Tag Archives: lesbian relationships

Living in Limbo – What it Means to Be a Lesbian Family in America’s Deep South

In 2011, when Carolyn L. Sherer started photographing lesbians and their families in Birmingham, Alabama, many chose not to show their faces. They were scared, they said, of losing their jobs or be discriminated against in other ways. Other people she asked to participate refused to be photographed at all.

However, Sherer, who is a lesbian, was determined to make members of her community be less invisible, in part because she hoped that letting others see them would help them become fully recognised and protected citizens.

My wife and I have been together since 1979 and it’s been very painful to me that my family hasn’t been acknowledged as a family unit. So that’s why I wanted to explore what a family is, what a family looks like. I wanted it to be about relationships and how people relate to each other in front of the camera.

I asked the participants to consider their feelings about words. In sequence, they were, ‘lesbian,’ ‘pride,’ and ‘prejudice.’ I got a range of responses,” she said. “Many of the older women in the beginning cried when I said ‘prejudice,’ or even when I said ‘lesbian.’ They said they’d been afraid to use the word or talk about it. Young people were like, ‘Lesbian?! We’re queer.’ ”

Conditions for gay Alabamans, in some respects, have improved since Sherer began her project. However, in March, the Alabama Supreme Court upheld the same-sex marriage ban there, and the state still doesn’t have any laws on the books addressing discrimination or hate crimes against LGBTQ citizens.

It’s important for people to understand what’s going on. People need to know we need to have protections.”

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“Living In Limbo: Lesbian Families In the Deep South” is on display at the Stonewall Museum’s Wilton Manors Gallery in Wilton Manors, Florida until June 28.

5 Ways to Electrify Your Sex Life

We can all use some fresh ideas to spice up our love lives. So, here are 5 approaches I found useful

Surprise a lover with a new experience

New experiences energise us. Sharing them increases intimacy, making hot sex more likely. So rent an erotic film, plan a trip somewhere romantic, or organise a couples massage.

Use role-play to engage your imagination.

People find it invigorating to become someone else for a moment, to act in ways they normally wouldn’t. It can be exciting to do things that you may have only dreamed about. Role-playing can give you the freedom and the permission to act out in ways that are out of character.

Plan a trip to a sex-related entertainment destination

Visit a burlesque club, see a stripe club show, or visit a fetish club. Go with an open mind and make sure you stay long enough to make that initial uncomfortable anxiety disappear.

Read an erotic story

Find a new book that is written about sexual experiences you have not yet experienced. When you have done so, write out a fantasy or two of your own.

Spending time examining the experiences of others can give us saucy new ideas. Some of the things we read will bore us, others might make us cringe, but usually there will be something that captures the imagination and gets our own creative juices flowing.

Note: When writing, remember that you are doing this for yourself, so don’t spend too much time obsessing about how well you are writing, how good your grammar is or if your spelling is diabolical. You can worry about all of this if you decide you are going to share what you write with others.

Visit a sexy lingerie shop or a sex shop

Push yourself out of your comfort zone and actually ask the sales staff about the toys you have never even considered looking at in the past. Looking online is not the same, as you cannot interact with others directly and actually see and touch the toys (and learn how to use them). If you are too embarrassed to go on your own, consider going with your lover or a really close friend.

Finally, enjoy yourself

Take the time to make the most of all aspects of your life. You deserve to have an electrifying sex life, and you can create one with some courage, imagination and persistence.

14 Signs You’re Succeeding In Life (Even If You Don’t Feel You Are)

We all feel like failures from time to time. While this is a normal feeling, you have to find a way to see yourself and your life from a different perspective.

Here are 14 clear signs that you are succeeding in life…

1. You don’t care what other people think.

You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards in which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

2. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be

With age comes maturity, and a drama filled relationship is not about maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

3. You accept what you can’t change.

Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

4. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more

Fact. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

5. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth

Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping-stones to something better.

6. You have raised your standards

You don’t tolerate bad behaviour any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions.

7. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good

Self-love is success. Loving yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

8. You have goals that have come true

Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

9. You have empathy for others

A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

10. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others

Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

11. You refuse to be a victim

You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

12. You always look on the bright side

Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

13. You change what you can

And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!

14. You are happy

To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is, or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life.

Even if you don’t see yourself in many of these 14 things, don’t fret. Be happy that you see yourself in just a few. In time, the rest will come. You just need to keep moving onward and upward.

Single You vs. Relationship You and 7 Things You Said You Wouldn’t do

Single You told yourself you wouldn’t become one of ‘those girlfriends’ who neglects all other responsibilities, dumps their relationship issues on others, drops out of parties, and neglects their personal goals for a relationship.

But here comes Relationship You, and you’re in love, and sometimes its really worth putting these things on hold – right?!

So regardless if you’ve been in a relationship for two weeks or three years, here are all the things Single You said Relationship You would never do.

1. Shacking up and playing “house” all weekend

You used to hate that one friend who couldn’t come across town to hang because she was having too much fun cooking and cuddling with her girlfriend.

Now you ARE her, and you get it. And what can you say? The option to not leave your couch sounds better.

2. Bringing girlfriend drama out with you

No one wants to hear about the latest soap opera that is your relationship, let alone make you feel better about having a girlfriend when their single. Relationship You should know her audience better.

3. Giving up plans with your friends to attend your girlfriends aunt’s birthday

While you could have been eating and gossiping with your mates, you are instead doing it with OAPs – long gone are the frills and spoils of a carefree single life, doing as and what you please.

4. Referring to your partner in every story

It’s like you don’t live separate lives anymore. This used to scare Single You and made you say harsh things like, “She’s not her own person.”

But now, it makes you feel good to have each other’s backs and say things like, “I get to hang out with my best friend.”

