Tag Archives: Sex life

Sex is simultaneously one of the most awkward and most enjoyable experiences of our lives. We love sex for all of what it gives us: embarrassing stories to tell our friends, confidence and lots of orgasms (well, hopefully).

13 Simple Rules of Sex Etiquette We’re Too Afraid To Talk About

When it comes to sex, there are a few rules that most people aren’t ready to talk about. We should, though – they hold a tremendous amount of weight that’s not to be ignored.

These are things you should be talking about, with every partner – sometimes every time we have sex.

How many do you talk about?


1. Safer sex only works if it’s every time.

The temptation to skip over the things we do to make sex safer can be overwhelming sometimes. But unless you are 100% certain that you and your partner are completely faithful, and neither of you has any diseases, you must resist the urge to skip the necessary precautions.


2. Cuddling should be discussed beforehand.

Some women like to cuddle after sex, and some women don’t. It’s best if you know these things before sex happens so you don’t end up the weird clinger who’s cuddling with someone who doesn’t want to, or the weird hands-off person who would rather push your partner out of bed. Neither one is actually weird, of course, but if you don’t clear things up ahead of time, there’s bound to be some confusion.


3. Ladies… Wash your hands first.

Sometimes sex is spontaneous, and that’s great! But if you’ve carefully planned out your sexual encounter, you should make sure your hands are clean if there’s going to be any penetration with them. Bacteria under your fingernails (or on a not-washed toy) can cause a bad infection that makes sex completely out of the question, so it’s best to make sure you’re not putting your partner at risk.


4. Do you clean up your partner or let her do it herself?

This one’s a matter of personal preference, like cuddling. For some women it depends on how the experience was. For example, if you’re too tired to move, it might be nice to let your partner dry you up – but if you’re still way too sensitive down there, it might be preferable to do it yourself. Ask her before you assume.


5. Kissing after oral sex – what’s the big deal?

According to Buzzfeed’s “Sex Etiquette Poll”, 82% of people think it’s weird if you don’t kiss after oral sex. After all, you should be comfortable with yourself, and if the smell of your own juices is a turn-off for you, maybe you should have washed up better beforehand – but this is an opinion, and not every woman will want to kiss after. Make sure she’s okay with it first.


6. Periods should come with a warning.

Not everyone minds period sex. In fact, here at KitschMix, we encourage it – when practiced safely. But you shouldn’t just assume that your partner is OK with going down on you when you’re on your period, and she shouldn’t assume that of you, either. Make sure you let your partner know if you’re bleeding down there so she can plan accordingly.


7. Communicate the good stuff!

Sometimes it’s hard to get the right words out – we understand. But if you don’t ask, you can’t be upset when you don’t get it. You should tell your partner what you want, so that she can choose whether to give it to you or not. Just keep in mind that you asking for it doesn’t obligate her to do it – consent goes both ways.


8. Communicate the bad stuff too!

Many people think that if they have given consent, they are obligated to follow through with the entire act of sex, wherever it leads. This is absolutely not true. If your partner is doing something that you’re not comfortable with, speak up!


9. Make some noise.

There’s nothing more awkward than having sex with a dead fish. You don’t have to go all-out with porn star theatrics, but you should at least make it known that you’re having a good time. Not only does it make the whole experience less awkward, it also helps to ensure you get more of what feels good and less of what doesn’t. It’s a win-win!


10. Always ask before butt stuff.

Maybe that’s not the most graceful way I could have worded it, but it’s something that’s worth noting. Even if you’re with someone who loves a lot of anal play (I’ve been there before), you need to ask her before you actually put it into motion. Every time.


11. Don’t skip over the foreplay.

Unless you absolutely know that your lady is aroused by you not taking the time to get her aroused, make sure you spend ample time getting her warmed up. This is just as true for a long-term relationship as it is the first time you have sex. Don’t skimp!


12. Don’t give with the expectation of getting in return.

Of course, it’s rude to let your partner do something to you that you wouldn’t dream of doing to them – but people have different preferences. You shouldn’t give your partner something just because you think you’ll get it back. Hopefully everything all evens out in the end – but when you give something, you shouldn’t expect that they’ll return the favor. You should be doing it because you want to.


13. Sex doesn’t always mean a relationship.

Casual sex is a tricky subject. Some people like sleeping around, and our society likes to tell these people that there’s something wrong with them. The truth is, as long as you’re acting safely, and with regard to your partner’s emotions, you’re not doing anything wrong. Most people like sex, so to pretend that liking sex more than liking a relationship is anything other than a preference is wrong.

That being said, you do need to discuss with your partner if you are developing feelings. It’s inevitable sometimes. You should never assume that the other person is developing feelings too, nor should you assume that they aren’t. It needs to be a conversation point so no one gets hurt more than what’s necessary.


Of course, there are easily at least a million rules when it comes to the etiquette surrounding sex. Sometimes you’ll set different rules for yourself, and that is 100% okay. But the most important thing is that you communicate with your partner and act with self-respect and dignity. (Yes, that’s possible even with casual sex – simply liking sex doesn’t mean you don’t have your dignity.)


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12 Reasons Capricorns Are The Best People To Have In Your Life

If you’re in the market for a new bestie, a Capricorn could be a good choice for you. Famous Capricorns include Elvis Presley, Edgar Allan Poe, and Mel Gibson, who are all well known for their creativity. There’s also Martin Luther King, Jr. and former U.S. President Richard Nixon – both known for their convictions. Basically, Capricorns are known for their inner power – something that makes them a powerful person to have in your squad.

Need more proof? Read on to find some of the great characteristics that are attributed to Capricorns everywhere!


1. They are calm under pressure, and know what to keep to themselves.

Unlike some of the other signs, Capricorns are reserved and cool. This means that they’re sure to be a good listener – they can keep their own emotions in check until they’ve helped you sort through yours.


2. They are known for their convictions and perseverance.

If you’ve already got a Capricorn in your life, most likely you know that they’re passionate and unyielding when it comes to the things they care about. Wouldn’t you like to be the one they’ll fight for?


3. They love power, authority, and respect.

And even better, they’re ready to command the respect you deserve, too. If someone is bringing you down, count on your Capricorn friend to put the other person in their place – and they’ll probably try to make them apologize, too.


4. They’re firmly planted in the present.

Some signs are quick to jump to conclusions, but not the realistic Capricorn. They understand that it’s more important to know something than to suspect something, and they won’t act until they’re sure it’s the right time.


5. They’ll be your voice of reason.

Capricorns understand that not everyone is able to look at a situation objectively – and they’re glad to lend their advice when you need it (even if you haven’t asked them to).


6. They’re warm and loving.

Even though Capricorns like to present themselves as a vat for facts and knowledge, they do allow themselves to show sympathy and warmth towards the people close to them. This makes them loyal friends.


7. They’ll challenge you.

Capricorns are known for their intelligence and quick wit – and sometimes we need a friend who’s going to call us on our crap. Leave it to your Capricorn friends to set you right when you’re in the wrong.


8. They’ll make you laugh.

If you want a friend who’s known for their sense of humor, a Capricorn may be the right choice. After all, Capricorns are known for being funny and witty.


9. They’re willing to make an effort.

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time staying on the same page with friends without priorities. Capricorns, on the other hand, are hard workers and always willing to do what it takes to ensure that everything goes the way it should.


10. They’re flexible.

It seems like everything else points towards Capricorns being rigid, but the truth is, their loyalties are more important to them than their pride, so if something isn’t working out right, they’ll change the plans so everyone is satisfied.


11. They’re good with money.

Of course, you should absolutely never use your friends for their money – but if you need to borrow a couple dollars, your Capricorn friend will probably have some saved just in case. Just don’t expect them to give it away for free – you don’t keep your money by handing it off!


12. They need friends too.

Capricorns thrive on a close-knit community of friends and family, and their low self-confidence means that they will need validation from those close to them. However, this isn’t really a flaw, because they’ll be happy to offer you the same reassurances.


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The Lost Art Of Teasing: Why So Many People Find Sex Unsatisfying

There’s this stigma associated with teasing your partner. Truly, it can be a frustrating experience if you are teased mercilessly without being allowed release, but the truth is, the longer you wait for your orgasm, the more satisfying it will be when you finally get it.

Why is it that we find sex less satisfying if the lead-up leaves something to be desired? Well, there are a number of reasons for this.


Teasing makes us want it more.

It’s a matter of basic human psychology. If you think you can’t have something, you’ll want it more. (Call it reverse psychology, I suppose.) If your partner is big on foreplay – perhaps letting it overshadow the sexual act itself – it can make you beg and squirm for it. Doesn’t that sound fun?


Teasing allows us to focus on our partner more.

When you pay extra attention to the foreplay, you are allowing yourself to explore your partner’s body, perhaps in ways you haven’t explored it before. This lets us get closer and more acquainted with each other, and of course lets us find the little things that turn each other on. In other words, you’ll know your partner better if you try to see what makes her beg.


Teasing takes the focus off the orgasm itself.

While we might like to think of an orgasm as the end-result of sexual activity, the truth is that putting the pressure to “finish” can be damaging. In some situations, if we’re too focused on the idea of getting off, it can make it more difficult to actually do it. Sex is supposed to be a stress reliever – why add extra stress into it?


Teasing feels good.

Let’s be honest. The reason that teasing is so frustrating is because it feels so damn good. So why wouldn’t you want to do it as much as you can? It puts you in a position of control, whether implied or actual, and lets you decide when your partner is ready for more.


Sex without foreplay can hurt.

Depending on the sexual activity you’re participating in, it can be painful to move forward without taking adequate time to get things started. This is especially true with penetrative sex, but it’s also true for clitoral stimulation. If you don’t get it warmed up enough first, it’s not going to feel good.


Sex without foreplay is boring.

Let’s be honest – with the exception of the various positions you can try, the variety involved with sex is pretty limited. When you expand your sexual activities to include more teasing, you’re exponentially increasing the possibilities. After all, you can start teasing anywhere – and then pick up where you left off when it’s more convenient to do so. And that’s really sexy.


Sex without foreplay is too quick.

Hey, don’t get me wrong – sometimes a quickie is just the thing you’re looking for. But if every sexual encounter is over quickly, it gets more and more difficult for us to enjoy it. We start to feel neglected, as if our needs aren’t important to our partner. Too much of this and we may begin to feel that our partner simply doesn’t care, or that they’re rushing things on purpose.


Sex without foreplay is less intimate.

Of course there are ways to be intimate that don’t involve sex at all. But if you feel deeply about your partner, it’s nice to be able to incorporate that intimacy as much as you can – and foreplay is a great way to do it. You can use this time to show your partner how much attention you’ve paid to the things she enjoys, and choose whether you give them to her right away or if you drag it out and make her yearn for it.


Foreplay is an important part of the sexual experience.

Overall, sex isn’t really complete without teasing beforehand. The truth is, the teasing itself can be a wonderful sexual experience even if there is no final release. It brings us closer to each other, and it helps us to explore every part of our partner’s bodies – and it allows us to make the most of every subsequent sexual encounter. If you’re not teasing your partner already, what’s stopping you?


 

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Why It’s Not Always Easy To Avoid Emotions After Casual Sex

Many of us like to think that we can control who we develop feelings for – even though that goes against one of the biggest arguments in support of homosexual rights. Why, then, do we want to pretend that we have a choice in the matter?

The truth is, you can’t really help who you’re attracted to – only which attractions you act on. And in the case of casual sex, you’ve already acted on those feelings before they fully came to light. Ever wonder why that is?


You’re drawn to those you spend time around.

If you’re having casual sex with the same person (which is considered safer than having multiple partners, in terms of diseases), chances are, you’re going to develop feelings for that person. We tend to be drawn to the people we spend the most time with, after all, and if you happen to be having sex with that person – the emotions are bound to happen.


Orgasms produce a bonding hormone.

If you’ve heard of the bonding hormone, oxytocin, you no doubt know that there are multiple times when it’s excreted by your body. Orgasm happens to be one of those times. This is because the body naturally wants to have feelings for the person we’re having sex with – it makes us feel good, so we want to feel it with the same person again. (Of course, this idea implies that it has to be good sex, but even if it’s just okay, the more sex you have with the same person, the more attached you’re going to be.)


Patterns begin to develop.

It’s bound to happen during sex – you start to learn more about the person. Whether it’s learning each other’s sexual intricacies, or speaking after sex (but before they leave), or you “accidentally” fall asleep cuddling, you’re bound to learn more about your sexual partner than you knew when you began. These patterns will eventually lead to feelings unless they’re stopped early enough.


Why does this matter?

If you don’t mind the idea of getting attached to someone you’ve been seeing casually, then it doesn’t matter. This is, of course, assuming you’ve put forth the time to make sure the person you’re sleeping with is in line with what you want for yourself (but that can be difficult!) and that you’re on the same page with your sexual partner. But it isn’t always easy to stay on the same page, and in fact it can be downright impossible without proper communication.

But we tend to treat our strictly-sexual partners as if they aren’t worthy of our communication. In an attempt to keep feelings at bay, we might limit our interactions to just the things we want to share with them, and leave out everything else. Even then, it might still be out of your control. There are so many factors involved with developing feelings that it’s unlikely you can prevent it from every side.

Rather, the most effective way to ensure you don’t get attached to the person you’re having sex with? Develop a sexual relationship with yourself! Get to know your own wants, your likes and dislikes, the things that turn you on. Buy yourself presents and toys and lingerie (if you like) and be your own date. Learn what makes you tick and how to make yourself climax – you’ll be glad you did!


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9 Things Lesbians Should Stop Making a Big Deal About

This has been a year full of a number of monumental “firsts” in the gay community. With all these firsts, it doesn’t make sense to me that there are things that we are still (collectively) getting up in arms about. Sure, sometimes people are out against us – but does that really mean that everyone is out against us, always?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for crying out in the face of oppression, and in standing up against those who try to keep us down. But most of the time, we’re not actually the victims we want to think we are.


1. Straight girls “acting gay”.

It’s pretty much become a common belief that sexuality is pretty fluid. Why, then, do we assume that a “straight girl is acting gay” when it’s entirely likely that she is genuinely questioning her sexuality? Think of when you first came out – most of us weren’t 100% sure right away. Instead of assuming that girl is just vying for attention, try giving her a chance. She might surprise you.


2. Straight girls wearing gay clothes.

Once upon a time, lesbians were the ones guilty of claiming clothes that “didn’t belong to us”. Lesbians used to face discrimination for appropriating the fashion choices of men, and now we take it upon ourselves to “own” these clothes (and of course, flannel) and we are disappointed when we see a straight woman wearing them. Lighten up! Clothes are clothes, and they belong to everyone.


3. Labels.

So you’ve always been super feminine, but lately you want to dress more masculine. Or maybe you’ve always been more dominant, and now you’re curious about being more submissive. Ladies, if your personal style no longer matches how you feel – why do you have to conform to the label you previously chose for yourself? Sometimes these labels may be 10, 20, even 30 years old. There’s no rule that says you have to stay the same.


4. Bisexual girls.

It’s amazing to me that, in this day and age, there are still so many people put off by bi girls. When we think of the individual components that make up our hesitation, it’s obvious that they don’t make a lot of sense – but still many of us choose to specify that we won’t date a bi girl. The truth is, a bisexual woman is no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. A difference in sexuality does not mean that the other person is a pervert – remember it used to be the gays that had to prove that?


5. Allies who aren’t perfect.

I have seen a multitude of posts on social media lately about “shitty allies”. What in the world makes an ally bad? Just because the person asks a million questions that you don’t want to answer, doesn’t mean that they mean any harm. Of course, you should let your allies know if they are asking questions that make you uncomfortable, but generally if they are asking questions, it means they want to understand. Lighten up!


6. Lesbians who aren’t lesbians anymore.

Unless the change happened while you were dating her, it’s really none of your business. And, honestly, even if you were with her when the change happened – it’s not really her fault. As we’ve said previously, sexuality is fluid. Certainly not for everyone, but for enough people that you can’t really hold it against them.


7. Bad portrayals of lesbians in the media.

Okay – this one is probably going to get me a lot of backlash. But let me explain something to you: Complaining doesn’t accomplish anything unless you’re actually willing to do the work to change things. Not everyone is cut out for acting, or singing, or any one specific outlet, but if you’re not working to change things, you’re indirectly part of the problem.


