The dating world is a complicated place. For those with anxiety or self-confidence problems, it can be even more complicated – but it doesn’t really need to be.

I’ve spent a long time dealing with my own anxiety, and for a long time I let it convince me that I wasn’t deserving of a good relationship. Okay, some of that was my partner in a bad relationship taking advantage of my condition – but I did put a number of unfair expectations on myself, as well.

Thankfully, as you learn and grow, there are things that help you manage better. This is true with stress and anxiety, too. No matter how hopeless it might seem now, you will learn – and I’m here to help.

Want a little intro course in dealing with your relationship anxiety? Remember these 7 tips.

1. Your relationship status does not define you.

Particularly if your friends and family members are all settling down and getting married ahead of you, it can be hard to remember that you are your own person. Very few people in life are meant to be just a wife – and the ones who are don’t typically suffer from relationship anxiety.

Instead of focusing on how to attract a good partner, focus on being a good person. It seems cliché, but the best relationships start when they’re not expected – and that means you have to stop looking.

I’m not saying don’t date, though. If you want to be in a relationship, you’ve got every right to be in a relationship. But there’s a big, fat difference between being in a relationship and being a relationship. Make sure you are a person and a partner first.

2. Happily married people do know what they’re talking about.

It might be annoying to continually hear that you’ll find the right person when you stop looking – but there’s some truth to it. If you’re looking for a relationship, it’s not hard to find one. But if you’re looking for a soul mate, you’ll have to let them come into your life on their own.

Stop worrying so much about meeting someone, and do the things you love. Pay attention to your surroundings, and see when someone catches your attention – but don’t try to turn it into “the one”. If she’s the one, it’ll happen naturally.

Do the things you love, and find someone who loves doing them, too. And for the love of yourself – don’t expect her to be perfect. She’s probably not going to fit the exact picture you’ve built in your head. Learn to appreciate the bigger picture, and love will come easier.

3. Remember that you are already complete.

Hollywood romanticizes the idea that the right person will complete you. That’s all fine and dandy, but if you remember rule #1 – your relationship status does not define you – that implies that you’re still complete even if you’re single. If that’s not the case, you’re probably approaching your relationships all wrong.

There’s nothing wrong with a partner who helps you to be a better person, but there is no way someone can come along and magically fix you. That’s something you’ve got to do for yourself. The right person is the one who already thinks you’re awesome without you having to change.

This doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for your own growth, though. I often say that complacency is the enemy of progress, and that’s a belief I hold in all areas of my life. Once you get comfortable, it’s time for a challenge. The right woman for you is the one who grows right alongside you.

4. Acknowledge your fears and destroy their power.

Fear, stress, and anxiety are all powerful weapons against us. But unlike traditionally violent weapons, these ones are easy to deactivate by simply acknowledging their existence and reminding yourself about what’s just in your head.

Of course, sometimes this will be easier than others. If your anxiety is particularly severe, you might need to remind yourself every time the response trigger comes up – but over time, your rational response system will take over, and talking yourself down will require less effort.

Eventually, there will be a partner who works to ease these things, too, but it’s important to remember that’s not your girlfriend’s job. It’s your job to remove all the negative thoughts that are preventing you from finding your happiness.

Find a positive affirmation to replace your negative thoughts, and actively swap them out. For example, if you find yourself thinking “I am too flawed to find love”, consciously tell yourself to stop, and say out loud, “I am good enough for the person who deserves me.” Then remember that your worth is not defined by someone else’s ability to see it.

5. Understand that rejection is not a reflection of your worth.

Often times, when we feel anxiety surrounding a certain aspect of ourselves, we rationalize our negative thoughts based on the people we can get to agree with us. But we are more than the sum of our parts – we just need to find a partner whose parts mesh well with ours.

When someone rejects you, that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough – it means that you weren’t the right person for them, and them for you. This means that rejection is a good thing, no matter how much it might hurt. Remember: The person who’s right for you will be right for you without you having to jump through hoops.

If you find that the person you think is perfect doesn’t think you are, try to remember that they have flaws, too, and it’s possible that one of those flaws is their inability to see you in all of your wonderful glory. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle – just thank them for their time and let them find the door.

6. Don’t put limitations on yourself.

Your love is one of the most precious commodities you have – and yet, for all its value, it’s pretty much limitless. The pain you feel when you’re wearing thin isn’t a lack of love, it’s a lack of appreciation. The right partner for you won’t make you feel drained, but in fact, more invigorated.

With as many people as are on the planet, it’s a bit silly to think that there are only a few right people for each person, too. Just because your “one true love” didn’t last forever doesn’t mean there won’t be another.

Another positive thing to think about is that there is no expiration date on your love. As long as you’re still breathing, there’s still time to meet the right person – so if it’s really important to you, don’t give up!

7. Have fun with it.

One of the easiest ways to take the stress out of any situation is to find a way to make it fun. If this isn’t already your philosophy with dating, you’re doing it all wrong. Finding a life partner is not life-or-death, and if you’re treating it like it is, you’re stressing yourself out more than you need to.

If dating feels like a chore, you’re not going to enjoy yourself, and you’re not going to be fun to be around, either. This type of mindset is one surefire way to scare love away – no one wants to be with a dud!

If love doesn’t seem to be coming to you, it’s best if you take a break for a while. Focus on having some fun and let love find you. (Hint: It’s easiest if you learn a bit of self-love first.)

Once you’ve found the love you have for yourself, you’ll have a greater understanding of the best things you have to offer another. It’s always better if you offer more than you expect, and the best person for you will offer more, too. Keep your expectations low and don’t forget to laugh – your future soul mate thanks you.

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