5. Referring to yourselves as a “WE”

This one always made Single You especially bitter – women who are part of a couple and thus, need to refer to her other half as a “WE.”

And yet, here you are, answering people’s questions about your weekend plans almost instinctively as “Us.”

6. Staying in because your girlfriend isn’t going out

Nooooo – your internally pouting. This one takes guts to admit, so at least you’re not totally betraying your moral high ground.

Single You knew how to spot one when she saw the “I’m not feeling well” excuses coming on.

You’re not trying to get all dolled up for no one’s attention. There, you said it. You can go back to rubbing your boy toy’s back now.

7. Posting to many “wefies”

Vacation pics are already upsetting to everyone who isn’t there.

Why make it worse by showcasing lovey-dovey, vomit-inducing pictures of you and your boy making out? Single You would have called you out two Snapchat stories ago.

9 Annoying Questions Straight People Ask Lesbians (and How NOT to Answer Them)

Coming Out is hard to do, and it’s amazing how curious everyone suddenly becomes. But how to handle the questioning? Like a grown up, with dignity and respect? Or if you fancy having little fun with it, here’s how.

Warning: Heavy Sarcasm. Don’t use these on Grandma.

Question One – “Isn’t it just because you hate men? Like, did some guy piss you off or something?”

Acceptable Answer – No, I am attracted to women. It’s normal.

Tempting Answer – Well obviously. I had a boyfriend once who fancied Jennifer Aniston. When he told me about it, my world fell apart and I am so emotionally scarred by it that I can now only bring myself to be with women. I frequently text my ex and tell him that he’s the reason I am now a lesbian and that he should feel truly ashamed of himself for causing me to make such a catastrophic and unnatural change to my lifestyle.

Also read: 5 Common Misconceptions About Lesbians

Question Two – “Will you have a threesome with me and my girlfriend?”

Acceptable Answer – Thank you, I’m flattered, but no.

Tempting Answer – Hooray! I’ve been just dying for you to ask. Of course, I’d love to, and can’t imagine that turning out awkward or humiliating at all. You have no idea how rare it is to find someone who knows that the only reason I became a lesbian was so that I could spice up the sex lives of couples all over the country who are struggling in the bedroom. Would you consider filming us, too, please? I wouldn’t want you not being able to show your friends.

Question Three – “Do you use a dildo?”

Acceptable Answer – Sometimes, depending on personal preference and availability of such object.

Tempting Answer – Of course. How else would we be able to get each other off? The presence of a phallic object is essential in lesbian sex. We can’t possibly do without them.

Question Four – (From a female friend) “Do you fancy me, then?”

Acceptable Answer – There is no acceptable answer to this. A “No” is insulting and a “Yes” makes everyone uncomfortable. You can’t win this question.

Tempting Answer – Yes, you’re the reason I became a lesbian. *Longing Stare*

Question Five – “But, like, how can you bring yourself to actually… You know… Go down on a woman?”

Acceptable Answer – It was a strange concept at first but once you’ve taken the plunge its not at all what you’d expect.

Tempting Answer – This coming from someone who willingly puts a penis in their mouth? Trust me, women are far more concerned with hygiene and general maintenance than men. And nothing shoots out at the end into your mouth and/or eyes. (Usually…). It’s like riding a bike – Once you’ve got the hang of it, it’s actually good fun and gets you from A to B a lot faster than other methods…

Question Six – “Isn’t a Strap-On uncomfortable?”

Acceptable Answer – No, they’re designed to be “user-friendly”.

Tempting Answer – Horribly. It’s like sand-paper to the vagina. You know how stopping to put a condom on can really ruin the mood? Imagine having to spend a considerable amount of time attaching a harness, complete with buckles and adjustable straps, right in the middle of all the fun. I think they design them that way to try to put us off our sinful ways.

Question Seven – sigh “I wish I could be a lesbian. I bet you just sit around painting each others toenails and watching rom-coms with face packs on?”

Acceptable Answer – Sometimes, but we also enjoy a wide array of activities too.

Tempting Answer – Yes, you’ve hit the nail right on the head. Once you’ve become a lesbian, you’re required to remove all traces of men and your former hetero lifestyle from your home. They won’t sell me a ticket to any movie that Ellen Degeneres hasn’t approved and I can only shop at men’s clothing stores. My partner and I spend our time wandering around the house together, discussing waxing methods, deep conditioning our hair and hoping our menstrual cycles will sync up.

Question Eight – “But, like, how do you define if you’ve had sex if nothings gone in?”

Acceptable Answer – We define sex as sexual activity that goes beyond heavy petting.

Tempting Answer – Well obviously we don’t call it sex, it can’t be. God said sex is between a man and a woman, and so it would be a sin to regard ourselves as having intercourse. We just try not to think about it and hope that our eternal souls will be forgiven when the day of judgement comes.

Question Nine – “Don’t you think you’ll end up with a man?”

Acceptable Answer – No. Just like you’re not going to end up with a donkey. Once again… I am not attracted to men.

Tempting Answer – God I hope so. This lesbian phase of mine is becoming tiring. Here’s hoping that man will show up soon and make sure I’m cured of this anomaly once and for all. It’s been exhausting pretending to like women just to turn on men. I can’t wait to get married to a man, just like we all should, and finally be normal again.

If Women Were Themselves On A First Date

As cliché as it sounds, being yourself is probably the best way to ensure you not only have a good time on a first date, but also get a second date, too. That said, there are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind when hanging out with someone totally new— remember, it’s all about making a solid first impression…

If Women Were Themselves On A First Date

What Lesbians Do After A First Date

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZgzWbEdAQo

On a side note you should also follow Arielle Scarcella on YouTube she puts up lots of great content that lesbians can relate to as well as has many videos that help others understand what being a lesbian is like. She also believes in being body positive and is a huge activist in the LGBT community.