8. Every little thing that could be homophobic.

I get it – sometimes, people are homophobic. But that doesn’t mean that everything that happens to you is a result of someone being homophobic. I see so many examples on social media of people who feel that they were slighted because of their sexuality, when there’s really no way that the person who did the offending had any idea that they were gay. Not everything is about gay versus straight, and to keep assuming that everything is just makes the rest of us look bad.


9. Being friend zoned.

The whole notion of being “friend zoned” is sort of ridiculous. Just because you do nice things for someone does not entitle you to sleep with them – no matter how much you want to. We remember these things when it comes to someone hitting on us, but sometimes we forget when it comes to us hitting on someone else. Be realistic!

7 Reasons Why Dirty Talking Makes Sex So Much Better

Most of us are looking for ways to spice up our routine at home. Sometimes, that’s easier said than done. But what if it really was as easy as saying it? Well, sometimes it is!

Not everyone feels comfortable with dirty talking, and that’s okay. But typically speaking, if you’re not comfortable expressing what you want in the bedroom, you really can’t complain if you don’t get it. All it takes to get more comfortable at the dirty talk is simply practicing. It will feel awkward the first few times, but eventually you’ll be a pro!

For those who may be wondering why you should bother learning to dirty talk, the answer is very simple – but the reason that motivates you the most may be different than the reasons that motivate your partner the most. Read on to find our top 7 answers, and feel free to add to our list in the comments!


1. It’s sexy.

Most women agree that dirty talk is sexy, when done correctly and by someone you care about. Of course, most women aren’t into unsolicited dirty talk from someone who isn’t their partner, but even that is negotiable sometimes. Just be sure you don’t push it with a woman who seems uninterested.


2. It helps us communicate our desires.

Under the cover of dirty talk, it might be easier to communicate the things that turn you on. You have the safety net of being able to say you were caught up in the moment – although that won’t make the things you say any less true.


3. It forces us to think about our desires.

When a partner talks dirty to you, you are forced to evaluate whether you find the activity she’s describing sexy or not. Most of the time, you’ll know for sure what the answer is, but in some cases it may uncover additional areas you can explore.


4. It’s the easiest form of roleplaying.

For women who may be experimenting with the idea of roleplaying, maybe the easiest way to do this is just to talk as if you were someone else – this new side of you will be a sexual goddess, who says what’s on her mind exactly when it’s on her mind. Give it a try to see if it works for you!


5. It’s a new level of intimacy.

For partners who have already explored the aspects of intimacy that pertain to our lives outside of the bedroom, we might be wondering how we can make it better. Dirty talking allows us to get even closer – replacing simple moans and other sexual noises with actual words.


6. It’s exciting.

It can be deeply exciting to tell your partner about all the dirty things you want, and to hear her say them to you. Even if you can’t actually address the desires at that exact moment, you can begin thinking about them – which, for many women, can be a fun new foreplay tactic.


7. It eliminates confusion (usually).

If you’re telling your partner exactly what you want her to do to you, or exactly what you want to do to her, you’re giving her a chance to say whether that’s something she is also interested in or not. In cases where one partner may have been a victim of sexual assault, dirty talk may help eliminate the chance of a triggering sexual episode by laying out exactly what you plan to do before you do it. Of course, you’ll still have to listen and pay attention to her.


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Why Rebound Sex Only Makes You More Messed Up

Often, we hear that the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. That makes a great mantra – but it may not be the best advice. Whether we choose to believe it or not, sex is a deeply psychological commitment made with someone, and the effects may last long after the escapade has ended. There are a few different reasons why this is, and to my readers, I reassure you that none of these comes from a place of judgment. (Hey, we’ve all been there before.)


1. You could become emotionally attached to this person.

It’s always a possibility that you will form an emotional bond with a person you have sex with. This certainly isn’t always a bad thing, but if the other person isn’t on the same page as you, it can be emotionally devastating. Especially if you’re still hung up on your ex – think of all the confusing emotions that could go on there!


2. She could become emotionally attached to you.

This is right on board with #1, but from the other side of the coin. It’s not really fair to lead someone on, and if you’re not honest with your hookup about the nature of the relationship, you could inadvertently break her heart. This would then put her in the position of deciding between rebounding or working on herself – it’s a never-ending cycle.


3. You could regret the decision.

Sometimes, in a moment of desperation, we are drawn to someone who we would not otherwise be even remotely attracted to. I’m not just talking about the physical aspect of a person, because generally physical appearance is not an indicator of a person’s worth. But if you typically hold yourself to high standards with the people you date, the next morning you could feel guilt and regret about the person you chose – they might not meet the standards you set for yourself.


4. Sex is better when you know a person well.

This is because of the bonding hormone, oxytocin. Our bodies release this chemical during a few important times in our lives: When we cuddle with someone, when we have an orgasm, when we breastfeed (if you choose to do so), during childbirth… The list is nearly limitless, but in many cases, this bonding hormone is responsible for creating a bond. That bond, in turn, makes your body create more oxytocin in response to that person. Some women may be great in bed anyway – but think of how much better it would be if you waited until you were already bonded with her.


5. There is a chance of STDs with any new partner.

Of course, you could elect to get a full test before and after every partner (which you should do anyway). But most people won’t do this with every random hookup – many don’t even do it with the partners they’ve been with for awhile. There’s also a myth that lesbian sex is automatically “safer sex”, but this is not based in scientific fact at all.

In fact, a recent study found that oral sex could lead to cancer. Yikes!


6. You haven’t given yourself time to heal.

The idea of “rebound sex” is to replace the healing process with an “easier” method. But have you ever noticed that “easier” or “quicker” usually isn’t as effective as the long version of the process? It’s definitely not true in all circumstances, but when it comes to healing your heart, forcing yourself to get over the break-up usually doesn’t work as intended.


7. It’s not fair to the rebound.

This isn’t true in every situation, as some women don’t mind being “used” for a one-night-stand. But generally speaking, it’s not fair to a woman to use her for sex – even if she knows about the situation upfront. She might be uncomfortable with the idea, but feel like she hasn’t known you long enough to correct the situation. This really isn’t fair to either of you, and it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be having sex yet.


8. It’s usually not for the right reasons.

There are “good” reasons for sex, and “bad” reasons for sex, and for the most part, women make those decisions for themselves. However, if the reason has nothing to do with the woman you’re going to have sex with, it’s safe to say it’s wrong. You should choose your partners for sex, rather than choosing your timing for sex. It will happen when the time is right, if you have been fair to yourself and allowed yourself to grow and heal.


9. Treating sex like a race is never good for anyone.

Usually we don’t like to think of sex as a race. But if you’re in a hurry to have sex with someone else to push you past the idea of your ex, are you really helping anyone out? This is a different form of racing – and it can have negative consequences, not only for you, but also for the person you’re having sex with.


10. If you return to your partner, you’ll need to be honest.

I’m sure you’ve been there – a big fight with your partner, and she says it’s over for good. Then awhile later, you guys will decide that you didn’t actually need to break up, and you’ll give it another shot. Well, if you’ve had sex with someone during that “break” period, you owe your partner the courtesy of telling her – as you have put yourself at risk for an STD during the time apart, and it’s her right to know if you have done so. This can be a very uncomfortable conversation, so wouldn’t it be easier to avoid it until you’re completely over your ex?


11. You will quite possibly be disappointed.

There is a learning curve associated with having sex with someone. Generally speaking, women have different sexual needs, and therefore there is no single approach that works on every single woman. If your last partner took the time to get to know your body and understand exactly what you like, you could be incredibly disappointed if your new partner doesn’t do this – after all, there are no guarantees with a new partner, and if this is only meant to be a one-night-stand, she won’t have the time to learn your ins and outs and discover what works best for you.


12. The new lady could be crazy!

I’m a firm believer that all women are crazy; some just hide it better than others, or are crazy about different things. Obviously, it’s an exaggeration (what is “crazy” anyway?) but the truth is, you never know what’s going to happen when you seek out someone new – it’s probably best if you have at least an idea before you allow her inside your vagina. (I had a rebound once, when I was in high school, that ended up stalking me for the next five years… It’s actually pretty scary!)


Overall, it’s most important to fully understand your feelings, and you can’t do that without giving yourself time. Get to know yourself and love yourself first. Not only will you be a better lover, but you’ll also attract a better lover in return.

We can’t demand the world if we’re not willing to offer anything in return – and we can’t offer anything that’s not ours to give.

16 Things Only Lesbians Know

Ladies, let’s face it. Being gay is like being a member in a top-secret society that everyone knows about, but nobody understands. In some ways, it’s even more difficult now that we’re gaining more visibility in the mainstream media – because a lot of the things that are associated with us simply aren’t real!

Here are 16 things that all lesbians know without even thinking about it:


16. Long fingernails = bad sex.

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Most of the time, when you watch a lesbian porn, these women have super long acrylic fingernails. It can be a huge turn-on for some people, but as lesbians we know there’s no way in hell those fingernails are going inside of us.


15. Tongue rings are NOT magic.

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For a long time, tongue rings have been associated with incredible oral sex. As lesbians, we know that the incredible oral sex has very little to do with the piercing. (wink wink)


14. Scissoring is not like in porn.

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A huge number of lesbian porn features scissoring – but most lesbians who got the idea from a porno are not likely to find enjoyment from it. (It can be an incredibly satisfying experience when done right, but most porn actresses definitely do not do it right.)


13. Most gay bars suck for women.

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Most gay bars cater towards gay men, not to lesbians. I’m not really sure why that is, and hopefully your local hotspot isn’t like that – but probably 75% of the gay bars I’ve been to were mainly gay guys and straight women with their gay best friends.


12. Lesbians are crazy.

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Okay, this isn’t strictly a lesbian thing, and it’s not even all lesbians. But if you think of every lesbian you’ve ever been with, chances are, there’s at least one crazy one. (And if there’s not, maybe it’s you!)


11. Gay ladies are hard to find.

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Unless you’re attracted primarily to butch women, it can be pretty tough to find a girlfriend in the “real world”. Most likely, you’ve looked online, or hit up gay bars (only to find that they were mostly dudes… what’s up with that?). Even among other lesbians, femmes are pretty invisible.


10. Not all lesbians are vegetarians.

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I really have no idea how this stereotype started. I guess since we don’t like “sausage”, we can’t like any meat… Right? But seriously, lesbians are no more likely to be vegetarians than anyone else.


9. Drag is hard for us.

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It’s fun to play around in drag every now and then, but drag kings have it much harder than drag queens do. After all, it’s easy to tuck something between your legs and add a little padding – binding your chest and your hips takes a lot of skill.


8. Lesbians will pretty much watch anything with lesbians in it.

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Even if it’s terrible. (Especially if it’s terrible.) We eat it up, and then complain about the way they portrayed us. It’s part of our nature.


7. You will get asked for threesomes… Regularly.

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Even the least-conventionally-attracted lesbians will hear that they should join some guy and his girlfriend, or some girl and her boyfriend. We are sexualized to the point where a 6 in the “straight world” somehow gets bumped to a “10” in the “lesbian world”. And if you are conventionally attractive? That 10 turns into a 20 (and they think you’re not really gay anyway).


6. Gaydar is not real.

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Especially with straight girls stealing our fashion (I know, I know, fashion belongs to everyone), just because we think someone is gay doesn’t mean she really is. A lot of the time, it’s just wishful thinking.


5. Your exes are going to hook up with each other.

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Since the lesbian dating pool is relatively small, and a lot of women limit their choices even further by rejecting bisexual women (tsk, tsk)… At least once in your life, one of your exes will have sex with (at least) one of your other exes. I’ve got an ex who has slept with three of my exes, that I know of – after a while it’s not even weird anymore.


4. (Some) straight girls assume you’re flirting – always.

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What’s even worse is when they get offended when you set the record straight!


3. Some straight girls will hit on you.

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Not sure if they think it’s funny, if they’re questioning themselves, or what, but there’s always gotta be that one straight girl that messes with your emotions…


2. People will ask why you don’t give guys a chance.

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Sometimes it’s your family members. Sometimes it’s a well-intentioned friend who thinks your life would be easier if you’re straight. A lot of times it’ll be straight men who think they can turn you. And, occasionally, it could even be your gynecologist. (Seriously… Happened to my girlfriend one time. Akward!)


Finally, NO, we don’t all know each other!

Group Hug

We probably want to, but no, not all lesbians know all other lesbians. That would be so weird – can you imagine if we were all telepathically linked? Think of all the things we could accomplish!


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Why You Should F*ck Her Mind Before You F*ck Her Body

Most of us are looking for ways to make our sex lives even better. Even if your sex life is great, it can be hard to not wonder if there’s room for improvement. Of course, we believe that there’s always room to improve, in every aspect of life – and sometimes it can be as simple as talking it out.

There are multiple things that this could possibly mean. First, “fucking her mind” could refer to challenging her intellectually (some women consider themselves “sapiosexuals”, attracted to intelligence, although that’s not a real word as far as the dictionary is concerned). We could talk about the benefits of emotional intimacy – things that maybe you don’t tell everyone, but you tell each other. We can even talk about the pleasures of sexting (which we’ve already established is a great form of foreplay) and dirty talk.

Instead of singling any one of these out, we’re going to spend a few minutes discussing the benefits of each – and the order you should do them for best results.


Step One: Challenge her.

Of course I’m not talking about challenging her to a duel or anything like that. Rather, when you challenge someone on an intellectual level, many women find this attractive. As long as it’s done in the form of an educated debate, and not just shouting things like “You’re wrong!”, the ability to make someone question their own stance on things is a great ice breaker.

Note: Not all women will enjoy the challenge. Some women are really looking for someone easy-going, who will basically let them run the show. If you’re into that, or you’re attracted to a woman who doesn’t enjoy the chase and the competition, these tips aren’t really going to help you. Use your own discretion.

Sometimes it’s possible to agree completely and still challenge each other. But to bring to her attention any doubts she might have about her opinions – such as why do I feel ____ about ____? – you must rely on your own intellect and essentially put it on display.

If you’re planning to use your intelligence as a method of picking up women, it’s absolutely necessary that you do so with tact and logic. As eluded to before, “debating” where you simply tell the other person that they’re wrong isn’t going to win you any friends, and certainly not any lovers. You want to make her question herself without being… Well, an asshole. If you don’t think you can do that, don’t try.

Not all women will respond well to debate, and in fact some women (who already doubt their opinions and their intellect) may be put off by it. In general, the women who appreciate this form of flirting are likely to pride themselves on their brains. There should be enough of a connection between the two of you already that you know she won’t be offended.

Most importantly, you should never be insulting about your debate, whether done with romantic intentions or simply the spirit of debate. There’s a big difference between a debate and an argument, and those who don’t know the difference are probably just argumentative.


Step Two: Connect with her.

When we think of intimacy, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the physical aspect. However, it’s a pretty common belief that an emotional connection is important in a healthy sexual relationship. In fact, some women have to have that emotional connection before even thinking about having sex with someone.

When you open up to your lady, you are allowing her access to a part of yourself that not many other people see. Of course, there are some women who are pretty much an open book (myself included), but even with honest women, they’re not likely to lie everything on the table to just anyone. There are parts of ourselves that we reserve for the people we trust.

When you begin a romantic involvement with someone, there’s bound to be a little lust in play. (Obviously, this is a generalization.) By forcing yourself to focus on the emotional and romantic parts of your relationship before you take things to the next level, not only are you getting a better understanding of each other, but you’re also delaying the gratification.

A lot of people would prefer instant gratification – and I totally get that. We’re pre-programmed to want a quick turnaround on things, and sex usually makes that list too. But the way the human brain is wired, the longer we have to wait for something, the more satisfying it is when you finally get it. This means if you wait longer to have sex, it’s more likely to be mind-blowing.


Step Three: Talk dirty to her.

Some women have more of a way with words than others do. For me personally, it’s easier to express myself in writing than it is verbally, and luckily in the age of technology, it’s not hard to do. Sexting can be incredibly helpful here for a number of reasons.

First, we have the opportunity to change our words before sending them, and can get exactly what we want to say out without worrying about shyness or awkwardness. (Well… I’ve actually had some awkward sexts, but there was definitely a chance to fix it before it was sent. The woman simply chose not to.)

