If you find you are constantly finding fault with every woman you meet or you have unrealistic expectations on how your ideal woman should look and act, you are probably making yourself an ‘undateable girl.’ The girl that is impossible to date because you want and demand the impossible from your partner.

Being picky is OK, but having such high expectations that can never be met means you are simply going to struggle to find a woman to date. Perhaps you are simply expecting your future partner to cope with your lifestyle and you are not prepared to give and take.

You might not even be aware that you are making yourself undateable through your own actions so below are some signs that you might be the ‘undateable girl’ with some tips and ideas on how to help fix it.

You find fault with every girl you date

If you cast your mind back to your last few partners did you find fault with them all? Was one girl not intelligent enough, did the other have a crap job or didn’t have as much ambition as you wanted her to have? Nobody is perfect and you are likely to let miss right slip through your fingers if you are more focused on what she isn’t instead of what she is. The next time you date a girl focus on the qualities that she does have and think about whether you like them. She could be loving, loyal and great fun to be around but if you are blinded by your list of expectations you will miss all that she can offer you.

You are too full on

If you are quite emotional and have a tendency to pour all your feelings out really quickly you are likely to send most girls running for the hills. Don’t reveal too much about yourself on the first few dates. It’s better to keep an air of mystery around yourself as all girls like a bit of intrigue and this way you are likely to go past the second date too.

You love single life

Being single sure has its advantages but it can get lonely eventually, especially when all your friends have hooked up with partners and you are left on your own. If your need to stay single is preventing you from meeting someone perhaps you should think about the bigger picture and the future, not just the here are now. Besides, it is possible to be in a relationship and still enjoy spending time with your friends.

Your career is your life

Your work and career is and should be a top priority, but you should still make time for a partner. If you are only focused on your work twenty-four/seven that leaves no room for playing the dating game. This will put girls off if they feel you have no time for them. Try to find a balance between the two because your job can’t keep you warm at night.

You don’t have a lot of patience

Not having a lot of patience can be a hindrance in relationships. If you get annoyed with every single thing your boo says and does it’s not fair on her. Try to let some things go over you and relax a bit more. No one is perfect and we all do things that annoy others.

You are saving yourself for Miss Right

We all have expectations of how our dream girl will be, but let’s get real here, that’s just a fantasy. Living in a dream world expecting a perfect vision of your miss right to find her way into your life is not very realistic and means you are missing opportunities with other women that could be just as right for you. Remember that no one is perfect and it’s very unlikely anyone can meet all your expectations so stop being so stubborn and get to know a girl first before deciding if she is ‘miss right’ from the offset.

You are scared to get close to someone

Holding back completely is as bad as wearing your heart on your sleeve. You need to give yourself and your girl a chance. You may have gotten your heart broken in the past and this is stopping you from giving your heart to someone else, but each relationship is individual. Embrace each new woman with a positive outlook and see what happens. Even if it doesn’t work out at least you are not cutting yourself off from the dating game.

Breaking out of the ‘undateable girl’ zone is possible but only you can do it. So overcome the things that are holding you back and make yourself ‘dateable’ again.

It’s very hard in this day and age to work out if you can trust someone but scientists have discovered through a two part experiment that there are actually 4 body language indicators that could show deceit.

And according to the study, we psychologically pick up on these indicators and can lead us to feel uneasy about someone who we don’t know or meet for the first time.

The body language signs are hand touching, face touching, crossing arms and leaning backwards. The first part of the study was conducted with humans and the second part was conducted using a robot. When the robot used the four movements people claimed they didn’t trust what the robot was saying or doing.

People who took part in the study were also able to distinguish whether they distrusted someone or didn’t like them which shows that we might like someone we meet for the first time but wouldn’t trust them with our money, for example.

Body language is often used to indicate a person’s attitude in everyday situations as well, such as during job interviews or when being questioned by the police for example.

Apparently, we are conditioned to think that if someone is not making eye contact with us they have something to hide or if someone is crossing their arms and leaning back when we are talking to them we think they are not interested in what is being said or they are being defensive.

Overall, it’s important to remember that it’s not just about what we say to others when we are interacting but it’s also important to be aware of our movements and gestures as well, especially if we want to make a good impression at a job interview or when meeting an important client for the first time.

Toxic relationships are the bane of people’s existence. Why they are still a thing to this day, I’m not really sure either. But we’ve all fallen victim to one of these traps, whether we’d like to admit it or not. Fortunately, there’s a way out should we choose to accept it and let go of these nasty people.

Here are ways to spot a toxic relationship with whomever, and why you should be bidding them goodbye.

You make excuses for them.

This is a huge ass red flag you shouldn’t be ignoring. Maybe you’re doing it subconsciously, maybe you’re not. Either way, you should stop; because this just means this person is no good for you or your health.

You can’t make excuses for someone who’s done nothing wrong. Do you see where I’m going with this? It usually starts small, and then blossoms into bigger lies and a much more complicated web. You get caught up in something that isn’t even your doing just cause you were making excuses for some poor excuse of a person who is manipulating you to do just that. (OK, actually, maybe it is your doing, but this person made you do it whether or not they’re – or you’re – aware.)

