Tag Archives: Lesbian relationship

12 Simple Things Your GF Does That’ll Make You Realise She’s ‘The One’

She laughs at your jokes. She looks equally incredible in a suit or a t-shirt. She’s witty, intelligent, fun to be around, and the sex is fantastic.

But something tells you it’s different this time and you may be face-to-face with ‘The One’.

Here are 12 things to help you in your quest to discover whether or not she’s the one.

1. She doesn’t judge you for your past, present or future.

2. She appreciates you being yourself.

3. She enjoys surprising you.

4. She’s honest with you.

5. She respects your need for space.

6. She doesn’t try to change you.

7. She’s successful with and without you.

8. She isn’t afraid to speak her mind.

9. You can do the most boring, mundane thing, but with her, it’s an adventure.

10. She doesn’t run.

11. She makes you a better person.

12. She’s your best friend.

And P.S. The best love makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself.

 

11 Things Single Lesbians Wish People Would Stop Assuming About Their Love Lives

I think I’ve heard just about every singleness cliche under the sun, notably coming from both single friends and married friends, gay and straight.

99% of the time, I fully believe that each of these comments are well-intentioned and meant to be encouraging.

But the fact remains that they typically make single people feel the opposite of encouraged.

Here are the assumptions your single friends want you to stop making about their love lives — and about single people in general.

1. We can’t get anyone.

The “that’s why you can’t get a woman” comebacks are pretty tired since getting a woman is actually easy AF.

Sure, everyone can come down with a serious case of “dry phone,” but that doesn’t mean men are not accessible. Some women prefer quality over quantity, so they don’t kiss every frog for the sad sake of just having a man.

2. We’re just too picky.

To everyone out there who has ever been accused of being too picky, I say the opposite — power to picky-ness!!!

Now, I know that there is a time and a place for giving someone a chance.  But I would much rather have my friends err on the side of picky-ness and have the confidence to hold out for someone they feel is right for them, rather than yield to the pressure to be in a relationship with the wrong person.

So trust your single friends’ guts.  If they aren’t feeling it with someone they are dating — even after just one date — support them.

3. We’ll meet some when we least expect it.

Here’s the thing — telling a single person that they will meet someone when they “least expect it” is simply not helpful.  Even if that may end up being the case, and even if it is meant to be encouraging, the comment comes off sounding like the single person is doing something wrong by “expecting” “it” — whatever those two words even mean.  And how is a person even supposed to respond?

4. We’re all lonely and bitter.

Life has these cool little social circle thingies. You know… friends, family, co-workers, book clubs, etc.

It’s just impossible that all of your single friends are lonely and unhappy all of the time.

5. We must have so much time on our hands

Yes, single people definitely do not have the time demands of spending time each day with a spouse.  And single people without kids do not have the time demands of spending hours a day raising children.

But most single people I know have other demands on their time, thanks to their wonderfully full lives.  They spend time diving into their careers, they spend time traveling, they spend lots of time with their friends and family, they spend time living the best life they can.

6. We don’t need you to make it your life’s mission to find us a wife.

If your single friend does not ask you, then avoid assuming she wants you to set her up with someone.

You may not be the best person to do it, and you REALLY don’t want to ruin her Friday night with the date from hell because of your dead wrong idea about what her type is.

You’ll just owe her that cab fare home and a huge apology.

7. We’re not putting ourselves out there.

Trust me — if a single lesbian wants to meet someone, they have thought long and hard about what they want to be “doing” about it.

Everyone needs to be true to what feels best for them on this.

Some love online dating, some love meeting new guys in bars, some love asking for lots of set-ups.  But to be honest, I think most of my friends would say that they are over trying to “do” something about being single and are happy living their lives as they are.

If a great woman comes into my life, then awesome!  But in the meantime, I’d rather focus my time and energy on the people I already know and love.

8. We have it “easy” being single.

There might be some truth to that statement, but you know what? We get this a lot. And don’t forget that when life gets rough you have someone to share the load with you. Remember to be grateful for that.

9. We want to talk to you about why they’re single

For starters, it isn’t your business. Also, not every single person cares to talk about being single all the time.

They’re busy going on dates, hanging out, working out and kicking ass at their jobs. You know, doing normal things like normal people do.

10. We don’t need you to respond to our break-up by telling us, “She wasn’t worth it anyway…”

We know what you mean but it makes it sound like we just flushed a good chunk of our lives down the toilet. Relationships are never a waste, as long as we learn from them.

11. We’re jealous of you and want to steal your girlfriend.

Not every woman shares your taste in women. Looks-wise, or otherwise.

In short? The only thing single people really need is for you to be a great friend.

5 Ways Your First Couple’s Vacation Will Help You Decide If She’s ‘The One’

Dating is filled with so many firsts: The first kiss, the first time in bed, the first fight and, of course, the first vacation.

But, don’t let stress put a damper on the fun, because there are a few ways to ensure you both get what you want out of your first trip as a twosome.

1. You’ll experience over 24 hours of non-stop together time.

This is potentially the first time you’ll be together, alone, for 24 hours straight.

And whether you’re a couple with regular sleepovers or a pair that just springs for a quick after-dinner kiss, this is a whole different ball game.

Many uninterrupted days, side by side, will rip you out of your comfort zone. You’ll see each other in your least flattering moments.

Which means you’ll have to let her in on your beauty routine, where she’ll get a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the finished product.

With uninterrupted time together through exciting activities and day-to-day routines, you’ll get a brief taste of life with the other person in it.

2. You’ll tackle challenges together.

Whether figuring out transportation, dealing with a lost credit card or asking for directions in a foreign language, your vacation can give you the opportunity to tackle everything life throws your way together.

Overcoming even a minor travel setback is a blessing in disguise, and it gives you an amazing way to bond together. When you’re transplanted somewhere new, the unfamiliar setting will be refreshingly non-routine and you’ll see how your partner handles unusual, possibly even stressful, situations.

In every experience away from home, both you and your lady will learn how to help each other deal and work toward a solution together.

3. See those true colours.

Whether you like it or not, uninterrupted time means that the glossed over version of yourself will soon disappear, leaving behind our semi-flawed form we all bury until at least six months in.

Those bad character habits tend to slip through. You’ll learn what they are, how to deal with them and how to forgive them.

On the other hand, you’ll learn some of those not-so-shiny parts about yourself. Maybe you’ll even adopt the “my partner can make me a better person” mentality.

4. Balance the control freaks.

When traveling together, a couple’s dynamic may shift depending on who’s a planner and who’s more laid back.

If you’re a planner, your strategy will be to take control and finalise that itinerary before you even step on the plane (you know who you are, people).

Ease up a bit and let your lady decide a thing or two so everyone gets the sight-seeing experience they want. Remember, it’s OK not to have a plan and fly by the seat of your pants. The best discoveries often come without a plan.

For those laid-back partners, you need to speak up. When there’s somewhere you want to go or something you want to do, don’t be afraid to challenge your partner’s plan.

Succumbing to their every wish isn’t realistic long-term. When the vacation glasses are off, you’ll need a healthy give and take, and your vacation is the best place to start.

5. Savour the moment.

At the end of the day, a vacation together is about capturing memories you’ll take home. Whether it’s an inside joke about that guy Dave from the bar or a shared first sushi experience, you’ll fill your mental (and Instagram) photo gallery with snapshots of time well spent.

Pull those photos out during your first screaming match back home; the mood will immediately lighten.

Everyday life might move a mile a minute, but a fleeting vacation makes you savour the moment and slow down. Not a bad mantra for your life back home.

Uninterrupted time away from home kickstarts the comfort and trust in a relationship, and if you take those lessons you learned back home, you’ll grow even closer and build an even stronger foundation.

17 Things People In Open Relationships Hear Too Much

Open relationships definitely aren’t for everyone. That’s a fact. But people who are in open relationships tend to be looked at with skepticism – or just plain judged.

Just because polyamory isn’t for you doesn’t mean it isn’t for someone else. If you catch yourself saying these 17 things…rethink.

1. Open relationships are God’s way of saying you shouldn’t be together.

Or it’s God’s way of saying that human relationships are diverse and should be explored.

2. You’re just slutty.

First, there’s nothing wrong with liking sex, and second, relationships – whether those relationships are with a primary partner or secondary ones – involve so much more than sex. Like a lot of movie nights.

3. Why don’t you just break up?

Because an open relationship is a valid relationship. Why don’t you break up with your significant other?

4. Cheating is cheating, even if you have your partner’s consent.

No…

5. Clearly you’re not happy in your relationship.

On the contrary, people in open relationships experience higher degrees of happiness.