SeX.ED 101 | Vagina Confidence

Vagina. When was the last time you said the “V” word out loud and didn’t feel a little self-conscious?

In an age of skin-baring pop stars, crazed internet porn and the sexualisation of women, it seems ironic that vaginas are still considered the most taboo area of human anatomy.

So, why is it still so hard for women to talk openly about their vagina?

It took me while to feel comfortable with my vagina, and to even look at it. I used to think it was something to be hidden and ashamed of. But, in time I learnt to see the wonder in vaginas, especially in other women, and in time I saw that pleasure in mine.

According to a study in the U.S, women who feel confident and comfortable about their vaginas have more sex and get more head.

Body confidence is important. All vaginas are beautiful.

Did you know…

Vagina directly translated from Latin means sheath or scabbard. But its name is constantly changing over time. The most universal nicknames for vagina is pussy, muff, cootch, twat and c**t.

Australian feminist and scholar Germaine Greer once said that the latter “is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock”.

C is a recognised word and can be found in various English-language dictionaries including our own Macquarie dictionary, where it is defined as “the female genitalia” as well as “a contemptible person”.

In various indigenous languages it is referred to as “nungle” and “kuckles” (also the name of a Broome-based band).

In French it is called “la chat”, “tarte au poile” (hairy tart) and more politely, “le foufoun”.

The dubious colloquialism “hokey” is used to describe a loose foofa. According to the urban dictionary, the term is derived from the song The Hokey-Pokey, meaning you can put your left leg in and shake it all about.

TV show host Oprah Winfrey even has a name for it – the vajayjay.

Then there’s foofa, box, pink, cock massager, one car garage, sperm dumpster, hoo-ha, axe wound, lady bits, china, vulva, blossomful of nectar, muffin, toolbox, velvety love folds, pastrami meat flaps, pin cushion, catchers mitt, cuckoos nest, the wound that never heals, bearded clam, beef curtains, tunatown, vertical taco, bajango, catpipe, nozzle trap, bushburger, front wedgie, meat hole, fanunu, pecker wetter, dirty south.

Come to think of it, maybe vagina isn’t so bad after all.

SeX.ED 101 | When Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Truth – virginity has no definite definition, although some say it does. Most people will say that if you are “penetrated”, but that is a bit of a myth when it comes to women sleeping with women.

Women can lose their virginity through oral sex, penetration with fingers, or finger stimulation of clitoris, or maybe with toys.

For women having sex with other women, it’s a once in a lifetime experience without a real definition. Let’s be real. Sex is sex no matter who it’s with and Slate couldn’t agree more when they try and define when a lesbian loses her virginity.

Ask a Homo: When Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Polyamorous Lesbian Relationship Myths Busted

If you find that your own lesbian relationship lies outside the ‘traditional monogamous couple’ model, you’re definitely not alone. Their are many multifaceted and multifarious love relationships to choose from.

Increasingly, people are opting out of the traditional structure of monogamous partnership or marriage, and choosing polyamory or open marriage/partnership as viable alternatives.

So what is a polyamorous relationship? There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one.

In an open-relationship, there is still a central, committed couple, who allow one another to engage in purely sexual (or at least quite casual) outside relationships. Generally, any discussion about the benefits of such practice revolves around how it strengthens and/or reinvigorates the central couples relationship. For those of us living in polyamorous families this is not the case. Most polyamorous units have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core ‘couple’ at the heart of it all.

Lesbian Polyamory Myths Busted

Ask A Polyamorous Person

Things you shouldn’t SAY during sex

Sex is fun. Well, it should be. And we all know we get a little carried away in the heat of a steamy moment… but some things are better left unsaid.

There are questions women don’t want to be asked while naked and some personal disclosures that shouldn’t be made in bed.

There are a bunch of super unsexy sex things, or random things, you can say during sex, which will make the sex you’re having feel weird. And just, ugh, weird!

Yes, sex talk is a complicated art – but it is not too complicated. Less is more, specifically when you’re tempted to say something wrong.

So here you have some of the worst things you can say during sex. Memorise them. Remember them. Avoid them. And happy humping.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV1JunEfrcg

Share with us some of your favourite things NOT to say during sex.

Pillow Talk | Drunk Calling Your Ex-Girlfriend

I like to call everyone when I’m drunk. No one is safe. Ex girlfriends, friends, colleagues, immediate family, potential lovers…

The moment one too many drinks get into my system, I obtain this super power I’ve always dreamed of.

If I’m dealing with a broken heart, I suddenly unearth the strength to call my ex. If I’m been crushing on someone, booze lights the fire under in my belly and I’m in the casanova zone.

Everyone knows the feeling of power that flows through your veins when you’re holding your phone and you’ve had one too many drinks. Even if you’re in tears, complaining about your ex, the power is still there.

But what we also know, is too much alcohol causes us to lose all forms of rational thinking and behaviour. When sober, you have a better chance of utilising your brain to help control your impulses – not the case when drunk

Mathematician Reveals Formula For Finding the Perfect Partner

Are you on the quest to find true love? It is often said that one must kiss a few frogs before meeting a princess.

Well, it would appear this theory is true.

Dr Hannah Fry, a mathematician at University College London, has come up with a formula to find a perfect partner.

She has developed a practical theory for love, which involves ruling out anyone you meet in the first 37 per cent of your dating life.

So, if someone began dating at the age of 16, and hoped to stop at 40 at the latest, then you’ll find true love around the age of 25 – ta-da!

It is suggested that people “get a feel for the marketplace” when they are young before settling down with the “next person that comes along who is better than everyone they have met before”.

Dr Fry has publishing a 116-page book entitled The Mathematics of Love.

Some of her statistically proven tips include always being prepared to approach a would-be mate, finding a similar-looking but slightly less attractive “wingman”, and never cropping one’s faults out of a photograph on an online dating profile.