(I know you’re going to say this person isn’t trying to control you whatsoever, but you’ve just solidified my point, thanks very much!)

You know you’re just settling.

This one is just sad.

Toxic relationships oftentimes slip through tiny holes; the people involved are unaware they’re taking each other down. When they’re aware, however, it’s an entirely different story and it’s literally just so sad.

When you know to yourself that you can definitely do better, leave the person. Cut ties with them and move on. This is not only for SOs, but also friendships and relationships in general.

Don’t settle. Don’t pick being comfortable over riskier, real ones. Don’t be (friends) with a person just because it’s easy. Convenience is a very shitty reason to remain in whatever relationship you have with someone. And you’re doing the world a disservice.

Don’t be unfair to them, but more importantly, don’t be unfair to yourself.

You enable one another.

Please don’t. Please leave. That ride or die friend or SO of yours is sick, I’m aware; but there’s always that invisible border where you have to draw the line. Vices or bad habits in general should not be condoned. Ever. Refrain from being shitty people by letting each other be shitty.

If that person in your life is letting you bum your ass off without ever giving you advice or giving you that much-needed pep-talk, it’s time to let them go.

You hold each other back.

You know what? This should be number one on the list.

A healthy relationship feeds off achievements and accomplishments and genuine compliments and support. If your SO or friend is holding you back because you have the ability to achieve something without their direct contribution, bid them goodbye.

If s/he’s hindering you from your growth – whether that may be in terms of career or just life in general – then there’s no other reason to remain in cahoots with this person.

You deserve genuine support and a load of their overwhelming love (most especially if you’ve achieved something huge). No questions asked.

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It’s so hard to tell sometimes if a girl is into you or just being polite. The only way to be 100% sure is to just ask her outright, but hay, if she says ‘I like you and all that, but…’ then there is a good chance your self-esteem will hit the ground and your embarrassment level reaches the roof, so we’ve come up with some signs that might help you work out if she’s into you or not.

She Always Discusses Her Queerness With You

If she talks about being queer a lot with you, how she came out, what being queer means to her or how she perceives being queer there is a good chance this is a hint, especially if she looks intensely at you while she is speaking.

She Gives You Direct Compliments

Does she tell you she thinks you are beautiful, or she loves your eyes or tells you how smart you are? If yes, we tend to do this indirectly towards someone we like. Another clincher is if you are a redhead for example and she drops into conversation ‘oh, I have a real thing for redheads.’

She is Awkward Around You

Sometimes when someone likes you they become really awkward in your presence so if she gets tongue tied, blushes or simply becomes socially awkward when she is with you or around you this could be an indication you are rocking her boat.

She Remembers Things You Have Said

When a person pays attention to what you are saying and absorbs the information it is normally a sign that they are interested in what you are talking about and are interested in you. The chances are that she remembers your favourite wine or she asks you how your presentation went at work that she told you about you might well be in there.

She Spends A Lot Of Time With You

Whether she spends time with you on your own or in a group, if she always seems to be where you are this is a good hint that she likes you and enjoys your company.

She Acts Differently Around You

Many girls behave differently around the person they are attracted to, for example, they are more giggly, flirty or touchy – feely, so try and watch how she behaves around others. If she seems to be different around you there is a chance you might be onto something.

She Touches You A Lot

We don’t mean that she grabs your butt as you walk past, but if she seems to touch your arm when she speaks, or moves your hair from your face these signs can be a form of flirting for some women.

Lots Of Communication

Do you get lots of texts from her, or lots of interaction from her on social media? We all live busy lives so meeting face to face can be difficult so if the girl you like has suddenly been communicating with you a lot more then she might well be keen on you too.

It Seems More Than Like

A person that gives you thoughtful little gifts, makes eye contact with you constantly, always wants to buy you drinks and you ‘sense’ she likes you there is a probably a good chance she does! Sometimes trusting our inner voice is the most reliable source we have so if your heart tells you she’s into you, go for it because deep down you know all the signs are there.

Coping with PMS is a nightmare for any woman, queer or straight, but when you are PMSing with your boo as well it is a complete nightmare. As our cycles strangely synch with our partners over time it means that we are not only coping with our own hormones flying all over the place but we are coping with our partner’s as well.

Plus, who can give us those reassuring hugs that we so desperately need right before our period? Not your partner if she is PMSing as well that’s for sure, because there is a chance you would both self-combust due to our higher body temperatures during this time.

Below is the journey we endure with our partners as we cope with our joint PMS together.

Impeding Feelings Of Doom

Those feelings that something terrible is going to happen are horrible and what is worse is when you mention them to your partner, she also feels the same. So, there are no reassuring hugs that everything is OK, there is no logical talking that nothing bad is going to happen, it’s just your PMS taking over. Instead the pair of you simply sink into a depression together until your period arrives and life seems less scary again.

Fighting About Nothing

To say our tolerance during PMS is low is probably an understatement. Which means things that normally never bother you become the biggest problems ever as you shout at your girlfriend for leaving the milk out of the fridge and she hollers back at you for not putting the bread back in the bread bin. Sound familiar? Yes, we know why we are acting the way we are, but boy, it’s just so hard to stop because our PMS pretty much turn us into hormone raged monsters with no self-control or logic apparent for at least a few days.