6. You can only love one person at a time.

Unlike petrol, love is not a finite resource, and you can love different people different ways.

7. Polyamory isn’t real.

Tell this to the MoreThanTwo.com.

8. That’s basically polygamy, which is illegal.

Having relationships or sexual/romantic encounters with more than one person at a time isn’t the same as marrying all those people. This isn’t Sister Wives.

9. Open marriages would never work.

Except that they do.

10. Doesn’t that make you jealous?

Communication is the key to overcoming jealousy.

11. So do you and your partner just talk about all the different people you’ve slept with?

Some polyamorous couples do. Some don’t. Every couple has their own agreement.

12. That means you’ll sleep with anyone.

Just because someone sleeps with more than one person, that doesn’t mean they will sleep with every single person in the world. For instance, some people in the world are narrow-minded, and a poly person might not want to sleep with them.

13. That’s disgusting.

So is sex, if you think about it. Lots of fluid.

14. I’d never do that.

Never say never.

15. Your parents must be so ashamed.

Polyamory isn’t shameful. Cheating is shameful.

16. You’re overcompensating for something sexually.

Sex doesn’t have to be tied to trauma and insecurity. Besides, instead of “overcompensating,” why not say “enhancing”?

17. I’ll never understand.

Copies of The Ethical Slut are $15.29.

If you’re in an open relationship, what are you tired of hearing?

How to Get Over Your Study Abroad Girlfriend in 5 Steps

Ah, the city of love. Bright lights. Great food. Beautiful people. Eternal love.

Ah, Paris.

Or Berlin.

Or Johannesburg.

Let’s face it, the city of love is wherever you studied abroad.

Studying abroad is a magical time. You get to live for six months in a foreign country, experiencing only the best of what that city has to offer, namely attractive college students and tourist attractions.

It’s normal to fall in love while you’re abroad. Overseas, it feels like you’re going to live this magical new life forever. But then you return home, and reality sets in. It’s not as easy to have a 5,000-mile long-distance relationship as you thought.

So how can you get over someone you thought was your True Love after it doesn’t work?

1. Accept that sometimes love is just for a season. Some people and experiences are meant to come in and out of your life. The memories are precious. Instead of being frustrated that something has to end, appreciate that it happened.

2. Don’t keep trying. If the long distance makes the romance fizzle out after a few months (or hours) of you being back home, accept that. Don’t keep trying to force it.

3. Don’t ghost her. That said, you don’t have to cut her off completely – just because you get on a plane doesn’t mean the person has to become dead to you. Keep up your friendship.

4. Don’t idealize her. Life after study abroad is hard. You return to exams and reality and a Trump Presidency. It’s tempting to look back on your ex-lover and think, “If I could be with them again, I would be as happy as I was when I studied abroad.” That’s not true. They might remind you of the happiness you had abroad, but they can never replicate that happiness, and trying to force a relationship with them won’t send you back in time.

5. Get back in the game. You’re young and beautiful and smart. You should be out meeting other young and beautiful and smart people. Ask out the cute barista with braces and a butterfly tattoo. Download Tinder, Her and Bumble, and swipe right on people way out of your league. Stay in a bar long past closing. Just put yourself out there and have fun!

And if all else fails, buy a plane ticket somewhere else.

4 Signs Porn Is Damaging Your Relationship with Your Girlfriend

“Why do I watch porn? It’s like, sometimes you want to go out to brunch with friends and all drink mimosas together. And sometimes you just want to have a glass of wine in bed by yourself.” – Maxine, The Carmichael Show.

It seems like just about everyone watches porn. Even straight women love lesbian porn. Like, they love it a lot. But is porn getting in the way of your romantic relationship with your girlfriend? Keep an eye out for the warning signs.

1. You prefer porn instead of your girlfriend.

Why do people like porn? It’s convenient, it’s free, it’s sexy, it’s adventurous and, let’s say, it does the job.

In comparison, sex is messy. Complicated. Dirty. Sometimes unsatisfying. And if you’re not into it, you can’t just switch partners like you would switch a porn video.

So it makes sense that you’d prefer porn sometimes. But if you run to your favorite websites before you run to your girlfriend, that’s going to drive a wedge in the relationship.

2. You want your girlfriend to act like a pornstar.

Pornstars are professionals with perfect, sometimes extremely flexible, bodies. Making porn is their full-time profession – that’s why they’re a star. Your girlfriend, as wonderful as she is, can probably not do all of the things that a pornstar can do.

3. You expect your girlfriend to have sex all the time, anytime.

What’s the best part about porn? Well, it’s free. But what’s the second best part? It’s on-demand. Whenever you’re feeling risqué, there are millions of videos available.

In real life, sex is not nearly as readily available, unless you spend every night at a sex party. Your girlfriend just won’t want to have sex sometimes. Sometimes she’ll be on her period. Sometimes she just won’t be in the mood. If you find yourself resenting her for that, take a step back.

4. You use porn to spite your girlfriend.

When your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex, it’s tempting to load up your laptop instead. And that’s not always bad, as long as she’s okay with you looking at porn. But don’t do this all the time. It sets the precedent that if she won’t give you what you want, you’ll find sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which will just put more distance between you two.

Instead, when your girlfriend isn’t in the mood, talk to her. Do something relaxing like watch TV together. Cook for her. There are 1,000,000 ways to be intimate with someone, and most of them aren’t “sex.”

And talk to your girlfriend about why she isn’t in the mood. Maybe she’s been feeling stressed lately, or maybe she’s been feeling like she can never measure up to the women in the videos.

But remember, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship, porn isn’t all bad. In fact, you and your girlfriend can actually learn a few things from it.

25 Signs You Should Break Up

Sometimes it’s obvious when you need to break up. If you find your girlfriend’s ex’s underwear in the bed, it’s over.

But other times – most times – it’s not so clear. Boredom and dissatisfaction may slowly creep up on you like rainclouds from a distance. Or you might roll over one day and suddenly realize you’re not happy. You might even go back and forth on the idea for days, weeks or months.

Sometimes, the only way to know whether a breakup was the right decision is in hindsight. But to help you make the right decision now, here are 25 signs you should think about ending it.

  1. You would rather spend time with your Netflix account, homework assignments or chores than with your girlfriend.
  2. You’ve been on and off more times than you can count.
  3. You feel relieved when you think about what life would be like without them.
  4. Sex feels flat, and you find yourself faking it on a regular basis.
  5. Or sex is the only thing holding you and your girlfriend together. When you’re not in bed, you have nothing to talk about. Pillow talk is awkwardddd.
  6. You’ve been “wondering” what it would be like to be with other people. A lot.
  7. You need your girlfriend to dramatically change before you’ll want to be with her.
  8. You don’t talk nearly as much as you fight.
  9. You just don’t trust each other.
  10. Everything you loved about your girlfriend now makes you tear your hair out.
  11. Deal breakers – like smoking, or eating meat, or not being clean – are starting to break the deal.
  12. You’re together just so you won’t be alone.
  13. She’s no longer putting in effort, or you’re no longer putting in effort, or both.
  14. Your friends are just a little too enthusiastic when you talk about moving on.
  15. You feel like you’re going through the motions.
  16. You keep thinking about breaking up, even if you tell yourself that you never actually would.
  17. You’re just not happy, period.
  18. Your girlfriend doesn’t support you like you need her to.
  19. You can’t picture a future with her. Whenever you try, you feel bored instead of excited – maybe your skin even crawls.
  20. You compare her to your ex. Like, all the time. Even if you’re not into your ex.
  21. You feel complacent and are no longer reaching for your dreams.
  22. You find excuses to work later or go out with your friends more, anything to get away from your girlfriend a little while longer.
  23. You find yourself flirting with people you’re not really into.
  24. You secretly look for excuses to dump her, and almost wish you would find something incriminating in her phone. That would give you a good reason.
  25. Your instinct tells you to go. As my best friend says, “Follow your heart of hearts.”

Now, what do you do the first day after a breakup?

Science Says Women Who Fake It During Sex Are More Likely To Be Unfaithful

According to Dr RM Ellsworth – from the Department of Anthropology, University of Missouri – women who fake an orgasm are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners.

In a study, the research team created a questionnaire and asked 138 women and 121 men currently in a romantic relationship to contribute to it.

They were asked about their sexual activity and whether or not they have cheated in the past.

Results found that the frequency of orgasm in women was not connected to fidelity.

Instead, infidelity was associated with women who frequently lied about experiencing an orgasm.