Second, most of the time sexting will involve being in a situation where you can’t actually address the issue right away. For example, one of you is at work, or you’re at your respective houses, far away from each other. This plays into the “delayed gratification” we touched on above. Often, just knowing that your partner wants you can make you want her in return – and because you can’t have it right then, this only increases the sexual tension.

As humans, we tend to think of sexual tension as a negative thing, but it really doesn’t have to be. When used appropriately, sexual tension can be incredibly sexy. (Just as long as you’re not all tease – that can get frustrating after a while!)

If you’re not used to talking dirty, it can be really awkward at first. Before my current partner, I never talked dirty out loud – only in writing. For some reason when I got with her, though, my inner porn star came out in all the best ways. Chances are, if you’re considering implementing dirty talk to your own sex life, you’re probably feeling the same way. Play with that idea!


Step Four: Repeat – Often!

Ladies, we know that there’s no real end to connecting with your partner. The best relationships involve constant growth, constant exploration, and constant communication. It sounds like a lot of work, but with the right partner, it can be virtually effortless.

That’s not to say that you’ll get it right, right away. Most likely it’ll be a lengthy process to get completely comfortable with these ideas, particularly if you’re shy or soft spoken. But the good news is, the more you practice, the easier it’ll get – and the sexier your relationship will become.

Why Masturbation Is Better Than Casual Sex

The subjects of masturbation and casual sex are deeply personal, and many women don’t like to talk about them, let alone advocate one or the other. If we share our interests in casual sex, we’re often presumed to be promiscuous – which has unfair negative connotations. After all, sex is great – why should we be chastised for liking it?

There has been a recent movement to remove the stigmas surrounding casual sex. Certainly, some women (and men) enjoy having sex without commitments, and generally speaking there’s nothing wrong with this, as long as you can keep the emotions at bay.

But the fact remains that the easiest way to have sex without emotional attachments is to be your own lover!


Reason #1: Masturbation helps you discover your own orgasm.

There’s a school of thought that states that the ability to orgasm is “learned”. This sounds a bit silly, as many women are surprised by their first orgasm – especially if they have had a number of partners previously and not yet reached it before.

When you take matters into your own hands, you are enabling yourself to reach orgasm on your own terms. There’s no worry about your partner getting tired and not being able to finish the job for you, as your own pleasure is often the motivator required to continue when efforts seem fruitless. To a partner, a lack of orgasm in a timely fashion could signify that they’re not doing a good job – but when you are your own partner, you’ll know when you’re getting close.


Reason #2: Masturbation helps you be a better lover.

As ladies who love other ladies, it’s almost a duty that we learn how to be good lovers. The truth is, very few people are “born” with the ability to be a mind-blowing lover, but we are all able to learn. This learning process can be achieved through practice with partners or even practice with yourself.

The benefit of being your own practice partner is fairly obvious. There is no pressure, as you won’t be disappointing anyone (except maybe yourself) if you don’t achieve orgasm. You’ve got pretty much unlimited time, based on whatever you have to work with – as opposed to having to coordinate around two different schedules. You’ll have direct, honest input as to whether your efforts are effective – whereas, with a partner, you’re relying on her to let you know.


Reason #3: Masturbation can help prevent infections.

The truth is, any sexual activities can help to prevent cervical infections when done safely. The difference with masturbation is that you are working on your own terms (and of course I use the word “working” very loosely here) and taking a proactive stance on your own sexual health.

When you masturbate, the moisture that your body produces can help to flush out any toxins in the area. The nerve endings that are responsible for the pleasure also help to relieve pain (or at a minimum, distract you from it). And the orgasm itself helps to open the cervix, which pulls mucous from within and allows the cervical fluid (the technical term for “female juices”) to become more acidic. (Don’t worry, this only sounds like a bad thing. The acidity of your cervical fluid directly corresponds to the amount of good bacteria in there.)


Reason #4: Masturbation helps prevent heart disease.

Technically, this pertains to any orgasm, but its correlation with masturbation is what we are examining. When you orgasm, your cardiovascular system gets a workout – and when you orgasm through masturbation, you can feel it coming before it happens, so you know when to amp up your efforts.

The more orgasms you have, the lower your risk for coronary heart disease and type 2 diabetes. And for many women, multiple orgasms are more likely with masturbation than they are with a partner. (Of course, if you have a partner who prides herself on delivering multiple times, that’s wonderful – but with a casual partner, there’s never any guarantee.)


Reason #5: No one knows you like you do.

Even the most attentive partners are liable to miss something every now and then. It’s human nature. But when you are your own lover, you won’t ever have to pretend. There’s no confusion between sounds of pain and sounds of pleasure (which often are similar). You can go as fast or as slow as you want – you don’t have to worry about what someone else wants!

By yourself, you’re less likely to be self-conscious, too. We are programmed to be more confident when we’re alone than when we’re “under supervision”. We’d all like to think that “supervision” only counts if you’re on camera or in public, but unless you’re 100% comfortable with your partner (which is unlikely in a casual sex situation, but definitely not impossible), your body will amplify your self-doubt more than when you’re alone.


Reason #6: Masturbation helps beat insomnia.

Again, this one pertains to any orgasm… But often in casual sex relationships, we might not want to actually sleep with the person who gets us off. (This is, of course, a generalization.) But the process of reaching climax tends to make us sleepy – and if you don’t want your partner to spend the night, you might not want to get too sleepy until she’s gone.

When we masturbate before bed, we allow ourselves to become sleepy (and we help clear the stresses from our minds that keep us awake). If we are only having sex with a partner, we might latch on to the confusion over the situation with that partner (if any exists), or we might worry about whether our partner reached orgasm, too. If you’re your own lover, you know when you reach orgasm, and there’s no confusion about the relationship.


Reason #7: Masturbation strengthens our relationship with ourselves.

Many women have negative feelings about themselves. In fact, it’s almost unavoidable. We’re our own worst critics, and some definitely have it worse than others. But when you masturbate, you are actively making time for your own pleasure, and taking your own needs into consideration. You don’t have to worry about whether your partner will respect your needs, because you’re not going to do anything to yourself that doesn’t feel good to you.

Additionally, masturbation helps us to explore our inner fantasies – something that’s never guaranteed with a partner, particularly a new partner. When we masturbate, we are relying primarily on our imagination. The things we discover when our mind (and hands!) wander can help launch a discussion with current (and future) partners in regards to the things we’re curious about.


Reason #8: Masturbation improves mood and reduces stress.

I know, I know – yet another “reason” that pertains to any orgasm. It’s common knowledge that reaching climax can have a tremendous effect on your mood and your stress levels, and in some ways that doesn’t really matter whether you have a partner or not.

But think of it this way: If you’re having casual sex, whether with a man or a woman, there’s a chance of infection. Add a point to the “stress” column. There’s a chance for emotional attachment from your partner – which, if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, can lead to guilt. Add a point for “stress”. There’s a chance for emotional attachment on your end – which, if not reciprocated, can lead to embarrassment and heartache. You guessed it, more stress and less happiness.

It seems obvious, then, that sexual activities with zero chances of contracting an STD or “catching feelings” would be even less stress than sexual activities with even a slight chance. When you prioritize yourself as a lover, you’re eliminating any chances of negative outcome (except, of course, the need to wash your sheets, toys, hands…)


Reason #9: Masturbation carries zero risks.

I touched on this a little in Reason #8, but it warrants its own section, too. Even the safest of sexual practices and the most constricting of “personal rules” has a chance to go south. Accidents happen – it’s a part of life.

But what happens if you become emotionally attached to yourself? Well, that’s a pure positive! Having a deep connection with yourself promotes your own satisfaction as a priority, and it helps to eliminate doubt and self-esteem issues. If we are comfortable with ourselves, we are inclined to be more comfortable with our partners – even if we haven’t found them yet.

And, of course, it goes without saying that you can’t give yourself an STD. It’s commonly thought that lesbian sex doesn’t carry risk factors for most sexually transmitted diseases, but this is a complete myth. Safer sex with a same-sex partner is just as important as it is with an opposite-sex partner. Unless you are using safer sex techniques with every single partner, and they are too, the risks are still high. Even if you practice safer sex, there’s no method that is 100% guaranteed except masturbation/abstinence.


Reason #10: Masturbation feels good!

When you masturbate, it feels good – pretty much guaranteed. This is because our brains have an automatic “self-preservation” function. We don’t have to think about it, it just happens. This isn’t necessarily the case when you have sex with a partner – they may not be worried about your pleasure. They might be worried about their own satisfaction and prioritize that above yours. This doesn’t automatically mean that they’re a bad person, only that they’re relying on the basic human instinct of “looking out for #1”.

If you’re having sex alone, you are #1. You can tailor your efforts to be the most effective for you. Your body won’t let you do anything that doesn’t work for you, which even extends to not finishing if you’re not feeling it. Of course, the best partners will be attentive to these needs too – but as I mentioned in the section about multiple orgasms, there’s no guarantee.


Reason #11: Masturbation is natural.

I know there are some women who may argue that all sex is natural, and they would be mostly right. It’s definitely not perversion that drives us to sex with a partner, it’s just a matter of how we’re programmed. But think about it this way: Most likely, your first sexual experience was one of self-service. Most people begin masturbating around the onset of puberty, because we are drawn to do it. Not everyone will, and there’s nothing wrong with starting later in life. But if it worked for you when you were younger, why wouldn’t it work for you now?

Your own preferences and needs are bound to change as you grow older, but the pull of masturbation stays pretty constant. Personally, I feel very little “pull” to masturbate when I’m in a committed relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it never happens. Anyone who pretends that they never masturbate is, most likely, lying.

Society teaches us that masturbation is frowned upon. Sometimes, it’s even in our religious teachings or our sexual education. But any claims that there is any psychological consequence from masturbation are largely unfounded.

Of course, some may argue that an “addiction” to masturbation can occur, and this of course is viewed as a bad thing. If your desire to masturbate gets in the way of your daily life (such as needing to masturbate while at work, or putting off your duties in order to do so), you may be relying on it too much. But as long as it doesn’t interfere with your priorities, there is no harm. Everything in moderation.


 

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9 Yoga Inspired Poses That Could Actually Lead To Better Sex

If you and your partner are both flexible, fit, and strong, it may be a good idea to incorporate those strengths into the bedroom. Make sure to stretch out beforehand, though; these are not your typical positions. If either of you isn’t in the greatest physical shape, these positions can be a bit dangerous. (Imagine how embarrassing it would be if you had to go to the hospital because you hurt yourself trying to please your partner!)

However, for those who are in peak physical condition, it can be a fun way to make your sex life a bit more of a work out. Super fun and incredibly sexy, these moves are guaranteed to satisfy.

 


French Can-Can

French cancan

This position isn’t exactly the most comfortable, and it will definitely require the “receiver” to be quite flexible. Starting in a typical cunnilingus position, the partner who is receiving the pleasure will simply lift one of her legs so that it’s perpendicular to the rest of her body. (If you can lift your leg higher, go for it!) It might not be easy to maintain, but if your partner is using her fingers or a toy as well, it will allow for deeper penetration. Even if you don’t enjoy being penetrated, there’s something fun about this one!

 


Rising Flame

Rising flame

This one’s a bit more difficult to explain, but it’s fairly simple to perform once you understand it. One partner will be laying on her back and her feet (with her bum raised into the air; you can support with a pillow or sex cushion if you’d like). The other partner will be lying beside her, with her face to  her partner’s legs. The partner who isn’t up in the air can then perform wonderful oral sex on her partner, with the arch of the back making for an intense orgasm. The other partner can use her fingers or a toy to tease her lover to ensure mutual satisfaction.

 


Chaise Lounge

Chaise longue

This requires a bit of flexibility and leg strength from the giver. Seated on her back with her legs up in the air, she should invite her partner to sit on top of her. Her vagina should be in line to receive some oral pleasure, while her back is supported by the legs of the giver. Should your legs begin to give out (say, for example, if your partner requires a lot of attention to achieve a climax) you can instead have your knees bent with your feet tucked close to your bum. It definitely works best if the partner who will be on top is on the smaller side, but as long as you can handle the weight on your chest and stomach, it’s sure to please.

 


Immediate Take-Off

Immediate take-off

If you’re into strap-ons (or other toys), this can be a fun way to incorporate new angles into your routine. After a bit of traditional missionary penetration, the partner who is receiving should lift her back and bum off the bed, into a bit of a head-stand. If you’re using a strap-on, the giver can help to support her partner in this lift-off, although in a pinch you can use pillows or a sex cushion instead. It’s certain to produce a wonderful pleasurable feeling with the new angle, and the simple difference of the height makes it easy to stimulate the G spot for that ultimate climax.

 


Upside Down

Upside down

I’m sure you’ve probably had sex where one partner lies on the bed and the other kneels on the floor in order to provide oral gratification. Well, this is similar, except that the partner who is giving will be the one on the bed! The partner who is to receive the pleasure should be lying with her bum on the bed and her head resting on a comfortable pillow on the floor. She can then caress her body as she pleases, which is definitely going to turn you on. Her lover will then lie on her stomach, in between her partner’s legs, and feast on the view that is provided. Additionally, it works best if the giver actually “feasts” – the head rush will undoubtedly lead to a quick release and a super pleasurable experience for all.

 


On the Tip of Your Tongue

On the Tip of Your Tongue

If you’re familiar with the “butterfly stretch” (that is, your legs at right angles and your feet pressed together), this shouldn’t be too difficult for you. It’s not necessary that your knees be placed on the bed, although the partner who is giving can definitely push them down for a bit of extra stretching. Once you’re in position, your partner will be able to provide oral pleasure while you rock yourself back and forth against her tongue – definitely hot, and the receiving partner will have a great deal of control over the placement of her partner’s face. For some extremely sexy teasing, the giving partner can opt to withhold her tongue and instead offer her lips for some light rubbing. If you choose to do this, be warned – the receiving partner will undoubtedly be begging you to finish her off in no time!

 


Weightlessness

Big Bridge

This one requires a good amount of strength and flexibility from both partners. The receiving partner will be lying on her back, while the giver will be standing. With care, the giver will then lift her partner’s bum towards her face while bending over to go down on her. It’s a bit tricky for both partners, but it’s definitely something to try if both partners are in good physical shape.

 


Big Bridge
Big Bridge

One partner will be laying with her back on the bed, but her feet on the floor, with her legs bent at a 90-degree angle to form a sort of bridge. The other partner should climb on top and position herself so that  they can rub against each other. Ideally, both partners should be on the smaller side, and the one on bottom will need to have a fair amount of leg strength (as the partner on top will be fully supported by this “bridge”). Lock your hands together for greater control, and ride your bridge until you both climax, or decide to proceed to another activity.

 


Little Bridge

Little Bridge

This is very similar to the Big Bridge, with the exception that the partner on top will be supporting her weight with her feet on the floor. She will then rub her clit against the lower partner’s thighs until she achieves climax; optionally, the upper partner can use her hands to stimulate her partner at the same time.

Again, we must insist that you do not try any of these positions if you are not incredibly fit and flexible, as they have the potential to cause serious injury if you’re not accustomed to the physical demands. However, should you be able to accomplish them, they’re certain to provide hours of new excitement to your life – and they’ll definitely be the most fun workout you’ve ever had!


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The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

1. Kissing a girl is totally amazing. Its so much softer, sexier and lovelier than kissing a guy.


2. You get to snuggle with someone who’s not covered in body hair.


3. Watching The L-word with your girlfriend


4. You don’t wake up to a boner sticking into your back.


5. Women smell a lot better than men.


6. Women have boobs, which you get to touch.


7. You never ever have to experience pregnancy scares.


8. Another woman knows exactly how to touch you and at what speed.


9. When you move in with your girlfriend, your wardrobe literally doubles.


10. The sex is better, which has actually been proven by science.


BONUS Thing. You get to break all societies patriarchal rules!

Riding The Crimson Wave: The Pros and Cons Of Having Sex On Your Period

Many ladies get a bit squeamish when it comes to the subject of period sex. It’s pretty understandable, actually, as many women have learned to think that their menstrual cycle is “gross” or “dirty”. It’s not the cleanest time, and we may even think we smell. However, period sex is one of those weird things that you can’t help but think about. After all, many women are highly aroused and sensitive to stimulation when on their period. It’s scientific.