Searching For Subtext In Your Fights

While we are arguing over nonsense with our boo we can’t focus on anything else at that time, but when we eventually calm down we then start thinking that perhaps it’s not just because of our PMS and perhaps there are deeper reasons why our girlfriend is so argumentative.  As we are thinking these things it slips our mind that our partner is likely to be having the exact same thoughts as well.

The Big Talk

Not content with fighting, wallowing and imagining all sorts many of us then decide to go one step further and end up having a deep and meaningful talk with our girlfriend about all kinds of heavy things that we wouldn’t dare say normally. Before you know it, you are talking about marriage and children and life insurance, even if a few hours ago, you were both biting each other’s heads off. The result? These talks normally end in tears with both of you feeling rejected that you don’t both want the same things and it is a sure sign that your relationship is doomed, when the reality is you are simply seeking validation from your partner because of the way you are feeling but unfortunately, she is seeking the same and neither of you can give the other what they need just now.

Realization

Then a few days later the reasons become crystal clear as your period arrives. While most women groan as they see the blood, chicas PMSing together leap for joy because it means your relationship is not doomed, your boo is not sleeping with your best friend and nothing bad is going to happen at all. It was simply your period.

Sexual Tension

Unfortunately, that feeling of joy doesn’t stay for long as it then means you and your partner can’t have sex and as with all things forbidden, this simply means we want it more. So, we go through the sexual tension when all we want to do is show our girlfriend how much we love them and all we want to do is to make them groan in pleasure as our way of apologizing. But we can’t because nature is not going to allow either of us to do any going down for the next week. Back comes the depression.

Post period sex

The last part of our roller coaster ride is the best. It’s like the sun is out, the sky is blue and the flowers smell wonderful, no matter what time it year it is. The bleeding has stopped and now you can both have the most mind-blowing sex ever – well the best for at least a month since you had your last bout of post period sex. This lasts for around 18 days until you get that text from your girlfriend telling you she doesn’t think you respect her hamster. And the whole sorry cycle starts all over again…

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Depression can drain your relationship. But it doesn’t have to.

How can you have a healthy, happy relationship even on your darkest days?

Give your partner resources about depression.

When your girlfriend starts to research depression, the first Google search may scare her – she’ll stumble upon stories of artists who killed themselves, families torn apart by suicide, statistics about depression being incurable and a list of horrifying Zoloft side effects.

To keep her from getting, well, depressed, beat her to the punch and give her some resources. I suggest starting with some light materials such as Hyperbole and a Half. This comic does a better job of explaining depression than WebMD does.

Keep a journal.

You don’t have to write, “Dear Diary.” Use this journal as a scientific log to keep track of your moods. What triggers you? What makes you happy? What distracts you from your depression? When does your mood shift suddenly? The better data you take, the better you’ll be able to address and avoid your triggers.

Get professional help.

Medicine isn’t for everyone, but it’s for a lot of people. Depression has been seen as the artists’ disease, but it often stems from a chemical imbalance. Chemical imbalances aren’t as tragically romantic as Pablo Picasso wasting away during his Blue Period or Sylvia Plath sticking her head in an oven, but these imbalances can be managed with antidepressants.

If you’re anti-medicine, look into psychiatric resources in your area. If you’re a student, many of these resources are available on campus for free.

Get busy.

Throw yourself into your work or your studies or your extracurricular activities. Find what you’re passionate about and pursue it headfirst. Learn a language, pick up a sport, become a hip-hop head, start an a capella group. It doesn’t matter what you do, but find something to take your mind off of your depression for a few hours each day.

Hit the gym.

Exercise releases endorphins that elevate your mood and lower your stress levels. Peel your girlfriend off the couch and turn gym time into a daily date. It will put you both in better moods.

Ask your partner to be honest.

Sometimes, depression makes people hypersensitive – one negative remark, and you crumble. So this next step will be hard. However, you need to ask your partner to be gently but brutally honest.

When you’re being a jerk, they should tell you. When you’re being insensitive, or when you’re embarrassing yourself, or when you’re blowing things out of proportion, they should tell you. When they’re exasperated and tired of dealing with your depression, they should tell you. It will be hard for you to hear, but it will help you to know where you should most improve.

Be gentle with yourself.

The road to recovery is long and you’ll want to beat yourself up. Often. But be gentle. Everyone has good days and bad days, and you’re a much better girlfriend than you think.

You are loved. On your darkest days, remember that you are loved.

You dislike your girlfriend’s friends because they steal her from you. You resent your girlfriend for going to work, and often show up at her lunch break because you can’t stand being apart for more than two hours. You dread any time that she has to leave you to visit her family. Any Saturday night that isn’t spent with your girlfriend is a night wasted.

If any of those scenarios sound familiar, you might be squeezing the air out of your relationship. You need to let go.

Dig deep.