According to the study:

Faked orgasm was associated with female sexual infidelity and lower male relationship satisfaction.

Overall, results were in greater support of the sire choice signalling hypothesis than the female fidelity hypothesis.

Here’s Why An Open Relationship Is Actually Good For You, According to Science

A lot of people spend their time worrying whether or not their sexual desires and practices fit in with what society deems “normal.”

Well, fret not my friends, because that’s a hot load of garbage.

Some of the allegedly “taboo” sex acts society savagely judges and looks down upon are actually really, really good for your relationships and mental health, and the ones labeled “normal” are the ones that, well, kinda suck.

Most people frown upon polyamory, but little do they know that couples who are in open relationships are way, way happier, and more fulfilled than the naysayers. If honestly and openly dating more than one person at a time is your cup of tea, this pertains to you.

As we all know, one of the secret ingredients to a successful relationship is communication, which is where a lot of traditional couples fall short.

Polyamorous couples have a relationship built on honesty, trust, and obviously, openness, so there is no lying or sneaking around. Unlike cheating monogamous people.

If polyamorous Cindy really hits it off with polyamorous Stacie, she talks about it with her girlfriend, polyamorous Barbie, who is also dating polyamorous Ken at the same time. Barbie is okay with Stacie, Cindy is okay with Todd, and everyone is happy.

And now a new study is backing up this theory.

Researchers at the University of Michigan, analysed different relationships among participants older than age 25. The sample included more than 2,100 people, with about 1,500 individuals in monogamous relationships and around 600 in committed non-monogamous relationships.

The group rated relationship components: satisfaction, commitment, trust, jealousy and passionate love, which is the intense love feeling often described in new relationships.

Researchers found no differences between monogamous and consensual open participants in terms of satisfaction and passionate love.

However, levels of jealousy were lower and trust was higher among those engaged in committed open relationships.

The researchers also tackled the assumption that people in open relationships don’t care about each other enough to be happy in their primary relationship.

The team found that an individual had more satisfaction, trust, commitment and passionate love in their primary mate than in their secondary relationship.

Lead author Dr Terri Conley, an associate professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Michigan; said

On the other hand, people in open relationships were significantly less satisfied and less committed to their relationship than their monogamous counterparts.

Overall, the outcomes for monogamous and consensual non-monogamous participants were the same – indicating no net benefit of one relationship style over another.”

 

Science Says This Why Kinky Sex Feels So Good

So here’s a thing, it turns out that kinky sex you’ve been having with your bea can do a lot more than get you off — it can actually help relieve stress.

Yep, its official, kinky sex is good for you. A new study conducted by researchers over at Northern Illinois University found that BDSM sex (you know, “50 Shades” style bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) works to increase mindfulness, a hyper awareness and acceptance of the current moment.

When the researchers looked at people engaging in BDSM-style sex, they noticed that they were regularly entering a “flow state” of mindfulness, which is apparently the same mental state athletes get into when they’re “in the zone.”

The study’s lead author, Brad Sagarin, Ph.D., explains:

Flow is an enjoyable and pleasurable state that people get into when they are performing an activity that requires a high level of skill. It’s a state in which the rest of the world kind of fades away and somebody is concentrating very intensely only on what they are doing.”

And guess what else? Kink is waaay more common than you’d expect, with research showing that about half of all people have had some kind of freaky sex at some point, and a whopping 84% saying they’d like a little more kink in their lives.

So, now that we’ve established that kink is awesome and people love it, here’s the real question: Why do people love BDSM so much? What is it about handcuffs, nipple clamps, and even leashes that’s so endearing? Hmmm…

According to a highly informative article on the wild world of BDSM by Broadly, indulging in some kinky Fifty Shades-style sex takes your brain to a magical, otherworldly, pleasure-induced place called “subspace.”

If you’ve ever had kinky sex, you already know what this subspace feels like, and you know that it’s goddamn amazing. But in case you haven’t, it’s a “floaty” or “high” feeling that comes from the huge rush of endorphins that floods your body, courtesy of the sheer pleasure of living out your freakiest fantasies.

Professional dominatrix Maitresse Madeline Marlowe told Broadly.

For all of us, endorphins bind to opiate receptors to naturally relieve pain. Since BDSM play can include power exchange and masochistic acts, endorphins are one of the most common neurotransmitters [produced].”

BDSM play sometimes hurts, but in conjunction with something that feels as amazing as sex, that pain turns into pleasure. Besides, you know what they say: pleasure is the child of pain.

Science of BDSM researcher Kathryn Klement also told Broadly.

Like many potentially stressful or extreme experiences (e.g., sky-diving, fire-walking), individuals’ bodies react to that stress when they engage in BDSM.

We interpret these cortisol results to mean that when people engage in BDSM play (as the receiver of sensations) or extreme rituals, their bodies release a hormone usually associated with stress. However, we’ve also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving.”

In layman’s terms, kinky sex is physically stressful, and your body freaks out a little, which cause your adrenals to release the stress hormone, cortisol, to compensate.

Normally, stressful situations where cortisol floods your body puts you into “fight or flight” mode, which is what happens if you were about get attacked by a pit bull or something.

As you might guess, this stress response is very useful, but doesn’t feel very good, considering your brain automatically thinks you’re in serious danger.

With BDSM, however, you still get that same stress response physically, but your psychological stress decreases, so what you’re left with is a delicious, feel-good cocktail of endorphins, all without your brain telling you you’re about to die. This is what makes you feel floaty and downright wonderful. Sounds good, huh?

And to think you were wasting all of your money on yoga, meditation classes and herbal tea, when really, all you needed was some good, adventurous lovemaking to relieve your stress.

‘What’s In Your Box?’ Subscription Service Helps Women Have Better Sex

Vaginas are awesome.

But even though vaginas are so awesome, people who have them aren’t taught to be proud of them. Women, non/abinary people and trans* men who have vaginas are taught from a young age to hide them.

Just think back to your elementary school textbooks – how many dicks were drawn on the pages? Probably a lot. But if you’d tried to draw a vagina, you would have been hauled to the principal’s office for obscenity.

Penises indicate strength, while vaginas indicate weakness – being called a p*ssy is an insult. And let’s not start with the double-standard between men and women regarding sexual promiscuity.

The new subscription service What’s In Your Box? is changing all of that. According to the official website, this monthly subscription box is “a social movement opening the dialogue around women’s sexual health to empower all women to explore their bodies freely without stigma or shame.”

A new box arrives at your doorstep each month. Each box includes five product samples that cater to sexual health, pleasure, hygiene, education and pride.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSjHAntlebA/?taken-by=whatsinyourbox_

Christine Long founded the company when she became frustrated as a young woman in her twenties. She says,

I was inspired to start WIYB after my own personal run-in with STIs, which caused me to feel a lot of shame around my body and sexuality. As a young woman in her 20s wanting to explore sex, I felt there were no reliable brands or resources I could turn to that would help me take charge of my sexual health.”

WYIB aims to be affordable so as not to cater to just one demographic. Subscriptions start at $15 a month for a 3-month plan and go up to $18 for a month-to-month plan, although the contents of each box are worth up to $50.

So what can you expect to find in your surprise box? Each includes toys, washes, lubricants, condoms, dental dams, lingerie, stickers, diagrams, and more.

Get your own box for your box at the official site.

Why You Deserve A Professional Lesbian Massage (and How to Get One)

There’s nothing like a nice, relaxing massage. After all, being queer is hard work – we’ve got endless flannel shirts to wash and carabiners to organize – and having someone else massage the stress away feels incredible. The right massage can erase years of tension with a little baby oil.

Massages just got better. And a whole lot sexier.

Lesbian tantra massages are an ancient practice that dates back to the year 400 A.D., according to tantric masseuse Erica, who runs Karma Tantric in the UK. Tantric massage is the “ritual by which you liberate or separate two aspects of consciousness and female divine body.” It “stimulates total undoubted release of the body and mind between a female masseuse and her female client.”

If you’re new to tantric massage, it’s not for kids. Tantric massages view sexuality as just an extension of the relaxation process.

Masseuses are just as likely to rub between your shoulder blades as they are to rub between your legs. They’re popular among couples who want to bring spirituality and intimacy into their sex lives, because it’s said to promote spiritual bonding.

Tantric lesbian massages are even better than heterosexual ones. One of Erica’s clients called it “a session of feminine discovery and erotic pleasure in authentic magical tantric energy.” A little over the top? Maybe. Hot? Definitely.

