They say breaking up is hard because when it’s all said and done, it’s like losing a friend. That’s the part that hurts the most. Not the lack of sex or the dissipation of romance, but the end of a friendship.
But is there hope at the end of the tunnel?
[interaction id=”560bf4d374a791dd4b246bda”]
Have a question about love, dating, or relationships? Then leave a question in the comments below.
The way a couple argues is a big predictor if they will break up.
How do you resolve constant conflicts and keep the peace in a relationship?
In any argument there are two things involved; the situation and your emotions. For example if you are upset because your partner has refused to take out the garbage. Before saying ‘holy crap take out the garbage already!’ give yourself some time. Expressing yourself when angry is ill advised. Wait until the anger is gone then speak your mind.
Never get into a confrontation while angry.
Do not get sucked into a fight. Refuse to fuel the fire. Instead of thinking’ they started it’, refuse to be drawn in. Search for common ground and use agreeable statements like;
Stop the character attacks. Sure she conveniently forgot to pay that crucial bill but that does not make her a ‘lazy snob’ or ‘good for nothing’. Tell her ‘I am upset you forgot to pay the bill again’ instead.
Strive to get a win win solution in any argument. This will most often involve compromising and being ready to change your stand.
Even a twenty minute break will do wonders to an argument. Come back when heads are cooler and the problem won’t seem half as bad. Hit the reset button when you’re in that destructive argument.
Nothing cuts short a heated argument like humour. Look for the funny side in the situation and tactfully extinguish the argument with a joke or a funny statement.
Fights do not have to turn angry all the time. They can actually bring you closer. It all depends on you.
Do you often find yourself daydreaming that your BFF was actually your girlfriend? You get along so well and are a perfect fit.
How do you get out of the friend zone?
If you play your cards right an awesome relationship can follow. Fail and you risk jeopardising a wonderful friendship.
It’s a scary scenario. So how do you go about turning a friendship into the romance you always envisioned?
Be ready to stick it out. It is possible but it’s not going to be a short term thing. Telling this person upfront will only make things messy and awkward.
When she is busy telling you about someone she likes say something like “that reminds me, there’s this new girl that I met the other day…” and then smoothly describe the story. Make sure the conversation flows smoothly. Do not let her know you have an agenda. Let the new girl appear slightly better.
[interaction id=”55e446ec1cec712a2e4cb80a”]
Do not be too common. Keep your distance but always speak in a pleasant and brief manner when you meet. The point here is to confuse her in what is going on in your life. Make her spend time thinking about you.
You probably know her standards. Exceed her standards and be incredibly desirable. Be bold and compliment her on her looks
when you meet. Flirt with her after arousing her interest. Tease her about her love life and her inability to recognise love when it’s right in front of her.
Start by breaking the touch barriers. No more high fives. Go for lingering touches followed by eye locks. Now that you got all the preparations done with; choose a moment when you are alone and ask her out.
Girls, girls, all types of girls. How many of these types of women have you dated?
Matchmaking is lots of fun. Pairing up your friends and watching the sparks fly is an awesome feeling and you get invited to all the occasions if everything goes according to plan. Here are a few pointers and things to keep in mind on your quest to be a great matchmaker.
Know exactly what your friends are looking for. Take into consideration the age range, career expectations, physical attributes and things like race, hobbies etc. getting this out of the way will make it easier to sift through your vast network for a perfect fit.
The rule here is to over deliver. Promise as little as you can to get them to meet then let her say ” oh my gosh! You did not tell me she is so funny!” Point out anything that might be a significant flaw before the first date. Make sure to get pictures before you set them up.
Explain how you know the person and how you met. Be clear to both of them that you are matchmaking. You won’t believe how many times girls will go along with your plans simply because they think you are the one doing the hunting. Make it clear you are not in the game and will be bowing out as soon as the game is won.
[interaction id=”55f95d9c66f2b66b49c05a31″]
Avoid movies and three hour dinners. The key here is to talk so think picnics with friends or a barbecue surrounded with socialites where they can sneak off into a corner and get to know each other.
The only reason you should get involved after the first date is if there’s confusion. One is not sure but the other terribly likes the match. Apart from that stay clear and watch the magic unfold.
Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to catch yourself a nice, stable women who treats you well and makes you feel special?
You tell yourself you’re looking for someone good for you and yet, you always seem to choose someone who’s all wrong for you.
We’ve all been there.
Getting played by another woman is almost a rite of passage. It’s never a pleasant experience, but it does allow us to grow and learn from past mistakes.
So, why do we keep chasing these women? Well, it turns out the reason you can’t stop chasing that player is plain and simple.
Doesn’t it seem like whenever you’re out of one toxic relationship — with yet another heartbreaker — you seem to end up in a new romance mirroring the last?
The thing about dating is we never really learn our lesson. It doesn’t matter how many douche bags we encounter in the dating world; we’ll still be attracted to them.