Sometimes clinginess is rooted in relationship problems. Maybe you and your girlfriend have been fighting a lot lately, or maybe she’s been acting distant, or maybe you’ve lost the ability to communicate with each other – so in order to retain some sort of control, you hold her tighter.

Instead of being clingy, think about what the root problem might be, and directly address it.

Find friends.

It’s easy to be clingy when moving to a new city or college. You don’t know anyone, so your girlfriend is your rock. It’s easier to watch Netflix with her than navigate social situations with strangers, but your girlfriend can’t be there for you all of the time. She has friends of her own, and you should too.

Go to meet ups. Join clubs. Grab drinks with co-workers. Make friends on the Internet if you have to.

Check your passive-aggressiveness.

Being clingy doesn’t necessarily mean hanging out with your partner all the time. In fact, your form of clinginess might be avoiding your partner; whenever you feel like she isn’t spending enough time with you, you become distant, withhold affection, hold grudges, and pick fights.

This behavior is destructive. If you truly feel like your girlfriend isn’t spending enough time with you, then talk to her and figure out a way that your interests can merge with hers.

Find out what you care about.

Your girlfriend is the center of your world. But she shouldn’t be. She should be important to you, but you can’t revolve your life around her, so direct your passions toward something more sustainable. If you’re interested in child poverty, volunteer. If you’ve always wanted to code, make a CodeAcademy account. If you want to make more art, buy a notebook.

Treat your mental health problems.

Clinginess may be rooted in mental health problems. For example, depression may cause you to lose interest in everything except your girlfriend, so you’ll cling to her just to stay sane. Maybe you hold her so tightly because you’re anxious that something bad will happen if you look away. If you have Borderline Personality Disorder, you may naturally gravitate toward unhealthy relationships and behaviors.

Begin with self-care. If possible, visit a therapist, or at least a trusted friend, to talk through your thoughts.

The road to emotional independence is slippery, and it’s hard to know when your affections are overbearing. But learning to let go is the start to a happy and healthy relationship.

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She’s not quite the one who got away. In fact, you never dated. Still, you’re hooked on her like candy – it’s bad for you, but it’s oh so tempting. You might even be in love.

You know that you need to get over that girl once and for all. So how do you do that?

Keep the photos.

Your first instinct might be to throw away every photo you have of her, wipe your hard drive clean and banish her from your sight. This might sound counterintuitive, but don’t do that.

Healing is a process, and some days you will need to look at photos and rewatch old videos in order to get over her. If you rip the Band-Aid off too quickly, you’ll relapse – then the next time you want to look at photos, you’ll go her Facebook page, and soon you’ll message her, and soon you’ll be crying again.

Process, but don’t over process.

If your friends roll your eyes whenever you bring up that girl, then take the hint that you’ve processed enough.

Instead of casually bringing her up in conversation, schedule an appointment to discuss her with your friends – a predetermined block of time that you can’t exceed. Every time you feel the urge to discuss her, you’ll have to schedule a new appointment. This will discourage you from thinking about her unless you absolutely have to.

Delete her contact info…sort of.

Give her contact information to a trusted friend – a friend who has your best interests at heart, not one who will instigate drama or text that girl behind your back. If you don’t have her contact information, then you can’t drunk dial, drunk text, drunk Snapchat, drunk Tweet or drunk email that girl, but you’ll have peace of mind knowing that her number is on hand if you ever need it again.

Start dating again.

I know you don’t want to, because you think that girl is The One, but you need find new people to obsess over – or to have a healthy romantic relationship with. Get a tinder account, download Her, sign up for Farmers Only, create a JDate, or finally ask out the cute girl in your chem lab. Just get back on the scene.

Forgive yourself.

You’re probably beating yourself up for the 100th time about what you could have done differently. If you’d just done one thing differently, maybe you and that girl would be flying off into the sunset together right now. That’s not true. Let the past go.

You might be beating yourself up because you can’t let it go; you know your crush is irrational, so you hate yourself for being hooked on that girl. Forgive yourself for that too. These type of feelings happen to everyone, and it doesn’t make you crazy or weak – it makes you someone with emotions. You have to accept this before you can move forward.

So get back on the playing field. Delete your wedding Pinterest board and meet some new people. This time tomorrow, you could be sipping wine with your new crush.

Love and attraction might just be the most complex of all human emotions. It’s hard enough to understand your own attractions, but once you start trying to analyze other people’s… All bets are off. There are so many different opinions on the subject, just an hour of advice-article-searching can turn up dozens of tips. Do you play hard-to-get? Do you lay it all out on the table? Who has time to keep it all straight?

Well, scientists, apparently.

Turns out there have been studies done to help understand the rules of attraction a little better. While there are still a lot of mysteries to dig through, one thing’s for sure: Attraction is definitely a science and not an art.

Secret #1: Premarital sex is in our nature.

Let me be clear: I’m not talking about just the LGBT community… I’m talking about humans as a species. A total of 34,909 American women (and 4,298 men) were polled through the National Survey of Family Growth, or NSFG. This survey asks questions about contraceptive, marital, childbearing, and sexual behaviors, and while it doesn’t explicitly ask about premarital sex, individual survey responses can be used to determine whether the person had premarital sex or not.