You don’t have to be a lesbian to enjoy this. Many of her clients identify as straight women who just prefer to get erotic arousal and spiritual bonding from female hands.

Even if you’re interested, you might feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of a stranger’s hands all over (and potentially in) your body. Erica says that if you’re interested at all, “it’s safe to say there’s a subconscious interest there. We very rarely dislike the things we crave passionately, after all, if you like the idea of it, you will probably love the real physical and erotically enchanting touch of another female.”

Read the rest of Erica’s interview here and search for a lesbian tantric massage near you.

Why Faking Orgasms Is Hurting Your Relationship

At some point or another, we’ve all faked it in bed.

We’ve faked moans, we’ve faked intensity or maybe we’ve faked the entire orgasm. After all, we don’t want to hurt our partners’ feelings, and making them think that they’re amazing in bed is the best way to spare them. Right? (Wrong.)

According to YourTango, here are the most common reasons queer women fake orgasms:

  • “I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
  • “I don’t really like what she’s doing, but I don’t know how (or am too shy) to tell her or show her what I do like.”
  • “I’m ready to stop having sex, but she’ll feel bad if she knows I didn’t come.”
  • “I want her to like me and think I’m hot.”
  • “She’s doing all the right things, so I should be turned on. There must be something wrong with me (and I don’t want her to find out.)”
  • “She’s been working so hard down there, I think she must be tired. I need to fake it to take care of her.”
  • “I feel insecure about how long it takes me to come.”
  • “I really didn’t feel like having sex right now in the first place.”
  • “I’m not really attracted to her, but I thought maybe it would feel different once we got into bed!”

But think about it. Would you like it if you found out that your partner had been faking it? How would you feel? Probably a little disappointed in them and yourself, and maybe even a bit humiliated. If they had just told you what you were doing wrong, you would have fixed it! After all, sex should be about the pleasure of both people.

Give your partner the same courtesy.

If something just isn’t working, let them know. I know it’s nerve-wracking to be vulnerable. How do you say, “I like you but I don’t like what you’re doing,” when they’ve already seen the most intimate parts of you?

If you’re just not into sex at all that day, then it’s especially hard to communicate, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not really in the mood anymore.” It might seem easier to just fake it and get it over with.

But if you’re not honest with your partner, your intimacy will suffer. The longer you go without telling them what you want in bed, the more difficult it will become – how do you explain after two years that they’ve never actually made you come?

Being honest, and encouraging honesty in your partner, is the first step to true intimacy.

Now how do you actually go about doing it? Check out Conscious Girlfriend for more information.

This Expensive Club Lets Straight Girls Be Lesbians For One Night

Wouldn’t it be great to have all of the joys of being a lesbian without, y’know, actually being a lesbian?

That’s the idea driving Skirt Club, a new lesbian sex club that caters to women who enjoy lesbian sex but who identify as heterosexual (or, if there’s a tiny bit open-minded, bicurious).

This all-girl orgy allows women to experiment with their sexuality away from the prying eyes of men, which was a major complaint of many attendees – most of them had attended sex parties organized by men, where the male gaze kept them from feeling completely comfortable. Nothing ruins the mood like a man trying to insert himself into the mix (literally) when you’re trying to kiss a cute girl.

Some straight women felt like frauds when they attended lesbian sex parties, because they felt like they were leading on queer women who may have wanted a relationship. Despite their attraction to women – and some Skirt Clubbers say that they’ve been attracted to women for a long time – they identify as staunchly heterosexual, and the idea of dating a woman is inconceivable.

The application process to apply to the Skirt Club is extensive and includes a mandatory ful-body photo. The party founder, Genevieve LeJeune, aims to build a “femme membership” of women, and she has to approve of your appearance before you are allowed access. Wouldn’t want any pesky masculine-of-center women to complicate things, right? Only attractive femme women ages 21-49 are allowed.

The application also includes a space for divulging your career details, and the party comes at a hefty fee of $180 a night. Why? To “weed out women who don’t have high-income careers.”

If you’re keeping track, this party is only for wealthy, young, attractive “straight” women who want to be lesbians for a night.

Is this inherently problematic? No. After all, LeJeune has the right to create any type of party she likes and for any audience. But if the women who attend truly want to explore their sexuality, then they might want to look past this homogenous, self-selective group.

15 Sexuality Terms That All Queer Girls Need To Know

It’s so confusing sometimes when new words come up to describe a certain type of sexuality or relationship. I mean lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, gay or transgendered seems enough to describe most sexualities, right?

Wrong. There are 15 that we have found so far and if you can learn them and learn the definitions it will definitely make you stand out from the crowd.

Allosexual

A person who experiences sexual attraction in a way that is considered the norm.

Androgynoromantic

A person who feels a romantic attraction to androgyny.

Asexual/ Ace

A person who does not experience sexual attraction to another person.

Demisexual

A person that only experiences sexual attraction after developing a strong emotional bond.

Grey Asexual/ Grey Ace

A person that sometimes experiences sexual attraction in certain circumstances but has no desire to act upon it.

Libedoist Asexual

An asexual person with an active sex drive.

Lithromantic

A person who experiences romantic attraction but doesn’t need or want it reciprocated.

Menosexual

A person who is attracted to those that are menstruating.

Pansexual

Someone who is attracted to all genders

Polyamorous

A person that has non-exclusive relationships with people they are attracted to.

Pomosexual

A person who doesn’t identify with any sexual orientation label and disregards them.

Quasiplatonic

A person who is interested in someone else in a way that is more than friends but it is not necessarily romantic either.

Quoiromantic

Someone that finds the line between friendship and romance difficult.

Sapisexual

A person that is attracted to someone because of their intellect.

Skolisexual

A person who is sexually attracted to gender variant people.

Science Says These Are The Five Stages Of A Relationship Break-Up

I always thought there was no easy way to explain the emotional side effects of a breakup, just like there was meant to be no easy way to actually go through a breakup in the first place.

However, according to a new study, there are actually five distinct stages that lead to a break-up.

1. Pre-contemplation

This is before you even think about breaking up.

Everything’s rosy and you’re probably having a super time skinny-dipping and frolicking in the sea/having romantic candlelit dinners/Netflix and chilling.

2. Contemplation

In this stage, the first signs appear that something isn’t quite right and not everything’s so great any more.

You start having doubts and thinking things like “this relationship isn’t for me,” or “there’s something off in my relationship,” My Domaine reports.

3. Preparation

By the third stage, you’ve reached the point where you’re certain you want to break-up, but don’t know how to go about it – we all know it’s never easy to instigate.

For many people, the preparation stage lasts for months because they’re umming and ahhing, can’t pluck up the courage to end it or just don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.

4. Action

The fourth stage is where you actually take the plunge, have the chat and go your separate ways.

Some people gradually fall into the action stage by talking to their partners less and less, whereas for others it’s a sudden cutting off of all ties and ceasing communication.

5. Maintenance

The final stage of a break-up is that sad period where you’re giving back each other’s belongings, be they toothbrushes, DVDs or jumpers.

According to the study, if you’ve managed not to get back together while having these final exchanges, you’ll probably stay apart forever.

The report, carried about by the University of Tennessee and published in the Journal of College Counseling, saw researchers measuring two samples of college students.

So now you know what signs to look out for – and what might be coming.

Why You Stay In Your Toxic Relationship

It’s hard to see what’s best for yourself when you’re invested in a relationship.

It’s not always easy to remember who you are and what you want. You can start to lose yourself and forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority.

There is a lot of sh*t we put up with because the pain certain relationships bring us is less intimidating than the pain of letting go of the person you love.

But why? Why do we stay in relationships long past their expiry dates? Is it simply a fear of being alone?

People have now been speaking out and explaining why they stick with their partners when they know it won’t last.

Someone wrote in a particularly moving post on the Reddit forum,

The love just faded away, not suddenly some sharp ping then ‘oh I don’t love you anymore’. One day I am doing the dishes and I realised I was happy because she wasn’t coming home tonight, working later again. I suspect she is seeing a work colleague, an old bf she still gets on with, they’d known each other for years before I came along.

The funny thing is I don’t feel angry or hurt or betrayed. There is just a gentle relief that she is happy and I am happy without her. I always thought I needed a relationship but now as this one bleeds out on the floor I just feel content to watch it gasp and die.”

Sometimes it’s not that the relationship has turned completely toxic, it’s just not happy anymore.

Someone asked why they didn’t leave her, to which they responded:

Emotionally I fear it’s like I’ve been slowly stabbed and if I pull at that knife everything is going to hurt so much.”

It’s a painful and powerful simile.