We can’t just change our biology to suddenly like the nice, quiet woman who keeps asking us out.
Why is this? Well, researchers at Hartpury College in England studied 146 British women aged 18-24 and found even women with a high quantity of dating experience are still geared towards partners displaying narcissistic (read: assh*le) characteristics.
It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been burned; you just keep reaching out and touching the flame over and over again.
If there is one thing those hot, no good, sexy women bring to the table, it’s a fiery sex life.
And this will always top the sweet little beta females.
A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy zeroed in on college-aged women and what they thought of the “nice guy” stereotype.
Researchers found women preferred the nice guy for a typical dating atmosphere but the passionate, unpredictable “bad boi” nearly always won out when it came to sex.
So, while women tend to prefer the ultra-nice lady for conversation and emotional wherewithal, we want the fox with the motorcycle and the bad attitude to come home with us at night.
We always think a cheater won’t always be this way. She just has to find the right girl, and once they do, everything changes.
It’s true, even though the rhetoric has suggested otherwise: once a cheater does not mean always a cheater.
However, old habits die hard, and though you may think this time will be different, you’re only hoping for a different outcome for the same patterns of behaviour.
While not players are not necessarily sociopaths, most sociopaths are players. According to Vice, sociopaths are the most charming, enthralling people on the planet.
She’ll charm us and make us feel good, but it’ll always be about her.
The sociopath will manipulate your emotions. She’ll put herself first and just string us along for the ride.
It’s hard to see it before it’s too late, and by then, you’re too tightly wrapped up in their web of bullsh*t.
Women are always attracted to the damaged, broken individual because most of us love a project.
We’re nurturing by nature and want to tend to the battered and helpless.
Unfortunately, you cannot fix a woman who doesn’t want to be fixed. More often than not, you’re the one who’ll walk away with pieces missing; she’ll walk away unscathed.
It would be nice to have some guarantee on the longevity of relationships, especially after all the work you’ve done to get into her in the first place.
Alas, there isn’t, and even the seemingly greatest lesbian romances are at risk when they’re not protected and cultivated.
Here are some things that will kill even the ones that started out amazingly well.
You got her to commit, so now you can back off a bit on the effort, right? Wrong. Same thing goes for the other way around.
It’s often easier in the moment to swallow small grievances, but the resentment that builds and the inevitable explosion later on is harder to get past.
Besides sex, intimacy includes being emotionally close, physically close, listening, and nurturing that bond all the time.
Sex is just a part of healthy romantic relationship, and if two disagree on what this means, things can go downhill quickly.
Yeah, giving and considering her needs is important and necessary, but so is taking care of ones self. No one wants a partner who loses her identity in a relationship.
[interaction id=”55e4b89347016b292e3e34c5″]
Feeling all about the relationship one day and like you could do without the next day will only leave the other person feeling unstable and insecure.
If the only time you spend together is on the couch at home, it’s easy to assume the feeling of restlessness is about the relationship, when it might just be about the routine.
There is a lot of learning to be had in a relationship; but not because one person takes charge. Nothing makes someone feel small like when someone they care about is constantly making them feel dumb.
Also see: 12 Types Of Lesbian ‘Non-Relationships’ You’ll Have Before You Settle Down
Of course it’s possible to rebuild trust in the right relationships, but experience it too many times and that vow of honesty starts to mean nil.
If your sex life is routine and you’re both going at it with the mind-set of taking care of yourself, it’s going to build a gap between you.
Healthy couples don’t mind that other people know that they’re couple. If one person shies away from being open about the relationship, they might not be ready to be in.
If a conflict is discussed, apologies are made, and everything is back in order, no one should continue to carry around the anger about it. It’s like poison.
A relationship can seem perfect in the moment, but if neither party is willing to make sacrifices about future plans then undoubtedly different paths will be taken.
Ever argue for the sake of arguing as if you’re a lawyer or something? Yeah… that. Seeing both sides to a situation is great, but claiming the opposite of everything he says just to do it is different.
Annoying things happen all the time, but usually when we’re with company we enjoy things like traffic or the wait at the restaurant don’t seem so important. When the small things threaten to ruin the night, they can start to threaten the relationship as well.
What is a relationship if it’s not based on lies and manipulation? If you don’t trick your partner into loving you, then how are you possibly going to keep a girlfriend?
The human mind is a wondrous, inventive and creative thing. It also horribly manipulates you without you even knowing about it.
So read and learn more…
This could also be considered responding to social cues. Basically, you should subtly copy her body language that you are interacting with.
Don’t do a cartoonish mimicking of every single thing she’s doing, as insanity is off-putting for most. Remember: subtly.
If she smiles at you, smile back; if she leans back in a relaxed position, fight your impulse to jump on top of her, and instead assume a similar body position.
Yes, if you have a few hundred dollars to invest in plastic surgery, this might be the way to get your partner to love you forever and ever.