In a previous version of the study’s analysis had indicated that 85% of married, divorced, and widowed American women had sex before they were first married. After the 2002 results were added, Dr. Lawrence B. Finer, PhD, decided to analyze whether never-married women were just as likely to have premarital sex, and he found that they definitely were.

To read more about this study, check out the synopsis here.

Secret #2: Physical attractiveness is distracting.

I know, I know: We all knew this already. But did you know it’s actually been proven? In a study published in January 2016, scientists decided to have participants try a mentally-challenging task. The subjects were told to ignore the unrelated faces they were shown – but when an “attractive face” appeared, the participants weren’t able to focus on the task they were given.

The specifics of attraction are bound to vary from one person to the next, but their physical appearance is the thing that catches our eyes. From this information, the scientists gathered a selection of images. Half of the photos were digitally manipulated to be more conventionally attractive, while the other half was manipulated to be less attractive. They even analyzed eye tracking to see if the participants were looking at the parts of the photographs that had been retouched – and, in many cases, they were.

Although the study used all heterosexual-identified female participants, it’s still interesting to see how this information translates in the context of their experiment. If you’d like to read more about this particular study, check it out here.

Secret #3: Your voice changes when you talk to someone you find attractive.

Aside from the physical, many people are attracted to the sound of someone’s voice, and your voice will go lower when you’re talking to that person. (Interestingly enough, when you talk about something you’re excited about, your voice goes up – it’d be interesting to see how those details balance out when you talk to your crush about your hobbies…)

OK, so the voice change that happens when you talk to someone is basically common knowledge. Anyone who’s spent any time watching their friends flirt could probably figure this one out on their own, right? But, according to a November 2014 study, that new, lower-pitched voice is perceived as more attractive than the non-altered voice, consistently, by an unrelated third party.

The entire study is pretty interesting, actually, especially if you’re interested in the science of sound (I am). If you don’t feel like reading the summary, just know: Other people can tell when you use your “sexy voice,” and it’s probably working, too.

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Have you been having doubts about how good your relationship really is? It might seem like you’re near the end of your rope, but in most cases, it’s normal to have some doubts. Why do you think so many people get “cold feet” on their wedding days? Humans are full of anxiety and FOMO and self-doubt. It sucks, but it’s in our nature.

If you want to see if your doubts are really something to be concerned about, read through our list of 12 good signs in your relationship. As long as your relationship has most of these things, you’re probably not so bad for each other.

You feel like you deserve each other.

You are worthy of everything you agree to – whether that’s good or bad. If you feel like you and your partner deserve to be in each other’s lives, chances are good that you do (in one way or another). That’s not necessarily a good thing, but when it goes hand-in-hand with other, more wonderful-on-their-own things, it’s an incredible feeling.

This one can be really hard for people who have been treated less-than-human by previous partners, but it’s true: You deserve the love, romance, and sex that you want in life. Even if you’ve never had it before. Even if you’ve had it in every relationship you’ve had. No matter what, you deserve to have the things you want.

If you don’t feel like you deserve each other, things might be a little more complicated. Doubts are self-fulfilling prophecies, if left alone, but confidence can be, too. Make sure you’re putting the right positive attention into your relationship, and don’t worry about whether other people think you’re good enough for each other.

Life, in general, is good.

We tend to overlook the ways that the areas of our lives intersect, but for some reason, when you’re happier in one area of your life, you’re happier in the other areas of your life, too. Practicing gratitude and showing appreciation for the things that others do for you can help. The happiest people are also able to give to others, without expecting anything in return.

When you’re happy with the rest of your life, you can really see whether your partner complements that happy life or not. After all, if your entire life is a mystery or a disaster, how do you know if your partner is still going to be right for you once you get your life together?

All too often, people think that an amazing relationship can fix a sad life. It can’t. In fact, negative thinking has a way of working its way into seemingly unrelated areas of our lives. First, worry about your own happiness and positivity – and then figure out how someone else fits into the equation.

You are equal partners.

Equality is the cornerstone of a happy, healthy relationship, and couples who don’t treat each other like teammates aren’t setting themselves up for happiness. Unequal relationships result in resentment, romantic friction, and hurt feelings all around. The happiest couples are the ones who learn how to share responsibility, love, and effort equally.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is split 50-50, though – even though it might sound like it is. Everyone has a particular dynamic that works better for them. In my relationship, I work more and my partner cleans more, and that works for us – but you’ll need to find an arrangement that works for you.

Being equal partners means respecting each other’s opinions, even when they don’t make sense to you. What would you want her to do if the situation was reversed? She’s not your child, and she’s not your parent. She’s your partner. Your teammate. Your lover. Treat her accordingly!

You learn new things together on a regular basis.

Curiosity is one of the purest joys in life, and the ability to take in new information is coded into our pleasure center. (Probably. I’ve never actually seen a study about this, but I know I feel happy when I learn something new.) It sounds cheesy, but knowledge really is power, and people with a love for learning are naturally happier.