Others shared their experiences after having finally seen the light and ended their relationships.

A common situation in long-term relationships is where each person has changed, but they still care about the other:

The thing is, I know we love and care about each other, but we became different people than the people we fell in love with,” said one person who’d just ended a six year relationship.

For some people, it’s the external pressure from others who don’t realise a partnership isn’t as happy as it might seem.

We stayed together a year longer than we should have because everyone else thought we were a great couple and neither of us wanted to be the bad guy who ended the relationship. I also really liked his family.”

But another person pointed out that an outsider can never really know what’s going on in a relationship:

My sister thinks I have a dull relationship of convenience. In fact we are deeply in love, have great respect for each other and are very happy to be together for the rest of our lives.”

That’s not the case for everyone though, and one woman admitted she knows her partner doesn’t really love her: “She doesn’t love me, never has, and I know it. Didn’t stop me from falling in love anyway.

We keep going because I have no self-respect or self-control. And she is too lazy, and I’m too convenient for her to look elsewhere. We are best friends. It’s hard to draw the line when we always have such a good time together.”

Whether both parties are settling is open to interpretation.

You don’t have to justify why you aren’t happy anymore. It isn’t realistic to expect to be happy in every moment of your relationship, but as a whole, this person should make you happier.

He or she should make you feel supported and capable of doing whatever the hell it is you want to do. You should know that even though you don’t have control of every aspect of your life and things will fall apart, this person gives you stability.

They help you rebuild and gives you hope that things can be the way you think they should be.

If you don’t have that, is it really worth it?

This Vibrator Syncs to Audiobooks

When it comes to sex toys, the crazier the better.

That seems to be the motto of Vibease, who specializes in creating vibrators to fill needs that you didn’t know you had. Who knew that you couldn’t truly appreciate the literary qualities of Fifty Shades of Grey, without actually feeling physical sexual stimulation?

The Vibease Wearable Smart Vibrator isn’t as “smart” as it is eclectic. This little thing does so much. For example, it lets your partner control it by playing with a dot on the screen.

It also syncs to your favorite sounds. Yes, not just songs, but sounds. That means you can set it to sync to a podcast – next time you’re listening to Hamilton the Podcast, use this vibrator for the full experience. You can even set the vibrator to pulse along to special recordings, so you’ll never need to leave a normal voicemail again.

But the vibrator’s most unique function is its audiobook functionality.

It calls itself “the vibrator that brings Fifty Shades of Grey to life.” Each erotic story in its collection affects the vibration in different ways. During a gently erotic story, the vibrator may just pulse slightly. During a hardcore erotic story, the vibrator may rattle. This is a whole new way to be immersed in a story. Each story is about 10-20 minutes.

The downside? Well, the vibrator stops whenever characters stop having sex in the story, so you might find yourself frustratingly edging as you skip ahead from 30-second sex scene to 30-second sex scene.

And the jury is still out on whether its lesbian erotic content adequately meets the needs of its queer female readers. The vast majority of the available stories feature shirtless men with six-packs staring moodily into the distance. If that’s your kink, then you’ll be right at home.

But if you’re an avid reader, head to the Vibease Fantasy Erotica page for a truly stimulating literary experience.

Can You Make Your Best Friend Climax Without Touching Her?

Whether you’ve had a crush on your best friend for ten years or whether you two are strictly platonic, you can take your friendship to the next level by giving each other hands-free orgasms. How? With these adorable joint vibrators.

The Sync vibrators are technically made for couples, but female best friends have been using them for a little bit of platonically erotic play. Give this trend a try for yourself.

Step one. Get these matching vibrators with your best friend. Very cute, right? They come in a rainbow of colors.

Step two. Sync your best friend’s vibrator to your phone and vice versa using this app.

Step three. Let go of your fears. You’re doing this.

Step four. Have your best friend insert the vibrator into herself.

Step five. Use the app on your phone to control her vibrator. With her pleasure in your hands, you can make the vibrator go slower, deeper, harder, better, faster, stronger.

The vibrator comes with ten different settings: low, medium, high, ultra, pulse, wave, echo, tide, crest and surf.

With the app’s Beat mode, you can sync the vibrator’s pulsations to music. With the app’s Touch mode, you can control her pleasure with your fingertips.

Best of all, the synched vibrators work from anywhere, so if you and your best friend are too embarrassed to be in the same place, use the app when you’re in separate apartments. Or if you miss your long-distance bestie and want to feel close to her across the ocean, these vibrators are a unique way to keep in touch (without physical touch).

If you’re really adventurous, then insert the small vibrator before you’re about to run errands and tell your bff to surprise you throughout the day.

Of course, you can obviously use these vibrators with your girlfriend – they’re called couple’s vibrators for a reason. But if you’re single or if you just enjoy queerplatonic fun, then why don’t you mix things up and let your best friend control your pleasure?

Get your own at the official website.

 

When Does A Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Some women remember the exact moment that they lost their virginity. For some, it was magical. For others, humiliating. For still others, underwhelming or overwhelming or boring.

But for women who sleep with women…many of us aren’t even sure when we lost our virginity.

Everyone has a different opinion of cisgender lesbian sex, because it doesn’t involve penetration with a penis. So what counts as sex? Is it oral? Finger-to-genital touching? Your first orgasm? Do you have to be penetrated with something, even a finger, for it to “count”?

If you’re distressed about whether you’ve actually lost your virginity, don’t be. First, the concept of “virginity” changes based on whom you talk to, even when you’re talking about penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex.

Ancient Greeks thought that when a woman had a penis inserted into her for the first time, her throat would permanently grow bigger. Sometimes they determined virginity by the size of a woman’s throat.

More recently, the Kinsey Institute ran a study that showed that 18% of men over the age of sixty believe that PIV sex isn’t sex as long as the man wears a condom. Sex is for procreation, or it isn’t sex.

The same study found that “less than 25 percent of participants considered oral genital behavior to be having sex, more than 60 percent thought that the giver or receiver of oral sex was a sexual partner, and more than 97 percent considered a partner who had oral sex with someone else to be have been unfaithful.” So oral sex isn’t sex, but if you have oral sex then that person is a sexual partner, and oral sex is enough sex to be considered adultery. So it’s simultaneously sex and not sex?

So what does all of this mean? Basically, it means that the definition of sex and virginity are always changing. Always. Sex is whatever you believe it to be. And anyone who believes they have the definitive definition of sex is just kidding themselves.

The exact moment you lost your virginity is whatever moment you think it is. Maybe it’s the first time you went down on a girl. Maybe it’s the first time a girl touched you beneath your bra. Maybe it’s the first time you let your girlfriend use a dildo.

It’s completely up to you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now, just make sure that you do it safely.

5 Types Of Foods That Will Help Vaginal Health And Boost Your Sex Life

Preparing for a night of passion with your boo is more than just waxing, showering and smelling nice. A healthy vagina is as important as a healthy sex life and these foods can help keep your vagina healthy and well, which of course will boost your sex life too. So, if you know you might be getting lucky between the sheets quite soon, follow our one day eating plan to keep everything it top condition.

Drinks Throughout the Day

Start your day off with some cranberry juice. Cranberries are great for keeping UTI’s at bay due to the bacteria fighting oxidants they contain. Don’t have more than 2 glasses though as the sugar content is quite high.

Green tea is also good for decreasing bacteria as it contains catechins and be sure to also drink plenty of water as water flushes out impurities in the body.

Breakfast

Greek Yogurt and Banana is what’s needed here. Greek yogurt has live cultures which kill off yeast infections and it helps to keep the PH balance correct in your vagina as well. Greek yogurt also contains probiotics which will take away any bloated feelings and the bananas are full of potassium which offsets sodium into the body, therefore helping to keep your tummy flatter too.

Lunch

Salmon, green salad and sweet potatoes is the perfect combination, not only because it tastes just great but because the properties in these foods will work wonders for your sexual health.

Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids which helps improve circulation, therefore keeping you supple. Fatty acids also keep blood flow consistent to your sex organs which will help enhance your sex life and help with lubrication.

Sweet potatoes are full of vitamin A which helps generate hormones for energy and also helps with sex drive too. The green salad is also good for circulation which helps to increase stimulation and arousal.

Snack

An apple and handful of almonds will not only keep you from feeling hungry but will also help your sex drive and lady parts out too. Apples contain phloridzin which mimics the female sex hormone estradiol and vitamin E is aplenty in almonds which are full of hydrating properties. No vaginal dryness happening to you with a handful of these nuts, that’s for sure.

