You’ve gotta think she’s hot… Right?

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I had a friend a while back, who was friends with another girl. They’d been friends for a few years.

Now I knew this girl liked my friend, but when I asked my friend about her she’d say “Well I’m not really sure. We get on really well but I don’t really fancy her at all”.

Obviously we spoke a lot more about it than just this, but strangely they are now a couple, and are planning marriage.

I see them doing all the things couples do. Going out for dinners and having dinner parties, spending their weekends doing the typical lesbian things that generally make me cringe (I’m sure I’m just jealous); visiting the farmers market, spending a Friday night at an educational or cultural play at the local lgbt centre. Taking drives out to a nice country pub, discussing work and careers, the list goes on! and I see them doing all these things really well, and being a totally solid unit.

However, what I don’t see is the passion. What I don’t see is how they make the perfect couple in the ways that matter just as much if not more?

And so to me it begs the question, why did they get together in the first place? Through loneliness? Through fear of ending up alone?

We all have those thoughts (I think) when we start heading into our 30’s and we’re still single, plodding along from one failed relationship to the next (yes, I’m talking about myself).

But my point is, surely if you don’t find someone physically attractive, if you don’t find them sexy, hot, beautiful. If you don’t adore every bit of their physicality… I don’t think you can be in love with that person.

Maybe they do have an amazing personality, maybe you can hold conversations for hours on end and maybe you share all the same common interests and love spending every moment possible together. But surely, that’s your best friend? That’s not your lover. That’s not your life partner. That’s your best friend.

Lovers fight, lovers disagree. In my opinion the best relationships are when you have different interests, things that irritate you about the other and things that put the make-up sex on a whole other level. That’s love. Love isn’t real, true, amazing love unless there is passion. If there isn’t passion, it isn’t worth it. Love is volatile, love is equally as frustrating as it is happy. Someone that annoys you so much you can’t help but laugh, and when you see that person all those things that pissed you off just disappear, and you can’t help but smile. That is love. The person you can’t live with, but you can’t live without.

“There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn’t be one of them”

Jill Robinson

You can grow to love somebody. Can you grow to find someone sexually attractive? I’m not sure you can.


One thought on “You’ve gotta think she’s hot… Right?

  1. Dylan A. Kent (@dylanakent)

    Agreed. There are dates and then there is an organic synchronicity to a couple that is truly in love. I have never met anyone who has convinced themselves to be sexually attracted to someone else. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen but in the majority, it’s either a switch that is turned on or off. I personally think we are hard wired to like certain types of people. If you instinctively like tall brunettes, voluptuous redheads, a woman with high cheekbones or delicate hands, you do so for a reason. Whether you are born with those preferences or they become necessary to your existence at a very young age is debateable. There is a potential for passion established in the first few moments. It’s got to be there.

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