Although creepy, science has proven that people are attracted to individuals that remind us of our parents. The creepiness is the result of this effect called imprinting and the mere-exposure effect. Imprinting is when you are initially exposed to a parent and is the only adult you trust.
It has been found that people that spend extended periods of time around each other in the majority of cases develop some sort of intimate feelings. Also known as the mere-exposure effect, which means familiarity plays an immense role in attraction.
The problem with this technique is you need to be able to distinguish between proximity and creepiness. For example, taking a certain way home because you might bump into the person you’re interested is fine. Hiding in the bushes outside her house and waiting for her to return crosses the line.
[interaction id=”55e4b89347016b292e3e34c5″]
You know, like a sexy two-person marching band, without the instruments, the hats and the cool uniforms. You know what? It’s nothing like a marching band, but it seemed like an appropriate allegory at the time.
Yeah, so if someone is attracted to you, she’ll actually synch up her pace to yours.
No matter how much you hate them, or loath their “ethos”, “morality” and “decency”, making nice with her friends might be your way into the bosom of her arms.
Once you’re accepted, science says she’ll accept you too.
A sunny disposition actually plays a huge role in someone liking you. Really?! As if there has never been anything more obvious… people dedicated money and resources to research this? Pft! Anyway, if you’re a happy-go-lucky type of gal, then that will reflect positively on how people view you. Obviously.
OK, so this is a bit risky. When you eventually meet the women you like, try to show them that you dislike them, just a little, and then come in for the kill, but kill them with kindness. That should get any female swooning over you in no time. This effect is grounded in the gain-loss theory that is based on the contrast of feelings.
Let me elaborate: basically, if you show her you like her and then that you don’t, when you show attraction again it will be more pronounced or, transversely, if you first treat someone with a blasé attitude to begin with, then a show of attraction will be more pronounced. Ultimately, we come to the conclusion yet again that our brains are assholes that are conspiring against us.
The brain is dumb, an impulsive collection of biological matter that controls everything. And it’s a drunken conductor with brain damage that’s driving your train to Heart-breaks-ville. Comforting, isn’t it?
Well, the brain is so stupid that it can be manipulated simply by holding something warm or cold.
Psychologists have observed an effect called “Priming” which shows that the brain will take external stimuli and use them when making observations. For example, when researchers spoke to their test subjects and mentioned ‘Florida’, ‘Old’, ‘Weak’ and ‘Grey’, people subsequently walked slower.
Here’s how: the researchers gave subjects a cold drink or a hot drink to hold, and then asked the participants to rate a person’s personality if they perceived it as hot or cold. Guess what happened? Yep, you guessed it: the people that held a warm drink saw the person that they were supposed to judge as a warm personality, and the opposite effect was observed when they held a cold drink. What if they held a tepid drink?
In any case, maybe you should consider going to a cosy coffee shop and ordering a warm cupa, instead of a bar (most drinks are served cold, remember. I know you don’t get out much), and your potential partner might cosy up to you.
Top on the list of the most frustrating things is not knowing if your girlfriend wants to call it quits or not.
Girlfriends often leave subtle hints that they are looking to move on without necessarily saying it.
So, be on the lookout for these signs if you have doubts.
She does not want to fight anymore. There is no more make up sex.
It just “What ever”; “It’s not you, it’s me”; “Nothing’s wrong” – these are the kind of utterances she resorts to whenever you get into a disagreement.
She has given up on you.
Your once pleasant relationship with her friends is no more, all you get is an evil eye.
They know something you don’t.
Regular calls are a sign of a healthy relationship. The opposite is true, if she rarely calls you, then something is up.
Maybe she has someone more interesting to talk to.
She doesn’t like your style anymore. Nothing you do pleases her. Your job is a “waste of time”, your friends “good for nothing” and your grooming “outdated”.
You haven’t changed, she has.
She just lays there expecting you to do everything. She is often tired or has a headache.
You are the cause of her headache.
Can it get any clearer than this? If she starts referring to you as good friend, and how you’d work so much better if you’d kept things to friendship, she’s already demoted you to such in her head.
Prepare yourself for the worst.
She does not want to book or order anything for next month. She cringes if you mention some upcoming future event.
No, she is not superstitious; she is not planning on being here when the opera comes to town in two months’ time.
There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your relationship, but sometimes, you can get a little too comfortable.
If your girlfriend is not too keen on the romantic gestures, but still loves you, chances are, she might fall into a rut of treating you like her best friend.
And while that’s not a bad thing, it’s nice to know that you’re appreciated as someone she’s attracted to with a vagina as well.
Are you always annoyed and irritated at the way your girlfriend treats you? Does she make you feel like a slave, a child getting scolded by her mother, or a student being nagged by a teacher?
And it’s not like you did anything terribly wrong. You’ve been trying to figure out for ages why she’s like this when she loves you.
