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Sixteen Signs You’re The Side Chick

Are you her dirty little secret?
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The new girl you’ve been seeing is perfect! She sends you sweet text messages, she cooks dinner at your apartment, and she says that you two have something special – she’s the best girlfriend you could ever ask for.

Okay, maybe she’s not your “girlfriend”…and she doesn’t want to meet your friends…and she never sleeps over…but that doesn’t mean you’re her dirty little secret. That doesn’t mean she already has a girlfriend.


The warning signs:

1. She always comes to your dorm or apartment, but you’ve never seen the inside of hers.

2. If you have gone to her place, something seems off. Maybe the closet door is always closed (to hide her girlfriend’s clothing), or there are two types of shampoo in the shower, or the shoes by the door come in multiple sizes.

3. You always meet up at odd, very specific hours, usually during the day (when her girlfriend is at work) or late at night (when her girlfriend is asleep).

4. She never sleeps over. If she does sleep over, it’s very rare and it’s usually on weekends (when her girlfriend is out of town).

5. When you ask her about her relationship status, she’s shady. You don’t want to push it because you don’t want to seem clingy, but she never quite clarifies whether is or isn’t seeing someone else.

6. You’ve been seeing each other for a long time, but you’ve never met her friends. And she has never asked to meet yours.

7. She doesn’t take photos of you two together, not even on Snapchat. In fact, when you try to take photos, she hides her face or asks you to stop.

8. If you post something about the two of you to social media, she asks you to take it down.

9. You can’t follow her social media accounts. You’ve been hooking up for three months, but she still hasn’t accepted your Instagram request.

10. Most of your dates take place inside. In fact, most of your dates are Netflix and Chill.

11. When you two do go out in public, you go somewhere removed. She doesn’t take you to the popular café where most people your age hang out – she takes you somewhere across town, or outside the city limits. She says it’s because she doesn’t want anywhere too “crowded.”

12. She still hasn’t saved your phone number. Like, really?

13. She’s saved your phone number, but she’s saved it under a different name, such as your initials, a series of emojis, or “Pizza Hut.”

14. You don’t even have her phone number. You still do most of your communication through WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger or Tumblr Chat (which her girlfriend will never think to check).

15. She texts someone frequently when you’re together, but she strategically hides the screen or texts only when she thinks you’re not looking.

And finally:

16. Messages on her phone pop up from someone named “Bae” or “Wifey” or “Girlfriend.”

Just because your hookup does one or more of the above doesn’t mean that she’s cheating on someone with you – it could mean she’s a private person. But if you have a gut feeling that something is off, then you should ask about it. Life is too short to spend time with shady people.

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J. Marie graduated from Duke University with a degree in International Relations and dreams of being a creative writer–dreams she’s now realizing as a musical theatre writer in NYC. She’s passionate about global black identities, black representation in media, and leather-bound notebooks. She also loves backpacking through a new country at a moment’s notice, and speaks Spanish, Swahili and Standard Arabic.

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