Your Network, Your Community, Your Mix

I’m In A Relationship, But I Have Major Crush On Another Woman – Help! | We Answer Your Questions

2.19K 0

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.


Q: In A Relationship, But I Have Major Crush On Another Woman

Dear KitschMix,

My SO and I have been together for 2.5 years. I love her more than anything and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. She makes me incredibly happy! We’re so comfortable with each other, tell each other EVERYTHING, and there’s never a time when our conversation feels “dead”. Point being, we’re madly in love.

But… We’ve been doing long distance the past month, and I developed a crush on a girl with whom I work. I told this to my SO, and she said that if the occasion arises, I should not feel bad about kissing said crush.

Part of me is conflicted. Why am I feeling the need to kiss someone else? I was immediately attracted to my crush the moment I saw her. We’ve flirted, sent texts, pictures, etc, but nothing beyond that. (And yes, I showed my SO the pictures and texts). Crush has a boyfriend, but the flirtation from her end was insane. Selfies, innuendos, emojis… She’s calmed down her flirting, but I told my SO that I do miss it a little.

Anyway, it felt good to get that off my chest. SO has been very supportive, and I thank Raptor that she’s in my life!!


Dear Reader,

It seems like you’re in a complicated position right now – but also that you have a very supportive girlfriend. Not everyone is able to support an “open” relationship. It certainly doesn’t work for everyone, but if it works for you – I know many people who are quite in love inside of their polyamorous relationships.

In my opinion, you should discuss with this other girl whether or not her boyfriend is aware of her flirtation with you. As I’ve said, there are a great deal of people who get along wonderfully inside of an open relationship – but if it’s not built on honesty, it’s dangerous territory. If her boyfriend knows and is OK with the situation, and your girlfriend also doesn’t mind, I don’t really see a problem in pursuing it.

You should be aware that there is always a potential for these things to go sour, though. There’s a chance that your girlfriend starts out OK with it and a later point decides she isn’t, at which point you’ll have to choose between the two women. Often, if your true feelings lie with your girlfriend, the choice may be easy and you’ve already “got it out of your system” with the other girl.

Other times, however, this won’t be the case. There is a potential that you will develop deeper feelings for this other girl. This can be difficult emotionally on everyone involved, but I am a firm believer that “what will be, will be” and eventually you will arrive at the right decision for you.

Of course, the main point of all of this is that there should be complete honesty between everyone involved. Make sure you communicate the situation at every step of the way, to avoid as much hurt as possible. There is no such thing as a perfect shot, but if the lines of communication stay fully open (ideally between all of you) your chances are as good as they can be.

Best of luck!


 

Subscribe to KitschMix's newsletter for more stories you don't want to miss.

Since you’re here …

Like many other media organisations, KitschMix is operating in an incredibly challenging financial climate. More people are reading the KitschMix than ever, but our advertising revenues are falling fast. So you can see why we need to ask for your help. KitschMix is an independent website that takes a lot of time, money and hard work to produce, but we do it because we believe women in the LGBTQ community need more positive visibility.

If everyone who reads our articles, who likes them, helps to support them, our future would be much more secure.

Make a contribution

FROM OUR PARTNERS

Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

Leave a Reply

sign-up-insert-01