OK Chicas, wait for it, lesbians are apparently at a higher risk of love addiction, and no, this is not just an excuse to justify our behaviour when we act in a way that our heterosexual counterparts call ‘rushing into things.’
No way, I hear you cry! Us? Lesbians? You mean when we declare undying love to each other after two dates and are willing to move to the other side of the country to be with our princess charming by the third, this is called a love addiction? Yep, I’m afraid so guys. This is just some idiosyncrasy only I do, says that little voice of reasoning in your head. Not all lesbians are like me, surely?
Sorry girls, we are all guilty of this weird phenomenon. I’m sure if we were all completely honest with each other every single one of us has rushed a new relationship forwards well before we should’ve done. But fear not, we are not a bunch of addictive personality types with serious mental health issues, we actually have an excuse for it.
According to Dr. Lauren. D. Costine, author of the book ‘Lesbian Love Addiction: Understanding the Urge to Merge,’ the reason for this (hmm) behaviour is due to the fact women release the feel good chemicals oxytocin and dopamine when they start to have feelings for someone. Dopamine is actually a feel good chemical so it’s the same effect as being intoxicated. Put two women together both feeling like this and you have your explanation as to why we want to rush into things so quickly and start nesting.
In an interview with Psych central, Dr. Costine, who is also a lesbian and psychologist, stated that women’s brains are wired to connect quickly to others for survival purposes. So, when we feel like we want hers and hers matching coffee mugs and matching gay pride tee’s there is a method behind our madness. We are surviving.
But of course, with every high comes the low. And this is where we basically crash and burn. Eventually the Dopamine subsides as we get more familiar with each other, the oxytocin disappears back into the nether regions of our brain and what are we left with? Usually a disaster of mammoth proportions where we look at our partner with loathing rather than love and despair rather than desire. Then the reality hits home that this relationship was not meant to be and we smash our hers and hers coffee cups and set fire to our matching tees.
However, I’m a firm believer in forewarned is forearmed so take heed. The next time you enter into a new relationship try and fight those pesky chemicals encouraging you to declare your undying love or start looking at lez wedding venues and take a step back. Taking things slow does have its advantages. It means you get to look at the person for real and not in a ‘brain induced haze.’ This can only be a good thing and will save you so much heartache in the future. If you really have met your princess charming I promise you she will still be there in a year’s time and you will never look at her with distain or loathing. Then you know you are truly in love and ready to consider your future together in a level headed and non-chemical induced manner.