In the lesbian community, we have a tendency to put our girlfriends on a pedestal. But how can you tell if your girlfriend is really worthy of all the praise you give her?

1. Is she self-sufficient?

The best girlfriends are the ones who are independent and capable of doing their own thing. No one wants to babysit their partner, and most don’t want to be the only one doing the hard work. The best relationships imply a balance – so you both need to be capable of doing your own thing.

2. Is she intelligent?

Sometimes we rationalize a ditzy girlfriend and give her a little more credit than she deserves. While there are many different types of intelligence, she should at least have the common sense to know right from wrong and basic life functions. Ideally, she’s good at something that makes her some money, too.

3. Is she down to earth?

The smartest girlfriend in the world will be horrible if she holds it over you. If your girlfriend is pompous, pretentious, or arrogant when dealing with you – or if she ever calls herself smarter, better looking, or better than you – leave her, yesterday.

4. Are you sexually compatible?

Sex usually isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, but it is very important – in a way. You don’t have to have the same level of desire, but you should be able to compromise without someone getting upset about the situation.

5. Are you attracted to her?

Physical attractiveness is important, whether we want to admit it or not. But there’s a difference between being shallow and finding her good-looking. You should be able to identify other things that you like about her, too, but she should get your heart pumping.

6. Is she confident in herself?

The perfect girlfriend will be sure of herself, without being full of herself. She should know how to present herself so she looks good, and she should be aware of her best qualities.

7. Does she respect you?

It’s so important that your girlfriend treats you with respect. Too often, we let a woman walk all over us because we think she’s “otherwise perfect” – but if she doesn’t treat you as an equal, you’ve already lost. Get out of there as soon as possible!

8. Does she protect and comfort you?

One of you is bound to be more of a hero than the other – but it should go both ways. Maybe one of you kills the spiders and the other one protects your honor. Whatever it is, she should make you feel safe and comfortable, in any way she can.

9. Does she give you your own space?

Please note that it is really not a good thing if you two need to spend every minute together. It’s normal to be a bit clingy in the beginning, but if you’re still spending every possible moment with each other once you live together… There may be a problem. You should be able to spend time apart without questioning each other’s intentions.

10. Does she choose her battles?

No one likes to be with a nag. If your girlfriend rips into you for every little mistake, she’s bound to make you feel incompetent – and she’s probably doing it on purpose. However, if you do something that no one would let slide – such as staying out all night without so much as a phone call or text – you definitely deserve to hear about it when you get home. If she’s not willing to stand up to you on the big things, she’s probably not in it with everything she has.

11. Does she get along with the important people in your life?

No one is going to get along with anyone, and particularly if you have friends and family who are disagreeable, she’s under no obligation to be BFFs with all of them. But she should be able to treat them with respect, and she should keep her negative comments to a minimum. If she’s always got something to say, she might be trying to control you.

12. Does she love you?

It might be hard to hear, but it really doesn’t matter how much you love her. If she doesn’t love you back, you’re wasting your time and effort.

13. Does she inspire you?

The best girlfriends are the ones who make you want to be better – and push you to do it. She shouldn’t try to set your goals for you, but she should motivate you to discover what you want and push you to make it happen. Don’t expect her to do the work for you, though – even the best girlfriend isn’t going to stick around if you aren’t doing your part!

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