She just keeps throwing tantrums at you and complaining about everything. She disagrees with whatever you do and whatever you say. Nothing you do seems to impress her.
Well, these 3 reasons explain why girlfriends actually act that way.
Just like how people randomly get angry or ignore their family members over nothing, she feels that you are her comfort zone, so much so that she can do anything in front of you. You have always been gentle and accepting of her. You always forgive her behaviours even if you always get annoyed. Deep down, she knows that she can only do such things in front of you because you are forgiving enough, you cherish her enough and you love her enough to forget about such things.
When she had a bad day outside, she grumbles to you. In the process, she may get a little too agitated and start channelling her anger towards. She can start complaining about you and keeps trying to pick a fight. She feels that everyone doesn’t have the need to know what she’s feeling inside but you have to.
When she starts complaining about you, it is probably because she thinks you are not listening to her story, not paying attention to why she’s in a bad mood and not comforting her. In the end, she is not treating you badly because she feels like it; she just wants you to empathise with her.
This is why she is always unhappy about your performance. She’s easily picking out all your flaws because she believes that’s not all you have got. She thinks that you can be better or even the best. She expects you to always be the best you can, to try the hardest you can. Whenever you do something, she has secretly listed out her expectations, be it simple things like celebrating her birthday or serious things like a company project.
For example, based on her last birthday celebration, she will expect you to have a certain standard. And when you can’t reach that standard, she feels a little let down. It doesn’t mean she does not appreciate your efforts but she just can’t contain her disappointment.
And as they said – the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment.
We’re not talking binge watching The L Word season 1 through to 6 back-to-back. But the sweetest yet trickiest three words in the world to say to a women you have feelings for – “I Love You”
If you say them too soon, you are screwed; wait too late, and you might never get to say it at all!
There are certain phrases I should just never utter when I’m fighting with my girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how rational or irrational she may actually be because, when we’re arguing, the majority of rationale has already been tossed out the window.
In that moment, she feels as if her emotions are completely justified, so when I decide to use any of these phrases, I’m mostly nullifying and invalidating them. Well at least I can admit it now ☺
What I really mean: “Oh babe, don’t get so worked up, it’s really not a big deal.”
What she hears: “YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR F*CKING MIND.”
Why I should just shut up: Because no matter how sincere I am, this phrase is the quickest way to ignite the fire that’s already blazing.
What I really mean: “You are acting completely irrational and out of character.”
What she hears: “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Why I should just shut up: You ain’t seen nothing crazy until you label a woman as such; they take it as a challenge.
What I really mean: “Someone I dumped so I could upgrade to you wouldn’t even pull a stunt like this.”
What she hears: “She hates me;” “I’m about to be dumped;” “FML.”
Why I should just shut up: This is a low blow and should never ever be uttered.
What I really mean: “It REALLY is not that big of a deal.”
What she hears: “I don’t care about you at all.”
Why I should just shut up: It minimises her concerns.
What I really mean: “I’m not sure why you would think that when there is no logical reason to…”
What she hears: “You are creating problems that don’t exist because you’re being paranoid for no reason.”
Why I should just shut up: It insinuates that she crazy.
What I really mean: “You look good.”
What she hears: “You look absolutely awful”; “You look like nothing special.”
Why I should just shut up: I should just tell her what she wants to hear, it’ll only helps me out in the long run.
What I really mean: “I give in! You win!”
What she hears: “I couldn’t give less of a sh*t.”
Why I should just shut up: She doesn’t believe for a second that I actually don’t care.
What I really mean: “I am actually not mad at all.”
What she hears: “I am actually pissed and you definitely do not want to hear how I really feel.”
Why I should just shut up: She knows I’m really pissed even if I don’t know it.
What I really mean: “That is the best f*cking haircut I have ever seen in my whole life!”
What she hears: “Did you just waste £100 to look exactly the same?”
Why I should just shut up: No matter, what tell her she looks great.
What I really mean: “I can’t even tell that pimple is there.”
What she hears: “We did a half-ass job of covering up our blemishes and now you know exactly where they are.”
Why I should just shut up: Just pretend – “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
What I really mean: “I just need to focus on work right now; I have a very busy work week.”
What it means to her: “You’re a suffocating monster.”
Why I should just shut up: Because the opposite would be much, much worse.
What I really meant: “Why are you wasting your time with someone you clearly can’t stand?”
What she hears: “You are an irrational human being.”
Why I should stop using it: She needs someone to vent to about her friends and it’s in your job description to fill this role.
We complain when we don’t have a girlfriend, and we complain when we do.
Sure, she might not be the life of the party, and it was you who had to make the first move when you met, but her shyness just melts your heart.
She’s mysterious. A bit of a badass. Intriguing. Quietly confident. A combination which is so irresistible to you
Are you dating someone a little eccentric? Would you describe her as weird, but in a good way weird?
