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Things Folks Assume They “Know” About Lesbian Sex, But Get So Wrong

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Think you’ve got everything figured out when it comes to lesbian sex? Even if you’ve been in the game for a while, you still might be misinformed.


1. If you don’t orgasm, it doesn’t count.

Well, if that were really the case, then almost 40% of women didn’t really have sex the last time they thought they did. Most of the time, sexual activity doesn’t result in an orgasm (and orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean sex, either). In fact, an estimated 1/3 of women have a hard time getting off, no matter how good the sex is. There are a bunch of reasons why orgasm and sex are not mutually exclusive – and, in most cases, even if you don’t “finish”, it’s still pretty good.

Short version: What “counts” is totally subjective.


2. Only lesbians use sex toys.

While lesbians like to claim ownership of the whole sex toy game, it turns out that almost half of American women (and more than 30% of men, too) admit to owning and using sex toys, according to a study by AdamandEve.com. There are toys designed for women to use on other women, for women to use on men, and for women to use on themselves. There are also toys for men to use on men, women, and themselves. If you haven’t checked out an adult toy store lately, let me tell you… There is so much variety now.

Short version: The sex toy industry has literally come up with something for everyone. And people buy it.


3. All lesbians use sex toys.

Well… No. Even though so many women own sex toys, you’ll notice that the number isn’t 100%. (Of course, we’re assuming there’s a margin of error for the women who were too embarrassed to admit that they owned them, but that still wouldn’t come up to 100%.) Whether or not you use toys is entirely a matter of personal preference. However, if you’d like to start using toys, but aren’t necessarily into penetration, still have a look – not all toys are created equal, and there’s probably something out there that’s made just for you.

Short version: Your sex life is not a simple tick box; it’s more like 5,000 tick boxes.


4. All lesbians will eventually stop having sex.

Sigh… The whole lesbian bed death thing is getting pretty tired. The truth is, all relationships go through periods where the couple has less sex – lesbians are not any more prone to these dry spells. Even when a lull does happen, it’s not a disaster. In most cases, these lulls are temporary and you can work through them pretty easily. However, it’s also important to realize that these dry spells usually indicate that sex isn’t a priority right then – and as long as neither partner is feeling neglected, there’s no reason you have to have sex as often as other couples do.

Short version: Stop comparing your sex life to other people’s sex lives – you’re not them!


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