People often ask ‘so when did you discover you were a lesbian?’ Which is highly annoying, but does give me food for though – was I always a lesbian, or did I discover my sexuality?
I kind of knew I was gay, but when I was younger I didn’t really know what that meant. In school I chased boys, and I even had a boyfriend for most of my time at high school, but on the back burner I was having these weird crushes on girls.
However, at the time, the thought of being with a woman felt more like a ‘secret’ fantasy than reality. Back then, I didn’t think I’d ever act on these ‘secret’ feelings and sadly, the idea of actually telling people I was lesbian, bi, queer… terrified me. I felt certain it would fill my life with stress, judgment and trouble. I was scared.
It wasn’t until I met my first girlfriend, and my pulse sped up to the point where I felt dizzy that I knew. So, I finally embraced, and found, myself.
The process of discovering sexuality differs for everyone. It might take a while for you to figure it out, and there’s no need to rush.
Like me some people say they ‘felt different’ from the time when they were young, but it took a while to think of themselves as queer, lesbian, or bisexual. As they grew older, they realise that those words fit in with their feelings.
Some other people don’t discover their attractions until later in adulthood.
If you’re feeling confused, you’re not alone. Sexual orientation, like many things in life, develop over time and over time your questions will become clearer.
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