Great. Keep her, because you don’t even know how lucky you are.
If you’ve found someone brave enough to be her self in this world of standardised proportions and fixed ideals, adore her.
If you’ve found someone strong enough to hold on to her childlike sense of wonder, to be completely and utterly free and uninhibited, cherish her.
If you’ve found someone liberated enough to be a complete and utter weirdo, never let her go.
Because relationships with unconventional women are always better than with anyone who’s trying to be “normal.”
She’ll have feelings and opinions that will clash with yours like any significant other. With them, however, it’s never about the same sh*t.
She doesn’t have expectations of you or the relationship. She’ll let the relationship coast the same way she coasts through life – hoping for the best and going with the flow. She doesn’t go into things with preconceived notions because for them, a relationship is as random and unknown as life.
You think you know yourself, and then met her, and she challenges every part of your being. She makes you rethink your life, your passions and what the hell you’ve been doing this whole time.
You know you can’t let her go because the next woman will never live up to her. No one will ever show you as much, teach you as much and challenge you as much. Everyone will just make you wish you were with her again.
Not only do she support your personal endeavors, she push them. She doesn’t just want to be there for you; she wants to show you the way.
Until you met her, you never experienced what it’s like to live in your own world, to never have to enter society again. She brings the only world worth caring about into yours.
Those tiny thoughts you never gave any light to, are suddenly magnified, and urged to be chased, and expanded. Those tiny dreams you never let yourself think about are all she wants to talk about.
She wants you to be unconventional. She longs for you to open up that side you refuse to show the world. She’s ready to explore your inner workings and most obscure neuroses. She’ll thrive on your quirks and your idiosyncrasies.
Yes, she’s not always the easiest person to deal with, but she’s always worth it. She’s going to bring the drama and intensity, but that’s what’s going to make your life worthwhile again. Those days when you were just going to work, the gym and going to bed will seem like a fate worse than death after finding someone who won’t let you be bored ever again.
She’ll show you what it’s like to not take anything seriously, including yourself. Life is too short and too weird to judge anything, and if you can’t get serious about it, you may as well laugh about it.
She’s unconventional, and therefore the sex follows suit. She’s not nervous or scared; she’s down to try anything. She’s not scared to show their true, naked selves.
You love her, but your friends aren’t quite so sure.
Before you dismiss your friends’ claims about your girlfriend as mere jealousy, driven by the fact that they’re still single, take this into account: Science says we can often judge cheaters simply by their actions.
And as we grow up, we learn to read people. The surprise factor might be lost, but you can gain good insight and avoid a lot of potential problems, especially when it comes to relationships.
She probably gives strange answers to simple questions, and then switches her phone off for weeks on end.
You know the type; she just doesn’t want to settle down. Or be tied into anything – like a relationship with you – because tomorrow is another day.
Does she love the gifts you buy her more than she loves you?
Maybe they aren’t cheating on you, but it’s hard to trust them when they say one thing and mean something else.
Chances are, they’re probably still hung up on someone else.
They try to make up for it by constant validation via their partners.
Pretty much a dead giveaway.
I know its cliché, but she’ll probably do it again.
Doubt can be a terrible thing, and so can the desire for revenge.
It is… in very few cases.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should be socializing with each other’s friends circle with ease.
If they’re straight up snobs, then they’ll probably get bored of you pretty easily.
There’s nothing quite like watching an empowered woman walk onto a stage, flip caution the bird and spout a hilarious one-liner about sex.
Here are our favourite bits of advice dished out…
Everyone in the world has an ex. At least, every queer woman I know has an ex.
Exes are a tricky topic of conversation, always. Some lesbians have exes they hate, some have exes they still love, and some have exes that they have somehow managed to keep around as a friend without any complicated emotional ties, lingering doubts, and regrets from the past.
Let’s talk about those women, the ones who seem to have mastered an impossible form of coexistence with a former flame.
They are exes with the benefit of being friends, so, “exes with frienefits”? Let’s go with that.
“Exes with frienefits” is a completely mind-boggling concept to me.
As soon as my relationships come to a screeching halt, I like to… get my money’s worth, so to speak. I make sure no words, regardless of how immature, go unsaid; I’ll give not one f*ck before hitting the unfollow button (across various platforms of social media), and if you borrowed any of my clothes during our time spent together? I want my sh*t back.
Its simple – friends, over here and the women I’ve loved and had sex with, exclusively, over there.
That’s where I like to draw the line.
BUT if you truly, truly loved someone, and even if its years later, can a friendship be developed?
According to my friend Janet – who has been friends with one ex girlfriend for 15 years – yes you can be very good friends, and in a very healthy relationship.
She says, exes, especially serious ones, who were a big part of your life make for great friends.
They know your family and your long-term goals. They know you for you, and cared for and loved you for everything that you are.