Is it worth putting up with the “gross” bits in order to give in to your desires? Well, that’s a matter of personal preference. There are arguments for and against it, and no two people weigh the factors exactly the same. We have taken a look into the pros and cons in order to help you make a more informed decision one way or the other.


Pro: It feels really good.

When you’re on your period, your body is naturally more receptive to certain stimuli. Sometimes this is an emotional stimulus, such as something that would normally make you a bit frustrated suddenly makes you quite angry. Some women may not be aware that this sensitivity extends to your physical senses, too.

Particularly if you haven’t been touched in a while, the nerve endings in your skin will be on fire at the slightest touch. Sometimes this can make you extra ticklish – but sometimes it means that you’ll be more turned on. We all know that the more turned on you are, the better it feels!


Con: It can be messy.

Ladies, the best sex is usually messy. This may not ring true for everyone, but if your partner is sufficiently aroused, she’s most likely to leave a “wet spot” on the bed. However, there’s a huge difference between normal sexual fluids and period blood, and often the difference can mean stained sheets if you’re not careful.

If you wish to participate in period sex, but don’t want to worry about the mess, there are some options. I find that putting in a fresh tampon and washing the area before sexual activity is generally the cleanest solution. If you are still concerned, there’s probably some old towel lying around somewhere that can help save your bedding just in case there’s any bleeding over.

For those who may be unable (or unwilling) to use a tampon, you can elect to have sex in the shower instead. It’s typically a good idea to not come into contact with someone else’s blood, so ensure that you are taking the adequate precautions. The point here is that it doesn’t have to be messy if you don’t want it to be.


Pro: It helps relieve cramps.

If you’re cramping pretty bad, it can be tough to remember that physical activity helps. Most of us, when on our periods, have very little desire to go for a jog – but there is some other “cardio” you can do that doesn’t even require getting out of bed. If your partner is willing to satisfy your sexual needs and get your heart pumping, it actually has an anesthetic effect on your uterus (your whole body, actually!).

Even if it didn’t actually stop your period pains, it can be a great distraction from them. After all, if you’re in the middle of an orgasm, are you really going to think about your headache?


Con: Some women are afraid it will smell.

When we’re on our periods, we can often smell ourselves – and this makes us uncomfortable. However, remember when I said period sex feels really good? Your sense of smell is overcharged at this point of your menstrual cycle, too – as long as you keep it clean, the only reason you can smell it is because your nose is going haywire.

If you’re worried about the smell of your vagina when you’re on your period, make sure you take a shower. Even just a quick rinse before you begin can do wonders. Most of the time, you smell worse to yourself than you do to someone else.


Pro: It feeds our desire to be pampered.

Of course, not everyone has the desire to be pampered when they’re on their period, but many women do – and period sex is great for that. The “extra work” required can be used as a foreplay tactic, and the receiver can soak up all this attention without guilt. After all, your partner is getting the pleasure of not having limits on when she can have you – that’s its own gift sometimes!

If you plan to use this as a tactic to help you talk your partner into letting you have sex with her when she’s on her period, you can start by giving her a sensual massage. I don’t know too many women who object to getting a massage – especially when they’re on their period! Her body’s nerve endings will be extra stimulated by this, and it’s easy to pave the way to passionate exploration. You might not even have to go “all the way” for her to climax – but your experience may vary.


Con: We might not feel sexy.

I know a lot of women who thrive on their perception of themselves as sexual creatures, and when we’re bloated and miserable, we’re not exactly the most self-confident. However, this is something your partner can directly help with. By showing you that she is attracted to you even when you don’t find yourself attractive, she is confirming that you really are. Her opinion might not be as important to you as your own, but it’s surely a start!

Over time, when a partner shows us that they find us attractive no matter what, our bond is strengthened. Whether we choose to admit it or not, humans are creatures of ego in at least some part. We form our opinions of ourselves indirectly as a result of the opinions of others (whether in agreement or disagreement). This means that even those women with the lowest self-esteem can eventually learn to love their bodies in every way when given enough encouragement.


Pro: It relieves sexual frustration and stress.

Truly, this is something that’s true of any good sex, but it’s particularly important when you’re on your period. The way our hormones may spike can lead to a great deal of stress, which is more difficult to relieve because of those same hormones. It seems like a catch-22, but it doesn’t have to be. You just need to focus on something that brings you joy, and separate yourself from the things that cause you frustrations.

Some women even get stressed about the fact that they “can’t” have sex while they’re on their period, which in some ways is ridiculous. There are no set-in-stone rules that say you can’t, only constructs of your mind that bring up the negativity.


Con: It’s wrong.

Okay, so I said there were no set-in-stone rules, but I think technically it’s in the Bible that you shouldn’t “lie” with a woman on her period. Obviously if you feel that it’s against your religious beliefs, you shouldn’t participate – but otherwise, the fact that it’s “against the rules” can actually be a benefit.

For those who don’t have firm beliefs that period sex is wrong, and instead only have their society or culture telling them that it’s wrong – this can be used to your advantage. Many women are aroused by the idea of doing what’s “taboo”, and period sex can be a way to indulge this. After all, outside of you and your partner, who’s going to know that you did it? It can be a secret if you want it to be – and sometimes secrets are extra sexy.

Arm Chair Sex: 9 Positions You Need To Try Tonight With Your Lady

Every now and then, the situation will arise where you’ll want to add a new element to your sexual repertoire, but you might not know how to do it. It doesn’t always need to be anything fancy; sometimes all you need is a chair or two. In fact, we have searched the internet and compiled a list of the best sex positions that utilize a chair. Read on to find some new inspiration.


9. Love Seat

Love seat

You will need a chair, a couch, or (as the name implies) a love seat for this position. Seated next to each other, you can use your hands to pleasure each other – either individually or at the same time. For an extra sexy bonus, consider trying this at the movie theater or under a blanket (just please keep it away from kids’ movies or places you could be arrested!)… The addition of the sneakiness is sure to get the juices flowing. Make sure you don’t get too loud, though, or you’re bound to get caught!


8. Head First

Head First

You must exercise a bit of caution with this position, as the blood may rush to the receiver’s head and potentially render her unconscious if you’re not communicating effectively. In order to achieve this, the “giving” partner will be seated in a chair, with the “receiving” partner straddling her lap. Very carefully, the giver should assist their partner in leaning forward so that her head is facing the floor. (I recommend using a cushion under your arms for a more comfortable support.) Once you’re properly positioned, the partner who is seated is free to pleasure whichever parts of the receiver that she wishes. The receiver will undoubtedly feel a bit vulnerable in this position, but with adequate trust and communication, this should only enhance the pleasure.


7. The Stronghold

The stronghold

You will need two chairs of the same height in order to get into position. Each partner will be seated at the edge of one of the chairs, using her arms to support herself – make sure that you are facing each other. Tangle your legs together and press and rub your pubic bones against each other. This variation on typical tribadism allows for a new angle and some increased support in order to rock each other’s worlds. Keep in mind that this can take a fair amount of practice in order to successfully pull it off!


6. Welcome Back

Welcome Back

The giving partner will need to be seated in a fairly low chair. The receiving partner will then bend over in front of her, allowing for oral pleasure from behind. Be sure that you don’t use a rolling chair for this as the partner who is bent over will likely need to support herself on the seated partner’s legs. The partner who is bent over is also able to pleasure the seated partner with her hands or a toy.


5. Best Seat in the House

Best seat in the house

When you want to be in complete control of your partner, it could be as simple as sitting in a chair (or on a stool) and commanding her to go down on you. The receiving partner is able to hold onto the head and/or shoulders of her giver for extra control, if desired. Both partners are sure to be turned on by this wonderful “feast” – and the view’s pretty great, too!


4. The Naughty One

The naughty one

This position allows for a total view from behind, which can be loads of fun! One partner should be seated in a chair, with the other partner standing on a chair of similar size. The standing partner will need to support herself, so make sure that her chair has a back of adequate height to bend over (and neither chair should have wheels; dining room chairs work perfect – as long as you live alone!). The seated partner can then use her hands, a toy, or her tongue to please her partner while taking in the wonderful view.


3. Joystick

Joystick

One partner should be seated in a chair, with one foot on the floor and one foot on the chair itself. This works best if the chair is slightly reclined, with ample seating space; definitely not one for a dining room chair. The partner who is to receive the stimulation is then to climb on top of your leg, straddling your thigh, so that she can rub her clit against your leg. She can even grab your lower leg in order to maneuver you to the position that brings her the most pleasure. It might not make your everyday routine, but it’s certainly something to try!


2. High Voltage

High voltage

Be aware that this position will cause a bit of a head rush for the receiving partner, but with proper precautions it’s sure to be a hit. One partner (the giver) will be seated in a chair, while her partner is kneeling at the sides of her legs, facing the floor. The seated partner can then provide intense oral pleasure to her partner with this seated variation of the traditional 69 position. However, due to the angles you’re at, it will be nearly impossible for mutual stimulation. This shouldn’t be an issue, though, as the partner who is receiving will already be in a rather vulnerable position and should be catered to in order to guarantee her orgasm before all the blood fills her head.


1. In a Spin

In a spin

Essentially, this position is just scissoring in a chair. It can be a bit tough to understand the angle you need, but once you have it down the rest is really self-explanatory and guided purely by pleasurable intuition. Seated facing each other in the same chair, you will need to intertwine your legs and rest your clits against each other. From there, you can guide each other by grabbing hips, as well as rocking yourself in order to satisfy yourself – which will ultimately satisfy your partner, as well.
Once you have mastered all of these positions, it’s time for you to start expanding your options. Get creative! That’s what passionate sex is all about. If you’re seeking to add some more spark into your love life, sometimes all it takes is a bit of out-of-the-box thinking to really get the juices flowing. Remember, there are no wrong answers – just things you haven’t tried yet.


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The Psychology Behind Most Female Sexual Fantasies

When we think about our sexual fantasies, we may think that they are rooted in a psychological problem. Sometimes, if we fantasize about someone who isn’t our partner, we may be worried that these fantasies put us at risk of acting on them – however, that’s not always the case.

In most situations, our fantasies are just that: Fantasies. Being able to act them out in our mind is often enough for most of us, and if they aren’t, our partners may be willing to accommodate us to a certain extent. It’s only when this “certain extent” isn’t enough for us that there’s any real cause for concern, and even then, it’s iffy.


Fantasizing about someone else

This is, believe it or not, the most common fantasy out there. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to cheat on your partner, and should only be considered an indicator of this if you actually have a strong leaning towards being unfaithful. Even then, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with you – only that there’s something wrong with your relationship.

Sometimes, we may be drawn to the idea of having sex with whomever we please. It’s human nature, and anyone who denies that they’ve ever had these types of thoughts is probably lying. However, inwardly, we know the consequences of acting on these fantasies, and we choose to keep them fantasies. Instead of sleeping with the neighbor, we will instead ask our partner to don a costume for a particularly sexy night. Hey, it’s not cheating if the “side girl” is still your girl!

If, however, you are unable to confine yourself to just sleeping with your partner, it may be beneficial to you to seek out an open relationship. It has its own hazards and consequences, of course, but for those who are unable to commit themselves fully to one partner, it may be the best option. Opening yourself to the idea of having multiple partners, while being completely honest with them, will allow you to explore these feelings and determine what they mean from you.

You may discover that you don’t like having sex with other people as much as you like the idea of having sex with other people. This is understandable, as fantasies thrive on the best case scenario, and reality does not. In these cases, you and your partner may decide that openness doesn’t actually work for you after all!

In other cases, you may feel that the sexual activity you share with the other women helps you forma deeper connection with your partner. After all, you are allowed to seek out a partner who is more willing to accommodate the fantasies that your partner might not be comfortable with – allowing you to focus your intimacy on her and her alone.

Neither of these scenarios is inherently “right” or “wrong” – your relationship should be a balance of your needs and hers.


Pornography

A lot of people equate dependence on pornography with sexual misconduct. This, in general, isn’t a fair assumption. Of course, those who are drawn to pornography involving children are, indeed, committing their own form of sexual misconduct and should be dealt with appropriately. But as long as there is no direct communication between the porn “actresses” and the person watching the movies… There is no implied foul play.

One of the easiest ways to drive this particular point home is the fact that lesbian porn is a common male fantasy – but most men don’t actually want to have sex with lesbians. This is because, in their mind, they know that the association of the “lesbian” label means that the woman has decided that she will not, in fact, have sex with a man. However, when viewing “lesbian” porn (which is often just paid actresses who truly prefer men) they are able to act out their internal “challenges” and translate them into something else.

The same can be said for women, as well. I know some lesbians who get off on homosexual male porn – does it mean that they want to have sex with a gay man? Probably not. Often, the idea of pornography is to indulge our inner voyeuristic fantasies, and not to actively participate. Certainly there are some who may imagine themselves inside the movie and interacting with the actresses, but this isn’t always the case.

If your partner is interested in porn and you have a problem with it, it may be valuable to ask yourself where your problem is coming from. Generally, there’s no good justification for banning pornography in your relationship, as long as your partner wouldn’t rather participate in self-gratification than in sexual acts with you. I’ve encountered a lot of women who actually look at porn as if their partner were cheating on them – and I can’t imagine how the connection is made!

Of course, you are free to define infidelity in your relationship in whatever manner you choose, but under normal circumstances, pornography doesn’t indicate any greater problems, and should be encouraged as an outlet for sexual fantasies that you might not be willing to accommodate directly. For example, if I had a partner who were into dark-skinned women, I’d much rather she watch porn involving women of color than to stray to seek out someone else to meet that need.


Domination and Submission

While being aroused at the idea of dominance and submissiveness doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong, we can find a place that it’s typically coming from. As children, we may have been denied some aspect of our formative teaching, which results in our inability to process this. We encode this lack of foundation into our sexual desires – and it takes the form of a “permanent helplessness”.

This permanent helplessness can take either the form of submission (an intentional display of helplessness) or dominance (an intentional display of “proving” your power). Of course, children who are able to address these issues while they are still in their formative years may be able to bypass this, but that’s not to say that they’re automatically a bad thing.

In general, when a traumatic experience (no matter how repressed) is turned into a sexual fantasy, it’s our mind’s way of coping with the trauma. This coping mechanism may not be understood by those who don’t share it with us, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Any way that you find to put a “positive spin” on something that would otherwise be bad is, in general, a good thing.

In most relationships, there will be a sense of balance between the dominance and the submission. This balance may mean that one partner is more “powerful” and one is more “overpowered”, or it may mean that there is balance within each partner separately. I personally enjoy both “roles” at different times depending on my outlook for that particular sexual encounter.

Generally speaking, as with any other sexual fantasies, as long as there is an agreement between you and your partner and no laws are being broken, there’s nothing wrong with a little “deviant” play. It’s only when the need for deviance becomes overwhelming that there is a problem – if you’re unable to orgasm without your fantasies being accommodated, there may be a deeper issue at play.

Naturally none of this is to be taken as medical advice, and if you are concerned I absolutely urge you to seek the help of a qualified psychological professional to address the underlying issues that may be at hand. But if you’re not worried, and your partner’s not worried, there’s probably nothing wrong, and it’s best to keep your personal life as personal as you’d like it.

What Your Zodiac Sign Says About the Way You Fall in Love

Is true love in the stars?

When thinking about the successes and failures we have in our love life, we are often looking for ways to ensure greater successes and less frequent failures. However, if you follow your horoscopes, you may know that some things are considered unavoidable – they’re destined in the stars.

Each of the signs has its own characteristics that will help determine their love, now and into the future. Read on to learn a little more about your sign – and maybe even the sign of a prospective partner!


Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries women fall in love pretty fast when compared to other signs. They tend to fall hard, too – which will make them dedicated lovers when the time comes. They are courageous and enthusiastic, which will be sure that their partner knows how they feel about them. On the other side of the coin, they may be selfish and impatient, which can be frustrating when they’re dealing with one of the signs who takes longer to fall in love. If you’re in love with an Aries, make sure you let her know where you stand in the relationship at all times – it’s only fair!


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Taurus women fall in love with subtlety. That’s to say that they don’t always realize that they’re falling in love until it’s too late to “change” anything. Not that they’d necessarily want to change it anyway – their nature is to be patient, loving, and persistent, which means that any relationship they enter is under the assumption that it will lead somewhere mutually beneficial. They can be a bit jealous, so it’s best not to bring this out in them, and they can be rather resentful if they can’t get their way. If you’re in love with a Taurus, it’s best to let her make the plans!