Dinner

Sushi is the best meal to have for your dinner. Have a tuna and avocado roll as the omega 3 and the B6 is great for libido. The miso and edamame will help with lubrication and wasabi is an aphrodisiac which will help get you in the mood. For dessert enjoy a light dark chocolate mousse. Dark chocolate contains dopamine which is a feel good chemical, ensuring that you will be in a great mood to enjoy your night of passion later.

9 Things That Happen in Every Lesbian Movie

Rainy days are made for lesbian movies.

There’s nothing like a rainy day for curling up with hot chocolate and bingeing queer movies available on Netflix. These days, the problem is that there are too many lesbian movies to choose from.

You can watch a brooding coming-of-age film. You can appreciate one of the classics. You can take it to the bedroom or to another continent. You can cuddle or cry or go, “Huh?” Seriously, the possibilities are endless.

Despite the crazy amount of lesbian movies, however, they all start to feel a little…similar. After a few flicks, you’ll probably realize that Blue Is the Warmest Color isn’t that different from Imagine Me and You isn’t that different from While You Weren’t Looking.

What tropes keep popping up in every lesbian movie?

1. The Innocent, Unsuspecting Baby Gay: A woman who has never, ever, ever contemplated queerness in her life suddenly falls deeply in love with a woman. Which woman, you may ask?

2. The Super Badass Veteran Gay: A seasoned lesbian, who is usually quirky and mysterious and may or may not have blue hair, rolls into Unsuspecting Baby Gay’s life and helps Unsuspecting Baby Gay figure out who she really is.

3. The Generic Male Figure Hovering in the Background: There’s always a man hanging around the plot somewhere. Maybe the Unsuspecting Baby Gay is married to him, like in Imagine Me and You. Maybe the Unsuspecting Baby Gay sleeps with him, like in Blue is the Warmest Color. Maybe the Unsuspecting Baby Gay dates him until she’s kidnapped by a hot lesbian spy, like in D.E.B.S.

4. Carefree Outdoor Swimming for No Reason: Normal people plan trips to the swimming pool or to the beach, but not lesbians. Lesbians are known for spontaneously stripping down to their underwear (or less) and going swimming in a pool that does not belong to them. Trespassing is sexy.

5. Spontaneous First Kiss While Doing Carefree Outdoor Swimming for No Reason: Innocent, playful splashing turns into a passionate kiss. Every time.

6. Tortured Feelings That Must Be Wrestled With: Something will tear the women apart. In heterosexual romantic comedies, this is usually because of outside reasons, like families who hate each other. But in lesbian movies, the reasons tend to be really introspective and emotional and something to do with a tortured soul.

7. A Sex Scene That Will Come Out of Nowhere: Now the protagonist is eating spaghetti with her parents – whoops, now there’s a twenty-two minute sex scene right in the middle of Blue Is the Warmest Color.

8. Overemotional Music By Some Indie Band You’ve Never Heard Before: Even if you hate that awful hipster band at the start of the movie, you’ll be Shazamming every song by the end.

9. The Super Sad Epilogue: For some reason, lesbian movies rarely end happily. More than likely, there will be a super sad epilogue five years later. Sometimes the epilogue takes a happy turn, and the women come back together just in time to have a super gay wedding (if the movie was made post-2015). But sometimes they just sadly spot each other in the rain, nod, and then walk in the opposite direction.

What’s your favorite lesbian movie trope?

Why Your Sex Life Will Improve At 30

So many women complain that they have never had an orgasm from their partner’s finger or a dildo and have actually said out loud that perhaps the G-spot simply doesn’t exist. But it does. However, we only become aware of how to achieve an orgasm through penetration only, or how to relax enough to come, through self-awareness and confidence, both of which also come with maturity.

We all know the clit is the only way to shudder, right? Wrong. The G-spot does exist, orgasms can be achieved with your boo’s finger or a dildo, but, it’s most likely to happen when you have reached these pivotal points in your life and not before. As we mature we go on a learning curve and that includes learning how to have good sex. Here are some reasons why your sex life will improve when you hit your 30’s.

You’ll Learn to Position Yourself Correctly

Seriously, this is true. As the years pass we learn new things and this includes new things about our bodies. By the time you are 30 you will know exactly how to be positioned during sex to ensure that orgasm happens, even during penetrative sex. Women gain more confidence as they get older and this means you won’t feel so insecure shifting around, moving your hips or elevating your legs to ensure the spot is hit. It’s an age and experience thing, honestly.

You Won’t Hate Your Body

We don’t mean that the second after you hit 30 you’ll no longer have any insecurities, of course you will, but, they will not be so important to you. It’s all about our prospective of self-image. We start exercising more as we get older, we will try more things to combat aging and we tend to have more meaningful relationships with partner’s that make us feel good about ourselves. So, we begin to develop more self-confidence and realise that it doesn’t matter if we have a few wobbly bits, we know we still look quite hot. When you reach this point you’ll not spend the whole time during sex worrying about how you look. You’ll relax more and learn to embrace the moment and enjoy it.

You Will Become More Open-minded in the Bedroom

In our 20’s the thought of being handcuffed to the bed post, dressing up or becoming submissive can send us into a complete state of panic. But when you get older, it won’t. As you become more relaxed and confident as you age, you will become more open to experimental fun in the bedroom which will lead you to discover new sensations and find new turn-on’s. You will go past the point of worrying that you look stupid or you’re not doing it right and you’ll immerse yourself completely into experimentation, most of which would have horrified you ten years ago.

You’ll Only Fuck Girls That Treat You Well

How many of us can put our hands up and confess we’ve slept with some right bitches, simply because they showed us a bit of attention? Well, you will eventually get to the point when you don’t need flattery from some cow to make you feel good about yourself. You’ll only sleep with people that show you respect and treat you with respect, all of which will help you grow as a person and learn that you deserve the best, not a few hours of sex from a person that doesn’t care about you at all.

You’ll Have More Sober Sex

Most of us party during our late teens and twenties. It’s a fact. This means lots of the sex we have is a drunken, meaningless fumble that we can barely remember. Not the best way to learn what we like and what we don’t like in the bedroom and not great when we wake up in the morning and can barely remember what we did the night before. You won’t participate in this kind of behaviour by the time you reach 30. You’re likely to be slightly more responsible and not see the point in wasting your money on getting pissed and hooking up with someone for a one night stand.

You Will Only Sleep with Women That Rock Your Boat

A number of women will sleep with someone because they feel they ‘have to’ not because they actually want to. Trust us, you will stop doing that. Eventually you will decide yourself whether you find someone attractive enough to want to have sex with them or not. Just because you went on a nice date and had fun doesn’t mean you owe her anything and you will get to the point that you feel confident enough not to feel like you owe anyone anything.

Thurst – This Dating App Offers More for Queer People

Gay men have Grindr. Gay women have Her. Straight people have OKCupid and Plenty Of Fish and JDate and Tinder and Bumble. (Okay, queer people technically have access to all of those too, but the pickings are slim, and those platform were definitely not designed for us.)

Where do you look for a new lover if you’re attracted to more than one gender?

If you’re genderqueer, where do you look for a lover who will accept your identity unquestioningly?

Thurst is “the first dating app designed for queer people of all genders.”

It was designed by Morgen Bromell, a queer woman of color who was tired of seeing cisgender white men dictate the app-based dating industry. A straight white man created Tinder, and almost all other dating apps have stemmed from that, implementing a swipe-based system that doesn’t always work for queer people.

Bromell created Thurst for “queer, cis, trans and non-binary folk who are seeking to connect in person.”

What makes it different from other queer dating apps? First, Thurst has enhanced levels of security – in many U.S. states someone can be fired for being LGBT, so being discovered on a queer app carries elevated risks. Second, Thurst doesn’t just let you choose “Seeking Women” or “Seeking Men and Women” like Tinder does. You can also look for people based on their kinks and fetishes. And you can filter people based on how they identify politically.

The only questionable aspect of Thurst is that it also allows you to filter by race. While Bromell undoubtedly means well, this feature risks fostering the same racism that has made Grindr infamous.

Still, Thurst has gained a lot of well-earned praise for pushing beyond the gender binary. As Bromell says:

I have always centered and prioritized trans folks and especially trans women, who face unparalleled levels of violence. These are essential principles, and embracing non-mainstream understanding of how to care for people has influenced the ways I envision Thurst, as not only an app, but a platform for cultural change. My hope is that we can allow folks to express the truths of their existence and be their full selves while seeking to connect with others, however that may look for them.

Check out the app for yourself.