But what if you don’t have a passion for learning new things? The idea of taking a class “for fun” doesn’t really sound appealing to most of us. Rest assured, though, your “learning” doesn’t have to be anything formal – even a weekly YouTube tutorial counts as “learning.” And, if you’re doing it with someone you love, it kinda feels more like a date, doesn’t it?

Learning something that you’re really interested in, and learning it with someone you’re really interested in, gives you an excuse to practice and study – and it helps you retain the information better, because you’re more engaged. Why not take a leap and try learning something new?

You take your health (and hers) seriously.

Your health is super important, but most of us don’t give it the attention it deserves. Healthy food isn’t that good, and good food isn’t that healthy, am I right? Of course, health is about more than what you eat – working out (which is a drag for many people – myself included), your sexual health, and your mental health are all super important, too.

No matter where you’re at in your personal health journey, you owe it to yourselves to talk about your goals with each other. It helps give you someone to stay accountable to, no matter how uncomfortable that accountability might be for you. It gives you someone to cheer you on when things get rough, and it gives you someone to reach for your goals right with you (if your goals are similar, that is.)

You don’t need to be marathon runners or professional athletes. You don’t need to become psychological professionals. You don’t need your own personal nutritionist or a personal trainer or even a scale, if you don’t want. Just set some achievable goals, and work together to make them happen.

You both strive to be the best versions of yourself.

I firmly believe that we’re all good people, somewhere on the inside. We all want to be good people, and we’ll generally do whatever we can to be that person. We’re human, though, so we screw it up sometimes.

That doesn’t mean we stop trying, though – healthy relationships mean that we own up to our mistakes and work toward improving things. You and your partner should understand the idea of forgiveness, and understand the difference between “a mistake” and a “bad habit.”

This desire to better yourself shouldn’t stop with just your relationship, though – life requires constant change, and if you’re not trying to be a better person, you’re settling for less than you deserve. The happiest partners don’t neglect the other areas in their lives – they just motivate each other to be the most balanced, amazing people they can possibly be.

She’s not your sun and sky.

Most romantic movies shove the idea of “immersive love” down our throats. Real love doesn’t work like that, though – once the initial infatuation falls away, it becomes clear that she’s really not everything. You did fine before her, and you will go on without her if you need to. She should complement your life, not complete it.

It’s unhealthy to invest everything you have into a single thing, whether that’s a person, a job, or even a passion you have. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and tomorrow isn’t promised – but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the time you do have. Happy couples aren’t fixated on “quality time” or “future plans,” as important as those things are, because they know that the little things are sometimes secretly the big things.

On the rough days, it might seem like she’s your whole world. But once the good times come back around (and they will), you’ll remember that you are your own world – she just happens to make it a little better.

You find each other attractive.

It might seem really, really shallow, but you need to find your partner attractive. Trust me. It makes a difference. It definitely shouldn’t be the only reason you’re together, but if you don’t think she looks good, the rest of the things that go along with a happy relationship are going to be a lot harder. (I swear, I know how this sounds, but it’s actually science.)

Does that mean that you have to be dressed up for each other every day? No. Does it mean that they have to love every outfit you own? Absolutely not. But a happy relationship revolves around attraction on a physical and emotional level. If it’s not there, the relationship isn’t, either.

It’s also important that you see your own beauty, because your self-image is so important to your overall confidence. If you’re not confident, you’re not happy – and we’re aiming for happy here, right? We all struggle some days, and having a partner who thinks you’re sexy however you are today can definitely ease the pain of a bad hair day.

Money isn’t really that big of a deal.

Most people give money more attention than it really deserves. (I’d like to pretend I’ve never fallen into that trap, but I have – so, so many times.) It’s hard to remember that money is really such a small portion of our lives, especially when we’re struggling to make ends meet… But, in the grand scheme of things, money really is just money.

Don’t get me wrong – paying your bills is important, and if you’re not able to do that, it can put a tremendous amount of stress on your life. Especially if you’re also trying hard to make a less-than-great relationship work out, too. But I can almost guarantee that you’ll have a better time fixing the issue if you focus on one. Is money really that important now? It probably never was.

When finances start to cause tension in the relationship, it might be tempting to fight and argue about it – but that’s not going to fix your problems. Take some time to calm down, and cut back in as many non-essential places as you can stand to. Then, you can approach the issue with less stress and a more level head. Your chances for a resolution are much better that way.

You’re stable, or at least working towards stability.

Life is a roller coaster, but your relationship shouldn’t be. You deserve a relationship that makes you happy, at least most of the time. That happiness doesn’t need to be an exciting fantasy every single day – it really is ok to take it slow sometimes.

“Comfortable” doesn’t have to mean “boring,” and the happiest couples know how to appreciate the comforts that their relationships offer. It’s not a yelling match or an all-day sex-fest. It’s a relationship, and that means that things can be a bit dull sometimes.

Just remember: Even celebrities have low-key, laid-back days sometimes. Do you think your life is more exciting than Ruby Rose’s life? I don’t think so.

The idea of abuse and manipulation are out of the question.

I’d like to think that everyone has a built-in filter that says that emotional, sexual, and physical abuse aren’t okay. Unfortunately, that’s not true – there are some people out there who think that’s all there is. People in abusive relationships might think that sticking around just shows how much they care, but it’s necessary that you care about yourself, first and foremost. You deserve so much better, and the right partner for you agrees.