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Gemini women are hesitant about falling in love – because they often fall in love with the last person they’d expect. However, their adaptability ensures that they will find a way to make it work regardless. They enjoy communicating with their partner and may become nervous if their partner isn’t as open with them. They are often eloquent and intelligent, and this can be either a blessing or a curse. It’s best that you treat your Gemini right, as she’s likely to have her revenge planned ahead of time!


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Cancer women fall in love with the imperfections of a person. They are protective over their partner’s imperfections and will stand up for her even if she may be wrong. Cancers also have one of the widest “ranges” of any sign – they can be either loving or moody, intuitive or over-emotional, sympathetic or clingy. If you are a Cancer, it’s best if you work to balance out these traits as best as you can. If you’re in love with a Cancer, rest assured that this woman is going to love you with every ounce of her being unless you do something to mess that up.


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Leo (July 23-August 22)

In stark contrast to the things that Leos are overly confident about, Leo women are shy about their love. They won’t say it until they’re certain. They are often generous and faithful, even if they aren’t ready to admit their love yet – and their creativity can bring an exciting edge to the bedroom. However, they may be a bit bossy, sometimes to the point of misunderstanding – if you don’t agree with them, they assume you’re wrong. If you’re in love with a Leo, it can be a challenge to work around her potentially patronizing ways. Just rest assured that it’s coming from a place of love – she loves you enough to point out when she thinks you’re wrong.


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Virgo women take a long time to fully fall in love. This is in part because of their meticulous nature; they have to be certain that it’s right for them before they allow their emotions to take over. They like to analyze all the details of the relationship and weigh these things against any feelings they may have to ensure that it’s worth their effort. They can be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to their lovers, which is true to their nature, and they tend to forget to “soften” their words before they say them. However, if you love a Virgo, it’s best to remember that they are shy and practical, which is why they caution themselves so much.


Libra (September 23-October 22)

Libra women fall in love almost like it’s a joke. Those around them will see that they’re falling in love, but they’ll just laugh it off until the time is right. It’s a bit silly to keep it “hidden” when everyone knows, but Libras do this to help protect their own hearts. They are charming and easy-going, which makes it easy for others to fall in love with them – but this can translate to flirtatiousness and self-indulgence, which may make it difficult to maintain the relationship they’ve formed. If you’re in love with a Libra, you’ll need to be aware that their indecisiveness may someday outweigh their romance. This is especially true since they are easily influenced, and other women may be able to convince them to stray.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Scorpio women are passionate about their loves – but they do their best to keep their private life private. They are intuitive over the various aspects of their lives, which may lead them to unnecessary jealousy if they put the pieces together wrong. However, they are determined and magnetic, which guarantees that they will keep you enthralled once they have you. Just be aware if you are in love with a Scorpio that they may be keeping things a secret. In most cases, these are minor secrets, but in certain scenarios it may be something negative – make sure you try to push her to communicate with you for the most success.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Sagittarius women fall in love super fast. They know “the one” when they see them, and often make the decision soon after that they will be a large part of their lives. They do love their freedom, but what they love more is a woman to share their freedom with them. They are honest, and because they assume others are too, they can be a bit optimistic (sometimes when they shouldn’t be). If you are in love with a Sagittarius, it’s important that you remain truthful to her – after all, her high intelligence assures you that she will find out at some point, and then you’ll be in trouble!


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Capricorn women take a logical approach to love. They have a method to their emotions, and they won’t declare their love unless they know the person will do right by them. They are ambitious and driven towards a practical solution – and they are always patient in their execution. Unfortunately, this ambition leads them to a bit of pessimism, as they are worried that things might not go the way they’d like them to go. If you’re in love with a Capricorn, you’ll need to reassure her that you’re not going to do wrong by her. Don’t just tell her – show her!


Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Aquarius women fall in love quickly – but with subtlety. They will feel themselves drawn to a person, but won’t be able to pin their finger on it right away. They’ll be faithful and honest, but they’ll keep their emotions to themselves – which can be frustrating to the women who love them. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible, though; they’re just independent. You should strive for their love and respect, but let go of the idea of her needing you – she won’t. She can be a bit unpredictable and detached, but with the right partner (preferably one who is patient) she will open up over time.


Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Pisces women are innocent about their love. They will enter any relationship with the idea that it could lead to love – and when it does, they feel completed by it. These women are imaginative and intuitive, which can be a tricky combination – even she will have a hard time determining what’s a realistic outcome and what’s just a figment of her imagination. They can be vague and may have a tendency to flee if their needs are not being met. However, if they are satisfied in their relationships, they are compassionate, selfless, and sensitive. Therefore, if you love a Pisces, it’s best if you are ready to lead her in the right direction.

 

What Your Favorite Sex Position Says About You

Who we are in the bedroom isn’t necessarily who we are out in the world – but there are some cues to your personality hidden within your sexual style!

Even the most adventurous among us most likely has that one go-to position that reveals something about their personality. This might be something that doesn’t need to be said, such as someone who only has sex while fully (or mostly) clothed may have some body confidence issues. Other times, it might be something deeper and more hidden. If you are having sex within the confines of a committed relationship, it’s likely that your partner already knows these things about you from outside of your sexual relationship – but wouldn’t it be nice to know what it means?

Of course, we encourage our readers to pursue many different sexual activities (safely, and with both partners consenting), but the things you try don’t say as much about you as your go-to position. Read on to find out more.


Favorite Position: Missionary/Traditional Sex

Many people might think that the missionary position between lesbian partners means that one of them is emulating a heterosexual relationship, as the missionary position is considered the “standard” for straight couples. However, it’s actually pretty standard for most relationships. It’s usually the easiest, and the position we’re most comfortable with. But that doesn’t mean it’s “straight-acting” or “boring”.

Traditional or missionary sex as your favorite go-to position indicates that you are afraid of change. This isn’t always a bad thing, as long as you are willing to spice it up every now and then. The preference for missionary position indicates that you would rather do something you know you can do well than to branch out and possibly fail. It doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to try new things – but you feel more comfortable in your “safety net”.


Favorite Position: Doggy Style

The appeal of this position in the bedroom is irrefutable. There’s something sexy about the act of being “taken”, and doggy style sex eagerly lends itself to this. Whether you use a toy, your hands, or even your mouth, sex from behind is a way to take charge (on the part of the giver) and a willingness to give your body fully (to the receiver).

What this means for your personality is that you’re probably either a “giver” or a “receiver” – although those labels aren’t as cut-and-dry as they may seem. In fact, the one who is the “giver” in doggy style sex is more likely to be the “receiver” outside of the bedroom – that is, they may require a great deal of attention from their partner, and in return they offer their “services” in the bedroom. The “receiver”, on the other hand, is likely to be more caring and dedicated in their actions outside of the bedroom – often giving themselves wholly to their partner in every aspect they can.

That doesn’t automatically mean there isn’t equality in the relationship. If both partners are particularly fond of this position, it indicates a level of balance that often isn’t understood by others, but that’s okay. Your relationship isn’t for spectators – it’s for you!


Favorite Position: 69

This is an implied position of balance. I have often remarked on how the “69” representation looks an awful lot like a yin-yang symbol, and for good reason – the two are in harmony.

If you and your partner both prefer a 69 position, it means you value the most efficient process to get things done. (And what could be more efficient than mutual oral gratification?) You’re likely to be successful in other aspects of your life, because you’re used to balancing the “giving” and the “getting”. You know that it can’t all be work, and it can’t all be play – so you find a way to enjoy the tasks at hand, as well as to turn the “play time” into something you’re dedicated to.

Outside of the bedroom, the couple is likely to share tasks whenever possible. They know that if they are able to get through the “have to” more quickly, they can get to the “want to” more quickly. They also understand that if they can prioritize and multi-task effectively, they can actually enjoy more fun than if they hadn’t taken the time to coordinate.

(It should be noted that “actual” multi-tasking is a lie; often, in a professional standpoint, if we try to focus on multiple things at a time, often at least one of them will suffer, if they’re not in complete symbiosis – but that’s another story for another day.)


Favorite Position: Sitting on Your Partner’s Face

This is a position of control. The person who is doing the face-sitting will undoubtedly be in a position of power in the relationship, and possibly in life outside of the relationship. They are used to getting what they want and will take it if it’s not offered to them outright. They know what it takes to reach their goals and they won’t stop until they get them.

In the bedroom, this often means that they’re the more dominant partner, although that’s not necessarily the case. (I once got on my knees to be taken from behind, and much to my surprise my partner slid herself underneath me instead – this was quite a shock, but in the best possible way!) Even if you know what you want, sometimes it’s nice to have someone else show you what else you might like. We often don’t know what we like until we try it.


Favorite Position: Try Anything Once!

For those who can’t pick a favorite position, it may appear that they are indecisive or hard to please. However, that’s not usually the case. An inability to pick a single position usually implies that they have a wide variety of tastes, which often translates outside of the bedroom. It’s definitely more common to have a favorite than to not have one, but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with not being able to choose.

If you or your partner would rather try something new than to revisit an “already tried” position, it means that you value excitement and stimulation. You may be easily bored, but you don’t have a short attention span as may be implied. Rather, you feel that your sex life should be based on new experiences, which requires a great deal more learning and experimenting than those who stick with the routine.

Outside of the bedroom, this may translate to an inability to decide what we want to do with our lives. However, this isn’t so much an indecision as it is a fear of missing out. We may wonder what if we had chosen a different path – so we switch directions. We can’t stand the idea of not knowing every possible outcome.

Sometimes, a lack of a favorite may indicate anxieties and compulsions in the personality. This isn’t always bad, as anxiety and over-thinking stem from high intelligence, and compulsions are seeded in thinking as well. Just because you don’t have a favorite position (or a favorite color, or a favorite song…) doesn’t mean that you don’t like any of them – it means you like them all so much that you can’t limit yourself to just one. And there’s nothing wrong with that!


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The Psychology Behind Rough Sex

Why do some people like rough sex so much?

As humans, we have distinctly different sexual tendencies from person to person. But almost everyone likes rough sex from time to time, even if they’re the sweetest, gentlest people outside of the bedroom. Where is the appeal of mixing pleasure with pain? It’s tough to understand, even from those who are enticed by the idea of rough sex with their partner.

There are probably a million reasons why we may do the things we do, and sometimes they can be different from one person to the next. However, some of the reasons may be psychological in nature, and these can be grouped to help evaluate our individual situations.


We crave it.

By human nature, we crave being scared. Of course, the amount of this craving is different from one person to the next, and it’s important that your partner trusts you to respect her boundaries. But just like watching a scary movie or riding a roller coaster, when we feel safe that we can avoid the situation going out of hand (you can tell your partner to stop, you can shut the movie off, you can trust that the ride has been well maintained) we long to be scared.

This, of course, isn’t true for everyone, but as someone who loves both horror movies and sex that hurts, the connection is definitely there.

For the person who’s being rough, the craving is for the power and the control. Of course, this power truly lies in the hands of the person who’s receiving the roughness – or at least it should. When you are in complete control of your partner and are allowed to take her body exactly how you like it, it’s hard not to get excited – which generally leads us to faster, harder, and more intense sex.


It implies urgency.

There’s nothing sexier than the thought that your partner wants you so bad that she just has to have it now, and rough sex gives us that. The excitement of pinning a partner to the bed to have your way with her is intensely erotic, and usually what we think of when we hear the term “erotic”.

If you think about a “quickie”, for example. It’s not exactly sexy to have sex in the shortest amount of time possible – but if your goal isn’t to have sex quickly, but rather to have sex right that second regardless of what you might have to do in ten minutes… Well, the whole situation changes.

When we’re having rough sex, we’re tapping into the part of our brain that deals with immediate gratification. We’re not as worried about slowly working our way to climax – we’re taking it, and that’s sexy.


It’s an act of pure trust.

All (consensual) sexual activity requires trust on the part of the giver as well as the receiver. However, if you’re participating in rough sex, there’s an extra trust involved. You’ll need to be able to trust that your partner will stop if you need her to, if it becomes too much. Of course, in some cases this may mean a safe word, as we may think we’re done but our partner could have other ideas for us. But being able to trust her to listen to what you need to say, when you need to say it, and not overstep your boundaries is a huge commitment.

For a long time, rough sex has had the stigma of being purely sexual, but in fact it’s more intimate than gentler sex in some ways. Sure, you might not have that full-body skin-to-skin contact that you might have with “more loving” sexual styles, but you’re getting intimate on a much deeper level.

When you trust someone to take your body at their own demand, you are basically telling them that they are a part of yourself. There is an implied “forced consent” here, but in any healthy sexual situations, both partners will know what they need to withdraw their consent if needed – and their partner will honor it.

It doesn’t make you any less “dominant” if you ask your partner if she is okay with things, just as it doesn’t make your partner any less “submissive” if she says she’s not. It’s just a matter of communicating your trust, and if you’re too focused on your labels, it becomes a job instead of sex – and no one wants that.

There are hard and soft lines in any relationship, and rough sex helps bring some of those things to the front. And there’s no rule anywhere that says you can’t cuddle and talk about your relationship afterward – in fact, it’s encouraged!


It’s not a sign of psychological issues.

Many people think that enjoying the “dirtier” aspects of sex may indicate a deeper problem, aside from just a need to be dominant/dominated in bed. However, Dr. George Simon reassures that there is no real reason to make the assumption that these things indicate psychological issues in most cases. As long as your desire for rougher, kinkier sex doesn’t intrude upon your life, it’s perfectly fine.

That being said, there are a few things to look for if you’re worried that it might deal with a psychological problem:

  • If you (or your partner) cannot enjoy sex unless in the typical “dominant/submissive” roles – you should be able and willing to change it up every now and then.
  • If you (or your partner) always requires “newer, better” sex than the last time – if you’re not happy with “regular” sex every now and then, there may be a psychological tie to the rough sex and possibly your sex life as a whole.
  • If you (or your partner) is driven primarily by the search for sexual activity – there is nothing inherently wrong with sex, or even liking sex, or truthfully even craving But if your home life or your work life are suffering because of your sexual urges, this may indicate the need for professional intervention.

Aside from those things (which seem a bit extreme and will probably raise a red flag long before you read about it on the internet!), there’s nothing wrong with rough sex. It doesn’t mean you have a problem, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a violent relationship outside of the bedroom.

Remember, ladies – sex bruises are sex bruises, and violent sex is not the same as sexual violence! Make sure you are well educated on the difference and keep the lines clearly drawn, for your own health and well-being.


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Foreplay First Please: 7 Moves You Need To Try With Your Girlfriend (Like ASAP)

Looking to get your partner in the mood but not sure how to proceed? We’ve got you covered!

Whether your relationship is still new and you’re looking for a segue towards sexual activities, or you’ve been together for years and you’re looking to bring back that spark, foreplay can work wonders toward ensuring that you’re nice and wet before anything happens.

However, sometimes that’s easier said than done, as it can be tough to think of how your partner will react to your advances – often, your partner needs to already be warmed up before they’re even willing to consider the idea of sex.

However, KitschMix has you covered! We’ve gathered up some of the best positions for getting in the mood that we could find, and summarized them to ensure your success. Read on to learn some techniques that should be in your arsenal. If properly implemented, your partner won’t be able to resist!


Hot Spot

Hot Spot

The Hot Spot is a great way to get your partner in the mood for a bit of private time. In this position, one partner will be on her knees, while the other partner is seated in front of her. Both partners will kiss and caress each other; the partner who is seated should be at a perfect height to tease the nipples and rub the clit, while the partner who is on her knees will be in a position of “control” (which can be exciting if you’re into these roles).


Carnal Rodeo

Carnal Rodeo

This wonderful warm-up position calls for one partner to be on her hands and knees, with her legs straight. She can then reach around to fondle the partner in back, who will be kneeling behind her. The rear partner can caress her partner’s entire body in order to ensure that everything is warmed up and ready to proceed as you wish.


Skin Deep

Skin deep

For this position, both partners should be standing, back-to-front. You will be at a perfect vantage point to caress each other and warm things up. Although it’s difficult in this position to achieve a full orgasm, it’s definitely a sexy way to get things warmed up, as the partner in front will be able to fondle her partner’s back and butt, while the partner in back will have full access to the breasts and vagina. As far as where it goes after that – that’s entirely up to you!


