Sometimes it’s best to let true love find you rather than endlessly searching.
Love is a tricky subject. It seems like the more we want it, the more it eludes us. Certainly that doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find love, or even that you shouldn’t hope for it. But sometimes, it’s a lot easier to find something if you stop looking.
If you’re not looking, you’ll enjoy your life more.
Generally speaking, the more focused you are on things that you don’t have, the unhappier you are. This applies to all areas of our life – some areas more than others. When it comes to love, it’s especially true. If you focus on how you don’t have someone, you’re bound to feel lonely and focus on it even more – which in turns makes the problem worse again. It’s a cycle.
If you’re not looking, you’ll be less stressed.
If you’re focusing on finding someone, you’re adding more work into your day. In addition to work, school, your social life, your downtime, and whatever time commitments you already have – you’re looking to add another commitment when none is due. Naturally, the less responsibilities a person has, the less stressed they will be.
That’s not to say that all stress is bad or that committing to someone you love isn’t worth it, but if you make your dating life your top priority, chances are the rest of your commitments will suffer.
If you’re not looking, you’ll be less willing to settle.
When we are desperate for companionship, we tend to make sacrifices in terms of our requirements. It’s not always intentional, either. If it’s been awhile since the last time we’ve had the attention we need, our brain starts to gloss over pieces of people to make them seem more attractive to us. This isn’t always a bad thing, but it’s generally better to hold off on starting a relationship with a person until you know them a little.
If you’re not looking, you’ll have more time for your friends.
I don’t know about you, but I have a horrible habit when I’m in a new relationship. I’ll completely go off the grid – sometimes for months! If you are this type of person, too, you should keep in mind that going off the radar before you have a girlfriend is just less time to spend with your friends and family.
If you’re not looking, you’ll have less to do.
Generally speaking, most relationships start by accident, and grow based on a connection made over time. Why should you search for love when you’re not going to be able to find it soon anyway? Quite frankly, we as a species are programmed to be lazy – why would we do any more work than we have to?
Because you don’t need a girlfriend.
I know how it feels when you get lonely. It feels like you’ll never be able to fall asleep on your own, and you start to think you’ll never have sex again. The truth is, you don’t need a girlfriend – anything a girlfriend can do, you can do for yourself.
If you miss the feeling of cuddling, you can cuddle with a pillow, or a stuffed animal, or a pet. There are even special beds that cuddle back with you – what a time to be alive!
If you’re missing sex, this might not be what you want to hear: You can “service” yourself. In fact, some people recommend masturbating before you go on a “first date” anyway, as your mind will be less likely to gloss-over the date in favour of sexual release. (I know there are some women who’d like to pretend they never self-service, but let’s level for a second: Everyone touches themselves sometimes. You might not do it often, but you’ve done it before and there are very few good reasons not to do it again.)
Because girlfriends are great, but they should happen naturally.
I have no issue with dating apps or even the idea of being set up by someone. If you want some companionship, and you are of legal consenting age, dating apps are great – but chances are most of your “matches” are never going to be a “girlfriend”. It doesn’t mean the app is bad – it just means that chemistry and intimacy still play a part in the way we love.
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