8 Tips For Dating A Trans Woman, From a Trans Woman

Trans women are women. Period.

And, as with dating any woman, there are many DOs and DON’Ts. Transgender writer Leila Blake recently sat down to school cisgender on people on how to have an amazing relationship with a transgender woman.

Here’s what she said:

1. Don’t use the word “tranny.”

That is a derogatory term used in porn and it turns transgender women into objects.

2. Don’t expect her to teach you.

Leila says that too many cisgender people ask her questions that they could just Google themselves, such as “What’s the difference between a cross-dresser and a transgender person?” She’s not a textbook. Ask Jeeves.

3. Don’t expect her to roll right into bed.

Society frames transgender women in terms of what they’re able to do sexually – who can forget the awful Crying Game scene that demonized a sexy woman who dared to have a penis? In real life, don’t expect a transgender woman to want to move straight into the bedroom.

4. Don’t hide her away.

Leila says that for many people, “We’re ‘good enough’ for sex but not to be taken out in public.” Don’t be the idiot who tries to hide your relationship.

5. Steer clear of stereotypes.

You know that it’s bad to stereotype – not all black people are rappers, not all Asian people are math geniuses, and not all white people are trailer trash. But when it comes to transgender people, you might be holding stereotypes you didn’t even know you had, especially if you haven’t met a transgender person before. Don’t assume that all transgender women have penises (or don’t), that they’re all sex workers or criminals (like on Orange is the New Black), that they envy cisgender women (trans women are women) or that they want to look stereotypically feminine (butch trans women exist). Don’t excuse your ignorance by saying, “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

6. Don’t bring up sexual intercourse on the first date.

This is one of Leila’s personal rules. Not all transgender people are comfortable with their bodies, so they may not be comfortable discussing sex. Some are. Some aren’t. Tread lightly and wait for her to bring it up first.

7. Talk about sex before you do it.

Open communication is important in any sexual relationship, especially queer sexual relationships, cisgender or not. Before you sleep with her, ask her what she’s comfortable with.

8. Support her transition.

If you’re in a relationship with a transgender woman for a long period of time, especially a woman at the beginning of her transition, then be prepared for a lot of changes. Transitioning is difficult, emotionally and physically and financially. Support her.

For more of Leila’s tips, read this recent piece.

Straight Women Get Frank About Having Lesbian Fantasies

YouTube vlogger Arielle Scarcella has brought together a group of straight women to discuss their relationship with lesbian fantasy and the spectrum of human sexuality.

If we didn’t have all of this external bullshit making us think that we have to be a certain way… [people] would not be afraid to explore things like that.”

Yes, You Can Have Sex On Your Period (And It’s Awesome)

Period sex.

What was your first thought? Many people are disgusted at the thought. But why?

Women are taught to be ashamed of periods – we squirrel away our tampons so that male friends don’t see them, we keep quiet about our cramps and we swear that we don’t have PMS.

Being a queer woman has its advantages. For one, your girlfriend understands periods. That means that when you ask your her to pick up more pads, she doesn’t wrinkle her nose, and when you discover her period blood on the sheets, you wash them without asking questions.

Still, even some queer women get queasy at the thought of period sex. Here’s why you should give it a second thought.

Do you have cramps? Sex will alleviate that.

Orgasms are nature’s Tylenol. When you’re cramping, you could pop a handful of pills and hope for the best…or you could have an orgasm.be a natural pain reliever. Sex makes more blood flow to your uterus and releases endorphins that tell your brain that you are

Sex is a natural pain reliever. Sex makes more blood flow to your uterus and releases endorphins that tell your brain that you are very happy.

Obviously, sex doesn’t always mean penetration, so feel free to forgo a dildo. If you’re not yet comfortable with your partner being around you, stimulate yourself. But if you are comfortable, don’t be afraid to experiment.

It’s kinky.

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, you’ll eventually need to try new things in the bedroom, and some of them will be very kinky.

If you think about it, sex is already dirty – why else would they call it “dirty talk”? Plus, sex involves a lot of fluid exchange between a lot of “unclean” places already. You might as well change things up a bit; maybe bloodplay is for you.

It asserts that the female body is beautiful.

Society says that periods are dirty. Society also says a lot of really wrong things, like “Women should be submissive and chaste” and “Donald Trump should be president” and “Transgender women aren’t women.” By embracing your body when you’re on your period, you’re kicking the patriarchy in the face.

You own your body. You are proud of it. You will not let men dictate when you can and cannot have sexual pleasure.

Check out this article or this one for more about having sex on your period.

Indications You Might Be An ‘Undateable Girl’ (And How To Fix It)

If you find you are constantly finding fault with every woman you meet or you have unrealistic expectations on how your ideal woman should look and act, you are probably making yourself an ‘undateable girl.’ The girl that is impossible to date because you want and demand the impossible from your partner.

Being picky is OK, but having such high expectations that can never be met means you are simply going to struggle to find a woman to date. Perhaps you are simply expecting your future partner to cope with your lifestyle and you are not prepared to give and take.

You might not even be aware that you are making yourself undateable through your own actions so below are some signs that you might be the ‘undateable girl’ with some tips and ideas on how to help fix it.

You find fault with every girl you date

If you cast your mind back to your last few partners did you find fault with them all? Was one girl not intelligent enough, did the other have a crap job or didn’t have as much ambition as you wanted her to have? Nobody is perfect and you are likely to let miss right slip through your fingers if you are more focused on what she isn’t instead of what she is. The next time you date a girl focus on the qualities that she does have and think about whether you like them. She could be loving, loyal and great fun to be around but if you are blinded by your list of expectations you will miss all that she can offer you.

You are too full on

If you are quite emotional and have a tendency to pour all your feelings out really quickly you are likely to send most girls running for the hills. Don’t reveal too much about yourself on the first few dates. It’s better to keep an air of mystery around yourself as all girls like a bit of intrigue and this way you are likely to go past the second date too.

You love single life

Being single sure has its advantages but it can get lonely eventually, especially when all your friends have hooked up with partners and you are left on your own. If your need to stay single is preventing you from meeting someone perhaps you should think about the bigger picture and the future, not just the here are now. Besides, it is possible to be in a relationship and still enjoy spending time with your friends.

Your career is your life

Your work and career is and should be a top priority, but you should still make time for a partner. If you are only focused on your work twenty-four/seven that leaves no room for playing the dating game. This will put girls off if they feel you have no time for them. Try to find a balance between the two because your job can’t keep you warm at night.

You don’t have a lot of patience

Not having a lot of patience can be a hindrance in relationships. If you get annoyed with every single thing your boo says and does it’s not fair on her. Try to let some things go over you and relax a bit more. No one is perfect and we all do things that annoy others.

You are saving yourself for Miss Right

We all have expectations of how our dream girl will be, but let’s get real here, that’s just a fantasy. Living in a dream world expecting a perfect vision of your miss right to find her way into your life is not very realistic and means you are missing opportunities with other women that could be just as right for you. Remember that no one is perfect and it’s very unlikely anyone can meet all your expectations so stop being so stubborn and get to know a girl first before deciding if she is ‘miss right’ from the offset.

You are scared to get close to someone

Holding back completely is as bad as wearing your heart on your sleeve. You need to give yourself and your girl a chance. You may have gotten your heart broken in the past and this is stopping you from giving your heart to someone else, but each relationship is individual. Embrace each new woman with a positive outlook and see what happens. Even if it doesn’t work out at least you are not cutting yourself off from the dating game.

Breaking out of the ‘undateable girl’ zone is possible but only you can do it. So overcome the things that are holding you back and make yourself ‘dateable’ again.

Things Every Queer Woman Should Know Before Buying A Sex Toy

What comes to your mind when thinking of sex toys?

My previous (imagined) experience would include images of tacky, badly photoshopped, even vulgar sex shop webpages with funny product names that sometimes I like to call to my partner’s cat with because they’re small, cute, and like to interfere, like a butt plug (I’m terrible at making jokes, I know, and I do apologize for the effort).

I grew up in a quite sheltered environment, so I know how weird and shameful it might feel the first time when you sneak a few peaks online – let alone visit a sex shop irl – even if, as a queer person, you think you’ve overcome all your internalized shaming when it comes to body, gender and sexuality.

I was lucky enough to be with a friend who didn’t have any of this internalized bullshit, and was also much better educated than me on the matters of silicone friends and jelly companions.