99

99

This sounds very similar to the 69 position, but the reality is that it’s more similar to a spooning position. Both partners should be on their knees, in a back-to-front arrangement. Then, you simply reach around to each other and caress and tease. The position itself might make it difficult to reach climax this way, but it’s certainly not impossible.


The Promise

The promise

This one is great for when you’re watching a movie and cuddling, and you decide to take it a bit further. The partner who is going to receive should be sitting between the legs of her lover, while the giver is free to explore her body as she pleases. This probably won’t include any penetration, but it can definitely mean a lot of kissing, rubbing, and teasing – go wild! Just don’t be surprised if you end up missing your whole movie!


Special Friends

Special friends

Both partners will need to be seated in a cuddly position for this to work. The partner who is in front will drape her legs over her partner’s; ideally, slightly elevated so that she can still provide some sexual attention to her partner. Whether you decide to play with each other or play with yourselves, the intimacy and sexiness of this position is sure to offer a great amount of fun for both of you.


The Moment

The moment

You should both be standing and facing each other. This is an excellent way to tease each other before you get down to business, as it’s great to be able to explore each other’s bodies without the focus on the sex itself. You’ll be at a fine position to kiss each other’s lips, neck, and ears, as well as being able to caress each other’s breasts, butt, and clit. You probably won’t be finishing this way, but it’s a wonderful warm-up activity that will get the juices flowing and make you want it even more.


Often in more committed relationships, we neglect the need of foreplay, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still important. In fact, it can be even more important once you and your partner are comfortable with each other – and it can be especially great to initiate make-up sex after a painful fight. (But please, for the sake of dignity, don’t try to initiate make-up sex with someone you have no intention of actually making up with!)

With a little bit of practice, all of these moves will be a wonderful addition to your foreplay regimen, and some can even be used in place of “regular” sex for a bit of extra intimacy.


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What Happens When She’s Perfect in Every Way – But Terrible in Bed?

The importance of sex in your relationship is hugely different from couple to couple – and sometimes it’s even hugely different between people in a relationship together. Sometimes, the sex is the catalyst for the relationship as a whole – in that “rare” situation where a one-night-stand turns into the love of your life. Hey, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen – but usually, the sexual compatibility doesn’t come into play until later.

But what happens if your girlfriend is perfect in every way – she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s attractive, she’s successful… But she’s a lousy lover? Thankfully, even if sex is the most important part of your life (which we all know it shouldn’t be, but things happen sometimes) – sex isn’t a gift, it’s a skill.


Are you willing to teach her?

A lot of the time, a lack of skill in the bedroom is simply a matter of a lack of experience. Women may watch porn and think that this sets them up to be a great lover, when in reality, porn stars are paid to arouse the viewer – not their partner. This means that there are things that they do that look incredibly sexy, but play no part in the pleasure of the person they’re supposed to be pleasuring.

Other times, the woman may be experienced, but no one has spoken up to tell her that she’s lousy. In some cases, this is done out of love – for example, “I didn’t tell you that it didn’t feel good because I thought it would hurt your feelings.” In this scenario, the shock that comes from your confession that she’s not the greatest lover who’s ever touched you will probably hurt more than if her first lover had said it. We can get arrogant about the things we think we’re good at – and finding out that we’re not really so good at them after all can be crushing.

If you are willing to teach her to be a better lover, it can be done, as long as you are willing to communicate and she isn’t sensitive to your instructions. It’ll take a bit of work, especially if she’s not eager to please. But if she thinks that your “tutoring” is coming from a place of love, she’s likely to be eager to please.


Is she willing to learn?

Some women simply don’t care about sex. They may see it as a chore, and therefore they put the minimal amount of effort into it. In these cases, there’s not a lot you can do – if she doesn’t want to learn, she doesn’t want to learn.

In these types of scenarios, I often find myself wondering if the woman in question actually likes being with women. After all, one of the most important aspects of a healthy sexual relationship is the desire. Some women may have higher sex drives than others – but if your woman has absolutely no desire for you, it’s going to be hard to work around.

Even those of us who are completely confident in every aspect of our lives will want to feel that the woman we’re with wants us, and wants to make us happy. Sometimes it’s just a fantasy, but in most cases it should be true. If the woman you’re with doesn’t want to make you happy, you can’t force that – and it might be best to let her go.


Are you hard to please?

In my experience, I know that I am incredibly difficult to please in bed. The vast majority of my previous partners were unable to satisfy me. However, that doesn’t necessarily speak to their skill – I tend to get more pleasure from giving than from receiving, so when I am receiving I end up focusing on other things (like my lack of body confidence, or what I have to do afterwards, or any number of things, really). Of course this won’t be the situation for everyone, but if you find yourself difficult to please, it may be beneficial for you to evaluate your expectations.

Even if you are all-but-unresponsive in the bedroom, there are things you can do to make your sexual experiences more satisfying. I don’t think this is a situation where “fake it until you make it” comes into play – faking an orgasm doesn’t help anyone involved. You’re just frustrated because you didn’t really get off, and your partner is either a) hurt that you faked it, or b) proud of herself if she can’t tell it was fake. Neither one of these outcomes is good.

One of the things that works best for me is to have my partner take extra time getting me in the mood. Sure, sometimes she grumbles about the “extra work”, but she knows the more work she puts into the foreplay, the less work she has to put into the actual sexual activities.

My go-to fantasy for making the best of my sexual experience? My partner will give me a massage, followed by a fair amount of teasing (until I’m practically begging for it), and then immediately after I finish, she lets me return the favor to her. Now, most of the time this stays a fantasy, but even thinking about this hypothetical scenario can help me get in the mood – so it’s worth going to.


Is she trying too hard?

Remember when I said that desire was the most important part of a sexual relationship? Well, there’s a catch. If your partner is too focused on your release, rather than the experience, she could be glossing over the important bits that would lead to your pleasure. It doesn’t always have to be about the orgasm! Sex (usually) feels good. Sure, orgasm feels good too – but it’s not the be-all and end-all.

For couples who are trying too hard to make the sexual chemistry happen, there are two approaches you can take. I’ll detail them both and you can decide which will work best in your situation. (I expect a fair mix of the two, but every situation is unique in at least a few ways.)


Option A: Let go of your focus.

The obvious answer if you’re trying too hard is to stop trying so hard. Seems easy enough, right? But the reality is that it’s a little more complicated than that. Sometimes the partner who isn’t performing well may be an over-achiever, and she’s doing everything in her power to ensure her success – which is actually preventing it.

For these women, I suggest that you take the time to re-connect with your partner in other areas of your intimacy. Get in touch with her inner self – fall in love with her all over again! Then you can learn to focus on the things that turn her on instead of the things that get her off. Sometimes, there will be some overlap – but if you’re just going off what you “know”, you’ll never actually improve.

Take a step back from your sex life and do the little things. Hold her hand! Give her a massage! Make out like teenagers! Whatever it takes to get the juices flowing, it shouldn’t be a race to the finish line. Sometimes all it takes is a slow and steady build-up. And if you can learn to prolong the sexual arousal over a few days, rather than a few minutes, your overall satisfaction will skyrocket.


Option B: Seek out someone who’s more in line with your sexual energy.

Sometimes relationships take work – but it should never be all work. If you and your partner truly aren’t compatible, at least one of you will be compromising the things that you need in order to satisfy the other one’s wishes. It’s okay to admit that you aren’t right for each other, even if it’s over something as seemingly trivial as your sex life.

For many women, sex is an important part of the relationship, and a lack of sexual chemistry can be almost physically painful. It seems a bit extreme, but if you’re really not happy, you shouldn’t stay with the person who’s making you unhappy. We all know it, but we may have some trouble convincing ourselves when the time actually comes to make a change.

If you have tried for an extensive period of time to “fix” your sex life, it may be that the other person just isn’t in line with your needs. Considering no two women are exactly alike, it actually makes sense that you’re going to end up with some who aren’t a good fit for you. There’s no rule that says you have to make it work if it’s not working.

Why Porn Is Attracting More Female Viewers

The subject of porn has long been stigmatized. If you watch porn, you’re a pervert – if you don’t watch porn, you’re a prude. This isn’t really fair to the vast majority of people who fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum – sexually aware, but not sexually perverse.

Generally, most women fall in this middle section, although some may portray themselves as being at one of the ends, as it suits their overall image.

nice-lesbian-image-00097

However, recently porn for women has been making huge advances. Women are more ready to admit that they are watching porn than they were in the past – which has resulted in more porn directed for women.

Since the directors now know that women are interested, too, they can create things that are actually targeted at us, instead of us being forced to watch porn that was designed with a man in mind.

Sex is a thriving industry, after all, and those who manage the business side of sex know that it’s in their best interest to cater to their audience.


Reason #1: Because women watch it.

Certainly, there have always been women who watch porn; it’s nothing new in itself. However, the sexual liberation that women have felt in the last decade or so (with people calling attention to the hypocrisy of “slut shaming”, for example) makes it to where they’re less likely to keep it hidden.


Reason #2: Because the industry knows women want it.

When Lego found out that girls were playing with their toys, too (even though they were originally marketed as a “boys’ toy”), they began putting out sets that were “for girls”. The same can be said for many industries. If they know that a change needs to be made, and they value their profits, they will make that change in order to cater to a wider audience.

If women are watching, the porn industry is listening – and responding. This is just a good business decision!


Reason #3: Because it’s more widespread.

Once upon a time, porn was seen as sleazy and something reserved for those with specific fetishes. Nowadays, porn covers a much wider variety of “topics”, or categories… If you’re interested in something, even remotely, there’s probably a porn for it.

This means that now you can find porn you like, even if you’re not into “anal fisting”. (Of course, this is only one example, but the point is there’s a huge selection out there.)


Reason #4: Because it’s a legitimate industry.

Back in the early days of the industry, online porn was pretty much limited to “amateur” stuff. There’s nothing wrong with amateurs, actually, but there’s a greater deal of porn actors and actresses who are now transitioning into “real” acting.

This position as a gateway career move may not be the best choice for all actresses, but if you see an actor or actress that you like, you’re generally more likely to want to see the other stuff they’re in. Sometimes, that “other stuff” is porn.

Additionally, it used to be impossible to find “lesbian porn” that wasn’t aimed at a straight male audience. These women were often heavily made up and usually sporting long acrylic fingernails – something that we know to be an inconvenience in “real” lesbian sex.

However, as the industry becomes more reputable, we have seen a new influx of lesbian porn that is actually targeted to real lesbians. It’s still not as widely known as its “artificial” counterpart, but as it becomes more readily available, lesbians are eating it up!


Reason #5: Because nothing has changed except our inhibitions.

In general, our society is becoming less inhibited as time goes on. As recently as ten years ago, no one would have thought that an erotic book would become a best-seller – especially with women!

However, 50 Shades of Grey showed up and changed everything. People were suddenly very interested in the idea of a bondage lifestyle, even though the book (and the movie) didn’t accurately portray them. The important thing is that it caught our interest.

In addition to being more accepting of these things, we are more willing to share our interests with others. The social media age has made it so simple to share what you’re reading, what you’re watching, and every aspect of what you’re doing. Indeed, some people still hold back on what they post for fear of being judged – but the actual judgement isn’t there in the same degree it used to be.

Overall, I don’t think that porn is really attracting more female viewers; it’s just catering to its female viewers better than it ever has before. Porn is less what 13-year-old boys watch when they can get a hold of it and more a real movie genre now.

Production values have gone up, marketing has improved, and stylistically there are some pornographic films that are absolutely breath-taking. This beauty is something we as women will inherently flock towards.

7 Awkward Sex Moments Every Queer Gal Has (But is Too Afraid to Admit)

Ladies, let’s face it – our sex lives aren’t always perfect.

Sex is often a bonding activity full of pleasure and emotion. However, sometimes things don’t go as planned. There are so many things that can go wrong, it can be downright embarrassing.

Rest assured, though – almost everyone has gone through them at least once!


“I didn’t wash down there this morning!”

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Sometimes we’re in a rush, and we sometimes skip over the “intimate parts” if we don’t think they’re getting attention that day. But life has other plans, and we end up getting lucky that day anyway – but we have a hard time enjoying it because we’re thinking about how we smell.

The truth is, in most cases, your vagina is going to smell worse to you than it smells to others. This is because we’re not particularly attracted to ourselves, so the smell doesn’t smell “good”. Our partners, on the other hand, are attracted to our vaginas – and therefore it smells good to them.

(Of course, I’m not saying you shouldn’t wash your vagina – definitely do! But chances are, your lady isn’t going to mind if you skip a day here or there.)


“I’m wearing my period underwear!”

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This is almost the same thing. If your partner had to choose between your underwear and your vagina, which do you think she’d be more attracted to? Your vagina, of course! Therefore, most likely it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing your oldest, ugliest pair – it’s what’s inside that counts, right?

Some women are particularly attracted to underwear, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything when it comes to sex. Very rarely has any woman ever been denied sex on the basis of her underwear (or lack thereof).


“My room isn’t clean!”

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If you and your partner don’t live together, sometimes we might slack a little on cleaning. If it’s really messy, you should probably clean up before you try to get lucky – but if it’s just a little disorganized, chances are it won’t have any effect on the mood.

If it is particularly messy, something you can do to help set the mood in the right place is for a classic “maid roleplay” scenario. Of course, it won’t work for everyone, but hey – sometimes it does the trick!


“My partner is bad in bed!”

cringe-08

It happens to everyone from time to time. You’ll be getting ready for sex with someone new, and they won’t know what the hell they’re doing. It’s frustrating for you, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings – so you don’t say anything.

“Oh baby, you’re the best I’ve ever had!”

Generally speaking, lying to your partner isn’t going to help anything here. If your partner doesn’t know they’re not doing a good job, they won’t know what to do to fix it. The truth is, sex is one of the easiest parts of a relationship to fix, as almost everyone can learn to be a good lover. If your lady isn’t getting the job done, tell her what you’d prefer!


“I was fantasizing about someone else!”

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Even in committed relationships, sometimes we think about someone else. It doesn’t always mean that we’re not faithful to our partners, and in most cases it’s healthy to fantasize.

What’s not okay is if you’d rather be having sex with the other person – and it’s a possibility.

This is when you border on the territory of cheating, and when it should probably be brought to your partner’s attention. But if it’s something as simple as pretending Scarlett Johannsen is going down on you, there’s no harm in imagining it.


“I’m in the mood – but I feel sick!”

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We all know that we shouldn’t have sex if we’re sick. But just because we know, doesn’t mean it’s easiest not to. Sometimes, we really, really want it – but our immune system is set against us.

When it comes to being sick, the same rules apply for sex as do for exercising. That is, if it’s in your head (such as a cold or a headache), exercise/sex can actually be helpful. But if it’s in your stomach (such as food poisoning or the flu), you shouldn’t push it.

Keep in mind that if you are used to doing a lot of kissing during your sexual adventures, you probably shouldn’t if you have a cold, as they can be contagious. (And no one wants to get sick just because they were horny!) But as long as there are no tummy troubles, you should be fine for sex.


“My partner fell asleep before I finished!”

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Ladies, let me tell you, I feel your pain. There are many different situations where this might apply.

Maybe your partner was drunk, and wanted to be intimate with you, but passed out right after getting it started. (It’s happened to me before.) This can be incredibly frustrating, but basically it’s a sign that your partner was too intoxicated to be trying to have sex in the first place. The best thing to do is take care of her to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself, and maybe finish the job yourself (if you’re still in the mood at this time).

In another situation, maybe you took care of your partner – but instead of taking care of you, she rolled over and went to bed. This can be pretty frustrating, too, especially if it’s intentional. My personal approach to this situation is to make sure you get morning sex the next day. She gets her beauty rest, you get morning sex – everyone is happy.

A third situation in which this may be a problem is if your partner is oblivious to the signs that you’re in the mood, or she’s just not in the mood to give it to you. This is when it’s important to remember that no one will fault you for taking care of things yourself. Hey, sometimes life gets in the way – and if you care about your partner you’ll forgive her for it.


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Why Are Some Women So Overly Generous in Bed?