No one deserves to be treated like they’re nothing. It doesn’t matter what you’ve ever done, or what you’ve ever thought about, or anything that could possibly make a difference here – abuse is abuse. A partner who truly cares about you would never say that something you did caused them to abuse you.

Let me say it one more time: There is no excuse for sexual, emotional, or physical violence within a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was “provoked” – the right partner for you would never think it was okay to treat you that way.

You feel like it’s secretly perfect.

In the end, only you really know whether something is right for you or not – so how do you feel? Take some time to think about your relationship and how it affects your life. Does your partner bring you joy? Do you bring joy into her life, too? If you do, congratulations – your relationship is secretly amazing.

Relationships are really, really hard work. Even when everything is going well, it’s still hard to keep your emotions in check sometimes. Things don’t really get any easier as you go, either – they just get a little more worth the effort.

Everyone has their own expectations of what makes a perfect relationship, but there are 13 signs that let you know that things are probably on the right track. Give yourself a pat on the back – you deserve it!

1. You can talk things out without fighting.

Every relationship has disagreements, but not all relationships can move through those disagreements. What makes the difference? Simply put, it’s whether you have the ability to talk about things without turning it into a battle or a competition.

2. You practice grace and forgiveness.

Two of the hardest-to-come-by virtues out there, grace and forgiveness give you peace with yourself and others. While we’re definitely not saying you should gloss over the big indiscretions, you need to accept that people make mistakes sometimes, and know how to move on from them.

3. You show each other love and kindness.

Most of us choose to identify as kind and loving – but we might forget to show it as much as we should. Happy relationships rely on love, affection, and a feeling of friendship between the partners. If you have that, you’re a lot closer than those who don’t.

4. You make each other laugh.

We’re all looking for someone who can make us laugh, but at some point we forget how important it is. I don’t think I personally know a single person who doesn’t list “a good sense of humor” as one of their main relationship priorities. Remember that the next time your girlfriend is annoying you with her cheesy impressions.

5. You use your differences to grow.

Everyone has differences – it’s one of the things that makes us so special as human beings. How you respond to those differences tells a lot about how compatible you really are, though. Do you use your differences against each other, or do you remember that you’re different people with different perspectives?

6. You make each other a priority.

You aren’t always going to be each other’s first priority, but you should always fall somewhere near the top of the other’s list. If you two make a point to spend time with each other all the time, and really focus on the time you do spend, you’re taking action to build your bond – good for you!

7. You serve each other without resentment.

There are mixed opinions on this particular subject – does someone deserve “wifey treatment” if they aren’t willing to actually be your wife? I think that this relies on a misunderstanding about serving your partner, though. It should never be an obligation, but rather something you choose to do for her. If you are happy to do things for her, and she is happy to do things for you, then you’ve got it good.

8. You care for yourselves and each other.

It’s all well and good to have a partner who wants to take care of you, but if one of you isn’t also interested in taking care of yourself, no amount of serving will help you. The best partners know that you can’t help someone out of a hole that you’re stuck in yourself. They take care of themselves, so that they can better take care of each other.

9. You don’t have secrets from each other.

Of course, being an individual implies a certain amount of privacy. I’m not talking about sharing every detail of everything. But the things you keep from your partner shouldn’t be the things they don’t want to hear – it should be the things that don’t concern them. She doesn’t need to know the contents of your e-mails, but she does deserve to know if any of them cross any lines.

10. You both admit your mistakes.

Admitting a problem is the first step in fixing it – so taking ownership of the mistakes you’ve made is the first step in working towards a solution. You two don’t fight over these mistakes, because you don’t try to deny that they happened.

11. You don’t keep score.

A little friendly competition is good for you – but that competition shouldn’t get in the way of your happy, healthy relationship. That means you need to let go of the things that happened in the past, and both try your best to prevent the mistakes from repeating. It also means you trust your partner to do what she said she was going to do, even if she occasionally doesn’t.

12. You support each other, in public and private.

It’s important to have a partner who supports the things you want to do with your life, and just as important to have a partner who’s willing to stick up for you when things get a little tense. If your partner cheers you on, even when others are booing, she’s a keeper.

13. You encourage each other to be your best selves.

I’m always really hesitant about including this as advice, because there’s a very thin line between “encouraging someone to reach their full potential” and “trying to turn someone into something they’re not”. For partners who are in support of the changes being made, however, it’s an incredible feeling to know that your girlfriend is on your team and wants great things to happen for you. Just make sure you’re doing the same for her, too.

I love giving people compliments. It’s in my nature to be encouraging, I think, and I love the feeling I get when I see someone achieve the things they set their minds to. I don’t really know what it is, either – I guess some people just get joy from making other people happy.

(Secretly, I think we all do, but there are some people who will never admit it.)

There’s never really a bad time to make someone feel good about themselves, either. In some cases, a kind word can literally save someone’s life – the right words are very powerful. Even when it’s not a life-and-death scenario, giving compliments doesn’t cost anything and will give everyone involved a strong case of the warm fuzzies. Why not say something nice today?

