Sometimes, the lines between clingy and crazy stalker are a little blurred. In fact, they’re usually a little blurred. But did you know there are actually a few good reasons to be a clingy girlfriend?
1. You want to make sure everyone knows she’s your girlfriend.
This works out pretty well, until you smother her and she leaves you. Really, the occasional “us-ie”, coupled with changing your respective relationship statuses on Facebook, is plenty. If she isn’t making it clear to other women (or men) that she’s taken when they make a pass at her, it’s not that you’re not open enough about things – it’s that she’s not monogamous. If you can’t accept this, you need to move onto something who’s good with monogamy.
2. You don’t need any personal space, and you want to make sure your partner doesn’t have any, either.
Some people have really low “personal space” demands. That’s fine. But most people need their own space, and even for those who don’t think they need it, they do need some. If she can’t even pee by herself, there’s a problem.
3. You have unlimited texting and no friends.
In this situation, it makes sense that you’d be texting your girlfriend all the time… Sort of. It’ll probably irritate the hell out of her, though. You should probably not do this. Instead, you should try to find some friends – trust me on this one.
4. You don’t like spending special, quality time together.
Realistically, if you spend all of your time together, you’re not going to appreciate it as much. Think about it: If you love your job, are you still going to love it if you have to work 60+ hours in a single week? Probably not. It’s the same with your relationship. I know somewhere (years ago) I heard a joke about this: “How can I miss you if you never leave?” It sounds mean, but it really is true.
5. You’re arrogant.
It’s a bit selfish to expect to get all (or even most) of someone’s attention. This doesn’t matter who you are, why you want their full attention at all times, or any of that nonsense. It’s self-centered.
6. You’re insecure, and you don’t care who knows it.
As selfish as clinginess is, it’s also a sign of insecurity – especially if you’re worried about what will happen if you’re not attached to your girlfriend’s hip. Give her some breathing room and some trust – if you can’t do that, you don’t belong together. (And yes, it’s completely possible to be arrogant and insecure at the same time.)
7. You get happy when she does drop everything for you – so you do the same.
It seems pretty romantic if you choose your partner over any other priorities. Sometimes, it is. But if it’s happening more and more frequently, there’s an unhealthy level of codependence. You should each be a priority to each other, but you shouldn’t be the only priority.
8. You’re controlling.
If you’re making plans that pertain to both of you, without checking with her first, this is not a sign of love and symbiosis. It’s a sign of an unhealthy level of control and manipulation, and you need to stop – preferably before it becomes a habit. Even if you’re pretty sure she’d agree, it’s always a good idea to double check.
9. You don’t want to be seen as your own person.
I sort of understand this one. There’s something special about being a part of a we. But you must remember to be your own person first, and her girlfriend second. There is a right time and a wrong time for being a part of a couple, and if you’re always half of a package deal, people may forget who you are – and we don’t want that!
(As a little point of reference for this one, after my break-up with Big Codependent Ex, I had a number of friends who apparently didn’t know my name – they knew us and guessed the names wrong! That was an uncomfortable few weeks while they had to re-learn my name. Do yourself a favor and prevent this from happening, if at all possible.)
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