When you have an “ex with frienefits” you kind of have one more person in your corner willing to support you.
They already know the backstory; you don’t have to catch them up to speed on your complex relationship with that one friend or that problematic co-worker. If they’re your “ex with frienefits,” they still care enough to be there for you.
And she says, above all, the most rewarding part of having a “ex with frienefits” has got to be the beauty of having someone who was once so close to you, remain close to you, even though it’s in a different light.
“Exes with frienefits” still seems like an unreal concept to me, but when you look around, it is definitely present in our real-world lives.
I’m not sure I could get there with, well, hell, any of our exes. However, for those lucky people who have mastered this concept, and have made friends with their ex, I tip my hat to you.
It must take a lot of maturity, self-security, and respect for a person you once loved, to take the risk of having them back in your life. If you’re willing to take that leap for an ex, it speaks volumes about who they are as a person.
They must really be too good to let go (for forever, at least).
Lets be honest, when most us decide to start eating right, it has at least something to do with getting in naked shape. Hey, we all want to look good in bed.
But, it turns out, what you eat can do more than make you look good in bed. It can actually make the sex better!
The right foods can up your sex drive, performance, and pleasure.
So here’s what you should be eating to be better in bed
Chocolate is a good sex enhancer because of two particular ingredients it contains, phenylethylamine and methylxanthines. Methylxanthines are stimulants that increase the body’s sensitivity to touch, always a good thing during sex.
Phenylethylamine is a chemical that causes the body to release the same endorphins that the body releases during sex, giving you a slight high. Mix chocolate and sex and the effect is compounded!
Fatty fish are high in healthy omega-3 fatty acids DHA and EPA, which raise the levels of dopamine in the brain, which in turn raises the levels of sexual arousal. Fish also contains L-arginine, an amino acid that stimulates the body to release a growth hormone, which is then converted into nitric oxide that’s necessary for erections and is also improves blood flow to female sexual organs. Try out these fatty fish:
We’ve all probably heard that oysters are an aphrodisiac, and it is actually true. Oysters have one of the highest levels of libido-boosting zinc of any food. If you can, try sucking down about six of the slippery suckers to get twice the recommended daily dose of zinc.
Celery seems like a boring and unsexy food, but it can actually help you attract the ladies. Celery contains the pheromones androstenone and androstenol, which can do two important things: Arouse the you when you eat it, and cause you to send out scent signals to the ladies around you that make you a hot commodity!
Seeds and nuts contain monounsaturated fats, which our bodies convert into the good type of cholesterol that our sex hormones need to work properly. Almonds are a particularly good choice because they are also high in zinc, selenium and Vitamin E, which are all important for sexual health. Zinc also increases your libido.
Steak is good for your sex life for two reasons; the protein boosts dopamine and norepinephrine, which heightens sensitivity during sex. Steak is high in zinc, which boosts libido.
So next time you are deciding where to take a hot date out to dinner, consider a steak house!
Studies have shown that watermelon may be a natural Viagra. It contains the nutrients lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline, all of which are good for sex. Citrulline is the particularly important one. When we ingest citrulline, the body converts it into the amino acid arginine, which boosts production of nitric oxide. Nitric oxide relaxes blood vessels (pretty much the same thing that Viagra does), so eating watermelon can treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it.
Spinach is high in magnesium, which dilates blood vessels; and better blood flow to the genitals equals better sex. Also, the trace minerals found in dark, leafy greens, like arugula, have been shown to keep us from absorbing many of the environmental contaminants that can be responsible for a lower libido.
Fortified cereals and breads have many vitamins and minerals we need to be healthy, but they contain three things in particular that are good for better sex: thiamin, riboflavin and niacin.
Thiamin and riboflavin are needed for a functioning nervous system, in turn leading to more stimulation and pleasure during sex. Niacin is a vitamin that is necessary to create histamine, a chemical the body uses to trigger more explosive orgasms.
Eggs are high in B vitamins. Vitamins B5 and B6 help reduce stress and balance out hormone levels, both of which are good for a healthy libido. Have a big night coming up? Start the day off with eggs for breakfast!
Lets set the scene. You’re sipping a glass of beer, on a date with someone new. You’re talking, looking into one another’s eyes, and then it suddenly hits you: “Good gods, this is the most mind-numbingly boring date I’ve ever been on. I’ve got to get out of here.”
It’s the time for an exit plan. A strategy that could include faking an illness; food poisoning and migraines are quite popular. Or staging a phone call crisis.
But the problem with these excuses is that everyone knows them and can see through them. So scrap those plans; it’s time to take those methods up a notch, get creative, and plan your exit strategy as obsessively as you plan your weekend getaways.
Here are some ideas to get you started, but be warned—some of them need great acting skills and cooperation from people you know. Click on an idea to read more about it or simply read on.