Speaking at the Oxford Literary Festival, Dr Fry said that looks were not proven to make a difference in finding love.

Ultimately, no one cares if you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. All they care about is how you look compared to everybody else.”

Thus, she suggested finding a similar looking, slightly less attractive friend was the best strategy.

The Complex Dynamics of Lesbian Friendships

Ah the dynamics of lesbian friendships. Lines get blurred and boundaries have no limits, but we wouldn’t do without our lesbian BFFs.

What you have to remember though, is friendships are among the most complex, but meaningful relationships in our lives. These unique bonds often run deeper than family ties, and sometimes last longer than our relationships with spouses or lovers.

Quiz | What Kind of Dating Stalker Are You?

You’re not dating yet, but you are doing what you might call ‘pre-dating’, which is as much a part of courtship these days as exchanging phone numbers.

So what is ‘pre-dating’? well methodology varies – some favor LinkedIn; others Twitter or blogs – but according to a new Match.com survey a good 48 percent of women research a someone on Facebook before the first date. Clicking through someone’s public photos is kind of like passing them in the hall at high school. You see her and get a sense of her life without actually having to put yourself out there.

But is the time you spend with someone’s online persona messing with what might develop in real life relationship? Do you ever become a little too obsessed? Its time to find out…

Don’t Fancy Yours Much…

Now I don’t want to seem like I’m moaning (ok, who am I kidding), but I feel I must reiterate my point (*see previous blog* ‘You’ve Gotta Think She’s Hot, Right?‘). After yet another conversation with a friend, who told me I was SHALLOW because I apparently concentrate too much on outer beauty than what’s inside.

This all started after a date I’d recently been on, and me uttering the words “she was hot though”. The very words which sparked my ‘shallowness’ attack.

I mean in my defence, firstly, she was blonde. Blondes are never usually my ‘type’. So there’s one un-shallow point to me, surely? Right?

However, she was absolutely stunning. With the most beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile. She stepped out of her car that night and I nearly fell over. Seriously. I mean we’re talking everything I am relentlessly known for lusting after; the hair, make-up, heels, nails etc.

So we met up and actually she was a genuinely lovely girl, something I obviously only got to know when we went out! And I was slightly gutted when this ever so short but beautifully sweet dating experience came to a sudden end.

But life goes on. As do the brunettes.

Ok, so, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz. I’m not saying what one person doesn’t find attractive another person won’t either. I’m just saying, whatever your definition of ‘hot’ is, surely you’ve gotta be making sure you find that?

And I actually really feel the need to say it, that not one of us goes out on a Friday night, spots someone over the bar and thinks ‘damn, she looks like she’s got a lovely personality’.

Oh what utter pithering rubbish.

What’s actually circling your head is ‘DAMN, she’s hot!’. And that’s the point! It’s a very important starting block!!

She may well end up being one of the most selfish people you’ve ever met; and I’ve met a few! But you will find that out! What attracts you to them first and foremost is what they look like!!

I want partner who is kind, who is honest, intelligent, loving and respectful. Of course I do.

I also want them to be fucking gorgeous! Else, how am I meant to get into bed with someone I don’t fancy?! Unless I’m drunk. All the time. Trust me. This. Has. Happened.

And so in conclusion, by all means, you go all for personality, and I shall continue to be ‘shallow’. I hope it works out mighty fine for you! It probably will. You will probably be married before long and buy your house, and matching wellies and Regatta jackets… and get a cat… and over time you will merge…

…and that’s ok…

Don’t forget to turn the lights out.

The Proud ‘Rainbow Girls’ of South African

Proud Women of Africa is a collection of short visual stories that portrays the daily lives of remarkable women living or working in Africa. Part of this project is Rainbow Girls.

Photographed by Julia Gunther, Rainbow Girls documents the lesbian women of South Africa’s Gugulethu and Khayelitsha township. These powerful women are proud to be who they are despite the daily threats of violence, constant intimidation and the risk of being cast out by their own families.

Shot at the 2012 Miss Lesbian beauty competition in Khayelitsha Township, at the IAM Women’s Shelter and in private homes in Gugulethu Township.

South Africa lesbians continue to fight for the right to be who they are. They face atrocities including rape, beatings and expulsion. All because these women are living proudly as lesbians in South Africa.

SeX.ED 101 | WTF Is Lesbian Bed Death?

Today we take a moment to discuss Lesbian Bed Death – not to be confused with lesbian death bed, as a death bed is where someone dies.

So, WTF Is Lesbian Bed Death?

In 1982, sociologists Pepper Schwartz and Philip Blumstein published American Couples: Money, Work, Sex, which was the first major study to compare gays, lesbians, and heterosexual couples on issues such as sex, communication, and money.

Among many other findings, their research showed that lesbian couples had less frequent sex anyone else – thus the term lesbian bed death was born. Although their methodology and results were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own, with damaging results.

Lesbian bed death – (n.) When sexual relations between a lesbian couple have virtually ceased, yet the companionship remains.

There is now this stereotype that over time, lesbians become almost asexual; using their beds not for wild nights of passion, but for reading, sipping herbal tea, and hanging with their cats.

However, the truth is that lesbians who have been sleeping together for decades do have a love life, its just the marathon sex sessions slow down a little. Also many would argue that all couples (hetro and gay men) get tired of marathon sex sessions too – sex gets old regardless of a couple’s sexual orientation.

Lesbian bed death is not necessarily the symptoms of a doomed relationship. In fact its not a death, its a natural slowing down of a relationship, which is often created out of resignation and habit.

Also, a theory is it’s actually normal for sexual interest to wane when two people compromise a lot and share a lot, both trying to do the right thing by one another. We do so because we think we’re being generous and considerate, but sometimes this actually ends up making us feeling like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. And when we feel like this, we don’t feel sexual.