In a world full of takers, some women just want to give. What’s so wrong with that?

For most of my sexually-active life, I’ve been primarily a giver. I enjoy every aspect of my partner’s body, and I’ve always made sure she knows it. For the longest time, it’s all I’ve really known.

I think it started when I was a teenager, and I realized that most of the girls I was chasing were “curious”. I already pretty much knew I wasn’t going to get anything out of it, but the idea of giving them pleasure brought me enough pleasure on its own. I enjoyed satisfying them, and felt that I had failed if I hadn’t.

After high school, I began pursuing a different type of girl – primarily the type that would do me wrong. (Hey, we don’t want to think of “jerk” as our type, but it happens sometimes.) These girls didn’t usually match my effort in any aspect of the relationship, so I was used to giving more. I’m a bit of an over-achiever, after all, and I felt it was necessary to make up for where things were lacking.

These girls reciprocated more than the bi-curious girls did, but I didn’t mind doing most of the work. It’s not like I’d ever really craved someone’s touch, after all. I was content with the status quo.

Then, after my fair share of the “bad girl” types, I met someone on accident – someone who was so much different than the other girls I’d been with. She actually treated me right, and wouldn’t even let me do anything for her for the first several months we were physical. She had been through a history similar to mine, and she was a giver, too.

It took me a long time to get so used to this different type of treatment. In fact, I think in some ways I’m still getting used to it. Of course, we’ve negotiated since then, and we now have a more “even” distribution of who gets what. In the end, I feel I’m more satisfied than I have been in the past.

My situation isn’t the only reason women can be over-generous though. Here is a rundown of some of the most common reasons some women prefer to give rather than to receive:


1. She’s not used to it.

As in my story, some girls are used to being the giver. It’s not always a bad thing; everyone has their own preferences, after all. But sometimes when a woman just isn’t used to receiving, she can be convinced to let you return the favor – although it will require a bit more foreplay.

Personally, because I went a long time before receiving any from a partner, it takes a really long time for me to get warmed up unless I’m doing something to her. If your girlfriend won’t let you give her any and you want to – negotiate that you’ll let her give you some first.


2. She may have been molested.

Since one in four women is sexually assaulted at some point in her life, that means you have a one in four chance that your partner has been molested by a previous partner or acquaintance. In these cases, you’ll have to be patient with her – if you force the issue, it may have devastating traumatic effects.

If your partner has been molested or sexually assaulted, she needs you to be patient with her until she can trust you completely. The less pushy you are about the issue, the more likely she’ll get comfortable with the idea sooner.


3. She’s embarrassed about her body.

Hey, I’ve been through those days where you can’t help but focus on the way your legs jiggle when you walk. We’ve all been there at some point – so you should be able to understand why your girlfriend doesn’t want to get naked. However, for some women, these feelings happen much more frequently than they do for most people. Self-confidence issues can put a huge weight on your girlfriend’s shoulders.

The best way to make her comfortable in this situation is to reassure her that she’s absolutely beautiful. Make sure you don’t put in the words “to me” or “today” – while you may think this is sweet, someone with self-confidence issues may read them as “but not to everyone else” or “but not most days”. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s practically programmed into women’s brains at some point or another. Can you imagine how it would feel to be stuck in that mindset every day?

Reassure her that you love her and that there’s nothing wrong with her body. Make her feel beautiful/handsome (depending on her preference) and she may warm up to the idea.


4. She’s on her period.

Many women are uncomfortable with the idea of “receiving” when they’re on their period. Society has ingrained in us that our periods are dirty and shameful. Beyond that, when you really think about it, they really are dirty and gross. There’s a potential for diseases passed through the blood, which is otherwise unlikely in a lesbian relationship.

However, when performed cleanly and safely, sex on your period is a miracle cure. It helps to relieve cramps, it puts you in a better mood, it effectively gets rid of headaches, and it allows you to stretch out your muscles, which makes your whole body less sore. Other than the blood, period sex is wonderful!

There are extra precautions you can take when you’re “getting your red wings”. If your partner doesn’t want to use a tampon to help stop the blood flowing out, you can have sex in the shower. We advise that you do not actually play in her blood, as this is not a safe activity. That doesn’t mean you can’t use a toy or rub her with your fingers, though! (Make sure you clean the toy particularly well afterward to prevent viruses and bacteria from growing.)

It can be difficult to convince a woman to participate in period sex if she hasn’t done it before, though. Once she’s agreed to feel its magic once, she’s less likely to argue it in the future. It’s up to you to figure out how to get her to try it that first time!


5. She gets pleasure from your pleasure.

Some women truly do get more pleasure out of the satisfaction of pleasing their partner. It’s not scientifically clear how this happens, but it tends to be more common in women who are more empathetic towards others and those who enjoy giving in other aspects of their life, too.

This type of woman isn’t so difficult to win over to the receiving side, but you’ll have to be impressive or she won’t give it a second thought. If she can get more satisfaction from getting you off, she would feel it’s a waste of her time if she doesn’t feel as good when you do it to her.


6. She’s asexual.

Asexuality is still a relatively mysterious concept to most people. People often lump their sexuality with their romance, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Asexuals may be emotionally attracted to someone but not physically aroused – and this doesn’t mean their love is any less real.

Because of the confusions that surround asexuality, many women who identify as such will prefer instead to be in a relationship with another asexual. However, the heart wants what it wants, and we sometimes end up with someone who wasn’t exactly the idea of “perfect” we had in our heads.

If you are a sexual person who is in a relationship with an asexual person, it’s important that you are aware of what this means for your sexual relationship. Many asexuals are willing to participate in sexual experiences with their partner solely for the partner’s benefit, but she will most likely not be getting any direct pleasure out of it.

Occasionally our sexuality is fluid, and this means that she may develop sexual desires at some point in the future. However, you shouldn’t try to push it more than she offers, because it may feel awkward to her if she’s not gratified by the experience. With patience and understanding, there’s no set-in-stone reason that a relationship between an asexual and another person can’t be beautiful and healthy.

This is in no way a complete list of the reasons why your lady would rather give than receive, but it does cover the most popular reasons. With a bit of communication, you and your love should be able to work past the differences in your sexual expectations. I wish you all the best, and please don’t hesitate to let us know if there’s a reason you think we missed!


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Why It’s Worth The Wait

Sometimes it’s worth waiting to have sex with someone.

Often we find ourselves in a rush to do things. Whether it’s a rush to get to the bank on time, a rush to the store before it closes, or a rush up the corporate ladder, we find reasons to keep ourselves busy and methods to keep ourselves less patient. Sometimes, that instant gratification can be wonderful.

But what would happen if you didn’t give into the temptation?


You’ll want it more.

If you have to wait for something, you’re going to want it more. Just like when you were a kid waiting for your birthday – the closer it came, the more you wanted it to happen already.

That childlike anticipation is still inside us. I’m guessing that you enjoy sex much more as an adult than you ever enjoyed your birthday as a child. Just think of how much stronger that burning desire is going to be if you have to wait for it!


You’ll be more sensitive.

Although we do our best to be good to our partners in bed, sometimes we’re just not feeling it. There are a million things that can cause a lack of sensation, but usually they’ll go away in time. If you wait until the feeling comes back, you’ll be more receptive to each other’s needs and it will feel even better!


You’ll be more creative.

For those who have sex all the time, it can be fun – but at a certain point it begins to become routine. If you force yourself to wait awhile between trysts, you’ll be forced to come up with something new – and you’ll have more time to think it up!


You’ll enjoy teasing.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone – some women don’t like to be turned on unless they’re going to be “serviced” soon. But for those of us who enjoy being teased and tantalized, it can do wonders for your libido if you’re forced to tempt each other instead of giving into the urges right away. You can take a “temporary abstinence time” and just tease each other through text messages or sultry looks. When it’s time to give in, you’ll be inseparable.


We shouldn’t be in a hurry all the time.

Especially when it comes to sex, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to rush in every time. Just like anything else, there’s a greater appeal if we have to put in some effort. It can be frustrating, but the more frustrations there are, the more rewarding the outcome is.


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13 Mind-Blowing Oral Positions To Add To Your Routine

Oral sex is great – but a little variety can make it even better!

I’m not sure about you, but personally I love oral sex. Giving it, receiving it – it doesn’t really matter as long as there’s a tongue involved. Certainly, it’s one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences you can have. But, if you’re limiting yourselves to the same old position, you’re missing out on a great deal of fun!

We have collected a few of the greatest oral sex positions for you to try, and listed them here with helpful descriptions. Some may take a bit of practice to get right, but if your partner loves getting licked and is looking for something new and exciting, every one of them is guaranteed to please once you understand the mechanics behind it.


1. Lateral 69

Lateral 69

Lateral 69 is pretty straightforward – get in the typical 69 position, and then turn it on its side. (That is, the partners should be lying down, facing each other, rather than stacked one on top of the other.) This can be especially helpful if one partner has body confidence issues, as it takes the anxiety of being on top of one another away, while still allowing for simultaneous oral gratification.

Additionally, if you have already pleasured each other and this is just round two, it’s much easier on the shaking legs than if you have to support yourself on your hands and knees.


2. Tipping the Scales

tipping the scales

Partner A should be lying on her back, however it’s comfortable for her. Then, similar to a 69 position, Partner B should position herself over the face of Partner A, supporting herself with her arms (arch your back if you can – it makes a difference!). The partner on bottom is able to control the movement of the partner on top through grabbing her hips to pull her closer to her face for some excellent oral pleasure. Once one partner has finished, it’s time to return the favor!


3. Major Inspiration

Major inspiration

The key to this position is comfort. Using a sex cushion (or a few pillows), the receiving partner should be propped up at the back. Not only does this push the back into an arched position (which greatly enhances the pleasure from oral sex), but the receiving partner will also have a perfect vantage point to watch her lover in action.


4. In Reverse

In Reverse

For those of you who have never had your partner orally pleasure you from behind – you don’t know what you’re missing! The mystery involved with not being able to see what’s coming can add an extra layer of excitement, and of course it just feels good in the first place. In this position, the receiving partner will be on all fours, with her “giver” positioned behind her. At this point, it’s all about that tongue – whether you choose to strictly pleasure her vagina or you decide to add a little cheeky bum play is up to the two of you. (Please ensure that you have your partner’s consent before any anal play.)


5. Face On

Face On

The Face On position is sure to please. One partner should be on her knees, straddling her partner’s face. The partner underneath is then free to caress the booty and show off her oral skills; despite the illusion of the partner on top being in control, you will soon find out that the one giving the pleasure has all the power here. I advise that you make sure the “receiving” partner is able to brace herself on a wall just in case she needs to – should the “giving” partner decide to grab onto the legs, the partner on top will be unable to stop her until the giver has decided that she is satisfied!


6. Girl Game

Girl Game

This is really pretty basic, and should be included as part of your cunnilingus regimen. Similar to the traditional position for oral sex, the “receiving” partner will be lying on her back, with the “giving” partner between her legs and orally pleasing her. The only real difference here is that caressing your partner’s body is of the utmost importance – often we get so wrapped up in the sexual acts themselves that we forget (and therefore neglect) the rest of the erogenous zones. Consider rubbing her sides and playing with her breasts, as this is sure to add to the pleasure.


7. Tipping the Velvet

Tipping the velvet

The receiving partner should be seated on the bed, with her back propped up either with a pillow or against a wall (or even both – it’s really up to your comfort). The partner who is giving will then crouch between her legs and offer simultaneous oral and manual stimulation – wiggling her fingers inside while licking and sucking can certainly do wonders for the G spot. (You’ll definitely know when you get it right – the orgasm will be quite intense and you should be able to feel your partner tightening around your fingers.)


8. The Unfurling

The unfurling

The partner who is going to “receive” in this position should have a thick sex cushion or multiple pillows underneath her butt. The goal here is to elevate the vagina higher than the head – the full extent of the incline will depend on your personal comfort zone. The “giving” partner will then sit between her legs, with the “receiver’s” legs draped over her back.

This is ideal for oral pleasure, although you could switch it up with some penetration as well. Be careful that you don’t get too dizzy, though; this position will have the blood rushing to your head, which can enhance the pleasure but can also be a bit dangerous if precautions aren’t taken.


9. Mange Tout

Mange tout

This position requires one partner to be lying on her side, with her top leg pointed to a 90-degree angle in front of her. This allows for the “giving” partner to lay at a right angle relative to her, and please her from behind with her tongue and fingers.

It might be simple to think of it as a “triangle” formation with one of the sides removed (although you could certainly do it with three partners, if you’re looking to supplement in such a way).


10. Down Under

Down Under

For the Down Under position, the “receiving” partner will be lying on her back with her legs pulled into her chest. The “giving” partner will then get between her legs and pleasure her however she chooses – orally, manually, or even with a toy.

The angle of the receiver’s legs guarantees a wonderful view for the giver, as well as allowing for her to “push back” on the thighs to ensure she has complete control over the stimulation.


11. Sugar Rush

Sugar Rush

If you’re bored of “regular” 69, consider making this change: The partner on the bottom will still be pleasuring her partner with her tongue, but the partner on top will be using a toy or her fingers instead. Of course, if you get too excited, it’s incredibly likely that both partners will be using multiple pleasure methods; this is fine too!


12. Lip Service

Lip service

For those who enjoy oral sex, as well as positions of power and control, there’s truly nothing better than sitting on your partner’s face. This particular position calls for your fingers as well.

It can take a little getting used to, both for the partner who is straddling the face, as well as the partner who must maneuver her fingers inside of the other. Once you get the hang of it, though, it’s definitely a power trip you’ll love.


13. Stereo

Stereo

Once again, one partner will need to be straddling the other partner’s face. However, this time, the partner on top will lean back and use her fingers to pleasure the “giver” – making for a mutually satisfying sexual experience that is sure to make its way to your regular line-up.

While there are certainly other positions to be considered as perfect for oral play, these ones are easy for even beginners to master. When you feel comfortable with your skill level in this area, definitely branch out to other options as well. We’re sure that you will be pleased with the results.

Gettin’ Busy: Tips for Revving Up Your Sex Life After Baby

You’ve brought that precious bundle of joy home and the two mommies couldn’t be happier. But… you realize your sex life has been lacking (or maybe it’s basically nonexistent).

Between late night feedings, diaper changes, and work schedules, there’s no doubt that sex may definitely drop down on your priority list after your baby is born. Exhaustion and the stress of your new responsibilities as mothers tend to win out over making love.

Not to mention giving birth can leave you feeling sore, dry, and feeling not very desirable to your partner. Don’t worry…most new parents have been there before, so you’re not alone. So how do you rekindle that bedroom flame when everything seems to be working against you?

Here’s a look at some insightful tips to help you and your partner turn the heat back on in the bedroom after you’ve had a baby…


Leave Expectations at the Door

Not only is sex post-baby going to be different than before you or your partner gave birth, but everyone is going to be different when it comes to feeling like having sex again.

Be patient with yourself and your partner, and don’t have expectations about the sex.

Think of it as re-discovering each other and have fun with it. When you leave all expectations at the door, you just may find your sex life reaching new and exciting heights!


Be Patient

This goes for whomever gave birth as well as her partner. You may be on different pages with each other in terms of wanting to have sex again.

Be sure to communicate with each other and don’t shut your partner out if she’s not in the mood.

She’ll get there in her own time. Being patient with each other will not only help you ease back into your sex life, but it will also help when it comes to raising your baby as well.


Rev Up the Foreplay (A lot!)

It’s normal to be a bit afraid of post-baby sex, especially for the birth momma. Many thoughts could cross your mind like if your body is healed enough for sex, distracting you from you and your partner actually even attempting to have sex.

But there’s a solution to that…a little foreplay goes a long way. Whether it’s a seductive trail of kisses down the back or an all out make-out session, definitely partake in the foreplay.

Not only does it feel good, but it can help you and your partner reconnect and discover each other all over again.


Nap Time = Sex Time

You’ve put your baby down for a nap…why not have a little fun with your partner?

Yeah, it may sound a bit like having to schedule a bit of “nooky” time with your girl, but at least it’s a time when you’re both free and have time to yourself. And let’s face it, with a newborn; those moments are going to be few and far between. Everything else on the “to do” list can wait.

By thinking nap time equals sex time, you and your partner will have something to look forward to.


Get Naked!

