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Early Intimacy Vs Long Term Relationships Goals

Is jumping into bed together at the very start of a relationship a good thing?
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Deciding when to have sex with the girl you’ve just started dating can be quite difficult.

How many dates should we have before we have sex? The first date, the third date, the sixth date?

The simplest answer is when you both feel ready, but if you and your new boo are the type of gals to have sex very early on then it’s a given you will both do it, but having sex too early on can actually be a bad thing.


Real Intimacy is not just sex

Having sex with someone is not the same as having an intimate relationship. Women often confuse these points. Real intimacy is having a close and deep relationship with someone and this takes more than a few dates. Sometimes it can be better to get to know someone first before having sex as the sex then cements your relationship and your closeness.


Good sex makes us think our relationship will last forever

Let’s say you have sex after the third date. And it’s amazing. Our minds then think we are onto something perfect. We ignore other ‘niggles’ if we are having multiple orgasms between the sheets. But what happens if you have nothing in common accept the good sex and you only discover that as the weeks or months go on? If you had waited and get to know her better first before the sex, you would have realised a lot quicker that you don’t really have a lot in common with her.


Sexual Chemistry at the start of a relationship can wear off

When we have good sex with someone we are really attracted to, we feel great and we go a bit gaga as our hormones start to release feel good chemicals into our bodies, you know, that so called ‘honeymoon period’?  But these chemicals wear off over time and that’s when the closeness you have with someone outside of the bedroom comes into play. The true depth of your relationship. But what if there isn’t any depth there at all? You both fancy each other like mad in the beginning and can’t get enough of each other, but when that starts to die down and wear off you might realise that without the physical attraction there isn’t much else about her that attracts you.


You think having sex means you are in a relationship.

Thinking like this is quite common. Sometimes us lesbians are in a bit of a rush to be in a relationship and so therefore will have sex quickly in order to feel they now have a partner. But a relationship is not just about sex. There has to be so much more. Similar interests, the same humour, enjoying the same activities to mention just a few things that are important. Sex doesn’t automatically mean you are in a relationship. Far from it. It just means you have an attraction to someone. There are also lots of women that just want sex and not a relationship as you will see in the next point.


Deep down you just want sex and not a relationship

This can be a problem. A big problem if the other woman thinks having sex means you want a relationship with her. All you are after is her body but she’s after something a bit deeper and meaningful. Not only can this cause someone unnecessary hurt it can also make you feel like a bit of a bitch. If you are only after sex, that’s fine, many women are happy just to have sex and nothing else, but make sure before you have sex with her she knows the score and she’s happy enough to be ‘a friend with benefits.’

If you look at the bigger picture, there are so many reasons to wait before having sex. At best, having sex early on can mean a few weeks or perhaps months of fun and passion but it’s very unlikely to lead to something deeper. Waiting and getting to know someone first, even if that takes a month or so, can save a lot of heartache and means that when you do eventually have sex there is a lot more substance to your relationship other than just having a good time between the sheets.


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I'm a writer, film maker, producer and a self believer. I live with my girlfriend and two children in Valencia, Spain and I write as I live my life. With passion, honesty and full of fun.

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