So what is the answer?

Spoiling. That’s right. So, once a week – when you don’t have to go to bed early or get up early the next day – create a night which is all about spoiling yourself with your partner.

Crack open a bottle of good wine, prepare an excellent dinner (or order in take-away), relax and watch some goofy-assed movie together. Eat some 80% organic, fair-trade chocolate (Green & Blacks is excellent). Have a shower together. Spend some time pleasuring each other, and doesn’t matter if that means backrubs or getting it on, just whatever is for you want to do.

When everything in your evening is all about you and your partner and the enjoyment of fine, wonderful things, you can’t help but have a great time.

SeX.ED 101 | WTF Is Scissoring?

When you ask those not in gay / bi women team ‘how do women have sex together’, they kind of tilt their head inquisitively go “hmmm…” and the next thing the topic of scissoring is raising its dainty head.

Why, because scissoring is assumed to be the exclusive sex-activity that we queer women take part in – well that and oral sex.

Huh, really… but why this act in particular? Well, because a) people often know nothing about lesbian sex, apart from what they see in porn, and b) in our hetero-normative culture, sex is seen as a genital-on-genital action, and therefore by that logic, scissoring just makes sense.

So do all lesbians scissor? Well yes and no. Scissoring is a colloquial umbrella term for Tribadism, which is the non-penetrative sex act of rubbing ones vulva against another’s body-parts (e.g. thighs, stomachs, and bottoms) for sexual stimulation.

It’s not just aiming your clitoris at another’s and creating fireworks (massive porn star myth). Also, if you are actually aiming at that it can all become pretty awkward, i.e if there is a significant height difference, it’s way more trouble than it’s worth.

So, yes scissoring is possible. It is pleasurable, but it is not always this…

It can be…

And this…

But the truth is…

SeX.ED 101 | WTF Is Squirting?

Female squirting – yes we’re putting it out there. As lesbians, we’re expected to be the oracles on the subject of female sexuality, but the truth is, it is not always plain sailing.

The average woman (myself included) doesn’t know the true ins and outs of squirting – we haven’t been able to crack the code on how or why it happens. For most women, it’s the unicorn of sexual experiences, meaning we have only dreamed of meeting it face to face. This explains why there are so many urban legends about a friend of a friend of a cousin who could do it on command every time – Gee Wow.

But do not fear, Laci Green is here to give us the perfect sex ED on squirting…

Who Was Your Most Inappropriate Crush On?

Inappropriate crushes are usually those forbidden fruits we all fantasy about – be it a highschool teacher, your best friends sister, your best friend’s mum (eek)… crushes are crushes. Sometimes they make sense and other times there is no sense in them whatsoever.

But the truth is we all have inappropriate crushes. Well maybe not as many as the ladies of The GW Channel, but we have at sometime or another found ourselves crush over people we shouldn’t.

Pillow Talk | How To Ask Another Girl Out

For some people, it can be really intimidating to figure out all of the ways to ask another woman out. There are all these same-sex flirting rules and same-sex relationship rules to get your head around.

So we turn to the ladies of The Gay Women Channel for help. Watch the latest Pillow Talk and be inspired to ask a girl out.

Lesbians Are Less Concerned About What Their Partners Wear Than Straight Women

According to a survey by British retailer Littlewoods, lesbians are less concerned about what their partners wear than straight women.

The survey showed 16% of women look to change their new girlfriend’s wardrobe – compared with almost 20% of women with a new boyfriend.

Around 28% straight women with a husband or long-term boyfriend confessed to making changes to his look.

However, only 16% of lesbians and bisexual women with a wife or long-term girlfriend made changes, and from this 25 to 34-year-olds were the biggest fashion gurus in a relationship and most likely to choose what their wife or girlfriend wore.

For those who do change their own style to please their partner, two thirds said they do it because they want their lover to find them as attractive as possible.

So the big questions are – would you change your style for your partner, new or old? Or would you expect them to make changes if you weren’t happy?

Lesbian Relationships – Expectation vs Reality

Lesbian Relationships – sign! Expectation vs Reality – yes my friend, lesbian relationships fall into these category. What you think you have you don’t, and the ladies at The Gay Women Channel highlight this so well in their latest video.

So grab your coffee or a tea, and laugh while you watch.

Love and Christmas. Or the lack of love at Christmas.

This Christmas has been very much a quiet one for me; each year for the past three years now I’ve gone through a break up by the time it gets to October and see each Christmas in single.

I’ve gotta say it’s getting rather boring! There would be nothing more I’d love than to wake up on Christmas morning with someone that I love. I miss buying presents for someone special. I miss not being able to spoil that one person and in a way I guess I miss being spoilt a little too!

It was a long build up this year of attempting to make myself feel Christmassy. I went to London a few weeks ago to watch Michael McIntyre’s Very Christmassy Christmas Show being recorded for BBC1, which aired on Christmas Day. I forced myself to get the Christmas tree down from the loft early. I even dressed myself as an elf for work one night.

But alas, nothing was working.

I walked round with a face like thunder, tutting and grimacing at those couples sickeningly happy in love, did a last minute dash around the shops on Christmas Eve eve, to buy presents for family, which resulted in more gift cards than gifts. I bought Christmas cards for nobody, and even wrapped my mums presents in her own wrapping paper.

Next year I will do better. Really.

And even when it came to Christmas Day, the ONLY day, that one day of the year when it is acceptable to pour an alcoholic drink at 10.30am and nobody bats an eyelid… No, I couldn’t even be bothered to take advantage of that.

Bah humbug.

So I went out with friends on Christmas Day night, and by 1am I have to say I was feeling much more Christmassy, probably due to the alcohol. I even wore a shirt. I bought a drink for a girl at the end of the bar who didn’t even glance in my direction, although she may have, but I think sambuca was involved by that point, so I couldn’t honestly tell you. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn the shirt.