It doesn’t matter how you’re feeling about your post-baby body (you look beautiful no matter what), getting naked is sexy and a turn-on.

And it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have sex, but just the act of getting naked and feeling your partner’s bare skin upon yours may just help turn up the heat. Try taking a shower together, or maybe a playful game of strip poker…even some skin on skin spooning might do the trick.

You might end up feeling completely at ease and rested and fall asleep, or it could fuel the fire and make you want to take things further. Either way, there’s not much getting naked can’t solve!


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Lazy Days: 3 Super Simple Positions To Try With Your Girlfriend Before Breakfast

If your sex life has become a bit boring, it might be necessary to introduce some new moves to your line-up. But what if you’re not very experienced, or you’re worried you won’t be able to keep up with some of the more involved positions?

Fear not – KitschMix has collected a few super easy positions that can help you shake things up without getting shaken up yourself.

These positions are very easy, even for someone who may be new to lesbian sex entirely. That doesn’t mean that they’re short on excitement, though; quite the opposite!

The simplicity of these positions will allow you to easily change them up to suit your own personal tastes, as well as allowing you to master them in no time.


Open All Hours

Open all hours

While receiving oral sex, you may be inclined to move your legs around a bit. This is completely natural, and it’s really your body’s natural instinct to achieve the best pleasure at any given time. This position requires that the partner who is receiving pull her legs up to her chest and hold them there.

The “giver” can assist with this by pushing the legs back, if the receiver is unable to keep them up on her own. Whether you choose to go with penetration or not, this position opens the giver up to an incredible view of the vagina and bum of her partner, as well as allowing for a strong sexual chemistry.

Give it a shot – even if you can’t handle it for too long, you’ll be glad you tried it.


Venus

Venus

This is really simple, and definitely sexy. The receiving partner will lay down on her back, while her partner provides oral pleasure to her. By draping her legs over her lover’s shoulders, the receiver will be able to pull her partner closer simply by flexing her legs.

The skin-to-skin contact alone may be enough to send the receiver over the edge, but the body’s natural instinct to tighten up when reaching a sexual high will ensure that the giver knows when it’s time to go hard or go home.


Happy Days

Happy Days

For Happy Days, both partners are to get into a 69 position – but then the partner on top will sit up so that she isn’t providing pleasure to her lover. (I strongly encourage you to give in if your partner begs you, though; making her beg for it can be incredibly sexy and you’ll no doubt want to give into her wishes.)

The partner who is on bottom will be at the mercy of the partner on top, because she won’t get the attention she wants until she’s done a satisfactory job of convincing her lover that she deserves it!


Also read: Bringing Tribadism To Town


 

Naturally, these three simple moves won’t be the entirety of your sexual activities, but if you’ve been neglecting the basics to try and make your experience more exciting, you may be focusing too much on the learning and not enough on the pleasuring.

Sure, a variety in your sex is never a bad thing, but that variety should definitely include some simpler ideas as well.

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to “wow” your lover – sex feels great even when it’s not so complicated.

Toys – What’s the Point?

Sex toys are a tricky position for many. Some women swear by them for times when their partner is unavailable to service their needs, some women enjoy them as a regular part of their sexual activity, and some women are dead-set against them in any rights.

vibrator-main-03

There are equally as many stigmas surrounding them – things that would hold some women back from purchasing them simply because of something that other women (or even men) have said.

Let me firmly state my opinion, before delving into the specifics: I don’t think that toys are a necessary part of the sexual experience, but they can be very beneficial for certain types of sexual play.

That being said, there are definitely some types of toys that are more suited for certain people, and others that are simply not reasonable for these people.

Now that we’ve got the opinions out of the way, allow me to help dispel some of the myths that surround the sex toy industry.


Myth #1: Sex toys reduce the intimacy between you and your partner.

This myth is commonly circulated because people feel that using a piece of plastic, glass, rubber, or whatever the toy you decide to use is made of is somehow less “real” than sex using only parts of your body.

However, in lesbian relationships, the use of a strap-on can allow for greater intimacy than what can be achieved without using toys. This is because a strap-on frees up your hands and allows you to caress your partner while giving her pleasure.

While they’re definitely not a right fit for everyone, it can add a new depth (pun definitely intended!) to your sexual relationship and offers a way to explore your options.


Myth #2: The use of a sex toy means your partner is unable to satisfy you on their own.

This is definitely true in some situations, but it’s not mutually exclusive. In many cases, the use of a sex toy can add extra pleasure that your partner might not be able to provide on their own; however, their agreement to use these toys already proves that they choose to satisfy their partner in ways that may otherwise be difficult.

Additionally, sex toys can be used in conjunction with satisfying sexual activities for a change of pace.


Also read: 12 Positions to Step Your Toy Game Up


Myth #3: Toys are only for young people.

This is really a silly myth, if you think about it. The idea that anything is only allowed for a certain age group is ridiculous!

Older women can enjoy the pleasure brought about by toys just as much as younger lesbians, and in fact their advanced age may allow them to consider new opportunities to introduce toys into their sex lives.


Myth #4: If a woman wants to use sex toys, it means she’s not really a lesbian.

This is a myth that was undoubtedly started by straight men, or jaded lesbians who felt inadequate when their partners requested the use of sex toys in the bedroom. It’s important to notice that the desire for penetration is not directly related to your sexuality.

Although bisexual women may feel a certain feeling of fulfillment if their partner uses a sex toy on them, that doesn’t mean that they’re doing it to replace a heterosexual partnership. It’s simply a different experience.

Additionally, there are some toys that aren’t even meant for penetration – so the thought that these are to replace a man is simply unfounded.


If you are new to the idea of toys, it might be helpful to shop around a bit. Be advised that cheaper toys are not exactly a good choice for a new user – generally speaking, these cheaper toys may be made of a cheaper material and can cause a great deal of discomfort. (As someone who once bought a $12 strap-on before investing in a $90 one, trust me on this!)

It might be fun to get your partner involved in this shopping experience, as well. It can be quite a bit of fun to check online for something that interests you. Keep in mind your own personal preferences, and consider the possibility that your first choice might not be right for you.

Bigger is not always better, and just because something has received rave reviews doesn’t mean it’ll be a good pick for you personally. Shop around and consider all your options before deciding on one to purchase, and keep an open mind for the future.


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The Difference Between ‘Having Sex’ & ‘Making Love’: 9 Intimate Positions ALL Lesbian Couples Should Try

These sex positions make the difference between “having sex” and “making love”!

There are a million articles out there that will tell you how to “wow” your partner with something new and exciting, but what if you and your partner already have passion and chemistry to woo you along?

Sometimes, we want an intimate way to show our partner that sex with them is more than just sex; sometimes it’s more important that we remind her that we really do love her and intend to keep her satisfied.

While intimate sex is definitely not for everyone, those who wish for a romantic sexual activity should give some of the following moves a try:


Fun and Games

Fun and Games

This position takes a bit of practice to get right, but once you have it down it’s definitely worth it. One partner will be in a semi-squatting position with her bum pushed to the rear. Her partner will be sitting or kneeling behind her for a bit of kissing.

It seems a bit awkward in the planning stages, but it’s sure to get the juices flowing and ready you for the next step in your sexual escapades.


A Room in Rome

A Room in Rome

One partner should be lying flat on her back, with her partner sitting over the top of her vagina. The partner on top should have her legs spread to allow the partner on bottom a perfect view, as well as the ability to rub her clit.

The partner on top can caress the breasts and sides of her lover, and then when the time is right you can easily roll over to finish the job.


Swan Dive

Swan Dive

In this position, one partner will be lying on her back, with her legs up slightly. The other partner will then lay on top of her – similar to a 69 position, but on her back, rather than her stomach.

She can then rest her head on the bottom partner’s legs while her lover teases and pleases her. It can be a bit difficult to master, but it’s definitely worth it once you get it right.


Ivy

Ivy

This is similar to the standard, missionary position, but with the partner underneath wearing a strap-on. You will then be able to ride the toy and have complete control over the pleasure you receive.

Wrapping your legs around each other can provide for increased intimacy and control.


Stand and Deliver

Stand and Deliver

If you’re interested in the idea of shower sex or sex up against a wall – this is the ultimate answer. The partner who will be receiving should stand up (against a firm surface will make it easier, but you can definitely do it in the middle of the room if you desire).

Then, the giver should position herself at a lower angle, licking and optionally penetrating. If you’ve never had sex standing up, this is likely the first position you’ll try, but it’s a classic that will never get old. Just be sure that the receiving partner doesn’t collapse from the pleasure!


Magic Touch

Magic Touch

If one partner prides herself on her skill with her hands, this can be a great position to demonstrate that. Straddle your partner (who is lying down) and use your hand to simultaneously pleasure both of you.

This has the potential to lead to simultaneous climax, as well as the possibility of the partner on bottom taking control and turning the tables. (There’s something incredibly sexy about being tossed around a bit during your play time!)


Forbidden Fruits

Forbidden Fruits

One partner should be seated, while the other partner kneels between her legs, facing her. The seated partner will have perfect access to lick and suck on her partner’s breasts as her lover uses her hands or a toy to provide her with pleasure.

If you get quite worked up, the seated partner will probably decide to use her hands as well – and the kneeling partner will be in a great position to be penetrated.


Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty

Both partners should be lying on their sides, facing each other, similar to the lateral 69 position.

However, instead of both partners pleasing each other, one will get comfortable on the hip/butt of their partner while receiving the ultimate oral pleasure.


Best Finger Forward

Best Finger Forward

Although the name of this position would suggest you use your fingers, it is ideal for play with toys, as one partner will have a wonderful angle for penetration.

Partner A should be lying down in a comfortable position while Partner B lies on top facing her feet. While it would seem that the partner on top is in control, that’s certainly not the case, as she cannot see when the partner on bottom will be alternating between penetration and oral pleasure – leading to infinite satisfaction.


Perhaps one of the most important parts of making love (as opposed to just having sex) is the reminder to your partner of what she really means to you.

For this reason, we at KitschMix encourage you to cuddle after sex and never let your partner forget that you love her for more than just her smoking hot body. (That’s just the icing on the cake!) Don’t forget to give her a kiss and tell her she’s beautiful, every day.

The Dos and Don’ts of Using Household Items as Lube

Is DIY lube a realistic idea, or should you stick with the commercial brands?

A simple search for “DIY personal lubricant” shows up about 156,000 results on Google – which admittedly was far more than I had anticipated when I typed it in.

The idea had never really crossed my mind until recently, as I personally have never really needed it. (I’ll spare you the details, but I’ve probably only bought/used lube twice in my life, and the results left something to be desired. Your mileage may vary.)

However, for some women, personal lubricant is a must – even though they’re substantially aroused by their partner, they might not be able to create enough moisture on their own to be effective.

It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, just as it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong if you produce a great deal of moisture.

It can be particularly helpful if you’ve just got off your period and your cervix has been sucked dry by a tampon, or if you’ve recently had surgery or been prescribed medications that dry you up. (That might be TMI, but it’s a fact you’ll likely have to face at least once in your life.)

Additionally, some women need a little extra help if they’re going to be using toys – we may like the feeling of larger toys, but if your vagina isn’t relaxed enough to be accepting, you’ll probably have to help the process along somehow. This is where lubricant comes in.

These days, though, there’s a push to do more things ourselves and rely on mass-produced products. Often they have preservatives and allergens that can irritate the skin – definitely not something you want in your intimate areas!

Other women may be unable to get commercial lubes, whether it’s a financial splurge they can’t afford, the embarrassment of speaking to the cashier, or any number of reasons.

Furthermore, some women may see it as a spur of the moment type thing – you want a new texture to your lovemaking experience tonight, so you go to the fridge to grab something “fun”.

In itself, this isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but there are definitely some things to remember if you’re going to be using anything other than a reputable brand for your playtime.


1. Don’t use oils if you’re using a condom or dental dam.

Most lesbians don’t use condoms with their female partners, but some like the efficiency of clean-up when using a condom over their toys. Additionally, the use of a dental dam is encouraged if you will be participating in oral sex with either the vagina or the anus.

The problem here is that oil can break down the latex in these products and render them basically useless. It won’t eat a visible hole through it, but it will break it down on a molecular level. Unless you’re using the condom or dental dam solely because you like the feel of it (not likely), make sure to avoid oils and instead find a water-based personal lubricant recipe.

2. Do try essential oils (as long as you’re not using latex products).

If you haven’t had the chance to play around with essential oils, you don’t know what you’re missing. They can be great for massages as they often have an aromatherapy effect on the mind and body, but they’ve also each got a special feeling.

Oils such as ginger and black pepper can cause a warming sensation – although I advise against using cinnamon oil. It seems like a good idea, but think about the viral cinnamon challenge for a second. Then, once you’ve got that mental picture in your mind… Picture it on your vagina. Yeah, not pleasant.

If you prefer a cooling sensation instead, you could try spearmint oil – just be careful that you’re diluting it enough to where you won’t freeze your crotch off. Too much of this oil can make it feel like you’ve got toothpaste down there. Some women might be into that, but personally, I’m not.

If you’ve got some irritation down there (and you’ve already determined that it’s not due to an infection that would mean you shouldn’t be having sex), some lavender oil can help to soothe minor irritants. It probably won’t work as well as a cream you get from the doctor’s, but it’s definitely less embarrassing to go to your local craft department than to your gynecologist.


3. Don’t use anything sweetened if you intend to penetrate.

Sugar and other sweeteners are basically the food of choice for yeast – the fungus that’s responsible for an uncomfortable itch and embarrassing odor. Generally speaking, plain old sugar is the staple, but anything that’s sweet or traditionally edible can be consumed by the yeast fungi and cause their growth.

Regardless of whether you use sweeteners or not, you should always try to wash up thoroughly after sex – or at least use the restroom. It won’t prevent every problem, but the chemical makeup of urine actually helps as a disinfectant, because it’s generally sterile.

Once upon a time it was thought that this was only necessary for penetrative sex with a man, but that’s a misguided assumption. Besides, it’s better to be safe than sorry anyway.


4. Do consider why you want to make your own lube.

Your reasons will affect the choices you make when picking your materials – and you should always think them over thoroughly before you settle on something.

For example, if you’re making your own lubricant because you’ve had an allergic reaction to commercially available lubes, you should ensure that you’re not using any of the products that could have caused the reaction.

Usually, the products you have at home won’t have any known allergens, but it’s safest to avoid all ingredients that you’re not 100% sure are safe for you.

If you’re making your own lube because you can’t afford a commercially available one, you probably won’t want to use an expensive product from home.

Sometimes, something as simple as baby oil can work – this is generally a hypoallergenic substance that can be found at your local dollar store. Essential oils, on the other hand, are far more expensive than commercial lubricants and wouldn’t really be saving you any money to use.

If you’re just playing with homemade lubricants to add a little fun and creativity into your sex life, you’ll want to play around with your options. Find materials that are pleasing to your senses – whichever senses you choose to engage – and try new things when you can.

Certainly, there’s a great deal of creativity behind any DIY project – why would this be any different?


5. Don’t neglect your research!

You want to make sure that the recipe you’re following is reputable. Unfortunately, through the internet, this can be hard to verify. It shouldn’t be impossible, though – check the comment section (if there is one) to see how other users have responded to it, and possibly Google the parts of the recipe that concern you. If you can get a link to another internet user that advocates the use of those materials, have at it!


6. Do communicate with your partner.

Whether you’re using the lube on her, or she’s using the lube on you, or you’re both getting drenched in a slippery sexcapade, you should always talk to your partner about what you’re feeling.

This is especially true in any new sexual situations that are unfamiliar to one or both of you. If the material you’re using is causing you discomfort, it’s best to let your partner know immediately so that you can stop and get washed up.

Also, if a partner notices that the lube isn’t performing its required function – for example, it’s getting sticky when you need it to be slick – it’ll have to be washed off as well. If it’s not getting the job done, scrap it and try something else!


7. Don’t be too serious about it.

In most cases, nothing about a healthy sex life is too serious. If you can’t laugh during sex I firmly believe you’re having sex with the wrong person. Especially if you’re going to be trying something wacky like praying a dildo with cooking spray – seriously, if you can’t laugh at that, your sex life is going to be super boring.


8. Do have fun with it.

Your sex life should always be fun for all parties involved. If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?