“You’re amazing – don’t change.”

When someone is struggling with their self-image, or something else about themselves, sometimes they need a small reminder that they are already good enough. I don’t know too many people who don’t need to hear this one sometimes. (Just make sure you actually think the person is amazing – there’s no value in lying here.)

“You’re special to me.”

Most of us struggle with our self-worth from time to time, even if our confidence is otherwise pretty solid. Telling someone that they’re special to you not only shows your appreciation of the things that they do for you, but it also lets them know that they’re worth something to you. It might also help remind them that anyone who doesn’t think they’re special isn’t worth a second thought.

“I’m proud of you.”

This is one of my particular favorites, because of how it makes me feel when I hear it. If someone is feeling confused or defeated in their path in life, this can be the push they need. Knowing that someone is proud of them could make the difference between “I give up!” versus “Look what I did!”

“You look good.”

It might seem like a shallow compliment, relying solely on looks, and in many cases, that’s true. But if you have a loved one who’s been trying particularly hard to get in shape or get healthy, it acts as an acknowledgement of effort. Just knowing that someone else can see the progress made is a huge motivator.

“You are enough.”

This one comes particularly in handy when someone has been passed over for a job or a promotion, or been rejected by someone they cared about. Everyone is subject to occasional feelings of inadequacy, because the brain can’t differentiate between the things that we wanted, but didn’t get, as opposed to the things that we’ve lost. This is a gentle reminder that the status or achievement that they don’t have will not define them, in the past, present, or future.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Everyone likes feeling important, at least to some extent – and letting someone know that they’re an irreplaceable part of your life gives them importance beyond measure. It lets them know that you see them as a blessing, which is really a warm-fuzzy for both of you.

“You’re so skilled.”

It’s easy to get caught up in the things that we can’t do, and a “talent” mentality has a lot to do with it. By turning talents into skills, and reminding the person how much they’ve already improved, they’re more motivated to keep practicing. Very few people are born with “raw, natural talent” – for the rest of us, there’s dedication and practice.

“I appreciate you.”

It’s not only nice to feel appreciated – it’s necessary for our mental health and overall happiness. More people leave a relationship due to a lack of appreciation, directly or indirectly, than for any other reason. More people leave their jobs when they don’t think their boss appreciates them than any other reason. More people ditch friendships because they feel they’re being taken advantage than any other reason. Do you see a trend forming here?

A specific “thank you.”

Most people say “thank you” as a habitual response to an action, if they even say it at all. That doesn’t really show gratitude, though – so it’s important to cultivate better “thank you’s” in order to let the person know how you really feel. After all, you are grateful for this person, right?

“You are strong and brave.”

When people get scared, they tend to forget the progress they’ve already made. They freeze in fear and don’t know what steps to take next. Reminding them that they’ve already overcome so much will help encourage them to keep trying. They’ve gone through so much, and always came out on top eventually – so remind their inner warrior that they’ve got a 100% track record, and cheer them on.

“I believe in you.”

We (as humans) are more likely to give up on our goals, dreams, and plans if it feels like other people have given up on us, too. Even the strongest people will struggle if no one believes in them. Reminding someone that you believe in them is one of the easiest ways to encourage their continued awesomeness – and if it leads into a deeper conversation, even better.

“I love you.”

We don’t usually think of this one as a compliment, because we reserve it for specific people in our lives. Really, though, why can’t we love everyone in our lives? There are many different types of love, and they all deserve to be acknowledged. Remind your partner, your friends, and your family of the love you feel for them – and find a way to express your love toward strangers, too. Trust me – it helps.

When your ex breaks your heart, your first instinct is to buy a gallon of ice cream, curl up in a Snuggie and watch L Word reruns. But that’s so predictable. If you want to really get over her, you need to think outside of the box.

The Target Practice

1. Collect the ugliest photos of her from your cell phone, her Facebook and her Instagram.
2. Buy the largest dartboard you can find on the internet. Preferably the size of your entire room.
3. Paste all of those photos to the dartboard.
4. Throw darts until her face is full of holes,

The Nobel Prize

1. Dig out your diary from middle school.
2. Read these breakup poems.
3. Use those poems as inspiration to write your own incredible breakup poems.
4. Publish them in the New Yorker.
5. Enjoy your newfound literary fame while your ex seethes in envy.

The Empty Stomach

1. Cook their very favorite food.
2. Upload a photo of it to Instagram.
3. Watch your ex seethe in envy.
4. Bonus: Buy out all of the ingredients from the grocery store so that your ex can’t cook this food.

The Alcohol Withdrawal

1. Create a new alcoholic drink.
2. Name it after your ex.
3. Tell of the bartenders in town not to serve it to your ex.
4. Victory.

The Taylor Swift

1. Introduce Taylor Swift to your ex.
2. Watch Taylor Swift and your ex have a swift but disastrous relationship.
3. Wait for Taylor Swift to write a scathing song about your ex.
4. Create a viral dance video to that song.
5. Go on Ellen to demonstrate the dance.
6. Date Ellen.