This takes a wee bit of practice and a willingness to humiliate yourself. But that’s not a problem if you don’t plan on your date ever seeing you again, right? You’re going to have to keep bumping up the crazy level, because you’re not sure yet what your date counts as weird.
Think back on all the terrible dates you’ve been on and throw the most repugnant habits and behaviour of your once-and-never-ever-again dates into the mix.
Burst into tears. Tell your date that the place reminds you so much of your ex. Hurtle down memory lane and share a long and detailed history of your last failed relationship. Give scary examples of how you showed your love to your ex but was ultimately rejected (“I sat in my car outside of her house all night long and asked my friends and her friends to tell me what she was up to when I wasn’t around. I just wanted to know she was always okay, was that so wroooong?!”). Be inconsolable and excuse yourself for the rest of the evening.
Spill something on yourself – great new outfit be damned. Don’t go for something as lame as water; a bowl of creamy soup, the kind that can really leave a huge stain. Make sure your date definitely can’t say that the stain will be gone in an hour or so.
This is an upgrade to the phone call crisis, and involves a loyal and loving friend. Your friend should rush up to you and yell, “Oh my god, where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you! I called your roommate and she said I’d find you here. You’ve got to come with me, we’ve got a problem.” Ta-da, exit this away!
Talk at length about how you’re ready for marriage and kids. Make jokes about how you’ve already picked out a wedding and reception venue, the names of your kids, and a good honeymoon spot. After a while, stand up dramatically and ask your date, “I just want to get this straight. Do you see a future with me or not? I’m not about to waste my time on anyone.” Flounce off in a huff, but make sure you’ve planned your hiding place in case your date comes after you.
Have a friend call you and pretend that she is your next date for the night, then tell the person you’re with that you have to run to meet up with someone else. This is ideal for dates that are so openly scamming on other potentials in the room.
We all tend to rein in what’s really on our minds, so give yourself a chance to be honest by telling your date goodbye before you waste the rest of the evening—and maybe even a few years of your life – if you keep on being too polite – to say that you’re just not interested.
Lets all admit that bad girls are addictive. But there comes a point in life when you think, “Wow, there got to be more to love than this.”
It starts with the little things, like maybe she uses up the last of the milk, or she never listens to what you have to say. Sometimes, she doesn’t text you back, but, hey, look! She just tweeted about Ruby Rose’s pride performance, so she’s definitely by her phone. Or, she’s only ever down to hang when it’s super late and you’ve both been drinking.
Our experiences with bad “relationships” teach us to put up with this type of behaviour, because romance and chivalry are dead
But then, someone comes in and mixes it up.
She makes you question why on earth you put up with such awful treatment before.
You see each other when it’s not late, she’s not drunk, and dare I say, you even go on a date!
Maybe it isn’t love (yet), and you won’t get married and have kids with this person, but she gives you a dose of reality that makes you mushy inside and suddenly realise…
You never have to lie to yourself that she’s good for you, or make excuses for her. This epiphany fills your heart with happiness and hope, two things that had been lacking for quite some time.
Not only do you realise she thinks you are special, but you also realise you are special.
You look in the mirror and smile with confidence. It’s not that she gives you confidence, but she did help you realise exactly how strong and beautiful you are.
After the royal treatment, you raise your standards – as you should. The next time you go out into the game, you know what to look for.
You know how to identify the players and their moves. This time, biceps and booty won’t blind you. No amount of smooth talking will win you over.
This woman made you pause and think about your love life and how badly previous people treated you.
Even if it doesn’t end up working out with this person, you still want to thank her. She helped you out from dark, murky waters so you could see all the nice and colourful fish in the sea again.
Our sexy little butches – we love them, but some times they can be a little hopeless when it comes to our womanly ways.
So you’ve now got this appendage that you’ve never used before. It’s attached to your hips, which is unlike any other appendage you have, and it requires a specific muscle set to be able to control it the way you really want… Ah strap-ons.
Watch and be prepared to laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Bl26lCH3c
There is always a first time for everything. First day at school, first day at college, that first day when you make a new ‘first friend’ in school, or the first day of work etc.
The most special first is most definitely the first time you have a crush on someone. There is an unexplained difference between first crush and first time falling in love, but the symptoms are pretty much the same.
And it’s likely that that relationship, although ancient history now, can still teach you a lot about relationships and about what it truly means to love.
Nowadays, if it’s not sex then it’s not interesting. But there was a time when you would get nervous just making eye contact or hold hands with your first crush. After we found the courage to take our first kiss, we would spend hours “making out”. When’s the last time you had a serious make-out session?
You didn’t want anything from her, other than to be with her. You enjoy her company and nothing else. You didn’t have to lie, to cheat, and to manipulate because you didn’t believe it to be necessary.
You didn’t argue about everything and anything. You didn’t worry about what she was doing behind your back. You simply enjoyed your time together because the two of you somehow managed to make it enjoyable — and did so seamlessly. Now that we’re older, we like to overcomplicate everything and ruin just about anything special that we’re lucky enough to come across.
