It’s long been assumed that introverts don’t flirt, or even that they don’t know how to flirt. While that might be true for some of us, it’s definitely not a fact of life that just needs to be accepted. Truthfully, anyone can flirt – it’s just a matter of finding a way that doesn’t make you feel totally awkward and uncomfortable.

For some of us, that’s easier said than done.

Personally, I’m more of the try to look cute and wait for her to make the first move type of flirter. (Yeah, technically that counts – says me.) It doesn’t exactly have the highest success rate, but what can I say? I don’t need a girlfriend, but I do need someone who’s going to be able to take charge when my insecurities get out of hand. If a woman isn’t able to make the first move with me, there are likely to be some other problems down the road… So I don’t mind if I get passed over sometimes.

If you’re tired of getting passed over by the more outgoing women, here’s what you need to do to get the ball rolling – without making an ass out of yourself.

1. Keep your flirting friendly.

If you’re worried about rejection, it’s best if your flirting style implies an “out”: That is, if she turns you down, you’ll be able to respond with “Oh no – you misunderstood me! I just want to be your friend!” Even if it’s not actually true, it can help take some of the sting out of rejection if you can pretend that you weren’t actually interested like that in the first place. Of course, if she starts flirting back, the lines might get a little fuzzy, but with enough banter, it’s possible that your inhibitions will get a little lowered, and you’ll be able to make the next step. Just remember: A rejection of your flirting is not automatically a rejection of you, so if a woman wants to just be friends, respect that. She could end up turning into your best friend.

2. Use compliments, not pick-up lines.

If you want to work your way into someone’s heart, it’s best if you compliment them, rather than boosting yourself. After all, shameless self-promotion can be smelled from a mile away, and there aren’t too many people who can actually get away with cocky pick-up lines. Focus on her – this can help with any self-esteem issues you might have, because you’re consciously redirecting the attention away from yourself.

3. Don’t forget to smile.

Smiling not only shows that you’re interested, but it also makes you look more interesting. As someone with permanent “Resting Bitch Face”, let me tell you – if you look mean, no one’s going to approach you, and that makes things hard. Don’t try to force it out if you’re really not having a good time, because most people can tell a fake smile, but don’t try to hide it if one comes out on its own.

4. Don’t try too hard.

Sometimes, when an introvert is trying to look sexy, it’s really awkward because you can tell that they’re trying so hard. The easiest solution: Don’t! Even if your romantic interest doesn’t pick up on your exaggerations, it’s going to set a false bar for future efforts, and if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, it’ll be hard for you the whole time. Instead, stay true to yourself – many outgoing women actually prefer shy partners. (Something about balance I think… I don’t know.)

5. Explore your other options.

If flirting face-to-face isn’t your thing, maybe online dating will be a little easier for you. I’m a lot better with written words than spoken ones, and for me, it’s easier to approach someone if I have ample opportunity to type and re-type what I’m going to say before I actually say the words. It’s not for everyone, and there are some extra implied risks when meeting someone from the internet, but that doesn’t mean the outcome is always bad. I’ve been in the same started-online relationship for over two years now, and it’s actually working out pretty well. (Full disclosure: She still approached me, but I had a much easier time responding to her flirting then than I do now that we live together. Whoops.)

6. Let go and have fun.

It shouldn’t be all about flirting, honestly. Like I said before, there are some people who are specifically attracted to shy women, and all you really have to do is show up, look nice, and wait for someone to approach you. It seems silly, but it works sometimes – go with it! It’s nice to be the one pursued from time to time, and if you seem like the kind of person someone wants to be with – the kind of person who knows how to have a good time, whether you’re with your friends or a partner or even all by yourself – you’re going to look at least ten times more attractive than the woman who’s turning flirting into a job. Relax – dating isn’t all that serious!

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