There are a million reasons why someone can seem intimidating to others. Maybe she’s got “that face” that looks like she’s mad at the world, or maybe she’s so busy doing her own thing that you think she won’t have any time for you. (Hey, that one is actually true sometimes.)

The truth is, you never really know someone until you’ve actually approached them, and “intimidating women” are often left unapproached. People think that their appearance, their mannerisms, or the rumors that follow them around are the tell-all signs, but the reality is that things are not always as they seem.

While the truth behind your own “intimidating woman” might vary from this list, here are some common misconceptions that keep people from giving them a chance. You never know until you speak to her what the truth is, so why not go over and say hello?

She’s not stuck up… She’s just shy.

Many women come across as stuck up when they don’t easily open up to people. Sure, some women really are stuck up – but most are just shy. This can be especially true if the woman has a long history of being “unapproachable”. Even if she’s highly attractive, she might never get a date because others assume that she thinks too highly of herself.

Unless she has specifically told you that she thinks she’s better than you, though, it’s best to not assume that’s the case. Many intimidating women have tremendous insecurities as a result of other people avoiding them. Sometimes there’s a legitimate reason for these insecurities, too – but that doesn’t mean that you can’t help to “undo” them.

She’s not rude… She’s just honest.

There’s an expectation that “ladies” are supposed to sugar-coat things to make them easier to handle. However, most women think that falls too close to lying – so they refuse to do it. When a woman freely speaks her mind without making sure it’s “politically correct” first, it often gives the impression that she’s rude, foul-mouthed, ill-tempered… Well, you name it.

The truth is, everyone is entitled to their opinions – and she makes hers painfully clear. You might not like what she has to say, but unless she’s directly insulting you or intentionally causing offense, she probably just wasn’t born with that “make-it-sound-nice-first” filter that some women have. (I’m pretty bad about this one myself, actually. I’m a bad liar, so I don’t even try to bend the truth.)

She’s not crazy… She’s just herself.

Women who feel comfortable being their truest self are often labeled as crazy. “Cat ladies” and “fan girls” are two pretty common examples that come to mind. Society places this stigma on what someone should be, and if they don’t fit that definition, there must be something wrong with them.

Personally, I hate this. Society has no business telling you who you should or shouldn’t be, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else in the process. There’s something beautiful about someone who is completely, unapologetically free in their own body and mind, and I think that’s something we should all strive for – not shy away from.

She’s not angry… She’s just stressed out.

Here’s a little story for you guys: I have severe anxiety. I can keep it under control most of the time (as long as I’m not faced with large crowds of people or short deadlines), but it’s always going to be there. And sometimes, this anxiety manifests itself as anger, even though I’m not mad at the person I’m lashing out at. (I’m not saying it’s right, only that it happens.)

If you’re afraid to approach someone because you think she’s mad at the world, most likely, she’s not. Stress and anxiety (as well as a number of other mental health concerns) can sometimes look like extreme anger to outsiders, but for the person experiencing the racing mind and all the problems associated with it, the sharp tone could be an indicator that they’re just a bit overwhelmed. Try to forgive the snappy comebacks and see if you can find a breakthrough.

She’s not selfish… She’s just assertive.

Assertive women have a hard time in life. They know exactly what they want, and what they need to do to make it happen – but they’re often given negative labels by onlookers. The people who don’t understand the motives behind why she does the things she does will assume she’s just looking out for her own interests.

But, in reality, we’re all looking out for our own interests. Whether we accommodate the needs of others as well will vary from person to person, but keep in mind that the women who seem intimidating are often not given the chance to express their selfless side. So while you’re busy looking at the things she’s doing for herself – she’s busy thinking of how she can change the world.

She’s not a player… She’s just independent.

Women who enjoy being single are usually treated as if they’re just looking for a one-night stand, but that’s often not the case. Some women really do prefer doing their own thing, and they think it would be unfair to lock someone else into their life plans unless they’re absolutely certain that they fit. This doesn’t automatically mean that she’s going to be sleeping around – not that it’s any of your business if she does.

For women who value their own independence, they often choose to wait until they find a partner who will accommodate that need for independence even within a relationship. If you’re willing to give her the space she needs and let her do the things she wants, there’s nothing set in stone saying she’s going to use your trust against you. Don’t write her off without giving her a chance!

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