When we watch movies, we often see the same type of cookie-cutter female leads. These women are the quintessential damsels in distress. Sometimes, they’re even self-loathing, which of course only adds to the helplessness. But most women in real life aren’t really like this – so why does Hollywood keep portraying us this way?

Of course there are exceptions to this (usually when there’s a female director), but generally speaking, Hollywood movies want to show the ever-masculine man swooping in to save the day. Even among lesbian films, the less-feminine character is likely to be painted as the savior while the more-feminine character is the one needing to be saved. What gives?!

The truth is, the world still isn’t ready for the idea of a feminine hero, and in some ways that’s okay. This helps to clear the path for those of us with the most determination. Outside of the silver screen, independent women abound, and they take others by surprise with their can-do, take-charge attitude. The reason everyone fears us may be the same reasons they need us, though – and here are a few reasons why.

Independence is relative.

Even songs produced by self-proclaimed “independent women” (yes, Beyonce and Nicki, I’m talking to you) often talk about wanting to find the other half. These artists are successful on their own, but they still want to find love (or, in Beyonce’s case, want to keep their man happy). There’s nothing wrong with love and the desire to be a good partner – but when we see it as a competition, we’re basically saying that we want to be independent with someone else.

Of course, this still isn’t automatically a bad thing. In a healthy relationship, the partners will support each other and provide equal effort. There’s no reason for us to assume that loving someone means we are somehow indebted to them – yet many women do feel this way. Those who make it clear that they don’t need someone, they want them, are labeled as sluts, manipulators, or bitches. Feminism fail.

The truth is, there’s no such thing as a completely independent woman – or even an independent man. We assign these labels from a place of pride (or sometimes self-doubt) in order to quantify things that aren’t really measurable. No one is 100% self-sufficient, because the human species is a social one.

Why marry rich when you can be rich yourself?

Even if you were brought up in a super supportive household, most likely at least one friend or family member has instructed you to marry into money. Sometimes this is a joke, but the truth is – it’s generally bad advice, and it sets a precedence for a number of potential hazards.

If we’re only worried about how full someone’s wallet is, we may gloss over the finer points of their personality – whether that means we accept things that we otherwise wouldn’t (such as the emotional abuse seen in 50 Shades of Gray) or we don’t appreciate the things that are right in front of us (such as Sandra Bullock denying her love for Ryan Reynolds throughout most of The Proposal). This translates to real life, too, although probably a little more subtly than these examples. Financial independence is like this bubble that seems to make us untouchable.

Independence means not asking for permission.

When a man doesn’t ask for permission, it’s seen as power play. (50 Shades of Gray plays in here, too.) But when a woman doesn’t ask permission, it’s seen as bossy and controlling (in The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep’s no-nonsense attitude is automatically attributed as a negative thing – even to other women). I’m sure if you examine your own life, you may have seen the same thing.

An independent woman doesn’t confine herself to what’s expected of her, and that’s intimidating. Some people may be turned on by this intimidation (although typically being viewed as a challenge – the desire is to overcome them). Most of the time, though, an independent woman is seen as unapproachable, because we assume she’s stuck up and mean.

Among women in particular, the chance for cattiness can take over. Those who are not successful may feel personally victimized by those who have found their success. The funny thing is that the independent women usually don’t see themselves as more “elite” than their less successful peers, but their efforts to raise others up are often assumed to be psych-outs, and therefore ignored.

Independence means having an opinion.

Independent women form their own opinions – they’re not afraid to break away from the popular vote. They don’t care if what they’re doing is going to get them extra attention, because they don’t thrive on that attention. They don’t have time for the drama because they’re too busy improving themselves, and the lives of those around them.

When compared to all of history, the acceptability of women having their own opinions is still a relatively new thing. Believe it or not, only 122 years have passed since the first self-governing region in the world gave women the right to vote, and they wouldn’t gain the right to run for office until the next year in a completely different part of the world. When you look at it that way, it’s no wonder people are threatened by it.

With the exception of a few matriarchal civilizations throughout the world, most of the world’s history has been spent telling women that they don’t have the right to think for themselves. This idea is slowly changing, but there’s still a long way to go.

Independent women don’t need your praise – they can praise themselves.

Independent women don’t need your validation or your compliments, because they know their own worth. Even more so than ever, our culture instills in us the idea that everyone cares what we have to say – and independence means that someone else’s opinion is not your concern.

An independent woman is dangerous because she takes pride in herself. She is self-disciplined, so your negativity won’t affect her. And she doesn’t need you to tell her when she’s doing good, because she knows she is. She knows she is directly responsible for her own happiness so she’s not as worried about yours.

When in a relationship, this can be confusing for her partner, who might not understand that she still wants to be reassured sometimes. After all, like we said above, just because you don’t need it doesn’t mean you don’t want it. Compliments are still nice every now and then!

She’s not afraid of you – and that scares you.

This goes back to our primal instincts: Eat or be eaten. Ever wonder why people say “He’s more afraid of you than you are of him” when you’re being approached by a wild animal? It’s because we think that one has to be intimidated by the other – and we want to be the scary one if possible.

Although an independent woman is probably harmless, the fact that she’s not concerned with what we’ll do to her makes us wonder what she’s going to do to us. Most of the time, the answer is nothing – but there’s always that lingering “what if?”

She doesn’t care if you like her.

An independent woman is her own best friend, so she’s not really bothered if she loses a few friends that weren’t as good to her. And it’s pretty tough to be as good to her as she is to herself. She doesn’t need your financial support, your emotional support, or even your sexual prowess – she’s got that covered, so if you’re not going to benefit her life, you don’t have to be in it.

This can lead people to think that she doesn’t want any friends, and in most cases that’s not true. Like we said before, humans are social creatures, and life does get lonely sometimes. Try not to be too mean to your independent ladies – they deserve love, too.