Breakups, and the implied recuperation process afterwards, are difficult. People move on at different times, and generally, the more you try to move on quickly, the slower it’ll actually be. (Sometimes, psychology sucks.) You can’t really force yourself over something, and that usually means that the person who initiated the breakup will move on faster than the person who didn’t.
Of course, this isn’t always the case – there are exceptions to almost every rule – but just because your ex moved on faster than you doesn’t necessarily mean she was cheating on you at the end of the relationship. (But, sometimes, it does.)
She might have been cheating.
If she’s already with someone else and you haven’t even changed your relationship status on Facebook yet, there may have been some overlap. This means you should probably be glad that you’re not with her anymore – even if she wasn’t actually with the person yet, in order to have that quick of a recovery, she was probably already “talking” to this person in a romantic or sexual way.
There isn’t really anything you can do to fix this situation – sometimes, people start looking for their next partner before they actually break up with their current partner, and while that’s definitely not okay, it is a reality of our modern society. Count your blessings that you got out when you did.
She might have been “practicing single” before she actually said the words.
In some cases, a person will know that they want to break up with someone before they actually do. If the end of the relationship was filled with feelings of romantic or sexual neglect, she may have broken up with you in her head before she actually told you about it.
This isn’t exactly okay either, but many people need some time to think about things before they make a final decision – and, essentially, that’s what’s going on here. It hurts, but most likely you could tell there was something off before you were willing to admit it to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about it – we’re inclined to expect a situation can improve, and it can be devastating when we find out it won’t.
If you’re trying to force yourself over her, she’s going to move on faster than you.
Call it reverse psychology or a “jinx” – really, it doesn’t matter what you call it. Trying to force yourself to do something that you’re not ready for will generally make the whole situation worse, and you need to understand that.
Particularly if this situation is combined with any of the other situations on this list, it’s pretty much impossible for you to move on as quickly as she does. Never try to rush yourself through a difficult time. Bottling up your feelings won’t help anything.
She might be faking it.
If she’s trying to force herself over the breakup, it might look to an outsider like she’s doing just fine – but it’s entirely possible that it’s a front. Most of us have been there at least once, and most of us are going to be there at some point in the future, too.
We’re often told to “fake it until you make it” – and getting over a breakup is an area where many of us try to make it true. (Hint: It doesn’t work.) Instead of focusing on how she got over it so fast, you should focus on how you can help yourself get over it – and one of those ways is to stop keeping tabs on her.
She might have never loved you.
This is one we don’t really like to think about, unless the relationship was particularly painful. Generally speaking, there’s more passion (and pain) involved in a relationship where the two of you were actually in love – which means the most painful relationships are the ones where one of you fell out of love, not that one of you never loved the other at all.
Still, there’s a possibility that she was with you because it was “comfortable”, and once it stopped being comfortable, she was ready to let go.
She might be a sociopath.
It sounds like such a harsh word, but that’s only because of the connotations involved. By the strictest definition, a sociopath is someone who has no inner conscience, and cannot feel emotions. This lack of emotion manifests itself in seemingly-strong emotions, because the person with the disorder tends to overcompensate based on what they think they should be feeling.
An estimated 3-5% of the population exhibits sociopathic behavior, and while they are able to form attachments (i.e. a relationship), they are often impulsive and unable to maintain these attachments. This explains why she would be able to start a new, “serious” relationship right after yours ended.
She might be a psychopath.
While psychopathic behavior and sociopathic behavior are similar, a smaller portion of the population is psychopathic – and these people are generally quite dangerous, whereas sociopaths are generally reckless and don’t necessarily mean to hurt anyone. Psychopaths are entirely unable to form emotional attachments, but they are calculated and manipulative – often highly educated and organized – and as such they may even be able to cover any traces of their mental illness when viewed from an outside perspective.
Not that it’ll help you feel any better, but psychopaths (and sociopaths) are suffering from a very severe mental health condition, and in some cases they may be able to receive appropriate treatment and change their ways. Even if she does receive treatment, though, you are under no obligation to give her another chance. (Psychopaths in particular may be able to convince you that they have changed when, really, they haven’t.)
She let herself move on.
We have touched on this before, time and time again: Pushing yourself to get over someone will not let you get over them. By comparing your recovery time to your ex’s recovery time, you are allowing her to stay on your mind – which isn’t healthy, and it isn’t going to help you.
Instead, you should try to rebuild yourself without giving her any room in your brain. If you’re constantly thinking of her, you’re not going to be able to stop thinking about her, and you’re going to stay hung up for much longer. Just remember to breathe, and work on being yourself again – the rest will come in its own time.
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