take for granted is completely unfounded and operates from the assumption that there is something inherently wrong with them – because their gender and/or sexual identities do not correspond with what society has deemed as “normal”.

Many places are now taking steps to remedy this situation by compromising with “all genders” bathrooms, but this has received its fair share of backlash, too. First, it sets us back to a “separate but equal” standpoint where the descriptively-vague are still treated as different. Second, it sets the precedent that people are still allowed to not want “those people” in “their bathrooms”. Does this sound like a problem to you?

Because women who breastfeed in public are still told to put their breasts away.

Feeding a child – the only real purpose boobs play in the world – is still considered obscene and sexual. Many people still compare it to a man pulling his penis out in a crowded subway (yikes!) – despite the fact that having someone see your penis is definitely not as important as early childhood nutrition. (Sorry to disappoint you!)

It is completely understandable that women are divided on the issue of whether to breastfeed in the first place, but it’s an important decision with many benefits and drawbacks. There are, of course, pros and cons for bottle feeding, as well, but no mother I have ever spoken to has listed sexual gratification as her reason for breastfeeding her child.

The idea that women’s bodies are inherently sexual is way overdone. I don’t know about you, but I think the person who is sexualizing breakfast is the one with the problem here. You might not have chosen to breastfeed your own child. You might not even have breasts, or children for that matter. But the idea that anyone has the right to tell a woman to stop feeding her child is completely ridiculous. Let’s leave it behind.

Because female nipples are still obscene and male nipples are still not.

It’s a little funny when we start comparing breastfeeding boobs with not-nourishing-a-child boobs, because in one case it’s only the nipple that’s offensive, and in the other case, the nipple’s covered – and people still complain. And, in both cases, if a man was doing it, no one would say a word.

Did you know there are special backpacks that allow fathers and non-lactating mothers breastfeed their child? In many cases, the exchange of oxytocin during this bonding process may actually stimulate lactation, even in men. This brings us an interesting idea… Would a man breastfeeding in public get the same sort of negative attention that women do?

The entire #FreeTheNipple movement that happened over the past year has proved, without a doubt, that man nipples are never considered sexual, while female nipples always are… even when they’re in the mouth of a child. Keep up the good work on this one – there’s still a long way to go before we reach true nipple equality.

Because the only trans women who get attention are the “conventionally attractive” ones.

In 2015, we were still largely judging people’s worth based on how attractive they were, and this really needs to stop. All trans women are women, and humans, and any notion that they have to conform to what someone else finds sexually appealing is overplayed and on its way out. Whether a trans woman “passes” or not is really none of your concern, nor is it your concern whether she’s had surgery or not.

Not all trans people choose to go through with surgery, nor do all choose to use hormone therapy or even wear makeup and “female clothes”. Do we really still care that much about what people look like?

This comes from the idea that someone is only as important as their presumed sexual worth to us. It’s the same thing that tells femmes that being gay is “a waste”, the same thing that tells studs that they “might as well be men”, and presumes that a gay man will treat a straight man like that straight man treats women. It’s an assumption that is very rarely grounded in facts and it leads to a lot of ignorance in the gay-straight intersection.

But it’s not just cis/straight people who are guilty of this, either, and that’s something that we in the community need to acknowledge – every day, there are lesbians who dismiss trans women as “not being a part of the gay community”. There are trans women who don’t consider themselves part of the gay community because they have always been attracted to men – and according to their gender identity, that makes them straight. The thing that both of these sub-groups fail to realize is that we all face similar problems as women, and even if we don’t band together under the rainbow umbrella, we do still need to band together as women.

Another Study Concludes Women’s Sexuality Is More Adaptive And Flexible Than Men’s

A survey by The National Center for Health Statistics has revealed women in the US are far more likely to say they are bisexual compared to men.

The National Survey of Family Growth survey asked 9,100 adults aged between 18 and 44 about their sexual identity and sex life.

According to the results covering 2011 to 2013, 5.5% of female respondents said that they identified as bisexual, compared to only 2% of male respondents.

The survey was conducted anonymously via computer rather than directly through a person-to-person interview.

In the previous 2006 to 2010 survey 3.9% of female respondents identified as bisexual compared to only 1.2% of male respondents.

There was no significant change in the percentage of respondents who identified as homosexual or heterosexual.

This mirrors findings in similar studies that have been conducted around the world.

A study conducted by the University of Notre Dame in the United States also found the women were three times more likely to identify as bisexual.

Also, data that was released last year rom the UK’s Office for National Statistics found that women were twice as likely to identify themselves as bisexual when compared to men.

According to Dr Elizabeth McClintock, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Notre Dame in the United States, these results show that female sexuality may be more adaptive and flexible and male sexuality.

Women with some degree of attraction to both males and females might not be drawn into heterosexuality if they have favourable options in the heterosexual partner market.

Women who are initially successful in partnering with men, as is more traditionally expected, may never explore their attraction to other women.

However, women with the same sexual attractions, but less favourable heterosexual options might have greater opportunity to experiment with same-sex partners.”

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