She introduced me to LoveHoney from which I ordered my first goodies – in value-for-money prices, quick delivery, high quality and very discreet packaging. It’s a website I really do recommend, even without getting anything out of promote it because, as my friend thought too, I think that everyone deserves a good, affordable, quality sex life, and sex toys really can help discover what your body likes, spend some bonding time with yourself, or explore further hidden pleasure islands with your sexy times partner.

There are all different kinds of sex toys – and sex shops – out there, willing to fulfill all your different needs and fantasies. Of course, some of them are more queer friendly than others, but what most of us can agree is that, the majority of marketing, advertising, and toy production, is still wrapped in normalized hetero – and cis-normativity. Small steps are still being made towards inclusion – and accessible sexy times for all – but there still remain some issues to be addressed.

In this article, I will not speak as an expert who has visited all basement wonderlands in my country and has written a hoard of reviews online. On the contrary, what I wish to share with other newbies out there, is my young, pure, yet opposed to social constructions of virginity, experience as a fellow newbie who still hasn’t figured out what a Vac U Lock is.

I want to share with you what first grasped my attention on my short and fresh journey through google searches about sex toys for queer peepz, my first floral harness eBay order, and my first ideas of hosting an artistic exhibition with nebula-painted clone-a-pussies, what baffled me, what annoyed me, and what made me squee with sweet-summer-child excitement.

The steps already made – and all the cool stuff

When I said heteronormative, I’ll have to be honest that I expected much worse. I’m gonna stick with LoveHoney just because this was my own lived experience – and because it’s affordable enough to get anyone as indecisive as me easily started – but I’m going to share more directly queer-oriented sex shops below.

First of all, the reviews are pretty amazing. I especially love how explanatory, full of personal experience, and valuable advice the reviews are on the two impeccable rainbow dildos! People can also state their gender and sexual orientation so that the customers reading the reviews can decide how much they relate. The options are quite limited though, to male, female, and I’d rather not say, as well as straight, gay, and bi. I found that rather problematic – I chose “I’d rather not say” and “bisexual”, but when I tried to register for student discount, the options were only male and female…

Now it’s true that the variety of sex toys I came into was intense, and while I didn’t feel that a trans person would see themselves represented, the language was at least not heterosexist.

There were some great products that I wished I had infinite money to order, like the Big Box of Sexual Happiness, the chocolate orange body paint and the dick shaped food I’d love to cook for a formal family dinner one day.

But first of all, let me introduce myself, to…

The butt

Oh, all the fanfiction read under the covers, all the fantasies my upbringing told me to push away. All the fluidity of my different identities and the connotations that came with them… I finally decided to browse online and educate myself on my options. Anal can be particularly tricky – even dangerous – if not done right, so better do your research first. I’ll step away now because I’m certainly not an expert, and do not wish to misinform you on anything, but here is a handy anal guide from early2bed. Warning: some anatomical language.

Before I leave you wondering if I actually have anything to share or if I’m just gonna read some more fanfiction, I’ll show you my fave glittery alien tiny anal starter dildo. Go read the reviews. I trust they will be overly helpful for you.

The whole new world of people whose gender I do not wish to assume based on their genitals

I know that a “whole new lesbian world” is a section many people may feel like it’s lacking from the general sex toy discourse, and it is. It’s something I would be desperately looking for a couple of years ago, in the midst of heterosexist guides and advice. But right now I’d rather not use the term “lesbian”, for several reasons: not all women who love women are lesbians, not all lesbians, bi and pan women have the same anatomy and therefore the same needs, not all people who might be interested in similar products are women, let alone lesbians, and the point, in my opinion, is to start making the sex language– the language that has to do with bodily pleasure – less gendered than it already, heavily and oppressively is.

So what I’m gonna do, is redirect you to another article that you might find pretty helpful, on Cosmopolitan which has been doing admirable work in including sex-positive, explanatory and inclusive LGBT issues. Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo share their experience on visiting Toys in Babeland, a queer-owned sex shop in Brooklyn, and also make perfectly clear that all toys can be used for all bodies and genders, with some creativity! They unbox Strap-Ons, Harnesses, Dildos, vibrating fingertips, butt plugs, and cuffing.

Also check LoveHoney for excellent range of love eggs and jiggle balls, affordable vibrators (this rubber duck is next on my list), and a wide range of Strap-Ons to use with your partner. If you are as cheap as I am, you can go on eBay for harnesses. Just be a bit creative with keywording (you might end up with sexy lacey products directed to cis gay men, but they do their work just fine) but it’s gonna cost you less than 3 euros.

Smitten Kitten is another queer-friendly online shop – with much less gendered, and more inclusive language for people of all genders and bodies. It’s slightly on the pricier side but it is value-for-money, considering just how attractive and artistic most of their products look, the fabulous pelvic exercisers, the realistic skin-tones of their sex toys, the BDSM gear, and finally, their gender expression section.

They also have a mouthwatering, heart-eye-inducing book section, with LGBTQ guides, Polyamory books, Body positive books, and adorable feminist, funny, kitsch, sex and companionship gifts.

The wall-mounted toys

Thank Cosmo and her queer majesty Lane Moore, here you can find a complete guide to wall-mounted sex toys. Riding your wall or kitchen counter can be more fun than you think, but please stay away from the fridge.

The lack of toys directed to trans women

Which is pretty self-explanatory on its own, and it’s very sad and discouraging. An extensive google search will leave you with few to no results, and certainly everyone can use the toys that already exist, but I imagine it cannot feel that welcoming to browse through a page that is misgendering you. I don’t think it would be that hard to create another page directed to the needs of binary and non-binary trans individuals, or at least to keep your products ungendered when it comes to language, colours and stereotyping imagery, in the way that Smitten Kitten does.

Early2bed has this pretty extensive guide for trans women and sex toys, written by trans artist and educator Rebecca Kling. Warning: Just keep in mind that, while it seems very helpful and offers really important information, it uses some explicit, anatomic language.

The packing

What people of the LGBTQ+ community are also looking for when browsing on online sex shops, are packers, packing underwear and harnesses. While usually it’s trans men who pack, in this well-researched and sourced Cosmo article by Lane Moore, that is also a guide to packing for all people, examples of people of all different genders and bodies who are into the habit of packing are given, either for aligning more their body image to what makes them comfortable, altering their gender expression, or feeling more at ease during sex.

If you are looking for something affordable to start with I will inevitably redirect you to LoveHoney, just because I made my first purchase there, but there are many sites directed especially to trans men and gender-non-conforming people out there, that also have a wide range of packers in different skin tones that also allow people to have sex or pee while standing.

Buck Off is another trans-directed toy, considered the world’s first sex toy for trans men, designed by trans activist and entrepreneur Buck Angel. It is specifically designed for people who are experiencing the effects of testosterone while transitioning, and the reason I’m including it is that it might not only be trans men who are in the process or transitioning and experience discomfort with their bodies, but also gender-non-conforming people who might prefer this toy for masturbation. (Warning: anatomic language used in the sites linked).

The variety

A quick google search or just an online/mouth-to-mouth conversation with people from your local community will provide you with many queer friendly-inclusive-oriented shops. Other shops I have no experience with but looked promising were Good Vibes, My Bedroom Spice, Wet For Her, and another great article on sex toys for queer folks. The main issue I think we need to keep fighting against, and urge the mainstream – both straight and queer – sex shop industry to stop doing, is the use of problematic and harmful heteronormative and cis-sexist labelling and language, so that everyone feels comfortable when shopping for their sexual wellbeing and pleasure.

Body Language Signs That Indicate She Can’t Be Trusted

It’s very hard in this day and age to work out if you can trust someone but scientists have discovered through a two part experiment that there are actually 4 body language indicators that could show deceit.

And according to the study, we psychologically pick up on these indicators and can lead us to feel uneasy about someone who we don’t know or meet for the first time.

The body language signs are hand touching, face touching, crossing arms and leaning backwards. The first part of the study was conducted with humans and the second part was conducted using a robot. When the robot used the four movements people claimed they didn’t trust what the robot was saying or doing.

People who took part in the study were also able to distinguish whether they distrusted someone or didn’t like them which shows that we might like someone we meet for the first time but wouldn’t trust them with our money, for example.

Body language is often used to indicate a person’s attitude in everyday situations as well, such as during job interviews or when being questioned by the police for example.

Apparently, we are conditioned to think that if someone is not making eye contact with us they have something to hide or if someone is crossing their arms and leaning back when we are talking to them we think they are not interested in what is being said or they are being defensive.

Overall, it’s important to remember that it’s not just about what we say to others when we are interacting but it’s also important to be aware of our movements and gestures as well, especially if we want to make a good impression at a job interview or when meeting an important client for the first time.