First dates can be nerve-wracking event. Sometimes they lead to hot passion; sometimes they’re a damp squid. However, the key to having a great time is relaxed conversation, which can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions.
- What kinds of things really make you laugh?
- What is your favourite movie of all time and why?
- What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
- What’s your favourite place in the entire world?
- Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
- What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
- What is your favourite way to spend a Saturday?
- What were you like as a kid?
- Do you or have you had a nickname?
- Have you figured out your calling in life?
- What do you hate most about first dates?
Listen as much or more than you talk. The best communication happens when even and equal exchanges occur between two people. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. Each person gets a turn—and no one hogs the ball.
Peel the onion, don’t stab it with a paring knife. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. It’s a slow and safe process. Be overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, and you risk going too fast. Ask too many personal or sensitive questions can put people on the defensive.
Don’t dump. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centredness than true intimacy.
Genuine interest goes a long way. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate. But remember its exciting to be able to get to know another human being. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what they. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.
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