Sex slang is a bit of an amusing topic to me. It’s changed so much over the years that there’s really no indication of how long a particular term will last. In the age of technology, language changes even faster – and, as a writer, it gets a bit confusing sometimes.
I read somewhere the other day that, “If you can’t come right out and say it, you’re too young to be having sex.”
This was in reference to a novice writer’s tendency to use overly-flowery words to describe sexual body parts and activities, but is it really so weird to apply that to everything?
I’m a bit divided on the subject, myself. For a long time, I refused to talk dirty, and now I’m one of the dirtiest talkers I personally know of. (Of course, I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, but none of my friends give other people sex advice, so…)
No matter how you feel about dirty words, there are always new ones to learn. Interested in brushing up with the modern lingo?
This is when a surprise quickie interferes with your ability to meet your commitments. (Sometimes, It’s something that should have been a quickie, but turns into an all-day affair. That happens too.)
Basically, if you’re running late because of sex, you’ve been postboned.
Use it in a sentence: “My girlfriend surprised me with a new toy this morning, so I was postboned and ended up missing my first class.”
OK, so this one isn’t exactly new, but apparently it’s coming back now, and I can get on board with that. The daisy chain refers to a group sex position where a line of people are giving and receiving pleasure. It could be a complete circle, or the person at the ends might not be stimulating each other. It’s an interesting thing to think about, but I don’t think it’s really for me.
Use it in a sentence: “Daisy Chains are like multi-player 69. Cool.”
Coined (and subsequently popularized throughout an entire generation) by Drake, this is our new way to say “make a booty call”. It’s a lot shorter, honestly, and it makes a little sense – although I’m not sure I’m keen on the whole “calling it a hotline” idea. That sends the wrong message, I think.
Use it in a sentence: “I hotline blinged that girl I met in the bar last week… Turns out she’s not into casual sex. Good for her!”
A mistress who is fully aware of the situation, and knows that the “main chick” isn’t. Generally frowned upon, but it seems to happen a lot in our community. Note: If the woman doesn’t know that she’s the side chick, she’s not a side chick – she’s being cheated on, too.
Use it in a sentence: “Kelly’s girlfriend is going to be so hurt when she finds out about her side chick.”
Having a Boxed Lunch
First let me say that I am totally on board with this one and would like to start implementing it on a more regular basis. Having a boxed lunch refers to a multi-layered pun about ‘eating’ a vagina. Or her ‘box’. I like puns, and a pun that puts two sex euphemisms together? Yes, please.
Use it in a sentence: “Now that my girlfriend has returned from her trip, I look forward to having a boxed lunch tonight.”
Netflix and Chill
This is one that pretty much everyone has heard, although there are disagreements about what it really means. If someone asks you over for Netflix and Chill, they either mean binge-watching every episode of a show, or they mean having sex ten minutes into a movie that neither of you cares about. It’s best if you clarify which one they mean before you take your pants off.
Use it in a sentence: “The new season of OITNB just came out. Wanna Netflix and Chill?”
Have you ever slept with someone because they looked pretty similar to your celebrity crush? Fun fact, I used to date a girl who sort of looked like Drew Barrymore. I mean, not because she looked like Drew Barrymore, but she even had that voice. It was a little trippy. Anyway, when you have sex with someone because they look like someone else you’d rather be having sex with, we call that a dopplebanger.
Use it in a sentence: “I’m not usually one for dopplebangers, but I’m telling you, she looked just like Emma Stone. How could I not?”
This term is used to describe unshaved, untrimmed, unruly pubic hair. While it’s a pretty funny word (and 100% why I included it on this list), let’s try to remember that someone’s pubic hair is entirely their personal preference – if a woman wants to rock the sascrotch, she totally can.
Use it in a sentence: “I haven’t trimmed since Valentine’s Day – I’ve got some major sascrotch going on.”
While this sounds pretty close to intercourse, the definition is a bit different (unless texted by someone who doesn’t know how to properly spell intercourse). Intercoarse refers to really rough penetrative sex – the type you kinda regret a little afterward, but kinda not ‘cause it felt pretty good when it was happening.
Use it in a sentence: “Last night I accidentally sprained my ankle while having intercoarse. Totally worth it, though.”
Have you ever been trying to watch porn, and then stuff starts buffering right when you’re about to get there? One of the most frustrating experiences – waiting for the Wi-Fi to get strong again so you can just finish already. Ah… Masturwaiting.
Use it in a sentence: “Turns out you can’t use Wi-Fi while camping… Guess I’ll have to masturwait tonight.”