And so I toddled off home rather merry and crashed out. The end.

So now Christmas is over, I’m genuinely looking forward to the new year! Well, apart from the part where I have to work on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Standard.

Career wise, 2015 is looking as though it may shape up quite nicely. There are lots of little projects in the pipeline and I’m open to where they may take me.

I would love to (and need to) quit the cigarettes! Something I’m finding rather a challenge after 17 years, as I also now find walking up a steep hill!

Working on my back fat. Love handles. Whatever you wish to call them.

And of course, if I could find someone to see next Christmas through with, that would be a bonus! And potentially help with the love handles.

5 Romantic Holiday Gift Ideas

The holidays are definitely a romantic time for couples. There is nothing as worse as giving an unsatisfactorily gift and seeing the look of disappointment in her face. Do not hit the panic button yet, here are 5 great gift ideas from Kitschmix especially for her.

Romantic vacation

Top on the list is a vacation. Surprise her with an impromptu vacation. It doesn’t have to be something expensive. Spending some quality time together is the key. Think ice skating, light displays or nice natural themed hotels. She will remember this for a long time to come.

Photo album

There is nothing as sweet as reliving old memories. Show her your caring side by making a photo journey. Start from when you met, the first date till the present. Pull photos from social media, mobile devices or from friends. It really doesn’t have to be just the two of you. Selfies, parties, concerts and even funny pictures in the house will do. Make sure each picture shows a certain phase in your relationship. She will cherish it and hopefully you too.

Accessories

Anything goes here, from belts, handbags to phone covers. The trick is the customization. Get her a belt buckle engraved with her pet name .Customize a phone cover with a picture or a love message. Be creative. Make sure it’s something she will often use.

Sexy sells

You can never go wrong with lingerie. Something sexy but not sleazy. A silk chemise is a great choice. Choose something you know she will look good in.

Something techie

Get her a cute camera. Whether she is a photographer or loves taking pictures of family and friends, a point and shoot camera is a great Christmas gift. Laptops, gaming systems, tablets and smartphones are wonderful gifts too.

Lesbian Dating App Market is Getting Bigger, as ‘Scissr’ the Female Version of Grindr Comes to Town

Why should gay men get all the fun? Not only do they get most of the representation in pop culture and are largely regarded as the face of the gay rights movement they also get to make good use of Grindr.

A dating app for gay men, Grindr’s selling point is that it allows you to find other gay men to hook up with. The app allows them to flirt and exchange messages before arranging to meet up.

Sadly the equivalent apps for gay women have never been as good or as popular. Until now, as one woman has now created ‘Scissr’, which is looking to be the premium lesbian dating app on the market.

Scissr was thought up by Allison Ullrich, who, after ending a relationship she moved to Chicago looking for a new job and a new love. With the job opportunity secured, it was her love life that was causing her trouble as she was unable to find other women to date.

She explains:

“I think what spawned the idea was life — reality — and conversations I’ve had with my friends regarding relationships and women. Women have this conundrum about meeting other people, but no one was working to find a solution.”

Allison Ullrich

This is quite right as although the ‘Gaydar’ has been something often joked about in pop culture, it doesn’t actually exist, not really. And so the task of finding out if another woman likes women too generally requires you to ask her point blank, which is more than a little daunting.

How Scissr plans to fix this is by allowing women to upload three photos (and a 300 word bio) to the app and establish whether they want a hookup, love and a relationship, networking or friendship. The app makes use of the GPS system on your phone to figure where you are and who is close by – and it’s not geo-fenced either so you have as much of a chance of finding love in New York City as you do in the middle of Sheffield.

Scissr will also have “crush” and “wish list” functions too. Denoting a crush allows you message the other user whilst the wish list will remain private so that you can keep track of who’s giving you the hots in secret.

Also important to note is that while Scissr is being promoted as a “lesbian” dating app (Ullrich says it will offer a “mind-blowing” experience to lesbians) it is actually inclusive to other queer women. Identity options in the app are lesbian, bisexual or ‘curious’ which isn’t exactly the most comprehensive list we can think of (I’d argue that it would just be better to let users type in their own identities rather than select them) but it’s a start.

Scissr will launch for free either this week or next.

Source: DNAinfo

A Lesbian Tale: When You Know You Know By A.R. Jardine

“You forgot your toothbrush,” I call out to the woman I’ve been casually dating for the last month as she hustles past my front door to teach a class.

“Oh. I’ll just leave it here. If that’s cool?”

I stare. My mouth says: Sure. But my mind says: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It’s never just a toothbrush. This is it. She’s your girlfriend now. All it’s going to take is for one of you to say it out loud.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

After she leaves, I stay in bed. Partly because the perks of being a writer and a PhD student include a lot of time in my pajamas and partly because I’m tossing and convulsing with questions now about what I’m going to do in regard to this crusty, orange foreign object.

My mind does this:

Pros & Cons

Pro: Sex, the sex!

Con. You’re still recovering from your last monster breakup with a bikini model

Pro: She has a real job and a plan.

Con. She’s a normal human so she doesn’t understand your antisocial need for idea space and sitting alone, staring out of the window for hours

Pro: She likes to travel

Con. You might be in love with a person you met last week

Pro: She makes you laugh.

Con. She is slow at doing routine things; watching her wash dishes is torture

Pro: She doesn’t have an unhealthy amount of mommy or daddy issues.

Con. You can see jealousy swarm her eyes every time you mention your friend because you let it slip once that you had drunk sex with her years ago. (Side note: You have had drunk sex with almost all of your friends)

I should say, outright, that I have terrible commitment issues and most of my mascaras last longer than my relationships. The revolving door of women is something my family, and even extended family, has grown to accept.

