Your family doesn’t quite understand your sexuality. They think lesbians do nothing but scissor and talk about how much they hate men. They’re wrong – lesbians also crack corny jokes.
After you try a few of these jokes at the Thanksgiving dinner table, your family will become much more accepting of your sexuality. Okay, probably not. But they’ll be so grateful that you’re not a full-time comedian that your sexual orientation won’t seem so bad in comparison.
I hope you’re hungry. I’ve brought my specialty: Blue is the Warmest Custard.
What do two lesbians eat at a carnival? Flannel cake.
Did you hear that Ellen gave $10,000 to two kids from Vine last week? They don’t call her Ellen De-Generous for nothing.
My dildo doesn’t work properly. Now it’s a dilDON’T.
My girlfriend and I are finally moving in together this Christmas! Happy U-Haulidays!
I put all of my gemstones on the shelves. Now I have several Ruby Rows.
I went to Home Depot to pick up a stud finder. Now I’m dating a butch lesbian.
Two lipstick lesbians had a very short fling. It was eFEMeral.
What does a black lesbian feminist say when she’s fed up? “Oh Lorde.”
To cure a lesbian with a sore throat, give her LGBTea.
What do you call a queer woman purchasing a vibrator? Buy-sexual.
When lesbians mix drinks, they use Ever-Queer.
My favorite song is “Hips Don’t Lie.” I play it at all of my lesbian parties because lesbians love ShaQUEERa.
Queer Italians eat LEZ-agna for every meal (but no meatballs).
My girlfriend and I bake our own edible sex toys. I love my new dilDOUGH.
My girlfriend thinks that she’s more masculine than me just because she owns a meat shop. She thinks she’s butcher because she’s a butcher.
Ellen Page is a shoplifter! They should call her Ellen DOESN’T PAYge.
I taught that young lesbian how to be masculine, and she turned butch overnight! She’s a quick STUD-y.
Where do lesbians stay when they go on vacation? A lesbi-INN.
My lesbian girlfriend and I are totally different! We’re a real DYKE-otomy.
She’s attracted to all genders and she looks great in trousers. She’s 100% PANTSexual.