You weren’t able to explain why you were feeling the way that you were, but you also felt no need to explain. It simply was what it was and it was magical.
You’d go for walks. You’d go on bike rides, rollerblading, or ice-skating together. You’d have lunch together, snacks together, nap time together. And there were no rules that you were supposed to follow because no one bothered to tell you they existed.
You would see each other because you wanted to see each other. You didn’t wait three days to call her. You didn’t play all those pointless games that most dating individuals now play. You didn’t date for the sake of dating because you didn’t see a point in dating for the sake of dating.
They introduced us to love, to jealousy, to trust, to heartbreak. Even though things didn’t work out, we still somehow managed to enjoy the time we spent together.
The best sexts are like great foreplay. They’re spicy, but still leave a little to the imagination.
And with them, everyday life is made more thrilling. So here are 7 smooth sexts.
You like her and you want to get to know her better. You want to ask her out, but you definitely do NOT want to seem like you’re the one making the first move.
It’s tricky – we get it! The quickest way to ask a woman out may be to just ask her out, but in a situation where you don’t want to play Captain Obvious and risk embarrassment, here are some sneaky ways for you to drop the hints.
Text her to ask if she’d be interested in meeting a drink after you’ve finished work. It’s a really smooth way to get some alone time WITHOUT sounding like you’re desperately crushing on her (which you totally are!).
The best non-date date? Movies! Bring up the latest film that’s running at the cinema the next time you’re talking, and ask her if she’d like to watch it. Even if she says she has already watched it, tell her that the next time a similar movie comes up that she has to watch it with you. Done!
In the middle of conversation (and if you know she’s free), make a sudden plan to get coffee, and ask her if she’d join.
Sometimes, you have to keep it simple. While we don’t want you smiling like a crazy lady, flashing that pretty smile every now and then will definitely make a lasting impression, and we’re pretty sure she’s going to want to see more of that happy face.
If you and your crush don’t have any mutual friends, create them. The next time your gang gets together, invite her to join in as well. Apart from the fact that your friends will get to know your crush better, she’ll totally take to heart your sweet gesture.
Some flirting never really hurt anyone! Whether it’s eye contact, smiles or put in a kissy face emoji in that text – flirting is guaranteed to let her know what’s on your mind, and it will only be a matter of time before she asks you out.
It’s always fun to be all coy and flirty every once in a while, but never stop being yourself! If she doesn’t like you for you, then she’s not worth your time!
We spend most of our lives looking for the right woman, yet when we find her, we hesitate.
Whether you’re deciding to call her your girlfriend, to tell her you love her, to have her move in with you, or to call her your wife – we hesitate.
But hesitation is not your friend. Sure, you need to give such decisions sufficient thought, but you should never hesitate without true cause.
When you’ve found the right woman you should never find it difficult to make decisions, because you understand such decisions need to be made.
And when you’ve found the right woman, you will not hesitate because:
You’ve been through enough failed relationships and met enough wrong women that when you meet the right woman, you know what you’ve found.
It’s like winning the lottery. And what person waits to cash in a winning ticket?
It’s not necessarily that you don’t fear commitment — most individuals do — it’s that you are ready to take that plunge nonetheless. You’re ready to make all the tradeoffs required because you believe your lady is more than worth it.
Expecting her to know how you feel without telling is a no-no. Unless she’s some sort of oracle, you need to use your words — and your actions.
You need to be there for her, tell her you love her and show her how much she means to you.
Remember, hesitation shows her your uncertainty. It shows that although you may say you’re going to always be there for her, you may very well one day get up and leave. You may feel as if hesitation is unnoticeable, but in reality, it often causes incredible damage.
That’s right. You’re afraid of losing the woman you love and you’re not at all scared to admit it. When you meet the right woman, you should be afraid of losing her. She has become your life, and if you were to lose her, you’d lose yourself.
You want to take her places, to have her try new foods, wines and adventures. You want to be her first in as many experiences as possible because, just as she is a part of you, you want to become a part of her.
And you want her to one day look back and reminisce about all her wonderful adventures and smile — that’s all you care about. You care about making her smile, about her being happy with you.
You can’t think of a single good reason to wait before showing her exactly how you feel. She is the right woman. When you’ve found the right person, there are no good reasons to resist.
And when you know you’ve found the one, you make her the one.
Get the best of what’s queer, right to your inbox.
Kitsch Mix, is a rapidly growing social platform developed to promote the diverse creative ventures of women in the LGBT community. It aims to chronicle and celebrate the stories, people and voices that are emerging and inspiring all of us, ranging in topics from pop culture and style to politics and news, all through the lens of today’s LGBTQ community.
© 2020 Kitsch Media Group. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement. Kitsch Mix may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Kitsch Media Group.
Get the best of what’s queer, right to your inbox.