Last week, for example, when I mentioned to my brother, over Skype, that I was going to wait to buy a new digital SLR camera because Mercury was in retrograde, he assumed that Mercury was the name of my newest girlfriend and that Retrograde was either a club or rehab centre.

After a certain point—okay, ten years—of serial monogamy and relationships that last three months to a year, I’ve noticed patterns. As it turns out, I like the chase. It looks a bit like this: I encourage (generally bi-curious) women to date me. Often times, these women are ridiculously attractive and utterly incompatible. Our differences range from subtle (she supports the death penalty or doesn’t read) to insurmountable (she has a husband/boyfriend/children/is pregnant). When my brain stops having its new-love orgasm and the dopamine clouds part, I realize I’m in something with someone who doesn’t fit.

Thankfully, modern science suggests it’s not entirely my fault. The Chase is neurological. I don’t need a fancy psychology degree to recognize that dreaming about sipping shiraz in an affordable Air BnB in Venice this summer gives me as much joy, and will for months, as the actual trip. With all this anticipation and nostalgia constantly duking it out in our minds, it’s no wonder we have to pay a hot yoga studio eighty bucks a month to stay present.

So, holding the toothbrush in my hand, I decide to do what any emotionally problematic woman in her 20s—alright very late 20s…okay…basically a 30 year-old-woman—does and I call my mother.

Ring. Ring.

“How did you know?”

“Excuse me?”

“With Dad. How did you know he was the one? I need to know how to know.”

“Is this about the new woman you’re dating?”

“Of course. She’s gonna need an answer soon.”

“Truth is, just the other day, I was driving down the street and I saw your father walking with mail and I got that excited feeling. That wow this man chose me feeling. When you feel it, you feel it.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When you feel it you feel it?

I felt it once. I was 24 and she was 29. We met on a blind date and talked for six hours before having drunk sex in a sketchy park. She had didn’t have a good job, but she had a job she loved. She was jealous, but in a way that I found cute. She was bi-curious, but speed-read Judith Butler and watched every episode of The Real L Word. She looked at me the way I wanted to be looked at. Like I could do anything. Like I was the perfect person for her and she was reminded of that in almost every moment. I felt it once and, still, I ran away. After a year together, I’d asked her to move in with me. She said she wasn’t ready. The rejection made me second-guess the whole relationship and I hopped a plane.

I felt it once and let it slip away.

It didn’t take long for depression to kick in. iTunes knew to play Adele without question. My room looked like a bad soggy Kleenex art installation. I smelled like a dump truck. I knew I’d lost my true love. So I tried to get her back. It was too late. She found a rich political analyst with a bigger BMI and deeper pockets- a dude who wasn’t capable of breaking her heart as easily.

The thing nobody wants to admit is that even when you think you know that you know, the other person might not know that you know, you know?

The Compromise

I call the woman I’m dating and I tell her that she needs to pick up her toothbrush. Okay, so in a world where I’m actually emotionally honest and not terrified of crushing people, I do this. In this actual world, I call her and pretend I have a really contagious cold. The next day, I follow it up with a tale of boundless period cramps. This excuse it true. I take a week of apartness to see if I feel it. I don’t.

I make a deal with myself: no talks about future weddings or posing for family calendar pictures only to have her be somebody that I limit my Facebook posts to in the coming weeks. I’m going to stay in the present, boring, moment this time and see the situation for what it really is, or probably isn’t.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love… And Social Media

We’ve all been there. That messy break up when you don’t really want to break up but the other person does. Or where you both know deep down it’s for the best but, it doesn’t make it any easier.

Why am I not good enough for you? Why am I not right for you? If you’re so right for me, and I’m so happy, how are you not? The question goes over and over in our minds.

It sends us crazy. Like, literally crazy. We sometimes feel like we’re losing control. Our emotions are so up and down from one day or even one hour to the next.

It’s worse when the sex is good. I mean, some people you just connect with. It just works. And when that part of a relationship works so well, it makes it so much harder to let go of everything.

I’ve spoken to a few people recently about social media and how much it controls how we think and upsets our usually good mental health, and the responses are all the same.

We block and unblock each other from Facebook every other week. We make statuses public, so we know the other will see them when they look and you know you’ll get some kind of reaction from it. We hurt ourselves by looking at their online photos, seeing that photo that was taken on a Saturday night out and they look so happy, of course they do. We forget they’re thinking exactly the same thing whilst looking at us. It is SO unhealthy, but we cannot help ourselves. We want to know what the other person is doing.

Long gone are the days you had to call somebody’s landline to ask if they were home. Or if you were so desperate to see someone you’d have to wait outside their house. Although, that kind of behaviour is generally frowned upon!

But so in a huge way, our advanced technology makes breaking up even harder. I mean how much easier would it be to move on if you couldn’t easily see or locate their every movement? Which you do, because it’s human nature to be inquisitive (I’m not talking 24/7, I think if you have got to that stage it’s time to seek some help), but then you see the things you don’t want to see which sends you into this whole new downward spiral of negative thinking.

Whatsapp. Ohhh whoever invented Whatsapp, seriously?! It’s great to be able to see when someone has read your message… but really, you’ve been online 6 times now in the past two hours and you’ve not responded to my message.

You’re online now, and you’re not responding to my message. Who are you talking to? Because it isn’t me. You must be seeing someone else. I mean at this point as we only broke up three days ago so that is obviously the only logical answer…Obviously right?! Ha!

And the more you delve, and the more you question each other, the more erratic and snappy your texts between each other become, the more you come to start to dislike each other, forgetting the very reasons you got together in the first place. The very reasons you loved each other.

