Connect
To Top

I’m Struggling With The Fact My Girlfriend Was Previously With A Man | We Answer Your Questions

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.


Q: Struggle with the fact that my girlfriend was previously with a man.

Dear KitschMix,

I’m not her first girlfriend, I don’t have any trust issues with her, and I have no doubt about how much she loves me and that she doesn’t want to be with anyone else. But these extremely unpleasant thoughts of her being intimate with her ex are driving me crazy.

She has a daughter, and I don’t know if that triggers it (reminds me of how she came into this world). The thought of her being with her ex-girlfriend doesn’t bother me, just the father of her child


A: Reader, this is something I hear all the time. You are definitely allowed to have your preferences – but allow me to explain how they’re unfair to your partner.

You say you can tell that she loves you and has no desire to be with anyone else. The only person who’s thinking of her and her baby daddy is you. She has had sex with a man, yes – but that was before she met you.

Quite frankly, most women (even those who identify as lesbians, myself included!) have, at one point in time, been with a man. There are a number of reasons for this – they could have had something to prove (my personal reason), they could have wanted to have a child “naturally” (an ex of mine), they may have been confused (numerous other exes), or they could possibly not have a preference between men and women (pretty much covers the rest of my exes).

This can be particularly unfair to the child, believe it or not, because whether the child is aware of it or not, she is indirectly the reason for your internal struggle. She is the reminder of something from your partner’s past that you don’t agree with. If your partner had only been with men before you, but didn’t have a daughter, would you think differently of her? Or is it only because there is a verification of her past?

What should matter to you is what she does now. If she had expressed an interest in returning to men, then this would be a cause for concern. But if it’s an area of her past that you’re having a hard time accepting, you are judging her based on a person that she no longer is.

If you truly can’t come to accept her past for what it is, it’s best if you get out of the relationship before it gets too long and she ends up more hurt. Dragging these things out only causes more pain in the long run, as it can lead her to feel that her time was wasted.

Leave a Reply

More in Dating

  • 8 Tips For The Most Perfect Date Ever

    Have you ever been on a date that was… Not so great, to say the least? You accidentally knocked your wine...

    Barbara WardDecember 24, 2017
  • 17 Ways to Make the Most Out Of Your Long-Term Relationship

    Getting ready to enter a long-distance relationship? Make sure you’re remembering these 17 tips first. 1. See it as an opportunity....

    Barbara WardDecember 23, 2017
  • 9 Things You Lose When You Say Sorry

    Human communication is a crazy thing. The entire planet has had thousands upon thousands of years to get it all right…...

    Barbara WardDecember 22, 2017
  • 9 Unavoidable Truths About Long-Distance Relationships

    Long-distance relationships are a lot harder than other relationships. That’s not to say they aren’t worth it – for the right...

    Barbara WardDecember 13, 2017
  • How Shakespeare Can Teach You To Pick Up Girls

    When it came to being a playboy, Shakespeare was worse than Shane from the L Word. Hard to believe, right? How...

    J MarieJune 12, 2017
  • Here’s Why You Should Embrace That Time Apart From Your Girlfriend

    Fall into a routine of taking things and people for granted is something we’re all guilty of. But alone time is...

    KitschMix.com StaffJune 8, 2017
  • 12 Simple Things Your GF Does That’ll Make You Realise She’s ‘The One’

    She laughs at your jokes. She looks equally incredible in a suit or a t-shirt. She’s witty, intelligent, fun to be...

    KitschMix.com StaffJune 8, 2017
  • 11 Things Single Lesbians Wish People Would Stop Assuming About Their Love Lives

    I think I’ve heard just about every singleness cliche under the sun, notably coming from both single friends and married friends, gay and...

    KitschMix.com StaffJune 7, 2017
  • 5 Things To Consider Before You Start Dating Your Best Friend

    True story; You meet a girl, befriend her, grow close to her over a period of time, become best friends and...

    Suzie CarterJune 6, 2017
  • Is It Ever OK To Look At Your Partner’s Phone?

    My girlfriend leaves her phone hanging around all the time. Every time I see it when she’s out of the room,...

    Suzie CarterJune 5, 2017

A dedicated website for Lesbians, Bi, Trans, and Gay women; offering posts on lesbian lifestyle, LGBTQ news, lesbian film rental, health advice, lesbian dating and more...

Latest News

  • Gillian Anderson: ‘I Could Be Dating A Woman Next Year’

  • Watch: Rachel McAdams, Rachel Weisz Spark Forbidden Passion In ‘Disobedience’

  • Ellen DeGeneres Moved To Tears By Wife Portia De Rossi’s Birthday Gift

  • Coronation Street Actress Discusses Playing Soap’s First Lesbian Muslim Character

  • 10 Valentine’s Day Sex Positions For An Unforgettably Romantic Night

Most Shared Posts

  • Science Proves That Homophobia Means You’re (Probably) Gay...
    According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, homophobes are “more lik
    189.7k Shares
  • The Queer Muslim Movement Is Growing...
    In America, Muslims are often depicted as intolerant and bigoted. However, more and more Muslims are
    37.4k Shares
  • 31 Beautiful Lesbian Wedding Photos That Prove Two Brides Are Better T...
    We’re feeling the love here at KitschMix HQ. These stunning photos celebrate the love and joy that
    35k Shares