It’s frightening just how much imessage, Whatsapp and Facebook can control the way we’re feeling. It’s damaging. Gone are the days you split from someone and go weeks or months without seeing or hearing from them. I mean we had mobile phones and text but, you never could get all you wanted to rant within 160 characters anyway!

You didn’t know where they were, what they were doing, or who they were doing it with. You didn’t have photos of their weekends out rammed down your throat which you know you shouldn’t look at but you do because you’ve not got the self-control not to! And when we didn’t know, our minds couldn’t and didn’t wander into this ridiculous state of paranoia and accusations.

I’ve had my heart broken a few times in my life and equally I’ve broken a few. And each time you do have your heart broken it gets a little harder to move on from. Your barriers get higher and you find it more difficult to trust, but when you do find someone you feel you want to give your all to again, those barriers seem to come down quicker than ever before. Because in the end, whatever we tell ourselves and however we portray ourselves to the rest of the world, we all essentially want the same thing; to find someone to love and to be loved back.

The worst thing though, has to be when you finally see your ex on a dating site. It is absolute confirmation that you are both now over. And you have to relive those feelings from when you split all over again. It’s gutting, simple as.

Social media; it has a lot to answer for.

What Lesbians Think Before A First Kiss

What do women think about before kissing another woman? Arielle Scarcella – sets out to answer that question for us all.

Hi, Girlfriends and Boyfriends! I’m Arielle! I’m the best friend you’ve always wanted. I share crazy experiences / advice on dating, relationships and sex. I’m also a lesbian.

Arielle Scarcella

You’ve gotta think she’s hot… Right?

I had a friend a while back, who was friends with another girl. They’d been friends for a few years.

Now I knew this girl liked my friend, but when I asked my friend about her she’d say “Well I’m not really sure. We get on really well but I don’t really fancy her at all”.

Obviously we spoke a lot more about it than just this, but strangely they are now a couple, and are planning marriage.

I see them doing all the things couples do. Going out for dinners and having dinner parties, spending their weekends doing the typical lesbian things that generally make me cringe (I’m sure I’m just jealous); visiting the farmers market, spending a Friday night at an educational or cultural play at the local lgbt centre. Taking drives out to a nice country pub, discussing work and careers, the list goes on! and I see them doing all these things really well, and being a totally solid unit.

However, what I don’t see is the passion. What I don’t see is how they make the perfect couple in the ways that matter just as much if not more?

And so to me it begs the question, why did they get together in the first place? Through loneliness? Through fear of ending up alone?

We all have those thoughts (I think) when we start heading into our 30’s and we’re still single, plodding along from one failed relationship to the next (yes, I’m talking about myself).

But my point is, surely if you don’t find someone physically attractive, if you don’t find them sexy, hot, beautiful. If you don’t adore every bit of their physicality… I don’t think you can be in love with that person.

Maybe they do have an amazing personality, maybe you can hold conversations for hours on end and maybe you share all the same common interests and love spending every moment possible together. But surely, that’s your best friend? That’s not your lover. That’s not your life partner. That’s your best friend.

Lovers fight, lovers disagree. In my opinion the best relationships are when you have different interests, things that irritate you about the other and things that put the make-up sex on a whole other level. That’s love. Love isn’t real, true, amazing love unless there is passion. If there isn’t passion, it isn’t worth it. Love is volatile, love is equally as frustrating as it is happy. Someone that annoys you so much you can’t help but laugh, and when you see that person all those things that pissed you off just disappear, and you can’t help but smile. That is love. The person you can’t live with, but you can’t live without.

“There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn’t be one of them”

Jill Robinson

You can grow to love somebody. Can you grow to find someone sexually attractive? I’m not sure you can.

Surprise a lover with a new experience

Use role-play to engage your imagination.

Plan a trip to a sex-related entertainment destination

Read an erotic story

Visit a sexy lingerie shop or a sex shop

Finally, enjoy yourself

1. You don’t care what other people think.

2. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be

3. You accept what you can’t change.

4. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more

5. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth

6. You have raised your standards

7. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good

8. You have goals that have come true

9. You have empathy for others

10. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others

11. You refuse to be a victim

12. You always look on the bright side

13. You change what you can

14. You are happy

1. Shacking up and playing “house” all weekend

2. Bringing girlfriend drama out with you

3. Giving up plans with your friends to attend your girlfriends aunt’s birthday

4. Referring to your partner in every story

5. Referring to yourselves as a “WE”

6. Staying in because your girlfriend isn’t going out

7. Posting to many “wefies”

Question One – “Isn’t it just because you hate men? Like, did some guy piss you off or something?”

Question Two – “Will you have a threesome with me and my girlfriend?”

Question Three – “Do you use a dildo?”

Question Four – (From a female friend) “Do you fancy me, then?”

Question Five – “But, like, how can you bring yourself to actually… You know… *Go down on a woman*?”

Question Six – “Isn’t a Strap-On uncomfortable?”

Question Seven – *sigh* “I wish I could be a lesbian. I bet you just sit around painting each others toenails and watching rom-coms with face packs on?”

Question Eight – “But, like, how do you define if you’ve had sex if nothings *gone in*?”

Question Nine – “Don’t you think you’ll end up with a man?”

If Women Were Themselves On A First Date

What Lesbians Do After A First Date

Ask a Homo: When Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Lesbian Polyamory Myths Busted

Ask A Polyamorous Person

So, WTF Is Lesbian Bed Death?

So what is the answer?

Romantic vacation

Photo album

Accessories

Sexy sells

Something techie

Pros & Cons

When you feel it you feel it?

The Compromise

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Question Five – “But, like, how can you bring yourself to actually… You know… Go down on a woman?”

Question Seven – sigh “I wish I could be a lesbian. I bet you just sit around painting each others toenails and watching rom-coms with face packs on?”

Question Eight – “But, like, how do you define if you’ve had sex if nothings gone in?”

hey
beautiful,